Tag Archives: andrew breitbart

  the beast that ascendeth out of the bottomless pit

Happy Birthday, Tea Party! Now Die In A Fire

Happy sixth birthday to the Tea Party! Okay we’re a little late here, as the big day was in the middle of last week. We have just been so busy writing about all the insane horseshit you teabaggers have unleashed on our politics that we forgot to stop for a minute and appreciate the six years of joy you have brought us, with your whining and hollering and dressing up in leftover costumes from our first-grade play about the Founding Fathers. Read more on Happy Birthday, Tea Party! Now Die In A Fire…
  All Lorettas Look The Same To Us

Breitbart Very Very Very Sorry About Its Journalism, For Sure

This fuckin' guy.
Breitbart “reporter” Warner Todd Huston, who wrote the offending article. We have not Photoshopped this image. Mistakes — we all make ‘em! Admitting when you’re wrong helps build credibility with your audience, and it is also too the Right Thing To Do. Read more on Breitbart Very Very Very Sorry About Its Journalism, For Sure…
  ghost of cokeheads past

Frozen Wingnut Lawyer: Blah Blah Blah Shirley Sherrod, Blah Blah Blah Breitbart

Here is an update on the civil lawsuit Sherrod v. Breitbart stemming from the hatchet job of a video that cost Shirley Sherrod her position at the United States Department of Agriculture four years ago. We are pleased to report that Sherrod is still suing Andrew Breitbart, and Andrew Breitbart is still dead. Read more on Frozen Wingnut Lawyer: Blah Blah Blah Shirley Sherrod, Blah Blah Blah Breitbart…
  rules for commenting radicals libel!

Angry Gavin McInnes Has New Rules For Radicals About How All Liebruls Are Dumb, Not Just The Lady Ones

It’s been a few weeks since we talked about Gavin McInnes, the Vice founder who is really working hard to reach peak MRA douchebag. We haven’t been able to forget him because his Windsong stays on our mind and also too some of his fanboys hopped over to tell us they hoped we’d die. That must just be some of the high-level discourse that McInnes touts in his new screed over at the ever-reliably-ridiculous Thought Catalog. Yes, Gavin McInnes, noted political theorist, would like to tell you all about his 10 New Rules for Radicals, which is basically just a laundry list of all the ways genius Oxford debater Gavin McInnes thinks that liberals argue wrong. SPOILER ALERT: They’re all about how to be a macho alpha man and crush those wussy liebrul beta males. Thought Catalog Thought Leadering. Read more on Angry Gavin McInnes Has New Rules For Radicals About How All Liebruls Are Dumb, Not Just The Lady Ones…
  such things as a free lunch

Ghost Andrew Breitbart Terribly Whiny Over Furloughed Government Workers’ Free Lunch

Mike Flynn, writing at Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s Maximum Security Facility for the Criminally Butt-Hurt, has discovered that there are establishments in Washington DC that are offering SOCIALISMS to furloughed government workers, in the form of a delicious cocktail or a pulled pork sandwich. Mike Flynn claims he has no problem with this, since even Mike Flynn seems to realize it would be churlish to begrudge a person some barbecued meats. BUT DOES HE ACTUALLY HAVE A PROBLEM with these shiftless layabouts and their “sandwiches”? (Spoiler: HE DOES!) Read more on Ghost Andrew Breitbart Terribly Whiny Over Furloughed Government Workers’ Free Lunch…
  cruz control

Ted Cruz’s Guide To Unmake Friends And Alienate People, Part Infinity

Ok wonkeroos, we need to talk about a serious subject that is threatening far too many of our most vulnerable citizens: bullying and abuse. While we like to snark and mock, we, as a country, should be doing everything we can to make our society a better safer place. Rep. Sean Duffy (R-Season 5) knows this as well as anyone, per TPM: Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) continued to draw the scorn of House Republicans on Friday when Rep. Sean Duffy (R-WI) fumed that Senate conservatives have “bullied” and “abused” their counterparts in the lower chamber throughout the push to defund Obamacare. Wait a sec. We don’t think those words mean what he thinks they mean.  Read more on Ted Cruz’s Guide To Unmake Friends And Alienate People, Part Infinity…
  the color green

Breitbart Unafraid To Ask: Why Is Oprah Winfrey Such A Racist Liar?

