Tag Archives: alec

  there can be only one

Scott Walker Addresses People Of Iowa? New Hampshire? Wait. Wisconsin? Yeah, Wisconsin

Good evening, Des Moines!
It’s a new year, which means government executives all over the country are in the midst of self-congratulatory presentations of cherry-picked accomplishments and passive-aggressively reading lists of future demands. It’s mostly trite and zzzzzzzz but some of them are worth your attention. Well, our attention anyway. You should spend time with the people you love. Read more on Scott Walker Addresses People Of Iowa? New Hampshire? Wait. Wisconsin? Yeah, Wisconsin…
  Your Lump Of Christmas Clean Coal

Dumb New Mexico Hippies Refusing To Burn Their Fair Share Of Coal

Princess Celestia is going to be SO pissed about this...
Image by Daniel Nadelbach, Mother Earth Living In what’s just the latest of several similar moves to make customers who have rooftop solar electricity systems “pay their fair share” for being less polluting, the largest utility in New Mexico, PNM Resources, has proposed a surcharge on home solar customers, aimed at keeping those damned greenies from getting a free ride for the cost of their connection to the power grid. Read more on Dumb New Mexico Hippies Refusing To Burn Their Fair Share Of Coal…
  outstanding achievements in shitmuffinry

Nominate Your Terrible Local Lawmakers for Legislative Sh*tmuffin of the Year!

It’s that time of year again, Wonketeers! We’re gathering nominations for our coveted Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year award. Competition for 2014 honors in both national and state divisions has been fierce and we want to be sure we don’t overlook any worthy nominees, particularly among those who ply their trade in the state capitol buildings across our great nation. Read more on Nominate Your Terrible Local Lawmakers for Legislative Sh*tmuffin of the Year!…
  Have A Koch And A Smile

John Oliver: Forget The Senate, These State Elections Are Really Going To Screw Us (Video)

Love It Or Be Impaled By It
Tomorrow’s the big election, and while most of the hoopla is about who’s going to control the Senate, John Oliver would just like to remind you that 1) No matter who’s in charge, the Senate isn’t going to get a damned thing done, and 2) a lot of the serious political fuckery is going on at the state level, where people are trying to get elected by running campaign commercials like the one above, from Montana, featuring “an old man stabbing a child to death with a flag.” (The same ad also includes the candidate saying how much he loves the Constitution — over a photo of the Declaration of Independence.) Read more on John Oliver: Forget The Senate, These State Elections Are Really Going To Screw Us (Video)…
  Wonkette Guide to Electoral Shenanigans

Here’s Your Complete Guide To Frauding The Vote On Election Day

  When it comes to threats against fair elections in America, voter fraud is the new Black Panthers. The way everyone’s talking about electoral integrity this fall, people must be fake-voting coast to coast! With the midterm elections coming up on Tuesday, it’s time to ask: Is voter fraud right for you? Read more on Here’s Your Complete Guide To Frauding The Vote On Election Day…
  the stupid it burns

Oklahoma Attorney General Doesn’t Understand How Science, The EPA, Or Teevee Works, Apparently

It will not surprise any of you to learn that those of us behind the scenes here at yr Wonkette are not a particularly prayerful bunch. Prayer time interferes with our sexxxytime and getting high and it REALLY fucks up our general adherence to godless communism. But we are seriously considering taking up prayer to beat back the tide of these weird Dominionist types that just won’t be happy until they completely and literally ravage the Earth, secure in their knowledge that once they’ve used up all the fossil fuels and whatnot, God will just rapture them away or make more oil or whatever. Read more on Oklahoma Attorney General Doesn’t Understand How Science, The EPA, Or Teevee Works, Apparently…
  hot pixxx

A Children’s Treasury Of ALEC Protester Funtimes

please give generously
ALEC is the American Legislative Exchange Council, a business-casual matchmaker service between corporate interests and sympathetic lawmakers. They operate mostly in state legislatures, where they have used “model legislation” to enact such beneficial statutes as Stand Your Ground and Block Your Ballot and, most recently, a tidy fee for the society-destroying radicals who capture sunshine on their own homes, making them “freeriders”  who steal from power companies by sometimes contributing surplus energy back to the power grid. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of ALEC Protester Funtimes…
  elephant in the quiet room

Ted Cruz To ALEC: ‘Stand Your Ground.’ ALEC To Ted Cruz: Whatchoo Talkin’ ‘Bout?

Now, look, Ted Cruz, just because the American Legislative Exchange Council (ALEC) wrote model “stand your ground” legislation that got adopted by a whole bunch of states , that doesn’t mean they want you going around reminding people of that, OK? On Thursday, Sen. Cruz (R-Poutine) gave a speech at the group’s winter meeting, and got big applause with this line: “My advice to ALEC is very, very simple: Stand your ground.” (applause, whoops, etc.) Read more on Ted Cruz To ALEC: ‘Stand Your Ground.’ ALEC To Ted Cruz: Whatchoo Talkin’ ‘Bout?…
  look ma we're luntzing!

