anderson cooper
Eliot Spitzer is unemployed again, because ratings on his terrible CNN solo talk show “In the Arena” have repeatedly indicated that America is not interested in watching Spitzer sex himself on teevee. What about if Eliot Spitzer pays America to watch? Would she do it then? No, gross, just please go away. We have never [...]
According to the Anderson Cooper teevee show on Friday, Newt Gingrich has committed “discretions” in his past. This is a serious revelation! We, and Republican voters everywhere, demand CNN release evidence Newt Gingrich has ever exercised good judgment. EVEN IF IT HAPPENED ONCE, THAT SHOULD DISQUALIFY HIM FROM THE NOMINATION. [thanks to Wonkette operative "Benton" [...]
Kids, do you like the journalism? Of course not. You don’t even know what it is. But if you did, you might think it’s a respectable way to make a living. You would, of course, be wrong about that, too. Consider poor little rich boy Anderson Cooper, who actually worked hard for many years as [...]
Anderson Cooper is keeping his job at CNN, at least until Larry King shows up at his studios with a gun and Cooper decides it’s no longer worth it to interview terror-baby activists and hilarious homophobe assistant attorneys general. But he is also getting a daytime talk show, because why not? You know how Anderson [...]
Andrew Shirvell is Michigan’s assistant attorney general, a University of Michigan alum, and absolutely 100 percent heterosexual, according to his Facebook page, which lists one of his interests as “Finding the Right Lady” and includes a picture of him touching a human female! While he’s not busy assisting the real attorney general, he does normal, [...]
Terror babies are a fun new terrorism flavor of anchor babies, apparently. Or perhaps they’re a spin-off of Muppet Babies. It’s hard to tell because this is such a GAPING HOLE and needs to be yelled about at Anderson Cooper’s face.
Texas state house representative Debbie Riddle went on CNN to talk to Anderson Cooper about “ill-iggles” immigrating here unlawfully, and brought up the latest threat to America: the TERROR BABIES. Terror babies are even more terrifying than standard-issue anchor babies, because their foreigner moms come here to America specifically to birth them, haul them back [...]
Look at that sad face. That’s the face of a CNN anchor who just lost to Cheech Marin on Alex Trebek’s Canadian Trivia. Which is completely fine! Cheech Marin is smart, maybe! This isn’t nearly as bad as Wolf Blitzer’s last appearance. [Philadelphia Will Do]
In the name of Her Majesty and the Continental Congress! According to some sort of ‘Save Glenn Beck’ online petition, Americans overwhelmingly chose WALMART as the symbol of our great Union! Other popular symbols that didn’t make the cut: a bald eagle clenching a Kenyan birth certificate with its razor-sharp talons, LYNNDIE ENGLAND pointing at [...]
Nutty Palin spokeslady Meg Stapleton was in New York when Nutty Palin suddenly resigned as governor of Alaska, the state that elected her as governor two-and-a-half years ago. Listen to Meg make NO SENSE as a baffled Anderson Cooper asks her again and again, “Lady why are you talking about basketball, and how does quitting [...]
Remember that time like a month ago when a bunch of angry wingnuts revolted against our new socialist government regime by publicly performing sex acts involving human balls? On that sacred occasion Anderson Cooper made some silly crack about how hard it is to talk when you’re teabagging, which was OFFENSIVE, and this past Sunday [...]
The important conservative political philosophy bloggers at Power Line WON THE MORNING Saturday by writing a pornographic blog post about the sexual meaning of “teabagging,” which their fathers perhaps had taught them the night before. One writes, “What we’re seeing here is the ascendancy of the Low-Life Left. Vulgar, ignorant, profane and abusive, it started [...]
This whole country is just one stupid dirty joke. [YouTube]
We know precisely two things about Kathy Griffin, which makes us a Resident Expert on this lady around these parts: number one, she is a COMEDIENNE, and number two, she dated some portly rich guy. What does this have to do with her glorious New Year’s Eve show with Anderson Cooper? Nothing! Just, they cut [...]