Did you know Oprah Winfrey “jumped into” the George Zimmerman trial, and she also has a movie coming out, and these two facts bond and twist together into a double helix of bad intent to make her the Greatest Race Hustler since the time Barack Obama was born in Kenya and dined alone, and also she is a bully and A Liar? Well John Nolte, a resident of Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s Internet Home for the Criminally Peevish, knows this, and brings you some Words bout it. You see, recently Oprah said a shop clerk in Switzerland had refused to show her the kind of purse that should have been immediate grounds for execution in any sane world, as it was $38,000 and “too expensive” for her. For Oprah. Yeah, you probably heard about that. But the clerk? DENIES IT. And says it NEVER HAPPENED. Probably because she is real mad that the entire country of Swisstown is mad at her for embarrassing it with her Magical Profiling of the Africkan-ess. And that? Is enough for Ghost Andrew Breitbart! Read more on Breitbart Unafraid To Ask: Why Is Oprah Winfrey Such A Racist Liar?…
  he's a man who lived a life of danger

Slate Widget Claims Anthony Weiner Killed Andrew Breitbart

So we thought we’d pretty much exhausted the available fun from Slate’s amusing little “make up a Carlos Danger name for yourself” toy, which is good for literally minutes of hilarity. And then in the Sekrit Chatcave, Editrix Rolando Menace called our attention to a tip from Wonkette Operative Miguel Ángel Catastrophe, and said “Hey, Doktor Emilio Scourge, go check that out!” And check it out we did! Aaaand… it’s either a really happy accident, or somebody really wanted to remind the world that Andrew Breitbart is still dead. Read more on Slate Widget Claims Anthony Weiner Killed Andrew Breitbart…
  incepted!

Wonkette Gets Its Name In Local Paper, Ghost Breitbart Says Girl Editor Begging For It

We understand that Yr Wonkette got a mention in the Politico Web Log Publication. It’s always fun to see our names in the paper, and we were kind of jazzed that the piece mentioned Rachel Maddow’s little crush on us. (Hi, Rachel!) On the other hand, we were also sort of surprised that the Politico guy was quite so fixated on the absence of founding editor Ana Marie Cox, who moved on to other good things in 2006. We sure hope Politico is not losing any sleep over the new season of Deadwood. But on the whole, it was a nice enough piece, for all the “Oh, you’re not doing first person Inside-the-Beltway buttsex stories anymore?” (and wouldn’t that hurt, anyway? Take off your damn belt first!) With half a million unique visitors a month (750,000 in May); enough revenue, much of it from our lovesome Readers Like You, to hire two people fulltime; and our upcoming expansion into total domination of the Arts & Entertainment blogosphere, we’re pretty happy with our more recent national focus, even if we’re no longer “instilling fear” at DC parties besides the ones we are getting kicked out of. Read more on Wonkette Gets Its Name In Local Paper, Ghost Breitbart Says Girl Editor Begging For It…
  you have nothing to fear but hitler obama

Sarah Palin ‘Lives In Fear’ Of IRS, We Wonder Why?

Former halfterm Moose Queen Sarah Palin has some Thoughts, and she has left her dumb ol’ Myface page for the Big League Pixels of Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s Internet Home for Wayward Wig Addicts to bring em at ya! Her thoughts are on the IRS, and how people “live in fear of them.” Sure, we’ll bite! This IRS scandal is especially terrible because Americans live in fear of the IRS like no other entity because this monstrous bureaucracy has the power to take your hard-earned money. Your wages are the sum of your labors; hence, the IRS has the power to steal the fruits of your labors. Average Americans live in fear of making an error on their tax returns that could cost them massive amounts of money, plus their reputation and good name. If a small business makes a mistake, the IRS can shut them down and send them to jail. You know, we hate to sound like those police state proponents who say if you’ve done nothing wrong you’ve nothing to fear, but … well. You know. We do not “live in fear” of the IRS. In fact, not to be a better citizen than you, but not only do we love jury duty, but we don’t even hate paying our taxes! We go to the post office to mail out your Shut the Fuck Up Luke Russert coffee cups, and we brag to Cheryl, the lady there, that we are going to fill like AT LEAST THREE POTHOLES, and she is welcome! Why might Sarah Palin “live in fear” of the IRS? Let’s do some hypothesizin’, dontchaknow, after the jump! Read more on Sarah Palin ‘Lives In Fear’ Of IRS, We Wonder Why?…
  brag-brag

Man Thinks He Killed Breitbart, Wants Money

There’s this guy, Chris Faraone. Thinks he killed Breitbart. Ate some acid with us one time in Charlotte. Worked at the lamented Boston Phoenix, writing about hip-hop and Occupy and Breitbart and James O’Keefe and eating acid with us. He would like some money please! Read more on Man Thinks He Killed Breitbart, Wants Money…
  i'm so excited and i just can't hide it

Why Does Ghost Andrew Breitbart Keep Stealing From The Pointer Sisters?

