Tag Archives: anderson cooper

  Let's All Sing The Doom Song!

Obama To Declare Martial Law, Kill Us All With Ebola Because Slavery

Stay calm, OK?
We bet you never would have guessed that the diagnosis of one (1) human being with Ebola virus would lead to a whole bunch of daft conspiracy theories, did you? Don’t be ridonkulous, you would say to yourself. We live in a highly developed modern technological society with terrific special effects in our movies, telephones with more computing capacity than was needed to go to the moon, and medical care that is second to none, if you can afford it at least. We are so advanced that we aren’t even impressed by digital watches anymore, that is how far we have come from the primitive ape descendants we used to be. Read more on Obama To Declare Martial Law, Kill Us All With Ebola Because Slavery…
  play to your strengths

Donald Sterling: Why Can’t Magic Johnson Be As Great A Guy As Donald Sterling?

Sadly, AC360 has only put  5 minutes of last night’s Donald Sterling debacle online, which is a shame because Sterling let his racist freak flag fly, except that he’s not a racist because he says he’s not a racist, which is a magical shield against being racist. Also, he bashed Magic Johnson. Read more on Donald Sterling: Why Can’t Magic Johnson Be As Great A Guy As Donald Sterling?…
  spit it out

Why Won’t Wendy Davis Apologize To Ted Nugent For Not Loving And Marrying Some Guns?

Here’s a surprise! Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott was pretty happy to embrace Ted Nugent at a campaign appearance the other day, but now it’s almost as if he would rather poop in his own pants than talk to these CNN liberal media jerks about what a swell guy Ted Nugent is. What could have changed? It’s not like it’s really a secret that Ted says incredibly racist stuff, even though Wolf Blitzer seems to have just recently learned about Nuge’s fondness for calling Barack Obama a subhuman mongrel — and since that made news in January, Nugent has been making a point of calling everybody that, so it’s not like he was singling Obama out or anything. In any case, the real offender here is definitely not Ted Nugent, who’s just being Ol’ Ted, after all, nor is it Greg Abbott, who respects the Second Amendment just like Ted does. No, what’s important is that, now that Big Media has (re) discovered what the political blogosphere has known all along about Nugent, everyone needs to know that Wendy Davis just may not love the Second Amendment enough to be governor. True fact. Read more on Why Won’t Wendy Davis Apologize To Ted Nugent For Not Loving And Marrying Some Guns?…
  country matters

Anderson Cooper, Dan Savage, Anderson Cooper’s Mom, And Some Cunnilingus (No Verb Necessary)

In what may be the best — at least the weirdest — ripple effect of the Rob Ford strange-o-palooza, here are Anderson Cooper and Friend of Wonkette Dan Savage talking Thursday about the best news stories of 2013…until the conversation takes a turn for the disturbing. Or the awesome. We can’t decide. Cooper asked Savage what he thought the best scandal story of the year was, and Savage went with Rob Ford’s series of very public embarrassments, adding “I love a good cunnilingus joke on the evening news.” And really, who doesn’t? Read more on Anderson Cooper, Dan Savage, Anderson Cooper’s Mom, And Some Cunnilingus (No Verb Necessary)…
  that's illegal!

GOP Consultant Alex Castellanos: Ted Cruz Is Doing Bestiality On Poor Little Bunnies

Alex Castellanos, the Cuban American GOP consultant, has correctly identified Ted Cruz’s problem: he can’t stop fucking animals. However! Alex Castellanos was incorrect when he claimed Ted Cruz was doing sex on poor defenseless bunnies. As we all know, Ted Cruz is fucking that chicken. Read more on GOP Consultant Alex Castellanos: Ted Cruz Is Doing Bestiality On Poor Little Bunnies…
  still can’t rule out an offer from fox news

