Tag Archives: allah

  Hide yr dergs!

Oh No, Barack Obama Is Going To Do The Puppy Holocaust Now, For Allah!

DON'T BELIEVE HIM BO.
You know that thing during the Super Bowl, where there is the Puppy Bowl for all the girls and homosexuals who are only there for the spiked punch? And know how, as per Mike Huckabee, Obama is doing the REAL HOLOCAUST to Israel, by making a deal to keep Iran nuke-free? Well, apparently Obama’s got time for a puppy Holocaust for Allah, during the commercial breaks of the real Holocaust, according to wingnut radio host Michael Savage, who we actually didn’t know still existed: Read more on Oh No, Barack Obama Is Going To Do The Puppy Holocaust Now, For Allah!…
  the birthers are now the ringers

WND: Obama Gay Married Islam

It’s been nearly…oh, a few days, maybe, since there was an insane conspiracy theory about Barack Obama, so of course there’s another one! Barack Obama has a wedding ring, and unlike a normal American male, it is slightly fancy with squiggles and shit. Dr. Jerome Corsi, Ph.D., has investigated the ring through blurry, pixelated pictures and also consulted noted Islamic ring expert Mark A. Gabriel (who has a doctorate in “Christian Education”) who says without a doubt that the pictures of the ring are almost entirely certainly Islamic. Egyptian-born Islamic scholar Mark A. Gabriel, Ph.D., examined photographs of Obama’s ring at WND’s request and concluded that the first half of the Shahada is inscribed on it. “There can be no doubt that someone wearing the inscription ‘There is no god except Allah’ has a very close connection to Islamic beliefs, the Islamic religion and Islamic society to which this statement is so strongly attached,” Gabriel told WND. Below, the indisputable pictorial evidence that will convince you beyond a doubt that Obama’s ring…has squiggles on it? Read more on WND: Obama Gay Married Islam…
  the only god is moloch

Wingnuts Worried Their Anusburgers Sacrificed To Wrong ‘Demon-God’

Watch out, American Jesus fans! According to a couple of wingnuts somewhere, the poop-snausage pizza you’re eating from the Papa John’s might’ve been sacrificed to the wrong Demon-God! W-w-whut? It’s apparently true! Jews and Muslims, besides both being Semitic people of the Hebraic traditions, also like to have their factory-farmed animals killed in the industrial slaughterhouse by undocumented Mexicans in special ways. It makes it taste better, we guess? But did you know there is a scary problem for American Jesus Christians when meat is “lawful” for the various foreign religions? Some random anti-Muslim evangelical and a noted crazy person on the Internet are both concerned about this problem! For example, the Costco is doing “backdoor Sharia” by, uh, selling slaughtered animals that have been blessed by the Ayatollah or something? Not Costco, jesus christ! Read more on Wingnuts Worried Their Anusburgers Sacrificed To Wrong ‘Demon-God’…
  never forget

Texas High School Catches Al Jazeera Terrorist Asking People About 9/11

Texas is facing a few challenges right now — incredible plagues of drought and fire and horror that could make even a liberal yankee atheist wonder if an Old Testament God had been awakened from its watery grave deep beneath the Gulf of Mexico. But narratives don’t exactly change overnight, which is why some school district bureaucrats in the Texan town of Booker threw a Brazilian journalist out of a high school football game, because he works for Al Jazeera. And they caught him just before he planted bombs beneath the bleachers asked some people about the 10-year anniversary of 9/11. Read more on Texas High School Catches Al Jazeera Terrorist Asking People About 9/11…
  funny things gods do for jokes

National Cathedral Zapped By Quake Because of Koran Snuck Inside

One thing American God hates nearly as much as poor people and minorities is some liberalz sneaking a Koran inside His national cathedral, which is apparently what happened, and which is also the legal reason (according to the Patriot Act) why God struck the East Coast with a terrible, humiliating earthquake that also toppled His own cathedral tower in His capital city, Washington. Do you doubt this? Well, communist Cuba or whatever is THAT way, so go ahead, enjoy watersports with Hugo Chavez we guess. Read more on National Cathedral Zapped By Quake Because of Koran Snuck Inside…
  sure why not

3 Million Americans Apparently Believe Mitt Romney Is Muslim

An audience of 3 million is enough to keep a terrible show on television for many years or encourage a horror writer to publish literally anything he types, including fever dreams about his own mustache, and it’s also how many people in America apparently believe that Mitt Romney is Muslim. That’s the shocking results of some dumb new USA Today poll/listicle that follows the proud Vanity Fair/CBS News survey tradition of calling up a representative sample of America’s Idiots to ask it some questions such as “Is the sky over you or under you” and “How about you try to go to the bathroom now so you don’t poop yourself again?” Read more on 3 Million Americans Apparently Believe Mitt Romney Is Muslim…
  koran etiquette 101

