Tag Archives: andrew cuomo

  If it sounds too good to be true

Nice Time! New York Gov To Save Manicurists From Your Spa, We Mean ‘Sweatshop’

Fancy ain't free
Do you live in New York and love getting your nails did, but for real cheap, like $10.50? Sure, it’s SUPER awesome that you can pay practically nothing for someone else to spend an hour scraping off your callouses and massaging your aching joints and painting your fingers all pretty, but on the other hand, according to a series of reports by the New York Times — and also math — that bargain price means the person beautifying you all up, often an undocumented immigrant with zero protections, is getting paid practically nothing, or even literally nothing, or even literally negative dollars, since she actually paid her boss to let her work there. Plus, also, they are working with hazardous chemicals 27 hours a day (for real, salon owners make them work pretty much every hour of the day, every day of the week), suffering from respiratory problems, higher risks of miscarriage, and god only knows what else because there has been little research on the effects of long-term exposure to the chemicals used in nail salons. So maybe, like, not so super awesome for them? Read more on Nice Time! New York Gov To Save Manicurists From Your Spa, We Mean ‘Sweatshop’…
  girls with high self-esteem

Science: Democrat Women Oppressing Democrat Men, By Beating Them In Elections Except When They Don’t

they have to be stopped
USA Today’s Ross Baker maintains a day job as a political science professor. This is a good thing for Ross. And while he is not the kind of scientist with the scary numbers that some Americans always mistrust, he is the kind of scientist who can write something so unique in its stupidity that it gets published in the editorial section of a national daily paper. Read more on Science: Democrat Women Oppressing Democrat Men, By Beating Them In Elections Except When They Don’t…
  Here have some news n stuff

Farewell To Democrats’ Favorite Imaginary Presidential Candidate Mario Cuomo

Mario Cuomo, the former governor of New York and the Cuomo Democrats actually really like, died on Thursday at the age of 82. He was from what kids these days might call the Democratic wing of the Democratic Party, before that was officially a thing: Read more on Farewell To Democrats’ Favorite Imaginary Presidential Candidate Mario Cuomo…
  Here have some news n stuff

One Guy In New York Has Ebola So You Can Totally Panic Now

Thanks Obama
That screaming hysteria you hear is the sound of everyone in New York being EXTREMELY TERRIFIED!!! or at least making jokes about being EXTREMELY TERRIFIED!!! because Ebola is real now. (You know the rule: It’s real when it happens in New York. The rest is prologue.) Read more on One Guy In New York Has Ebola So You Can Totally Panic Now…
  Primarily Boring

Scott Brown Drives His Man-Truck To Victory In Massachusetts Or Whatever: Your Final Primary Wrap-Up!

The nominee and his nipples
The last primaries of 2014 took place last night, and there’s a fun upset-not-upset in the mix! Up in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts (God Save It! © Charles P. Pierce), lantern-jawed newcomer Seth Moulton became the first Democrat in 22 years to unseat a sitting congressman in a primary, beating scandal-plagued John Tierney by eight whole points. Get us up to speed here, Boston Globe, because not all of us are hardy lobstermen living on Boston’s North Shore. Read more on Scott Brown Drives His Man-Truck To Victory In Massachusetts Or Whatever: Your Final Primary Wrap-Up!…
  Your morning cup of wut?

Mitt Romney Is STILL Never Going To Be President, Pot Saves Lives, And Other News You Can Maybe Use

It is a day. Of the week. Here is some news: Mitt Romney gave an interview to Hugh Hewitt. He promised really a lot that he is not going to try to not be president for a third time, really, he swears, unless the entire Republican Party that never liked him begs him to run and lose again, pretty please, with a cherry on top. That is not going to happen. People are talking about it anyway. He’s still not going to be president. The end. Read more on Mitt Romney Is STILL Never Going To Be President, Pot Saves Lives, And Other News You Can Maybe Use…
  we hates the tricksy noonanses! hates them!

Peggy Noonan Plays A Clever Rhetorical Trick! Watch Carefully And See If You Can Catch It!

