DAVID PATERSON IS FINISHED: New York Gov. David Paterson, whose reign started about a year ago in that very auspicious first week when he admitted to cheating on his wife and doing coke all the time, is trailing New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo 61-18 (!) in a theoretical gubernatorial primary poll. In a theoretical general election matchup against RUDY TERRIBLE GIULIANI he is losing 53-32. [Quinnipiac]

Remember how the derivatives people at AIG got big bonuses last week and everyone went nuts including the House which ran around trying to tax everything? Uhh: “Attorney General Andrew M. Cuomo of New York announced late Monday afternoon that 9 of the top 10 bonus recipients at the American International Group had given back their bonuses.” And 15 of the top 20, and $80 million of the total $165 million. Cuomo did this by simply threatening to subpoena and expose all of these people — at least the ones within his jurisdiction — and they all got scared and paid the money back. Pay attention, everyone! [NYT]

The New York Post journalism tabloid reports that an “agent with NAMBLA” has been cruisin’ the Internet message boards for kiddie wiener, and, more unusually, to offer people $10,000 to kill New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo. Apparently Cuomo’s been cracking down on child pornographers! And if he were to be “removed,” you see, then child pornography would probably be legal. [WROC]

Yeah… so who’s running the Thursday night copy desk for digital advertising over at McCain central? This is two Friday mornings in a row, CAN YOU PEOPLE PROOFREAD? McCain should fire this slouch and replace him with Andrew Cuomo. [Mollygood]

John McCain pissed off about a million Republican businessmen (and especially George Will) when he angrily pretended to fire Securities & Exchange Commission chairman Christopher Cox. Then the maverick idiot announced he wanted New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo — a famous Democrat who was even married to a Kennedy, once — to take over the SEC. Obviously, Cuomo directly caused the entire American economic collapse: “Andrew Cuomo, the youngest Housing and Urban Development secretary in history, made a series of decisions between 1997 and 2001 that gave birth to the country’s current crisis.” [Village Voice]

(This post was updated at 5:16 p.m.) Andrew Cuomo’s press office says he wasn’t referring to Barack Obama but to the overall primary campaign when he used the term “shuck and jive” during an interview Wednesday. Some people think that’s a racist phrase. Some don’t. But Cuomo’s press office seems to agree there’s something unsavory about saying “shuck and jive,” because now Cuomo claims he meant to say “bob and weave,” which doesn’t mean anything at all. And none of the “jokes” in this post make any sense now, so they’re gone. — Ed.

Every time you think you know just how damn bad the health care system in this country sucks, you come across a new piece of information and you have to shake your head. Today’s piece of information? The Attorney General of New York has six full time staffers who do nothing but call and yell at your shitty insurance company for you.

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* Heard on the Hill: Lieberman’s new flack: hack-of-all-trades Marhsall “Bullshit Moose” Whittmann. Only problem: he’s a Republican and Senator WALNUTS McCain’s strongest supporter. And he’s one helluva media whore… The Starbucks on New Jersey and E has this “customer testimonial” from “Timothy H., congressional page:” “When I bought a case of Starbucks coffee, the text messages stopped coming” … Former Tom Daschle flack starts Pro-Obama website, emails everyone on Hill about it… Katherine Harris news: “She’s sitting at home plotting her future and secretly hoping (praying?) that Vern’s election is overturned so that she can run again in ‘08,” former Harris staffer says. Please, Jesus. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: The Youth of Today! Or, like a couple years ago: Gen X’ers in positions of mostly-ceremonial power! Rep. Adam Putnam, Aged 8! Some Rep.-elect named “Kirsten!” [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Esther Coopersmith holds a Thanksgiving Party for diplomats. Some of us just went to Galaxy Hut and sang karaoke, but that sounds cool too… A fond look back at the US before Iraq: Get Rich Or Die Tryin’ topped the charts, America thrilled to Eugene Levy’s embarrassing white-guy-rapping gimmick in Bringing Down the House. Truly a more innocent time… Senator whose state loves her the most: Olympia Snowe… Bob Novak went to the Panthers game with a young lady, didn’t have a very good time. [Examiner]
* Page Six: NY AG-elect Andrew Cuomo hired Clinton FBI head/Whitewater obsessive Louis Freeh. [NYP]

• Names & Faces: Art Buchwald takes a break … Dallas Austin pardoned in Dubai. [WP]
• Page Six: Rudy Giuliani shares campaign ambitions with some party-goers, snubs others. [NYP]
• Daily Dish: Andrew Cuomo gets campaign support from the guy who allegedly ruined his marriage. [NYDN]
• Under the Dome: Presumed Bill Frist replacement works for the NASCAR vote. [The Hill]