Wingnut Insists Burning Korans On 9/11 Honors Allah And All His Friends

Now that Terry Jones is apparently Florida’s #1 Muslin-loving chickenshit, the question still remains: Is there a more respectful way to showcase one’s deep-seated hatred of the Muslim faith, or is burnin’ some Queerans at your trailer park swamp church on 9/11 really the proper way to go, as far as “etiquette” is concerned? Americans — filthy slobs that they are, and always will be — never went to cotillion, where you learn things like the correct way to “dispose” of an unwanted Koran, how to push in a Koran’s chair, or how to dance the macarena with it. Luckily for us, some wingnut with a blogspot Geocities page took a Multicultural Diversity Sensitivity course at Glenn Beck University, so he knows there is only one (1) thing you can actually “do” with a Koran, without being massively disrespectful to Muslim people. (Hint: It involves lighting all the Korans on fire, forever.) Read more on Wingnut Insists Burning Korans On 9/11 Honors Allah And All His Friends…
  kill all the animals

Why Is Allah Killing Us With His Wild Beasts?

When a captive killer whale went nuts and killed its trainer at the Sea World a few months back, theologians from the American Family Association noted that this tragedy occurred because the aquatic-attractions horror park failed to murder the Orca after it killed its first victim, as the Old Testament instructed. Maybe? Or maybe don’t seize 12,000-pound predators from the sea and put them in a swimming pool surrounded by bleachers filled with screeching fat children and then expect the marine monsters to routinely dance in a crazy way to the hip-hop or whatever; we are not theologians we can’t say for sure. But now, the same AFA nutball is back with more Old Testament wildlife-management advice. That guy killed by an angry Grizzly Bear at Yellowstone? Yep, it’s all because of not following ancient religious scrolls. Read more on Why Is Allah Killing Us With His Wild Beasts?…
  sarah palin twitter

Sarah Palin Begs Allah To Plug the Danged Hole

Noted oil-industry shill Sarah Palin is so darned upset about that oil spill down in Mexico’s Gulf of New Orleans, she’s ready to beg for mercy at the feet of the Biggest Government of All. Why won’t Sarah Palin use her real-‘murican can-do spirit to plug the danged hole instead of leaning on God, who at best is an indifferent deity and at worst (for her) actually died of shame the day Sarah Palin was born. [Twitter via Wonkette operative “Carol S.”] Read more on Sarah Palin Begs Allah To Plug the Danged Hole…
  don't you get it?

Brilliant WaPo Column: CIA Tortured Terrorists To *Help* Them, With Their Religion

Former “Bushie” chief speechwriter Marc Thiessen has written another opinion piece in this morning’s Washington Post and, like most WP columns, it is terrible. But lopsidedly so! It starts on the standard torture defense notes — if torture was effective sometimes then how do you deal with THAT, libtards? Would you rather be dead? — but then just has to go a bit further: apparently the CIA knows very much about the Muslim religion, and it turns out that they, the Muslims, want to be tortured, and the interrogators are just trying to help them on their spiritual quest. Read more on Brilliant WaPo Column: CIA Tortured Terrorists To *Help* Them, With Their Religion…
  god hates america

SPACE JESUS WILL FROWN AT YOU TONIGHT!!! Here’s a fun astronomical thing you can enjoy even if you live in the filthy light-polluted city: Figure out how to go outside and look at the sky, to the south (Google can help you find “south,” maybe!), about 20 minutes after sundown, and you will see what looks like a shitty sideways frowny-face emoticon up there, in space! That’s Jupiter as the top eye, Venus as the other eye, and the Islamic Moon as the frowny mouth. Allah really does hate you! But He loves the people of his homeland, Australia, so those people got to see a happy face! [National Geographic/Fox News] Read more on …
 

John McCain’s ‘Spiritual Adviser’ Calls Allah ‘Demon Spirit’

Honest St. John McCain sure keeps honest companies — lobbyist paramours, regular lobbyists who control every aspect of his campaign, and religious fundamentalists. First there was John Hagee, the anti-papist who McCain didn’t denounce for a long time; now we have Rod Parsley, a televangelist from Ohio. Mother Jones‘ David Corn has the full scoop on this guy, who McCain, “with Parsley by his side at the Cincinnati rally, called a ‘spiritual guide.'” Interesting, since this guide likes to say that “Allah was a demon spirit.” Read more on John McCain’s ‘Spiritual Adviser’ Calls Allah ‘Demon Spirit’…
 

Religious Fanatics Attack U.S. Troops In Iraq

A gang of fundamentalist religious fanatics are trying to destroy brave U.S. troops in Iraq, but the fundamentalist religious fanatics are also U.S. troops so it’s kind of a civil war deal, but not in their own country, because they’ve occupied Iraq. Read more on Religious Fanatics Attack U.S. Troops In Iraq…