Here is John McCain’s campaign manager, Rick Davis, looking into a camera and going cross-eyed with the effort of reading off some cue cards. He wants you to know that John McCain is holding a contest, in which you can make a video about your Selfless American Neighbor! And if you win it, you and your neighbor will be punished with compulsory attendance at the Republican National Convention and a public teabagging courtesy of the presumptive nominee. This is the most tragically awkward video in the history of YouTube. [John McCain 2008]

Whoever runs Rudy’s campaign should just quit and hide and never pretend to know anything about politics again. I mean what was this? This? This? Get out of here, handlers, git! We need to talk to your boy Rudy for a sec. [Pause]. Rudy: you’re fourth in Florida now. We hate to see 9/11 fail, so we made you an ad and you can have it, gratis. We saw your bus hilariously riding around the Daytona race track, and that’s a start, but you need redneck music to go with redneck images to properly reach redneck people. We’ve added some tunage. Oh? You’re welcome.