Terrible Zimmerman Juror Finds Sense Of Shame, Drops Book Deal

One of the Zimmerman trial’s fastest cases of instant celebrity has come and (we hope?) gone in the space of a single day, and “Juror B37” can now return to her status as a nobody who never reads the news but knows it’s full of lies anyway. The anonymous juror seemed to be everywhere Monday, with tape of her voir dire during jury selection showing up on Gawker and her very own interview with Anderson Cooper, and of course all of it driven by the news of a possible book deal (she’d signed with an agent, but not actually with a publisher yet). But now thanks to internet busybodies, that’s all over, and the unknown Florida woman can go back to what she does best, watching the Today show, lining the parrot cage with unread newspapers, and waiting for a more opportune chance to grift. Read more on Terrible Zimmerman Juror Finds Sense Of Shame, Drops Book Deal…
  it's not the news it's cnn

CNN Reporters Looking A Bit Glum Over Epically Messing Their Bed On Boston Bombing (Video)

UPDATE! Now with video stolen from Mediaite! CNN, after spending almost an hour getting more and more frenzied while trumpeting its scoop that law enforcement had identified a suspect and had either arrested that suspect or were on the verge of arresting that suspect, just had the terrible misfortune of having to retract its entire report. Read more on CNN Reporters Looking A Bit Glum Over Epically Messing Their Bed On Boston Bombing (Video)…
  good guys and bad guys with guns

Yeah, No, Seriously, Los Angeles Spree-Killer Cop Is Really, *REALLY* Liberal

We have already read about what made Los Angeles spree-killin’ cop Christopher Dorner go Django on the entire LAPD (and their families). It was LAPD racisms. So we know who (and what) he hates. But who does he love? Just about all your typical libtards, like Hillary Clinton and Larry David and Ellen Degeneres and Anderson Cooper and Joe Scarborough and Chris Christie and Jon Huntsman. What? After the jump, some extensive selections from his manifesto (this one uncensored), which we had kind of stopped reading after we got through the racisms parts, where he espouses best wishes for women in the military, Hillary (or Christie!) 2016, and burning hell for the Westboro Baptist Church and the NRA’s Wayne LaPierre, because nobody (including himself) needs the kind of fucking arsenal with which he is currently terrorizing the country’s second biggest metropolis, and where your Editrix is currently never leaving her apartment again. Read more on Yeah, No, Seriously, Los Angeles Spree-Killer Cop Is Really, *REALLY* Liberal…
  don't pretend you don't want it

Teh Year in Ghey: A Wonktrospective

It has been a banner fucking year for the teh gheys. There was tons of election-winning, gay-marrying, company-wrecking, and general ruining of morals and common decency everywhere. Shockingly, we learned that a lesbian cabal runs the DHS, because when the revolution comes it will damn sure start with ‘mos taking over executive agencies. We watched as the heroic group known as “One Million Moms” declared victory against JC Penney and Ellen Degeneres by deciding that they wouldn’t fight anymore (WHICH IS TOTALLY WINNING YOU GUYS) until they decided to get mad all over again, because history’s greatest monster lesbian played an elf in a Christmas TV commercial. Will Ellen’s reign of terror never end? Also, too, One Million Moms is apparently mad at a whole ton of gay things: Read more on Teh Year in Ghey: A Wonktrospective…
  journamalism

Anderson Cooper To Whistleblower: Why Do You Want To Hurt Those Nice Banks?

Well that was fast! The media has already, as Hamilton Nolan astutely predicted, turned on Greg Smith, the former Goldman Sachs analyst turned writer. You might remember Greg Smith from the scathing Op-Ed he wrote in the New York Times back in April, announcing his resignation from Goldman Sachs and revealing that their corporate culture is about as disgusting as we all have probably imagined it to be. At the time of the Op-Ed, the media wasn’t so sure about what to make of him, but erred on the side of “whistleblower,” with a dollop of hero! Except now the Lamestream Media has changed its mind and decided that he kind of sucks because the banks are full of shitbags, tell us something we don’t know. Actually, he isn’t “believable,” probably (this is from the New York Times). Or maybe he is actually a LIAR, look at him LYING his ass off and getting paid a shitload of money to do it! That last one, of course, is from Forbes magazine, a paragon of probity. Read more on Anderson Cooper To Whistleblower: Why Do You Want To Hurt Those Nice Banks?…
  so what who cayuhs

Newt Gingrich: It Is Okay For Mitt Romney To Lie If It Is In A Political Ad, Yeah Sure Why Not?