You guys! Peggy Noonan wrote a very, very persuasive column that plays a funny “trick” on the reader! See if you can guess where she is heading with this! Just guess! It is astonishing and cannot go unremarked that Mississippi’s Gov. Frank “Boo” Burnham, the conservative who won a 2011 landslide, gave an interview Friday in which he demonstrated all that is wrong in American politics—all its division, its intolerance, its ignorance and sickness. Burnham damned and removed from the rolls of the respectable everyone in his state who is pro-choice, who is for some form of gun control, and who supports gay marriage. In a radio interview marked by a tone of smug indignation and self-righteousness, Burnham said “extreme liberals” who are “for abortion, who hate guns, who want homosexuals to marry — if that’s who they are they’re the extreme liberals, they have no place in the state of Mississippi because that’s not who Mississippians are.” Did you spot it yet? Did you? We bet maybe you did! Read more on Peggy Noonan Plays A Clever Rhetorical Trick! Watch Carefully And See If You Can Catch It!…
  all he needs is this chair and paddle game

Sean Hannity Leaving New York Because Mean Gov. Cuomo Doesn’t Love ‘Extreme Conservatives’ Enough

Sean Hannity has announced that he will be leaving his home state of New York forever because Gov. Andrew Cuomo said very mean things last week about how conservatives are simply not welcome in the state. Of course, Cuomo didn’t exactly say that, and Hannity will have to take a little time to pack, but this is it, he’s definitely had it, and is going to move somewhere that appreciates him, like Texas or Florida or maybe Paraguay in the 1970s. Read more on Sean Hannity Leaving New York Because Mean Gov. Cuomo Doesn’t Love ‘Extreme Conservatives’ Enough…
  so you say there's a race of men in the trees

New York Radio Guy Sure Gov. Cuomo Coming For His Guns, Ready To Shoot Spies Or Trees Or Whatever Is In His Backyard

Tom Bauerle, an Amherst, New York, AM radio talker who has long opposed gun control, apparently became convinced that operatives from Gov. Andrew Cuomo were staking out his backyard, so he waved a loaded semiautomatic pistol at the nonexistent intruders. Police in the Buffalo suburb of Amherst took the gun away from him early last Wednesday morning after Bauerle called 911 to report someone spying on him, and later that day he agreed to a voluntary psychiatric evaluation. We want to stress that mental illness is not funny — and also that with some gun fondlers, the line between political paranoia and the clinical version may be hard to discern. Bauerle had in recent weeks claimed on his radio show that he was being targeted for surveillance by Cuomo, whom he has frequently criticized for signing the New York Secure Ammunition and Firearms Enforcement (NY SAFE) Act; just a few days before the episode on Wednesday, on January 5, Bauerle had held a neighborhood meeting to discuss his worries about surveillance — neighbors who attended it described his concerns as “quirky” and “made you scratch your head.” Thank goodness Bauerle had a gun to keep himself safe, at least. Read more on New York Radio Guy Sure Gov. Cuomo Coming For His Guns, Ready To Shoot Spies Or Trees Or Whatever Is In His Backyard…
  viva la revolucion!

Bill De Blasio Sworn In As New York City Mayor, Promises A Banker’s Head In Every Pot

Many of you were probably too hung over on Wednesday to remember that it was the day Bill de Blasio was inaugurated as mayor of New York City. It was a wonderful and festive day, though perhaps tinged with fear at what the city’s future in the grip of this mad Communist dictator may be. For those who missed it, Wonkette presents this transcript of de Blasio’s inaugural address. Greetings, comrades! Today is a glorious day for our revolution, a day we have dreamed of, planned and schemed for since the days when our forefathers and fellow travelers would gather in the back room of Morty Feinbaum’s haberdashery on Pitt just off Delancey to drink Morty’s homemade potato vodka and plot their evisceration of the aristocratic classes! For today is the day that I, Bill de Blasio, take control of the greatest city ever, New York City! (pause for applause, cheers, any dudebros in audience to chant “N-Y-C!”) Proletarians of the heroic working classes! I thank you for investing me with this awesome power. I thank you for ignoring the dire warnings of our fascist capitalist pig-dog enemies who kept telling you that a vote for Bill de Blasio was a vote for socialism, communism, and a return to the New York of the 1970s, when the city was a hellscape of criminality and our only hope lay with one man … a man driven by a thirst for revenge, a man who had only a gun and a Death Wish. (Pause for dudebros to chant “Charlie! Charlie!”) Read more on Bill De Blasio Sworn In As New York City Mayor, Promises A Banker’s Head In Every Pot…
  Trouble Over Bridged Waters

Chris Christie? A Petty, Vengeful Monster? Could It Be?

