From the way former Congressman John Sweeney can’t stay out of the long, masculine arms of the upstate New York law, you’d think he liked police stations as much as he likes: drinking; drinking and driving; slapping his wife around while drinking; getting road head while drunk; and drinking. The other night Sweeney, who lost his license in November after his little drunken road head incident, called a cab to be taken home from a strip club in Clifton Park. That’s when things got a little bit messy.

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Oh that’s right, he’s somehow running for president and made it into the Des Moines Register Republican debate! And it’s starting at 2 p.m., which is like right around now. Who’s suddenly more psyched for this liveblogging experience? Oh I know who is: Everyone! Go steal some beers from your boss’ fridge or stop studying for those final exams, because we iz startings… MORE »

Aww, George W. Bush is being a… wuzzitcalled… compassionate conservative? Was that the term that he once used to describe himself, before like the wars and the lying and stuff? ABC News’ Martha Raddatz spent a whole day with the president yesterday, and she got him to be all honest-like about that old alcohol addiction of his — another relic of makefunnery circa 1999-2000. Again, before all the wars and the lying and stuff. [ABC News]

Back in 1933, when no one could drink, Congress knew how to get shit done fast. In less than a year, they managed to pass (and the states to ratify) the 21st Amendment, repealing Prohibition on December 5, 1933. And it is with that in mind that we are already raising our be-Irished coffee mugs at Wonkette to toast Repeal Day, a probably totally made-up holiday (like Valentine’s Day, only with more alcohol and less crying). Start emailing your Congress members now asking for it to be made a National Holiday because it’s not like they have any legislative work they’re actually going to do and they’re running out of Post Offices to name. Hurry, before you get too drunk to type!

It is apparently “National House Party Night” and what better way to celebrate than with a kegger in support of that champion of alternative lifestyles, Rudy Giuliani? We learned about this morning at the Calitolist, that anonymous message board for hill staffers. It might be a joke but they promise a live webcast from “a presidential candidate himself.” Details after the jump. MORE »

Yesterday the nation shrugged at the news that Rudy offspring Caroline Giuliani was on Facebook and might support Barack Obama. Slate broke the story in a prize-worthy feat of investigative social network searching. But we wanted more: as everyone knows, Facebook is designed to aide in the hooking-up process and also to document totally bitchin parties. While we may never know which of Caroline’s pokes ended in pokings, anyone with access to her profile should have a window into her partying ways. Thankfully, one commenter came through, and provided the now-requisite pictures of a candidate’s child drinking underage.

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Is NASA trying to cause as many terrible space disasters as they can? First, we learned NASA is letting all the astronauts drunk-drive whenever they feel like it. An independent panel found at least two occasions on which space adventurers were allowed to fly despite being totally wasted. The panel was convened after crazy astronaut Lisa Nowak drove to Orlando in space-diapers to kill her astronaut boyfriend’s girlfriend. Which is crazier, yes, but somehow it makes a little more sense than letting space jockeys throw back a few space-cocktails before getting behind the throttle of their Space Shuttles. Now comes this confusing outrage. MORE »

The Post has detailed plans for three wacky parties. you could throw this weekend. Let’s take a look at them, shall we?

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In 2004, Minneapolis’ KMSP aired one of the most entertaining news stories we’ve ever had the pleasure to see: a hidden-camera expose of alcohol at the Minnesota State Capitol. Towards the end of the session, in the middle of a lovely May, they recorded the tail end of a great party: MORE »

* Trainspotting author Irvine Welsh reads from his new book, probably incoherently. Free at 7pm. [Wonderland]
* “Wolfgang Tillmans is internationally recognized as one of the most significant artists to emerge in the 1990s. He approaches his work with a democratic eye and a singular style that rejects the traditional hierarchy of subject matter. His photographs present deceptively casual views of people caught at their most unguarded moments as well as often overlooked subjects and moments in everyday life.” Meet the Artist. Free tickets distributed at 6:15, doors at 6:30. [Hirshhorn]
* Hey, you know that band that did that country cover of “Gin and Juice” in like, the 90s sometime? No? Oh, well they’re playing tonight. $20, 7:30pm in Alexandria. [Birchmere]
* Zany, feel-good British author Chris Hitchens just wants to make you laugh with his hilarious Kissinger impression and subtly titled new tirade God Is Not Great. 7pm at Politics and Prose. [P&P]

Some people called “The Thomas Jefferson Center for the Protection of Free Expression” have released their list of honorees for this year’s charmingly-named “muzzle awards.” The awards are for “calling attention to some of the more egregious or ridiculous affronts to free expression that occurred in the preceding year,” and there’s no shortage of outage in the list. Take, for example, the chilling tale of the Maine Bureau of Liquor Enforcement. MORE »