Wonkette

Panamanian-born immigrant John “Juan” McCain wants to be president of El Norte, the Estados Unidos de América , but of course he is not from our patriotic country. Luckily, he is a global elitist with many powerful allies in our Senate, so yesterday all the senators got together and agreed that McCain is a “natural born citizen” and can be our oldest president once Hillary destroys Obama and the Democrats forever. [AFP]

Every 10 years or so, there’s a “UFO flap” — special nerd code for “people everywhere think they’re seeing Alien Spaceships.” And guess what? We’re having one right now! From San Diego to, uh, some little town in Texas somewhere, Americans can hardly look up in the sky without seeing monstrous craft from beyond our world. But it’s not a real UFO Scare until the U.S. Federal Government Military cranks out an impossibly lame excuse for a mass sighting, two weeks later. MORE »