Tag Archives: America

  let's gossip about the week's top stories

Sarah Palin Declares Independence From Pretending To Be Employed. Your Weekly Top Ten.

THE CUTEST.
Hey Wonkers, happy Fourth of July weekend and shit! Do you need a nap? We sure do! Let’s all snuggle dressed like burritos after we read this post, like Wonkette baby, pictured above. (Did you SEE Editrix’s baby pictures post this morning? If you didn’t, you should go look at it!) Read more on Sarah Palin Declares Independence From Pretending To Be Employed. Your Weekly Top Ten….
  Coming Again To Save The Motherfuckin' Day

A Children’s Treasury Of Sexy Fourth Of July Patriotic Musical Videos

'Merca!
For your America Day enjoyment, we proudly present this retread/update of a 2011 post by “Wonkette Jr,” whose actual identity is lost to time — truly, we are standing on the shoulders of an unknown giant. Since not even YouTube is Forever, we also pruned the dead links and added all-new Patriotic Content! Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Sexy Fourth Of July Patriotic Musical Videos…
  America saw him first

Majority Of Americans Agree God Loves America Best

And that's how America was made!
Here is some interesting news, as we U.S. Americans begin our annual weekend of getting real drunk and shooting off fireworks, due to something we read in a history book about America but can’t quite remember. (Muskets were involved.) Did you know that, according to 53% of Americans, our country has a “special relationship” with God? Take THAT, 195 other countries in the world, you all are just acquaintances with God, whereas He is taking US to the prom, and is going to ask us to gay marry Him any day now, WE JUST KNOW IT: Read more on Majority Of Americans Agree God Loves America Best…
  Pretty sure this isn't racial transcendence

Idiot Wingnut Chick: America’s Not Racist, Except For Obama

Let's talk about slavery, Heather.
Here America is, all fired up for yet another solemn Conversation On Race, when we don’t even need to be doing that in the first place, since racism is over. The Charleston shooting was an Isolated Incident, because while individual racists still exist, America as a nation does not have any lingering institutional racism, according to Fox News contributing wingnut Katie Pavlich, who begins a column for The Hill by setting a straw man gloriously ablaze, much like the recent spate of burning black churches across the South: Read more on Idiot Wingnut Chick: America’s Not Racist, Except For Obama…
  Show us on the doll where Obama touched Lady Liberty

Wingnuts: Sure, Josh Duggar Molested Kids, But Barack Obama Molested America Way Worse

Are your kids safer with Josh Duggar or with THIS GUY?
Pollsters are hilarious sometimes. Talking Points Memo has the results of a new poll from Public Policy Polling, asking people which do they like better:  The Duggar family, kid-touching and all, or Barack Obama? You will be so shocked to find out that a full 67% of folks who voted for Mitt Romney in 2012 still like the Duggars better than Obama, whereas 87% of Obama voters think Obama is better than kid-touchers and the people who cover for them. THERE’S YOUR PARTISAN DIVIDE, AMERICA. Read more on Wingnuts: Sure, Josh Duggar Molested Kids, But Barack Obama Molested America Way Worse…
  too bad there are no other guns in the Middle East :(

Ben Carson: The Only Way To Stop A Bad ISIS With A Gun Is A Good ISIS With A Gun

It's very hard to memorize all the NRA's talking points.
Ben Carson is revealing some of his secret campaign platform magic early, hurray! We thought we would have to wait until Monday, May 4, when Carson officially announces his failed presidential run, to learn how Carson would handle pressing things like ISIS, but the wait is over! Just give everybody guns, because there sure aren’t enough guns over in those Middle East parts! Read more on Ben Carson: The Only Way To Stop A Bad ISIS With A Gun Is A Good ISIS With A Gun…
  birth of a notion

Google Gaffes, Gets Dippy Dana Rohrabacher In High Dudgeon Over Dinesh D’Souza’s New Doc

It is strange goddamn times we live in when Dana Rohrabacher says something astoundingly, head-smackingly dumb and it’s still barely in the top fifty of dumb things we’ve heard this week. Nonetheless and also such as, this is pretty dumb. Republican Congressman Dana Rohrabacher, a frequent foe of Google, is demanding to know why the giant Internet company was fumbling the search results for Dinesh D’Souza’s movie America for nearly three weeks. “This doesn’t deserve to be ignored. We need to verify the statistics in some way, and I will be suggesting the appropriate committee or subcommittee have some kind of hearing on this,” Rohrbacher said. “We know there were significant incidences, and that would suggest there was intent behind Google’s nonperformance.” Read more on Google Gaffes, Gets Dippy Dana Rohrabacher In High Dudgeon Over Dinesh D’Souza’s New Doc…
  outreach to the black ant community

Dinesh D’Souza’s Wild Kingdom: Ants Are The Best Americans

Conservative Intellectual™ Dinesh D’Souza is getting his David Attenborough on in this short clip posted to his website this week, and he wants to lay some learning on you good folks: The ant is very industrious. I’ve been reading the Harvard scholar E.O. Wilson, an authority on ants, and he points out that the ant can be an individualist. But, at the same time, ants like to work together; they will cooperate voluntarily to haul food. Read more on Dinesh D’Souza’s Wild Kingdom: Ants Are The Best Americans…
  Worst. viral. video. ever.

Dinesh D’Souza Parodied Obama’s Ferns Video. Remember, Satire Doesn’t Have To Be Funny.

