Tag Archives: Allen West

  man fuck this guy

Mike Huckabee: Can We Shut Up About Racism And Talk About My Lord And Savior Jesus Christ?

STFU, Huckabee.
When Mike Huckabee was first asked whether the Confederate flag should fly in South Carolina, he said Americans don’t “want [presidential candidates] to weigh in on every little issue in all 50 states that might be an important issue to the people of that state but not on the desk of the president,” because clearly the president of America is not president of the individual states that make up America. He also said you can’t assume, based on the actions of one lunatic, and also the state’s official endorsement of the Confederate flag, that the state is racist. The “lone wolf racist” has nothing to do with the lone racist flag, apparently. Read more on Mike Huckabee: Can We Shut Up About Racism And Talk About My Lord And Savior Jesus Christ?…
  this will totally work

GOP Would Like A Shot With The Blacks Once They’re Done Making Love To Barack Obama

Unfortunately Carlton Banks is not running.
It is of course a Science Fact that black people only voted for Barack Obama because he was black. This is why Alan Keyes and Allen West have also been president of America for several decades each, because all the black folks, even the dead voter fraud kind that mostly do not exist, turned out in droves to vote for them. Oh wait, that did not happen, we must have accidentally mainlined some WorldNetDaily this morning. But the GOP does tend to believe that black people blindly voted for Barack Obama. Well, once HE is out of the picture, Republicans sense an opportunity! Can they woo some black voters away in 2016, when the Kenyan Prince will be relegated to ex-boyfriend status? Read more on GOP Would Like A Shot With The Blacks Once They’re Done Making Love To Barack Obama…
  lol

Allen West Got Sharia Law All Over Him In The Walmart Checkout Line

What Allen West sees when he closes his eyes.
Look, disgraced torturer Allen West is scared of Muslims. They’re everywhere! It used to be they were just in Iraq, and he could handle the situation by pretending to kill them and discharging bullets right next to their heads, but now the Muslims are in America, and not only are they voting, they are also doing Sharia law to him in the checkout line at Walmart. This is a thing that happened, and Allen West was the victim: Read more on Allen West Got Sharia Law All Over Him In The Walmart Checkout Line…
  Try Not To Be Too Shocked OK?

Surprise, Military Even More Rapey Than We Thought

Imagine that.
As we’ve mentioned once or twenty times, the Pentagon has a bit of a problem with rape. Just how bad a problem with rape? Hard to say — a 2013 Defense Department report estimated that about 26,000 members of the military were raped in 2012. Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand has been trying to find out more about how the Pentagon deals with sexual assaults, so last year she asked the DoD for files on sexual assault at each of the four major services’ largest bases from 2009 to 2013. After dragging its feet forever, the Pentagon finally gave her 107 case files — from one year only, 2013. And even that limited information turned up a far greater problem with sexual assault in the military than the Pentagon has been willing to acknowledge, according to Gillibrand’s report on the files, released late last week. Read more on Surprise, Military Even More Rapey Than We Thought…
  Sunday Gossip Hour

It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Sit Next To Each Other And Talk Sh*t About People

Gossiping cat has thoughts to share.
Happy Sunday, Wonketariat! We hope this love note finds you fat and happy. We should take a moment before we go get ACTUAL brunch, to do internet brunch gossip about the Most Popular Stories of the week. You all were all over the place this week, with your favorites! Read more on It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Sit Next To Each Other And Talk Sh*t About People…
  pray the concussions away

Allen West Can Keep Football Players From Getting Hurt, Just By Saying A Little Prayer!

