Tag: America

Nice Orlando Hospitals Won’t Charge Pulse Victims Any Money For Getting Shot

Because HI, we live in a system in which people have to pay money when they get shot!
i didn't do it. seriously.

Cool Down From Your Next Payless-Shoe-Fire With A Frosty Mug Of America

It's your week in tales from the CLASS WAR! What are those hero corporate persons up to this week??? You know, some stuff.

Ben Carson Brings Trademark Enthusiasm (A Nap) To Endorsement Of Donald Trump’s ‘Major Defects’

Ever since he endorsed Donald Trump a few weeks ago, Ben Carson has been drifting aimlessly across the land stumping for his former rival. Well, "stumping" is probably too strong a word. Lurching? Sleepwalking? Tiptoeing? Probably that one, because...
Actual wall will be built even more bigly

Trump’s Wall To Be 10 Feet Taller Because Mexico Hurt His Feelings With Swears

Alack and alas and oh his poor stars and whiskers, Donald Trump is offended because former Mexican El Presidente Vicente Fox said a mean word about him! Listen, Vicente Fox; only one politician gets to say mean words to...
This is easily the most animated he's been in months

Ben Carson: Bible Proves He’s Ready To Be President Of Noah’s Ark

GOP presidential candidate Dr. Ben "The Sleepy Potato" Carson was pretty busy in Colorado Thursday. In addition to his brave "softball questions only" demand for future primary debates, he also delivered a version of his stump speech at Colorado Christian University,...
A typical Missouri intern, we guess.

Missouri Republicans Demand Interns Stop Being Too Sexy To Resist

There is a thing that happens in every political workplace in US America, and probably also Guam, where everybody's just doing their business, but then this one family values Republican, probably named Missouri House Speaker John Diehl, gets a shame boner...
THE CUTEST.

Sarah Palin Declares Independence From Pretending To Be Employed. Your Weekly Top Ten.

Hey Wonkers, happy Fourth of July weekend and shit! Do you need a nap? We sure do! Let's all snuggle dressed like burritos after we read this post, like Wonkette baby, pictured above. (Did you SEE Editrix's baby pictures...
'Merca!

A Children’s Treasury Of Sexy Fourth Of July Patriotic Musical Videos

For your America Day enjoyment, we proudly present this retread/update of a 2011 post by "Wonkette Jr," whose actual identity is lost to time -- truly, we are standing on the shoulders of an unknown giant. Since not even...
And that's how America was made!

Majority Of Americans Agree God Loves America Best

Here is some interesting news, as we U.S. Americans begin our annual weekend of getting real drunk and shooting off fireworks, due to something we read in a history book about America but can't quite remember. (Muskets were involved.)...
Let's talk about slavery, Heather.

Idiot Wingnut Chick: America’s Not Racist, Except For Obama

Here America is, all fired up for yet another solemn Conversation On Race, when we don't even need to be doing that in the first place, since racism is over. The Charleston shooting was an Isolated Incident, because while individual racists...
Obama's magazine cover JUST KIDDING LOL

Wingnuts: Sure, Josh Duggar Molested Kids, But Barack Obama Molested America Way Worse

Pollsters are hilarious sometimes. Talking Points Memo has the results of a new poll from Public Policy Polling, asking people which do they like better:  The Duggar family, kid-touching and all, or Barack Obama? You will be so shocked...
It's very hard to memorize all the NRA's talking points.

Ben Carson: The Only Way To Stop A Bad ISIS With A Gun Is A Good ISIS With A Gun

Ben Carson is revealing some of his secret campaign platform magic early, hurray! We thought we would have to wait until Monday, May 4, when Carson officially announces his failed presidential run, to learn how Carson would handle pressing...

The Weekend Stock Photo Report Doesn’t Love America

In this installment of The Weekend Stock Photo Report with Weekend S. Photo, Rudy Giuliani is an asshole even by his standards, Bill O'Reilly is full of shit even by his standards, and Oklahoma is ignorant etc. Missed last week's...

Google Gaffes, Gets Dippy Dana Rohrabacher In High Dudgeon Over Dinesh D’Souza’s New Doc

It is strange goddamn times we live in when Dana Rohrabacher says something astoundingly, head-smackingly dumb and it’s still barely in the top fifty of dumb things we’ve heard this week. Nonetheless and also such as, this is pretty...

Dinesh D’Souza’s Wild Kingdom: Ants Are The Best Americans

Conservative Intellectual™ Dinesh D'Souza is getting his David Attenborough on in this short clip posted to his website this week, and he wants to lay some learning on you good folks: The ant is very industrious. I’ve been reading the...

Dinesh D’Souza Parodied Obama’s Ferns Video. Remember, Satire Doesn’t Have To Be Funny.

Oh, look! Patronizing scold Dinesh D'Souza has branched out from just yammering about how Barack Hussein Obama is the worst, most un-American president ever, and now he's made a video parody of that "Between All the Ferns On Zack...