Oh, look! Patronizing scold Dinesh D’Souza has branched out from just yammering about how Barack Hussein Obama is the worst, most un-American president ever, and now he’s made a video parody of that “Between All the Ferns On Zack Galifianakis’s Lap” video that Barry was in. And he sure hopes it goes viral! It’s full of hip humor, like how in the corner, instead of “Funny or Die,” it says “Live Free Or Die”! And D’Souza, the scholarly non-scholar who knows all about high-minded things like Liberty and the Constitution, gives us a master class in conservative satire, cleverly repurposing Obama’s lines in the original, funny interview so that they can be turned against the anticolonial ideologue in this bravely non-funny parody. Read more on Dinesh D’Souza Parodied Obama’s Ferns Video. Remember, Satire Doesn’t Have To Be Funny….
  give her her propers

Put On A Fancy Hat And Sing ‘America’ For Aretha Franklin’s Birthday

What can we say about Aretha Franklin? It’s her birthday! Queen of Soul! We can tell you that if you don’t already own a heaping helping of her records, you should clicky clicky on over to Amazon and pick up Rhino’s fantastic box set, The Queen of Soul which has five CDs of Aretha goodness for a whopping $29. Read more on Put On A Fancy Hat And Sing ‘America’ For Aretha Franklin’s Birthday…
  fuck yeah

Come Watch The Trailer For Dinesh D’Souza’s Kickass New Freedom-Loving Movie, ‘America’

Are you guys ready to have your world rocked by Dinesh D’Souza’s America, a film that just got highlighted at CPAC and is causing a mass epidemic of fapping over at WND? Yes you are, because this trailer is a BEAST. It is the kingpin of trailers, the ultimate in trailers, the lord high god of trailers. Your life will never be the same after you watch this thing. Read more on Come Watch The Trailer For Dinesh D’Souza’s Kickass New Freedom-Loving Movie, ‘America’…
  our long national nightmare is just beginning

Texans Spend Eight Minutes In Heaven With Ted Cruz; Rest Of Nation Barely Resists Urge To Vomit

Eight minutes can be a really long time. It’s about the amount of time it takes light from the sun to travel to the earth. Or in more earthly terms, it’s twice as long as Gary’s never-gonna-happen fantasy about Piper Perabo. But if you are an addled, half-brained drooling Tea-jadist, then it is just the right amount of time to give a standing ovation to Texi-Canadian ass-monkey Ted Cruz: Republican Sen. Ted Cruz received an eight-minute standing ovation upon his return to Texas this past weekend, despite an extended, hostile campaign from Democrats and the mainstream media to portray him as a dangerous extremist. Thanks, Daily Caller, for noting that the hostile campaign to portray Ted Cruz as a dangerous extremist is a ludicrous notion from the MSM and crazy libruls. Because causing billions of dollars to the economy FOR NOTHING is totally cool and not dangerous or extreme at all, no siree.  Read more on Texans Spend Eight Minutes In Heaven With Ted Cruz; Rest Of Nation Barely Resists Urge To Vomit…
  here is my offer: nothing

Shutdown Saga Maybe Possibly Coming To An End, Ha Ha, Just Kidding Dummies

Shutdown day 11! Hope you have been getting your Government Shutdown Bonus Card stamped every day, because 12 shutdown days earns you one free voter repression in the swing state of your choice! (Wonkette is going with a minority college kid in North Carolina.) Well, yesterday saw President Obama meeting with top GOP lawmakers at the White House to Not Negotiate an end to the GOP shutdown over repealing Obamacare defunding Obamacare delaying Obamacare stubbornness? Who knows anymore. But good news! “We had a useful meeting. We agreed to continue discussions,” House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-Va.) said upon returning to the Capitol. A useful meeting AND more discussions!!1! Just the fact that there is a conversation happening sent stocks rising faster than Rick Santorum’s peener when he dreams of coupling with Ronald Reagan’s corpse. Let’s sexplore what deal may be cooking.  Read more on Shutdown Saga Maybe Possibly Coming To An End, Ha Ha, Just Kidding Dummies…
  its a gas gas gas

Syria: Come For The Bloody Civil War, Stay For The Sarin Gas

If you’re done whining about High Overlord Fidel Hitler Obama shoving health care down your throat, let’s take a wee peek outside the United States and explore the lives of people. In some countries, instead of raining down health care, leaders are shelling their own populations with chemical weapons. Per the Washington Post: Horrific photos and videos from Syria on Wednesday showed scores of bodies, including many children, lined up in field hospitals and morgues in the eastern suburbs of Damascus. Opposition spokesmen said they were evidence of a massive chemical weapons attack by the regime of Bashar al-Assad. Hundreds were reported killed, and medical personnel at the scene described symptoms consistent with the use of deadly nerve agents: constricted pupils, foam around the mouth and breathing difficulties. At least they are having breathing difficulties and foaming mouths without the threat of forced health care. Three cheers for freedom, yo!  Read more on Syria: Come For The Bloody Civil War, Stay For The Sarin Gas…
  this is my sorry for 2004

Washington Post’s Premier Romney-Licker Jennifer Rubin: Why Does Mitt Romney Keep Apologizing For America?

Cartoon Romney sidekick Jennifer Rubin has determined, thanks to a Romney ad she saw, that Barack Obama did so apologize for America over and over and over again to the point that nobody is even sure if he was actually president or just some hip-hop artist obsessed with apologizing. What sorts of apologies did Barack Obama lodge on America’s unwilling behalf? (Was America raped with apology, giving birth to God-blessed Obamunism?) I will focus on two major apologies that have been deliberately and forcefully delivered by the president and/or top aides. The first is our handling of the war on terror. Liberals don’t even see that Obama’s excoriating his predecessor is apologizing for this nation, but of course it is. George W. Bush wasn’t acting as a private citizen, and whatever he actions he took were done in the name of the United States. Read more on Washington Post’s Premier Romney-Licker Jennifer Rubin: Why Does Mitt Romney Keep Apologizing For America?…