• Kathleen Sebelius is asking all card-carrying commies to send an e-greeting to our Dear Leader Barack Obama, in support of his Red Menace public option. Chuck Grassley correctly identified this atrocity as Maoist propaganda wrapped in bacon. And it smells delicious. [Hot Air]
• The data is clear: Americans would prefer to be anal-probed by UFOs, and not Michael Steele. [Matt Yglesias]
• What has happened to our America? Hm? Black people sit on their bums, and collect their Social Security. Honest businessmen aren’t allowed to give to charity, it’s illegal! And our youth — teenagers fuck on the first date. And, God help us, that’s just the way it is. [Townhall]
• Net Neutrality is the depth charge that will explode Freedom, which in this metaphor is represented by a U-Boat or something. [RedState]
• The RNC no longer pleases Michelle Malkin, sexually. [Michelle Malkin]

• PSYCHOSIS STILL VERY MUCH ON THE TABLE: Sarah Palin is getting downright macabre with all those reporters on her fishing boat: “You know, politically speaking, if I die, I die. So be it.” Yeesh! There’s clearly more than a dash of terrifying Jesus-y martyr stuff going on with this nutball… we are scared. Oh and make sure you don’t miss the “Department of Law” thing in your Internet rounds today; we considered posting it but, well… it’s just teed up too high. [AP]

Our new president has some pretty messed up priorities, hoo boy! Did you notice that during his first 100 days in office he ended the recession and shook hands with tin-pot dictators and even got himself a fancy purebred dog, but did not have the time or the inclination to designate, say, a NASA administrator? This is the number one thing an incoming president is supposed to declare, no later than 5-10 minutes after taking the oath of office, and if he does not, then the world folds in on itself and time runs backwards. TRUE STORY. [True/Slant via Ben Smith]

Seems like some reporter here doesn’t much know how to transcribe Palinese: “And there must be something about San Francisco and he because it’s like I heard on Fox News today, it’s like a truth serum where when he’s there, he seems to be more candid, and remember it was there that he talked about, there you go, the bitter clingers, the cling-ons, all of us, I guess, you know holding on to religion and guns and, um, so something about he being there in San Francisco.” It is spelled “Klingon,” as in, “Sarah Palin is a horribly mean space alien called a Klingon, and these are her Klingon friends.” This word is so much better than “Bitter.” So we’ll give this transcriber a free pass — BUT ONLY ONCE, SEE? Also: Jesus, did anyone understand any of that quote?? [CNN]

OMG WTF OCTOBER SURPRISE everybody!!! Barack Obama has a number of paternal relatives, many of whom he has met once or not at all, because they come from a secret Marxist madrassa in the foreign city of Kenya, Africa. One of his Kenyan relatives is an aunt whom he has actually met a couple of times! She came to his swearing-in in the Senate in 2004 and has been living in Boston for a while, although he hasn’t heard from her for about two years. MORE »

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Ha ha, it’s time for the Stupid August Questions portion of the campaign. Because we all know UFOs are pretend and space aliens aren’t for realz and there’s no such thing as monsters and at least they’re not trying to kill our presidents, it’s a hoot to see Barack Obama make fun of this terrible threat to Earth. [Ben Smith/KGAN]

John McCain spoke to his Confederate friends at the N.R.A. convention last week, shortly after Mike Huckabee made a joke about killing Barry Obama. McCain uttered such horrible sentences as this: “Someone should tell Senator Obama that ducks are usually hunted with shotguns.” Ha ha, what was he even talking about? DUCKS? MORE »

WHICH RICH ELITIST WILL BEST FIGHT THE UFOS? The space monsters will kill us all, but which candidate will make us feel better about it? [Political Machine]

Every 10 years or so, there’s a “UFO flap” — special nerd code for “people everywhere think they’re seeing Alien Spaceships.” And guess what? We’re having one right now! From San Diego to, uh, some little town in Texas somewhere, Americans can hardly look up in the sky without seeing monstrous craft from beyond our world. But it’s not a real UFO Scare until the U.S. Federal Government Military cranks out an impossibly lame excuse for a mass sighting, two weeks later. MORE »

Dennis Kucinich was this close to winning both the nomination and the presidency when Rupert Murdoch’s evil new Wall Street Journal brazenly brought up that whole UFO incident, which everybody had completely forgotten because it was only a widely reported and heavily mocked part of a nationally televised Democrat debate a few months ago. MORE »