Is there nothing this man CANNOT fail at, we mean do?
Allen West, the Guardian of the Republic vile, disgraced torture fetishist and congressional race-loser who is also a creepazoid sex pervert, took some time off from those activities recently to discuss football injuries, and the best way to prevent them. No, it is not about padding or anything like that, it is prayer! You see, Allen West played football in high school, so he is an expert. Speaking to a wingnut group in Texas, West explained that back in HIS day, they made sure to pray before every single game, and because of that, he doesn’t remember ANYBODY getting injured or paralyzed. Read more on Allen West Can Keep Football Players From Getting Hurt, Just By Saying A Little Prayer!…
  Allen West: The Vettening

Internet’s Stupidest Man Chuck C. Johnson: Disgraced Torturer Allen West Also A Big Horndog

Hey Baby. Want to wrap your legs around an American legend?
So file this under shocking maybe mildly surprising if true: “Award-Winning Journalist” Chuck C. Johnson, the newly crowned Stupidest Man on the Internet, accuses conservative icon and disgraced former Army Colonel and one-term-only congressman Allen West of having done something awful: Read more on Internet’s Stupidest Man Chuck C. Johnson: Disgraced Torturer Allen West Also A Big Horndog…
  #ReadyForLouie

New House Speaker Louie Gohmert Will Fix America, Depose Dumb Drunk RINO John Boehner

Image via Daily Show video Texas congressman and casual House-floor snacker Louie Gohmert delivered blessed news to the nation on the first Sunday of the new year: he will finally rise to be the savior America needs by defeating John Boehner to become the new Speaker of the House. Read more on New House Speaker Louie Gohmert Will Fix America, Depose Dumb Drunk RINO John Boehner…
  Another Beneficiary Of Wingnut Welfare

Allen West To Head Up ‘Think’ Tank. Stop Laughing, You Guys, It’s Not Funny.

Finally a place for his talents
Congratulations to disgraced torturer ex-Rep. Allen West on finding a jerb! (We were going to say “honest work,” but this is Allen West we’re talking about, after all.) According to a big ol’ press release, come Jan. 2, 2015, the former disgraced colonel and former one-term congressman will become CEO of the “National Center for Policy Analysis,” a Dallas-based think tank that shills for the oil and insurance industries and thinks that global warming is a big conspiracy. And yes, it probably gets money from Koch Industries, too. Read more on Allen West To Head Up ‘Think’ Tank. Stop Laughing, You Guys, It’s Not Funny….
  secret Squirrel service

Wingnuts Pretty Mad At Obama For Letting Himself Be Killed Like That

Everybody needs a nap now and then
This Secret Service thing, huh? It’s quite a mess, and by golly, the right is just outraged that the agency is doing such a crappy job of defending the president they hate. Thank heavens they know who’s responsible for the security lapses: That feckless dictator Barack Obama, who just can’t do anything right except take away all our liberties and make us live in a police state that is nonetheless not very good at keeping the president of the United States. Read more on Wingnuts Pretty Mad At Obama For Letting Himself Be Killed Like That…
  Your morning cup of wut?

Good News, Ladies, Your Bra Won’t Give You Cancer And Other News You Can Maybe Use

Will not cause cancer probably
Good news, bad news, old news, new news — Yr Wonkette has it all, for all your news needs. In case you were worried that your over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder was doing cancer to your lady lumps, breathe a sigh of relief because apparently, that’s not true after all: Read more on Good News, Ladies, Your Bra Won’t Give You Cancer And Other News You Can Maybe Use…
  By The Sweat Of Your Browser Shall You Eat

Allen West Would Like Labor Day Honoring Robber Barons And Scabs, Please

The Ludlow Massacre -- now THAT's worth a holiday
Great American Allen West has just about HAD IT with the shallowness of American three-day-weekend holidays, especially Labor Day, which he pretends to give a good goddamn about in a column published Monday. You see, Mr. West, who used to work for the United States Army until he disgraced himself with some war crimes, and then “worked” in Congress accusing other people of being communists, and now “works” on the wingnut welfare circuit, has some thoughts about the value of hard work and what it is that we celebrate on Labor Day: Read more on Allen West Would Like Labor Day Honoring Robber Barons And Scabs, Please…
  Why Can't Toby Keith Perform At The Met Instead?