When we first learned that Gov. Chris Christie was being accused of ordering the closure of two of Fort Lee, New Jersey’s access lanes to the George Washington Bridge because the town’s Democratic mayor had refused to endorse his re-election, we were like “Eh, maybe, seems far-fetched.” But then we kept reading. Read more on Chris Christie? A Petty, Vengeful Monster? Could It Be?…
  needz moar meryl streep

RNC To NBC: That Hillary Clinton Movie Is Not Threatening To Us At All, Please Cancel It

Reince Priebus is deeply disappointed! He’s also concerned and disturbed! Is it because the GOP’s best chance at winning the presidency in 2016 is Hillary’s plane crashing into Biden’s train, then upon hearing the news Andrew Cuomo, Deval Patrick, Martin O’Malley, and Elizabeth Warren all choke on their organic free range tofurken and quinoa tenderloin? No! Actually, yes probably, but it’s also because of what NBC wants to put on the teevee: A docu-dramatic miniseries about Hillary Clinton, because apparently that constitutes an “event,” according to NBC chairman Robert Greenblatt. Where were you when you heard about the Hillary Clinton miniseries? Try to remember, you’ll want to tell your grandkids about it someday, so they can know about history. Speaking of history, when will Reince Priebus get Michael Steele’d for being terrible at his job and writing mewling, self-parodying letters, and we can forget how to spell his damn name? Read more on RNC To NBC: That Hillary Clinton Movie Is Not Threatening To Us At All, Please Cancel It…
  excelsior

New York State’s Senate Remains Comically Dysfunctional, By The Way

Ha ha, guys, remember the summer of 2009, which was before the 2012 elections that made liberals so cocky and even before the 2010 elections that made conservatives so cocky? It was after the 2008 elections, which made liberals so cocky! Among other things that happened in ’08, the New York State Senate, which had been controlled by the Republicans forever, finally flipped over to the Democrats — for about five minutes, until Republicans wooed some Democrats over to their side and there was an embarrassing stretch when everything descended into madness and people were literally locked out of the Senate chambers, and Monica Seles’s boyfriend was involved, somehow. Well, it’s 2012, and liberals are cocky again and the New York State Senate will once again (maybe) (probably) have a narrow Democratic majority come January … oh except wait, guess what’s happening all over again, you’ll never figure it out in a million years guess. Read more on New York State’s Senate Remains Comically Dysfunctional, By The Way…
  it's not racist if other white people say it

Sarah Palin Will No Longer Be Racist As Soon As She Understands What Racism Is

Hey, so after Arctic griftbull Sarah Palin was balls-out racist yesterday, saying Blackrack Obama was committing a “shuck and jive” against white people, she took to Facebook to pen a response to her awful critics. Well, not “pen,” someone else wrote it for her. Someone white. For the record, there was nothing remotely racist in my use of the phrase “shuck and jive” – a phrase which many people have used, including Chris Matthews, Andrew Cuomo, and White House Press Secretary Jay Carney to name a few off the top of my head. In fact, Andrew Cuomo also used the phrase in reference to Barack Obama, and the fact that Mr. Cuomo and I used the phrase in relation to President Obama signifies nothing out of the ordinary. Actually, when Cuomo said “You can’t shuck and jive at a press conference. All those moves you can make with the press don’t work when you’re in someone’s living room,” it was racist. This has been your moment of blacksplanation. Read more on Sarah Palin Will No Longer Be Racist As Soon As She Understands What Racism Is…
  the great pumpkin

Drunk Carl Paladino Jumps In Your Halloween Photos

Who is this mysterious man next to the guy with the shoe-polish face? No, it is not a “good Carl Paladino costume,” it is the man himself, doing what every candidate should do mere hours before his gubernatorial election: get drunk at the local bar and grope some young women in “sexy Mrs. Buttersworth” costumes. So if you live in the Buffalo area, Paladino likely photobombed all of your Facebook pics from last night. But that’s okay, because it turns out he has some very good drunk faces that will enliven any Halloween photo. Read more on Drunk Carl Paladino Jumps In Your Halloween Photos…
  it's morning in america

New York Gubernatorial Orgy Focuses On ‘Rent Is Too Damn High,’ Hookers

America witnessed beautiful, unvarnished Democracy last night, and it was delicious. All seven mostly-insane New York gubernatorial candidates participated in a remarkably civil and friendly chitchat, and Carl Paladino didn’t even say anything vaguely racist — which is a miracle, Hallelujah et cetera. (Every time Paladino says something horrible, Satan has sex with an endangered woodland creature and then emails the sex tape to all his satanic co-workers/the media.) The star that shined the brightest last night was definitely Civil War-bearded Jimmy McMillan, of the Rent Is 2 Damn High Party. Jimmy mostly just wanted to point out that rent is too damn high, and also we think he said he is for gay marriage/shoe-marriage, as long as the rent is not too high? Gawker has videos. Kristin Davis — the lady who sold hookers to Eliot Spitzer — made an appearance, and she also made everyone uncomfortable with her big breasts. Click on all of these links we have gathered, so that you can learn more about this historic debate. [Gawker/Alex Pareene/Daily Caller/Rent Is 2 Damn High Party] Read more on New York Gubernatorial Orgy Focuses On ‘Rent Is Too Damn High,’ Hookers… Read more on New York Gubernatorial Orgy Focuses On ‘Rent Is Too Damn High,’ Hookers…
  it's morning in america

Racist Nightmare Carl Paladino Also Hates Your Gay Children!

