In late August, juuuuuust as the Congressional recess was reaching a close, Montana Rep. Denny Rehberg — who has a history of getting trashed and flopping around on horses in Kazakhstan — went out on a boat with some buddies, and within minutes that boat was somehow vertical, among a pile of rocks. How drunk was the Boat Captain?, America asked. Well now we know: 0.16 — and that was several hours after the crash! It wasn’t Rehberg, though, operating the boat, just one of his buddies, some loser local politician who is now in big big trouble. MORE »

While Rep. Denny Rehberg’s life, which is in stable condition, will be first on the docket during tonight’s Wonkette Prayer Hour, we must wonder — given his history of getting trashed in Kazakhstan and falling off horses — exactly how wasted he and his buddies may or may not have been when they crashed their boat into very huge rocks late last night. And lo, “Twitter person Bob B.” has sent us this photo of the wreckage, in which he thinks he has spotted the smoking gun: a keg of beer. It looks a little too skinny to be considered such in our estimation. Probably just a trash can. (They were throwing away the tree.) (While drunk?) [Twitter]

Don’t worry, we’re not asking anyone to reevaluate the presence of alcohol in their life, nor are we insinuating that there are better means to post-work happiness than drinking. Happy hours are essential to the DC way of life and we would never pass judgment on such a meaningful occasion. You have our word. Some grocery stores and shops, however, are noticing the pleasure DCers derive from happy hours, and are using the term to signify evening discounts on their products. Has our beloved activity been co-opted? MORE »

OMG we just had so much fun, right, at Wonkette’s Inaugural Ball last night. Just soooooooooo much fun. Packed, it was! Now, between (a) your associate editor’s lack of a camera and (b) your associate editor’s hour-long absence from the party after the kegs ran out at midnight, when he and Liz drove to HYATTSVILLE, MARYLAND to locate more alcohol (unsuccessful, although there was liquor in abundance when when we returned, somehow, hooray)… your associate editor doesn’t have enough photos. Please send yr sexy party pixxx to tips@wonkette.com, subject line “MOAR,” and we’ll do a longer picture post tomorrowish. Thanks to everyone who came!

Last night, your Wonkette editors visited the city of St. Paul, in Minnesota. What a glorious City Of Lights! Ha ha, not really, it was empty except for cops and military people protecting John McCain Arena. We thought this was offensive — why are the cops and military people still here when there’s a hurricane in New Orleans? Racists. Let’s check out a few more pictures from this famous twin Minnesota city that locals know as “The Boring One.” MORE »

While Ken and Sara have taken the “good passes” to the Pepsi Center, your humble associate editor has a mere “perimeter pass,” which gives access to the parking lot. But look what we’ve found in one of the plastic “media pavilions”: the Captain Morgan’s “Captain For President” lounge, with comfy black chairs and free Tanqueray. We’re just cold eatin’ pretzel mix and watchin’ teevee with this pirate dude. Everyone come to Media Pavilion #2. The best part about this place is that they have the teevees on mute.

Well, this is a terrible disappointment. The City of St. Paul decided to charge bars $2500 for a license to stay open till 4 a.m. during the anxious, angry slog known as the Republican National Convention — an event to make a drinker out of anyone — not a single establishment has applied. A POX ON ALL THEIR HOUSES. MORE »

Old Hillary Clinton has sent out another weird e-mail begging for money to cover her campaign debt. She will take you and a guest out to dinner! Hillary writes, “Summer is a time for simple pleasures: family vacations, baseball games, and dinner out under the stars. At least it is if you aren’t running for president!” Oh Jesus… Grandma’s sneaked her way into the scotch cabinet again. [Hillz]

Why is Hillary Clinton embarrassing herself so much with this disenfranchisement bullshit, or the other bullshit with which she’s embarrassing herself? It’s because she is drunk, very drunk, all the time, forever, so drunk that she cannot DO ANYTHING — LOOK AT HER. Obama would be drunk too, all the time, but he wants to be a strong black role model. [Sigh]. More pictures of Hillary getting drunk again with reporters on her airplane, after the jump! MORE »

A fantastic PR person writes to Wonkette: “To help brighten the moods of late-filers on Tax Day, April 15th, Coors Light is going to have 10 Silver Bullet Girls picket sign rallying at post offices in 13 markets to help turn Tax Day into National Venting Day. The picket signs will read ‘There’s a Better Way to Vent.’” By having sex with the Silver Bullet Girls? Ha ha, heterosexual female taxpayers will have to have sex with something else, or just drink.

Louisiana state senators have been hard at work recently drafting legislation to honor the Sazerac — a drink containing “whiskey, sugar, bitters and absinthe, or a substitute anise-flavored liquor” — as the official state cocktail. New Orleans is in such great shape, see, that they can spend their time writing all sorts of fun legislation celebrating drinks! MORE »