Tonight through early August: If you’re a fan of musical theater, inappropriate sexual innuendos, failed pop icons, or ’80s hits, and you just LOVE when underdogs triumph over adversity, you should catch Spring Awakening or The Color Purple at the Kennedy Center.  Both shows have won numerous Tony awards, so regardless of your feelings toward musical bildungsromans or American Idol, they’re worth checking out. [Kennedy Center] MORE »

Even though she lost every primary, caucus, and bake-off in the continental United States (and the Virgin Islands!) this weekend, Hillary Clinton has this whole Presidential nomination thing in the bag. Her secret weapon: brave political leader and sometime animated cat dancer Paula Abdul, who effectively gives Clinton the nod in the LA Times. MORE »

This is some scam, obviously … OK, it’s not a scam, it’s actually the right phone number. Anyway, the youth of America have learned from the hit show American Idol that if you call some phone number you can have Democracy. So they’re all calling Nancy Pelosi’s number right now, and beleaguered staffers are answering thousands of calls from Democratic Underground readers. MORE »

Sanjaya Malakar, the Barack Obama of American Idol, except that he lost while Obama will be assassinated by the CIA, is the newest announced guest of People magazine to attend the White House Correspondents’ Association gala dinner. MORE »

We don’t much like blogs or pundits or opinions, but we especially don’t like politics — which is why this blog pundit opinion filled our hearts with joy:

The 2008 presidential election is now less than 19 months away. As far as I’m concerned, that means now is the time to start planning how to destroy it.

Sign us up! How does it work? Find out, after the jump.

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There’s growing evidence that American Idol sensation Sanjaya Malakar and Decision 2008 sensation Barry Hussein Obama are the same person. If it’s not obvious that “Sanjaya” (right) is the same dude as Obama (left), here are some other striking similarities: MORE »

• Heard on the Hill: Sen. Frank Lautenberg’s (D-NJ) office announced the proud winners of its mustache-growing contest… Rep. Al Green (D-TX) chews the shit out of gum. [Roll Call]
• Reliable Source: Georgetown bar owner Britt Swan is attempting to save M St dive Sign of the Whale… Tucker Carlson, Mike Feldman, and Philippe Reines attended Jake Tapper’s wedding last weekend. [WP]
• Yeas and Nays: American Idol judge Randy Jackson is inexplicably having a recording session for musically-minded members of congress, backing up best Idol contestant ever Kelly Clarkson. [Examiner]
• Rush & Molloy: If you’d like to reread yesterday’s Radar piece on Karl Rove’s gay stepdad, here is it again. [NYDN]
• Page Six: Wyclef Jean on President Bush: “President Bush needs to smoke marijuana . . . [Bleep] Bush!” [NYP]

• Heard on the Hill: Let’s start with the best gossip first: “81-year-old father of Sen. Norm Coleman (R-Minn.) was cited for lewd and disorderly conduct after police arrested him allegedly having sex with a 38-year-old woman in a car outside a pizza joint.” [Roll Call]
• Reliable Source: Giants slugger Barry Bonds was at Kelly’s Cajun Grill at the Pentagon City food court Tuesday, American Idol is coming to Capitol Hill in September for some kind of something involving America’s favorite couple, Mary Bono and Steny Hoyer. [WP]
• Fox 411: George Clooney breaks up with Steven Soderbergh to start a new production company with Good Night, and Good Luck co-creator Grant Heslov. [FOXNews]
• Page Six: Lindsay Lohan falls down again. [NYP]

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* “That motherfucker George Washington had like thirty god damn dicks.” [Drink at Work] MORE »

• Heard on the Hill: Sen. Bill Frist’s middle son Jonathan has a Facebook profile, complete with “hunky photos” and strange group affiliations. . . Oxygen is recruiting for a reality show called “Capitol Hill Girls”. . . Jack Abramoff listed Rep. Bob Ney’s golf handicap, but the congressman doesn’t even play. [Roll Call]

• Washington Whispers: Laura Bush’s press secretary was “American Idol” Taylor Hicks’s ninth-grade teacher, so they’re trying to arrange a White House visit. . . Margaret Spellings is learning Arabic. [USN&WR]

* Short week, short review. First thing you need to know is: on Friday, Wal-Mart tried to answer the questions, “Why you acting shady? Why you ain’t callin’ me baby?”, by having Beyonce and Taylor Hicks perform at their shareholder meeting. CostCo admits they were served. MORE »