America
Teabaggers and their home-made signs, so awesome! Way to spell “again,” too! (Does “agin” mean something racist? We cannot keep up.) Thanks to Wonkette operative “C.T.” for going outside and taking this picture of America’s New Freedom Fighters. Send more, everybody! Because Newell is apparently dead for reals. (And why is there a cartoon George [...]
Tired of taking off your giant sweat pants before you go to work at Wal-Mart? Sick of taking off your huge jeans before falling asleep with Jay Leno and a Domino’s box on your lap? The American Dream is alive and well, losers, because now you can just put on a gigantic pair of “pajama [...]
Do you have a hard time balancing a lap-full of bacon burgers and grease tacos while you drive around slurping caramel-coffee ice cream shakes and 172-oz. buckets of Mr. Pibb? Did foreigners steal your job? Wondering why your teen-aged daughter has so many middle-aged male friends from the MySpace showing up at all hours? What [...]
How do you baffle a not-too-smart nation of people who aren’t really much into book-learnin’? Have competing publishers release similarly-titled books about popular idiot Sarah Palin! Not even counting the “I’m buying this only for ironic reasons” crowd in Brooklyn and Silver Lake, there is apparently total chaos in bookstores, as people who’ve only previously [...]
Beloved Utah Republican Orrin Hatch loves to sing, and he loves to compose songs, so he can sing them! The songs are often about the Mormon God, but this time the song is about the Liberal God, Ted Kennedy, who has tragically died of old age and sickness. Enjoy! [YouTube via "Scott R."]
Huzzah for the Can-Do spirit of Americans, who continue to just pile on the pounds despite the nation’s crushed economy. Turns out you don’t need much money to become obese! And without jobs, Americans have more time than ever to sit in front of teevee eating another bucket of corn-syrup taco-ball cheezey-poop pasta-bowl Grease Dipperz™. [...]
No surprises here, folks: while American adults work obsessively for 51 weeks out of the year and sneer at the French, who take the whole month of August to go to the beach while their elderly citizens quietly expire at home, American YOUTHS are just lazy fartsacks who get three whole months a year to [...]
Let’s see, what do we talk about around here all the time now? Teen pregnancy, and MTV’s The Real World in Washington. Here’s a new show coming up on that very same network, but it’s about the real Real World, for Americans, which is “you get knocked up in high school” and … well, that’s [...]
No comment necessary, as this is America. [YouTube]
Friday, May 1: For those who never tire of sexytime with aging furry-chested musical icons, or at least proximities thereof, Super Diamond is for you. It’s not the “real” Neil Diamond, but are we so sure an original existed in the first place?
Having successfully completed a hilarious stack of FAIL on Tax Day, the Teabagging Cultists will next flap their testicles against the mouth of 9/11, our nation’s most holy day of remembrance. Just six months or so from right now, the fantastic teabagging momentum will strike again, as America sheds its tears over the anniversary of [...]
Jesus christ, this whole country is drowning in its own blood. We take a day off — the Sabbath — and there are another half-dozen gruesome murders or murder-suicides. Cops and the families of the killers seem to be particularly common targets. We don’t recall Homicidal Frenzy as being a normal part of, say, the [...]
LIVE LIKE A SUICIDE: At least one U.S. index is rising — American Suicide! More people are killing themselves, especially middle-aged people. [LA Times]
