Tag Archives: alligators

  we are extra adorable this week!

Here It Is, The Most Florida Headline To Ever Florida: Your Florida Roundup

We will begin this week’s roundup with a headline that is too perfect, too resplendent, too quintessentially Floridian, for words: Gunshot victim dropped off at Walmart instead of hospital But because Yr Wonkette pays Yr Florida Correspondent to do words, let us break this thing down nice and slow. Read more on Here It Is, The Most Florida Headline To Ever Florida: Your Florida Roundup…
  we’re number one we’re number one!

Our Terribleness Is ‘Staggeringly Impressive’: Your Florida Roundup

Everybody ride that dinosaur
Thrillist, which is a website you would read if you didn’t spend every waking moment not already set aside for 8-balls and hookers staring lovingly Yr Wonket, puts together these dumb lists every now and again, as websites do. (Thanks for that, Buzzfeed.) And to celebrate Murca’s birthday, Thrillist decided to rank all 50 states based on, well, “everything.” Read more on Our Terribleness Is ‘Staggeringly Impressive’: Your Florida Roundup…
  double whammy

Characters Escape From Carl Hiaasen Novel, Get Arrested With Pot Guarded By Alligators

And now, dear Wonketteers, a headline that is quite simply tailor-made for Your Wonkette: TWO ALLIGATORS, A POLE DANCER AND POT AT OLYMPIA AREA SHOOTING SCENE Jesus Christ, this is what the internet was made for. Do we even have to write a story to go along with that? Actually, we do! Read more on Characters Escape From Carl Hiaasen Novel, Get Arrested With Pot Guarded By Alligators…
  flotus files

Michelle Obama Punished With NASCAR Race In Everglades

Our Michelle Obama just likes to surprise us every day, mostly with bad news about how we’re all killing ourselves, eating things that are probably not classified as “food” by any branch of science. But she also likes to surprise us by showing up places where a FLOTUS would not be expected to appear, like on the set of a popular tween teevee show about a girl who doesn’t get knocked up like her Nickelodeon peers despite being named after an mp3 player. Unfortunately, the 2012 End Times are upon us, which means our FLOTUS now must cut back on fun television appearances and start making important trips to awful sporting events, where the important voters are. Like NASCAR! Read more on Michelle Obama Punished With NASCAR Race In Everglades…
 

Floridians Encouraged To Bring Guns To Work

Florida, you are so much more than your crime shows featuring red-headed heros such as David Caruso and that guy from Six Feet Under. You are a nation of alligators, Cubans, ancient Giuliani supporters, and gun-toting lunatics — and now you are encouraged to show up at your place of employment armed to the gills. Your legislature makes it so! Read more on Floridians Encouraged To Bring Guns To Work…