Remember that 1990s teevee show called The X Files, where that one good-looking cable soft-core star solved mysteries with that teensy skeptical ginger who always happened to look the other way when the crazy stuff happened, just like a pro-wrestling ref? And remember that man who smoked all the cigarettes and had all the big secrets and totally had the power to kill that cable soft-core star but never did because in his death that cable soft-core star would only become MORE POWERFUL and a MARTYR? That cable soft-core star is exactly like Ghost Andrew Breitbart, who is also like Ghost Obi Wan Kenobi in that he always shows up in the minds of heroic young conservatives to tell them to turn off their targeting computers (“facts,” “science”) and just fire straight ahead hoping to score a one-in-a-million shot with their eyes closed (“BENGHAZI!”). But even Ghost Andrew Breitbart sometimes does wrong. There’s a new documentary out, made by conservatives, that is supposed to just be about how good he was at the things he was good at: yelling, sweating, pretending videos that showed one thing actually showed something different. But the only writer left at what used to be The Village Voice noticed something funny about the movie. (The Village Voice writer wrote in fussy second-person, pretending that *you* are Andrew Breitbart, because YOU WISH): Read more on Why Does Ghost Andrew Breitbart Keep Stealing From The Pointer Sisters?…
  hot or not

Women In Their 40s Make Breitbart’s Ben Shapiro Sad In His Pants

Maxim has ranked all the ladies by their true value — hotness and/or notness — and Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s sniveling Igor, Ben Shapiro, is not pleased! Is he not pleased because of how it is degrading to judge God’s creatures by their boobies? Of course not, don’t be a fucking idiot! He is not pleased because one of Maxim’s hot 100 is a Democrat, and another is a lady in her 40s. A lady in her 40s?! She can probably not even get pregnant without medical intervention! How could a lady who cannot bake a man’s seed into a human loaf be “hot”? Like, is that not the purpose of hotness, to bake babies? Who would want to do sex on a wizened crone of 48? That is even older than gross old crone Cameron Diaz! Is it even legal??? Read more on Women In Their 40s Make Breitbart’s Ben Shapiro Sad In His Pants…
  still time to put the tree up

Happy Blogging About Pigford Day!

Andrew Breitbart may still be dead, but his legacy of demanding attention by shrieking unintelligible noises like a syphilitic howler monkey with both legs caught in a thresher lives on. And what are Raggedy Dead Andy’s legions of feral Children of the Corn shrieking about today? Benghazi? Gosnell? Solyndra? Well yes, we’re pretty sure they shriek those words in their sleep. But now you can add “Pigford” to the litany of names we will be hearing from this day forward, forever and ever, world without end, amen. That is because the wingnut blogosphere has deemed today “Everybody Blog About Pigford Day.” Man, all these holidays! Yr Wonkette has not yet recovered from the crazy bacchanal that was Sunday’s Lag B’Omer and was hoping for a quiet and uneventful May Day. Thanks a lot, wingnuts. A quick refresher: Pigford v. Glickman, was a class-action lawsuit intended to redress African-American farmers for a pattern of racial discrimination by the Department of Agriculture in handing out loans and assistance over a fifteen-year period. It was settled in 1999, but in 2010 Congress appropriated another $1.2 billion to settle with more farmers who, for whatever reason, had not been able to file or have their claims heard before a set deadline a decade before. Read more on Happy Blogging About Pigford Day!…
  Yitgaddal veyitqaddash shmeh rabba

Ghost Andrew Breitbart Still Dead, A Ghost

Today, Wonketeers, we light a yahrzeit candle for the late Andrew Breitbart. Hard to believe it was only one year ago today that the big lunk gallivanted off to that Great Wine Bar in the Sky, leaving his minions in a state of mourning from which they have yet to emerge. Yes, from the Virgin King Ben to the Thing with the Llama Face to the Stupidest Man on the Internet, all across America today wingnuts will pause in their daily rabid foaming over Benghazi or Bob Woodward’s senior moment to remember the human-shaped ball of incandescent rage with a bum ticker that was Mr. Breitbart. Read more on Ghost Andrew Breitbart Still Dead, A Ghost…
  news you can't use

Ghost Andrew Breitbart Helped Convince John Boehner That Nobody Was Going To Overthrow Him

As it turns out, the plot to overthrow John Boehner and replace him with someone who didn’t actually know they were up for Speaker of the House was larger than previously thought. The short version is that there were a lot more crazy GOP Representatives plotting to get rid of Boehner than just the ones who picked random names to vote for, but everyone rebuffed them, and they were super secretive about it. Blah blah blah parliamentarian tactics that weren’t going to work but here’s the hilarious part, guys, ok? Notably, the attempt was plotted independently from, and without the knowledge of, a public effort led by a young conservative activist and former GOP Rep. Jeff Landry, which created buzz about Boehner’s possible ouster in conservative media. Landry lost re-election to Boehner ally Rep. Charles Boustany Jr., R-La., in a member-vs.-member contest brought about by redistricting. Breitbart.com covered the Landry effort extensively, and one Republican member who participated in the larger coup attempt said Breitbart’s coverage of the smaller push actually helped keep their effort hidden because it suggested to Boehner and his allies that talk of a coup wasn’t serious. Members of the larger coup plot deliberately excluded top aides from deliberations to enhance secrecy and to protect them from recrimination. Read more on Ghost Andrew Breitbart Helped Convince John Boehner That Nobody Was Going To Overthrow Him…
  Passing the Baton