Hero Lobby Group ALEC Seeks To Tax Sunshine

What is even worser than taxing the rain and by extension the heavens and G_d Himself? Taxing sunshine. Hahaha, we are just kidding, it is obviously not a problem to tax the sun because it is a proposal put forth by American heroes ALEC, and not by some dumb Dummycrat. Whassup, ALEC? You all done making it legal to murder black children and moving onto something less fun but equally important? Read more on Hero Lobby Group ALEC Seeks To Tax Sunshine…
  coo-coo achoo

Governor Scott, Champion of Public Health, Bans Sick Pay

Nothing can improve your dining experience like having a sick waitstaff, except possibly knowing that the cook who prepared your food is also stricken with the flu. That also will improve your dining experience, because it will expose you to germs and build your resistance to them. Unless it gets you really sick, in which case, tough breaks but that is not Rick Scott’s problem: Florida Gov. Rick Scott signed a bill Friday that would block local governments from enacting mandatory paid-sick-time measures, such as the one pending in Orange County The Republican governor sided with Walt Disney World, Darden Restaurants, the Florida Chamber of Commerce and a broad array of powerful business interests that argued the ban was needed to avoid a patchwork of local employment rules for companies. Well THANK GOD someone is out there standing up for a broad array of powerful business interests — you just don’t see that sort of principled stand much these days. Florida would just be a craphole otherwise. Read more on Governor Scott, Champion of Public Health, Bans Sick Pay…
  signs signs everywhere are signs

ALEC Is Meeting In Oklahoma City; What Should Commie Mom Put On Her Protest Sign?

Wonkers, help a sister mamacita communista out. ALEC — the patriots behind such pieces of legislative perfection as Stand Your Ground laws and ag-gag bills and anti-renewable-energy cool stuff — is meeting today at Cox Convention Center in Oklahoma City, and Commie Mom does not know what to put on her protest sign. Read more on ALEC Is Meeting In Oklahoma City; What Should Commie Mom Put On Her Protest Sign?…
  it's the cheese

Utah Lady Arrested For Documenting Animal Abuse Because She Is An Animal Raper Obviously

ALEC, the American Legislative Exchange Council, has been busy passing Stand Your Ground laws and unionbusting laws and putting children in prison laws. You know, your basic “common good.” But it also has a fun new “ag gag” bill it has been peddling around to all the states — like, even California? that is how ambitious they are! — that basically says you cannot do investigations into animal abuse, because when you do investigations into animal abuse it enables Tennessee senators to keep raping their hogs. Well, ALEC’s soldiers for decency and non-hog-raping have their very first arrest (that we know of): this young lady, Amy Meyer, who filmed injured cows from public property and then uploaded the film to Youtube and now apparently is being prosecuted and faces up to six months in the pokey! Read more on Utah Lady Arrested For Documenting Animal Abuse Because She Is An Animal Raper Obviously…
  nothing to fear but this guy

‘I Was In Fear,’ Yells Florida Man, Guns Blazing, After Shooting Person For Trying To Sell Him Frozen Steaks

Excellent, now even the “neighborhood crazies” have learned the Get Out of Jail Free code word for Stand Your Ground: “I was in fear.” Unfortunately for “neighborhood crazy” Kenneth Roop, there was a witness who saw him gun down a door-to-door salesman who had knocked on the door, found no one home, and was walking back down the driveway when Roop pulled up, asked him what he was doing there (selling frozen seafood and steaks) and then shot him. Oh, and as the salesman lay dying, he shot him again, in the back of the head. Good job, FLORIDA. Read more on ‘I Was In Fear,’ Yells Florida Man, Guns Blazing, After Shooting Person For Trying To Sell Him Frozen Steaks…
  guns don't kill people hippies and union thugs do

Florida Gov. Rick Scott On Tampa’s Republican Convention: Needs More Guns

Round about a month ago, your Wonkette informed you of the stupid state law/clusterfuck that precluded the city of Tampa from restricting guns around the site of the Republican National Convention. “Stupid idiot,” snitted some jive-ass commenters, “why do you make a big deal out of this obviously the Secret Service won’t let any guns in the convention hall and obviously nobody ever leaves the convention hall ever not even once gah shut up by the way I am a very wet pussyfart.” All of which was obviously true. But so now the ‘lected officials of the city of Tampa are still trying to do something about this, because they do not want to go down in history as the Southern city where buncha rednecks Stood Their Ground against some peaceful hippies and possibly also too James Brady, and they wrote to Gov. Rick Scott asking him like, please suspend the state law that ensures no municipality infringes on Floridians’ right to pack hate haha whoops heat, at least, like, in the protest zones? Nah mang, said Rick Scott. NRA! ALEC! FREEEEEEEEDOM! “Like you, I share the concern that ‘violent anti-government protests or other civil unrest’ can pose ‘dangers’ and the ‘threat of substantial injury or harm to Florida residents and visitors to the State.’ But it is unclear how disarming law-abiding citizens would better protect them from the dangers and threats posed by those who would flout the law,” he added. Is it, Rick Scott? Is it “unclear”? Read more on Florida Gov. Rick Scott On Tampa’s Republican Convention: Needs More Guns…
  pry it from our cold dead hands

Thanks to Hilarious Florida Gun Law, Tampa Cannot Restrict Firearms at GOP Convention

Ooops. Yet another casualty of ALEC’s constant hard-on for making sure you can sodomize yourself with your semi-automatic weapon is Tampa, Florida’s effort to ban guns from the site of the GOP convention in August. NO NOT ALLOWED. DON’T TREAD ON ME, & CETERA. Read more on Thanks to Hilarious Florida Gun Law, Tampa Cannot Restrict Firearms at GOP Convention…