Does rubber-lipped diamond-humper Newt Gingrich think it is awesome for Mitt Romney to flat-out lie in his advertisement about Obama (not) dropping the welfare-to-work requirements in waivers to the states? Sure it is awesome. It’s a political ad, you can’t expect people to tell the truth when they only have 30 seconds! Did Newt Gingrich feel the same way about whether truth should be optional when it was he who was on the receiving end of Mitt Romney’s fun money? We will give you a guess. Think hard! Think long! Are you ready to learn if you were right? No, not yet? We will wait. Read more on Newt Gingrich: It Is Okay For Mitt Romney To Lie If It Is In A Political Ad, Yeah Sure Why Not?…
  oh boy

Anderson Cooper Admits He Is Attracted to Men, Not The Other People

CNN hurricane guy Anderson Cooper, whom a full 100% of the American population has witnessed making out with dudes at one point or another, has an announcement! “The fact is, I’m gay, always have been, always will be, and I couldn’t be any more happy, comfortable with myself, and proud.” Being rich is nice, too. [Andrew Sullivan] Read more on Anderson Cooper Admits He Is Attracted to Men, Not The Other People…
  how is babby formed?

Your Morning Braintrust: Of Course Those Gays Should Be In The Pen So No More Gay Babies Can Be Born

Towleroad, having brought us the original “let’s round up the queers and put them behind an electric fence until they die,” follows up with this extraordinarily delightful video of Anderson Cooper — hmmmm! — explaining to this mean dumb cow about where gay babies come from, and also The Holocaust. She ain’t changin’ her mind, she knows what she is tryin’ to say, and that is … oh, nonsense. It is the most deliriously meanspirited and ignorant and meth-brained shit you will hear for some time, and it just might make your whole day. Read more on Your Morning Braintrust: Of Course Those Gays Should Be In The Pen So No More Gay Babies Can Be Born…
  dreamcatching

Palin Might Run For President Because Of Raging Non-Limbaugh Misogynists

Sarah Palin went on — or should we say, was transmitted through someone’s phone-toy in the direction of — CNN during Tuesday’s Super Snoozeday parade, and proclaimed that who knows whether she’ll run for president today, tomorrow, or after the Mayan apocalypse, but anything is possible because Americans can do anything they put their minds to, emphasis on “minds” and excluding jobs. Later on, while Romney was disappointing America, CNN spent a good portion of the long process of cell degeneration we call life talking about Palin some more, with what little comprehensible English was made available by her mouth yesterday. Conclusion: Sarah Palin is an alive person. Plus, hates misogynists as long as they are liberal. Read more on Palin Might Run For President Because Of Raging Non-Limbaugh Misogynists…
  good riddance

CNN Fires Eliot Spitzer For Boring Everyone To Death

Eliot Spitzer is unemployed again, because ratings on his terrible CNN solo talk show “In the Arena” have repeatedly indicated that America is not interested in watching Spitzer sex himself on teevee. What about if Eliot Spitzer pays America to watch? Would she do it then? No, gross, just please go away. We have never seen this awful program, mostly because we are creeped out by Eliot Spitzer and find his opinions inspid. Oh well, he still has that mind-numbing Slate column for torturing people who like that kind of thing. Replacing Spitzer in the 8 p.m. time slot will be Anderson Cooper with his furry fetish program, which apparently does it for America enough that it will also begin running twice a night. Read more on CNN Fires Eliot Spitzer For Boring Everyone To Death…
  funny pictures

CNN Accuses Newt Gingrich of Making ‘Past Discretions’

According to the Anderson Cooper teevee show on Friday, Newt Gingrich has committed “discretions” in his past. This is a serious revelation! We, and Republican voters everywhere, demand CNN release evidence Newt Gingrich has ever exercised good judgment. EVEN IF IT HAPPENED ONCE, THAT SHOULD DISQUALIFY HIM FROM THE NOMINATION. [thanks to Wonkette operative “Benton” for the tip] Read more on CNN Accuses Newt Gingrich of Making ‘Past Discretions’…