Ghost Andrew Breitbart Welcomes Moonie ‘Investigative Reporter’ For All Future Racism Debunkings

Lest anyone think that the continued twitchings of the Breitbart Empire represent some sort of chant du cygne, the crew at Big Government want you to know that there’s a danse macabre in the old dame yet! That is to say, just as Dick Cheney continues to feed on the souls of the living, Ghost Breitbart is still bringing in new blood. Just last week, they acquired Matthew Boyle for their important “black people are thugs” beat, and now, they’ve scored “investigative journalist” Kerry Picket from the Moonie Times. We’re pretty sure that we won’t accidentally call her “him” anymore! Read more on Ghost Andrew Breitbart Welcomes Moonie ‘Investigative Reporter’ For All Future Racism Debunkings…
  Circular Shootout at the Big Breitbart Corral

Ghost Breitbart’s ‘Happy Cult’ Degenerates Into Sad Mess Of Confusion And Backbiting

As we all know from the plot of virtually every big Hollywood gangster movie ever made, when there’s a gang of loutish thugs and the head lout is removed, the remaining loutish thugs invariably turn on each other in a frenzy of loutishness and thuggery. This is apparently what is going on at rightwing internet concern Breitbart.com following the sudden death of Andrew Breitbart on March 1 of this year, according to this juicy Buzzfeed story by McKay Coppins, which says the late lout’s “web empire” is now “plagued by an unusual degree of disorganization and rampant infighting as his disciples battle for ownership of his legacy.” Golly. No one could have seen THAT coming! Read more on Ghost Breitbart’s ‘Happy Cult’ Degenerates Into Sad Mess Of Confusion And Backbiting…
  the rated r superstar

Hollywood Liberals Conspire To Give R Rating To Children’s Film About Andrew Breitbart

Sorry, kids, but Pixar’s newest release, Hating Breitbart, will be rated R, so you will have to either sneak in with fake IDs or wait for it to appear on Encore in, oh, three months. The Daily Caller smells a conspiracy! Producers of the biographical documentary “Hating Breitbart” got news last week that their film received an “R” rating from the Motion Picture Association of America. And with that move official Hollywood, long the preserve of liberal culture warriors, has had what appears to be the last laugh on the late Andrew Breitbart. Oh, yes, the MPAA, that sterling bastion of cultural libertines. (Ask Kevin Smith about getting an NC-17 for language, right after he finishes his guest post at Pajamas Media.) Read more on Hollywood Liberals Conspire To Give R Rating To Children’s Film About Andrew Breitbart…
  sex drugs and real estate

Romney Camp To Take Up Breitbart’s Torch In Obama Vettening

Watch out, Barack Obama! You’re in for a good old-fashioned VETTENING! “[Romney] has said Obama’s a nice fellow, he’s just in over his head,” [a Romney] adviser said. “But I think the governor himself believes this latest round of attacks that have impugned his integrity and accused him of being a felon go so far beyond that pale that he’s really disappointed. He believes it’s time to vet the president. He really hasn’t been vetted; McCain didn’t do it.” Is it twue? Did Obama Hug A Black Guy? Romneyland will get to the bottom of it! “I mean, this is a guy who admitted to cocaine use, had a sweetheart deal with his house in Chicago, and was associated and worked with Rod Blagojevich to get Valerie Jarrett appointed to the Senate,” the adviser said. Read more on Romney Camp To Take Up Breitbart’s Torch In Obama Vettening…
  allahu akbar and stuff

Fox News Mixing Up All Its Scary Muslims

Egypt democratically elected her first president yesterday, Mohamed Morsi, a former member of the Muslim Brotherhood’s Guidance Office and president of their Freedom and Justice Party. We say former because as soon as his election was announced, as he promised, he resigned from both of these positions in order to convince secularists and Christians that he will serve ALL of Egypt, not just his MB pals. Egyptians still wait for him to ban all alcohol, close all the bars and make all the women wear veils. Nervous jokes on Twitter included some guy’s hash dealer telling him to stock up on smoke since that may be all he can get for a while. Read more on Fox News Mixing Up All Its Scary Muslims…