Allen West
Victoria Jackson, Allen West Still Suffering From Wingnut Vocabulary Disorder
Hey, lissen up, guys, Michele Bachmann is being THREATENED and we need to PROTECT her! Darn it, no matter how much we disagree with someone, we certainly don’t want them to be threatened… So tell us more about these threats, former weakest member of the 1986-1992 SNL cast Victoria Jackson, on your sloppily formatted webpage: [...]
Allen West Helping Raise Funds For Islam, What A Nice Guy
Last summer, then-as-yet-undefeated-congressman Allen West took his whirlwind American diplomacy tour to the Council on American Islamic Relations, which sent him a letter asking him to distance himself from the prominent Islamophobes he’d been palling around with. West, seeing an opportunity for prejudice-fueled grandstanding, sent a response to CAIR: It said, simply, “NUTS.” You may [...]
Allen West Finally Surrenders, Kills Political Comedy Forever
Let’s “open the kimono” here for a minute: Your Wonkette does not want this great nation of ours to be run by perverts and crazies; but, in another sense, your Wonkette needs this to be the case, because pervert/crazy politicians bring in the pageviews and associated ad moneys. That’s why the endless vote-recounting wackiness in [...]
Allen West Insists It’s Not Over, While Singing Fat Lady Tramples All Over Him (With Votes)
At long last, we just might maybe have a possibly-final result for the race for Florida’s 18th U.S. Congressional District. We think. As you may be aware, Florida does not have the most competent election system in the Union, which has led to a wee bit of uncertainty about whether wingnut torture-lover and Muslin-disliker Allen [...]
Broward County Once Again Sucks At Life, Finds 963 Ballots In Some Warehouse
We almost went a day without a “stupid Florida” story. Almost. In case you have already forgotten and moved on, there was an election eight days ago, and going into it everybody was quite fixated on a small number of states, Florida being one of them. As it turned out, Florida didn’t matter because Obama [...]
Cool Florida Principal Investigates Straight Teacher For Turning Student Into Lesbian-Gay
Here is an incredibly stupid story for you! A teacher named Juliet Hibbs at Deerfield Beach High School in Broward County, Florida, was standing in her classroom one day, teaching some nonsense or other, who knows. (Because “Florida.”) As she stood there, she saw one of her students, an 18-year-old woman, slinking lower and lower [...]
Prominent Florida Bigots Unite Against Holidays For Perverted, Evil, Terrorist-Cult Children
Today’s lesson in religious tolerance comes to us from Florida, where we are talking about Islam, so, just a heads up, today’s lesson is going to be awful. The request was to close Broward County schools for two Muslim holidays, the end of Ramadan and the end of Hajj, for the same reason that the [...]
A Children’s Treasury Of Job Applications For Defeated GOP Wingnuts
Oh, yeah, sure, say Obama “saved the economy” or whatever, and maybe unemployment is “on the way down,” by and large, if you’re into numbers or blah blah blah, but listen up, little Cleverpants you, because there are people who lost their jobs not two days ago. They are Republicans, booted out the door by [...]
What ‘Porn Star’ Sex Acts Did Extremely Normal Allen West Demand Of His Lady Wife?
Never let it be said that Your Wonkette is anything but sex-positive and pro-freaky-deakiness. But when it’s Allen West and he’s writing to his wife from Iraq right around the time he is having people beaten and then shooting guns next to their heads, and he is so weird and Allen West-like, well … here, [...]
Allen West Does Hilarious Allen West Impression, Will Murder U.N. With Bald Eagle Of Death
Oh, man, Allen West gave us one helluva knee-slapper yesterday. The president addressed the United Nations, so logically West had to address Facebook. And he decided to give us a treat! Not only did he offer some commentary on the speech, but he also did a rip-roaring impression of himself that is such a good [...]
Stand Up For God By Giving Allen West Your Money
Remember when we told you about how the DNC delegates did that voice vote about putting God and Jerusalem in the platform, and the mayor of Los Angeles just made up the results, and then it kind of looked like the Democrats were booing God? Don’t worry, somebody noticed. Though the stupid fake voice vote [...]
Romney Campaign Announces Its Perfunctory Black Outreach Thingy
Are you black, and a Republican? Congratulations! Oh, you didn’t hear? You’ve just been named to the Romney campaign’s Black Leadership Council. Your duty: to say the exact same Republican talking points as everyone else, while being black. Now since the polls show Romney earning the support of a whole 0% of the African American [...]
Surprise: Allen West Once Did Dickish Thing To Black People
But which jerkwad thing did Allen West do to black people, you might ask? He delivered Chick-fil-A to a Congressional Black Caucus meeting. They were not appreciative. A Democratic lawmaker says Rep. Allen West (R-Fla.) offended the entire Congressional Black Caucus by delivering Chick-fil-A chicken and biscuits to their weekly meeting — and then walking [...]
Florida Congressman Allen West Pens Platonic Ideal Of Newspaper Letter-To-Editor
Florida Congressman, professional Commie-spotter, and dude who tortured a dude and is-not-sorry-about-it-no-sir Allen West will be the first to tell you (and tell you, and tell you again) that he does not do NUANCE, on a battlefield NUANCE will get an IED up your ASS. So what is the best venue for expression for a [...]
Allen West Is Surrounded By Racists And They Are All Black Congressmen
Congressman Allen West hates it when black people play the race card. Hates it so much, that when they play it, he plays it right back, just to show ‘em. He’s the one who first put forward that Obamacare’s 10-percent “tanning tax” was racist, for example, because, well, he’s not doing any tanning, eh? More [...]
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