Carl Paladino held a town hall meeting with a bunch of Orthodox Jews in Williamsburg. Why was Carl in a room full of bearded hipster-Jews? Did he want to tell them his favorite watermelon jokes and then beat them all up? No, please don’t be ignorant. Carl was there to talk about the issues, and the issues are: Carl doesn’t want “brainwashed” children to think that being gay is even an option, unless of course these children want Carl Paladino to come over to their homes and smack some heterosexual sense into them? Oh and then Paladino accused Andrew Cuomo of marching in a “gay parade,” which means Cuomo is probably a flamer and doesn’t even like watching videos of ladies having sex with horses. If Carl Paladino gave a horse a blowjob it wouldn’t even be bestiality, it would just be two animals getting it on, on the Discovery Channel or Animal Planet or whatever. [NYT] Read more on Racist Nightmare Carl Paladino Also Hates Your Gay Children!… Read more on Racist Nightmare Carl Paladino Also Hates Your Gay Children!…
  new study proves it

Weird Old Racist Carl Paladino Suddenly Back To Losing Terribly

Seems like only yesterday (because it was) when racist weirdo Carl Paladino was within six points of Andrew Cuomo in New York’s most embarrassing election of 2010, but a brave new poll just appeared today and now Paladino is safely down to 24% and Cuomo’s at 57%. How did Carl Paladino suddenly lose the love and support of New York state voters? Did he forget to send every voter their own wacky “Obama eats watermelon” email? Read more on Weird Old Racist Carl Paladino Suddenly Back To Losing Terribly…
  it's morning in america

New York Times Can’t Bring Itself To Say ‘Girlfriend’

In America in 2010, nobody gets married. Nobody! This is because like six years ago in one little despised U.S. state, dudes started marrying other dudes and chicks started marrying chicks, so everyone else was all like “Ew, what’s the point.” (Either that or there have been fundamental shifts in ideas about sexual propriety and lifelong fidelity. Opinions differ!) Anyway, despite everyone’s failure to marry, people still find people to hump more or less exclusively and form economically beneficial cohabitation arrangements with and sometimes even fall in love with, and generally when they do this they call each other “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” like they did in high school. This is an order of magnitude too casual for the New York Times, though! Wait, what does this have to do with the politics, and Mayor Bloomberg? Read more on New York Times Can’t Bring Itself To Say ‘Girlfriend’… Read more on New York Times Can’t Bring Itself To Say ‘Girlfriend’…
  racism

DAVID PATERSON IS FINISHED: New York Gov. David Paterson, whose reign started about a year ago in that very auspicious first week when he admitted to cheating on his wife and doing coke all the time, is trailing New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo 61-18 (!) in a theoretical gubernatorial primary poll. In a theoretical general election matchup against RUDY TERRIBLE GIULIANI he is losing 53-32. [Quinnipiac] Read more on …
  the second black president?

Is Andrew Cuomo, Dare We Say, A Competent Public Official?

Remember how the derivatives people at AIG got big bonuses last week and everyone went nuts including the House which ran around trying to tax everything? Uhh: “Attorney General Andrew M. Cuomo of New York announced late Monday afternoon that 9 of the top 10 bonus recipients at the American International Group had given back their bonuses.” And 15 of the top 20, and $80 million of the total $165 million. Cuomo did this by simply threatening to subpoena and expose all of these people — at least the ones within his jurisdiction — and they all got scared and paid the money back. Pay attention, everyone! [NYT] Read more on Is Andrew Cuomo, Dare We Say, A Competent Public Official?…
  important internet threats

Pedophiles Put Bounty On Andrew Cuomo’s Head

The New York Post journalism tabloid reports that an “agent with NAMBLA” has been cruisin’ the Internet message boards for kiddie wiener, and, more unusually, to offer people $10,000 to kill New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo. Apparently Cuomo’s been cracking down on child pornographers! And if he were to be “removed,” you see, then child pornography would probably be legal. [WROC] Read more on Pedophiles Put Bounty On Andrew Cuomo’s Head…