alvin greene
Jim DeMint Has Had Enough Of Your Stupid Senate
South Carolina Sen. Jim DeMint (R-R’lyeh) announced that he will resign his U.S. Senate seat in January to become president of the Heritage Foundation. Sen. DeMint, just two years into his second term, will be trading “public service” (i.e., shaping policy to funnel government resources to contributors) for a “position in the private sector” (i.e., [...]
Election 2012: Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid
Here is your Halloween Horror Story Scary Post! Victoria Collier has a terrifying account of electoral spookiness in the current Harper’s Magazine.* Spoiler alert: Collier suggests that it is entirely possible that the GOP will be able to rig computerized voting machines to ensure that Mitt Romney wins the Presidency…and further, there’s no way to [...]
Alvin Greene Delivers Ultimate Daoist Lesson On Letting Go
This afternoon your editor, who first interviewed South Carolina’s only ever black U.S. Senate candidate last summer, called up Alvin Greene and asked for the Daoist monk’s perspective on saying goodbye when it’s difficult to let go. Greene’s response? He hung up. Singular enlightenment! This is the only answer to the question. In truth, there [...]
Stunning Enlightenment of Alvin Greene Renders CNN Incapable of Doing Math
Surprise candidate Alvin Greene was soundly defeated in his second bid for elective office on Tuesday. He captured only 37 votes or just about .01% of the 3,892 cast in a Democratic primary to fill a state legislature seat to cover an area including his hometown of Manning, South Carolina. 37 is a lot more [...]
The Year In Lovable Crazy Longshot Midterm Candidates
This year, we saw some stellar legitimate candidates for Congress who were crazy and won their party’s nomination, such as Sharron Angle and Christine O’Donnell. But there were also some other, more mentally unstable longshot candidates. These candidates brought interesting new personalities and ideas to the fore, such as the notion of traffic-stop slavery, that [...]
The Eternal Void To Make Alvin Greene SC State House Representative
Word is spread through the land that the Daoist master of South Carolina, Alvin Greene, is running for a special election to the South Carolina state House. But try to tell that to him. “The filing closes next week and that’s when everybody finds out who has filed,” he explained in one of his cosmic [...]
Senate Candidates Who Received Fewer Votes Than Alvin Greene Yesterday
Presented without commentary, here are some of the Senate candidates who received fewer votes than Alvin Greene did yesterday, according to the most current AP numbers: Senator Harry Reid: 361,655 Senator-elect Mike Lee: 360,050 Alvin Greene: 358,069 Sharron Angle: 320,996 Senator Mike Crapo: 318,468 Senator-elect Joe Manchin: 281,661 Senator Blanche Lincoln: 280,167 Senator John Thune: [...]
Don’t Look Now, But Alvin Greene Is Probably Standing Right Behind You
The candidate flows in and out, like The Way itself. [YouTube]
Delaware Republicans Get Their Own Alvin Greene, But With Witchcraft
Sometimes we actually read the Politico “Morning Score” email (we know, we know) and today there’s a funny secret GOP-to-Politico communication within the usual pile of conventional wisdom and links to Politico stories. About nutty fraud Christine O’Donnell’s miraculous win last night, a “Republican reader” (Karl Rove) asked, “Is this what S.C. Dems felt like [...]
Mitch McConnell Announces He Will Be Senate Party Leader 4 Life
HE HAS THE VOTES. In the musical that will be made about Mitch McConnell’s life, this will be one of the songs: “He Has the Votes.” It will be a neo-Negro-spiritual song. YES, Mitch McConnell said he’s already locked up the votes to keep his minority (MAJORITY?) leader job in the next Congress, so you [...]
Alvin Greene Dances With the Rhythm of 1,000 Babbling Brooks
Does it even matter that that Alvin Greene rap video obviously had nothing to do with his campaign? No. The line between Alvin Greene and the rest of the universe isn’t so clearly defined. The unmoved is the source of all movement, and for this reason, we have video of Alvin Greene dancing in the [...]
Alvin Greene’s Violent Entourage Causes Chaos At S.C. Restaurant
Alvin Greene has so far waged a mostly peaceful campaign in his quest to defeat Jim DeMint and become South Carolina’s next senator. But the savage bellowing he directed at various members of the media may indicate that he plans to change tactics, and a recent incident in Oconee County is bringing his new plans [...]
Alvin Greene Goes Golfing With Golf Club, PRESIDENTIALLY
If you guys ever want to hang out with Alvin Greene, just call him up. He’ll do it. He’s no snooty Confucian.
Remembering Our Fallen Week: In the Muslin Fashion
The Cordoba Victory Party Mosque continued to inspire America’s best passions all over our xenophobic idiot-state, even after our own Muslim president cowardly came out in favor of its “constitutional” right to exist. Famous clown/Senator Carl Levin got smacked in the face with a Cordoba pie. A man whose name supposedly means “a frothy mixture [...]
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