Wingnuts Will Save You Poor Jews From Getting Pogromed By Metropolitan Opera

Why can't more operas be about American Exceptionalism?
Time for an Arts Update! The editor of Superpatriot and disgraced torture aficionado Allen West’s blog is so mad at the Metropolitan Opera that she’s just about ready to go to New York’s Lincoln Center and stage a mock execution of the artistic director. You see, the monsters at the Met are staging a production of John Adams’s 1991 opera, The Death of Klinghoffer, a dramatization of the 1985 hijacking of the cruise ship Achille Lauro by Palestinian terrorists. The opera focuses on the murder of Leon Klinghoffer, a retired American businessmen whom the hijackers shot and threw overboard, and while his killing is treated as a tragedy, the opera also allows the Palestinian guerrilla to sing about their motives, which are, surprisingly, not pro-Israel. Or as West’s Editor-in-Chief Michele Hickford explains it, the opera “presents [Klinghoffer’s] murder as justified, not only because of Palestinian grievances against Israel, but also by the alleged evil and exploitative actions of Jews against others around the world.” Read more on Wingnuts Will Save You Poor Jews From Getting Pogromed By Metropolitan Opera…
  You're Going To Have To Answer To The Coca-Cola Company

Allen West All Het Up About The Preverts

Listen: Allen West is worried about perverts. It’s right there in the headline of his latest blog post: “Our government is populated by perverts.” And yet, for a change, he’s not freaked out about teh gheys — it turns out that he thinks that the government has been “perverting the meaning of words and the word of law to suit its own aims,” so it is perfectly legitimate to call them “perverts” in a headline, and not a perversion of the noun “pervert.” Read more on Allen West All Het Up About The Preverts…
  the tyranny of choice

Why Wait For The Primaries? GOP 2016 Poll Lets You Pick Terrible Candidates Now

Reince Priebus tweeted out an invitation today to go “Pick who you want to be the next president,” via the RNC’s excellent new survey toy. And what a broad selection of fine candidates there is, even though no one’s announced yet, even at this late date. The choices include people who will almost definitely run (Rand Paul, Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio), some last hurrah losers of previous campaigns (Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum), as well as some solid “Who’s that again?” names for the veepstakes (Mike Pence, Brian Sandoval). And then there’s a few people we’d love to see in the race solely because they’d be excellent sources of blog posts (John Bolton, Sarah Palin, Allen West). But where’s Elder Statesman Mitt Romney? Read more on Why Wait For The Primaries? GOP 2016 Poll Lets You Pick Terrible Candidates Now…
  don't wanna think about allen west's discharge

Allen West Tortured Iraqi Cop, Avoided Court-Martial, Kept Pension. Hey, It’s Not Like He Was Gay

Hey, remember Allen West? He’s this guy who negotiated “retiring” from the Army instead of getting court-martialed for torturing an Iraqi cop, and then ran on an “Iraqi cop-torturing” platform all the way to the US House of Representatives. Well, he not only got to avoid up to 11 years in the pokey, while serving the bath-salt sniffers of Florida in the People’s House, he also got to keep his sweet-ass Army-guy pension, fuck yeh! Of course, Allen West’s pension is for a good cause (Allen West), while other people’s pensions, for instance, the (non-) pensions of gay and lesbian servicemembers who were discharged before Satan Barack Obama the United States Congress said, “hey Army, stop dishonorably discharging all the queers and bulldaggers,” those are BAD PENSIONS, and the queers and bulldaggers SHOULD NOT HAVE THEM. Let’s learn more fun facts about “discharges” from Allen West, who once “discharged” a bullet next to an Iraqi cop’s head! (Hahaha, after having his four buddies beat the man on the “head and body,” funtimes good times yay.) Read more on Allen West Tortured Iraqi Cop, Avoided Court-Martial, Kept Pension. Hey, It’s Not Like He Was Gay…