alcohol
This Friendly Republican Will Help Us All Get Drunk At The Democratic Convention
What is the best part of being in town at national political conventions? Seeing the speeches in person? Meeting an array of interesting activists? No, those are the worst parts — the best part is getting wasted and flopping around and pissing in the middle of the street while political activity is occurring in nearby [...]
Congress Rebuffs Clear Midterm Mandate To Give America More Four Loko, Not Less
The Food and Drug Administration is preparing to ban caffeinated alcohol drinks, Sen. Charles Schumer said Tuesday. In response, one leading manufacturer of these drinks announced that it will remove caffiene and other ingredients from its product. Schumer may think he is safe with his new six-year term, but he is not. On November 2, [...]
Study: Boozing Bad For Society, Eat Mushrooms Instead
A new study published by Limey scientist-types suggests that alcohol is more dangerous and destructive than heroin! Ha ha, so next time you are drinking alone in your room and mutter “at least I don’t inject opiates between my toes or in my eyeballs,” an Englishman will parachute through your window and then explain — [...]
Relive Your Childhood With Your Best Friend, Booze
Washingtonians are borderline alcoholics. We welcome this fun fact with open arms because drinking is fun, helps DC’s economy, and makes everyone look so pretty. But here we have something new: Did you know that Washingtonians secretly wish they drank more as children? That every time they successfully hula-hooped or passed 100 on skip-it they [...]
Food Inspired By The Railroad and Aphrodisiacs Galore
Frozen Treats: Praise be Barack Obama, a new do-it-yourself frozen yogurt shop has opened in Downtown DC! Fro-yo lovers everywhere rejoice! [Fro.Zen.Yo via Penn Quarter Living]
Roughly Cylandrical Object Located Near Rehberg Boat Crash
While Rep. Denny Rehberg’s life, which is in stable condition, will be first on the docket during tonight’s Wonkette Prayer Hour, we must wonder — given his history of getting trashed in Kazakhstan and falling off horses — exactly how wasted he and his buddies may or may not have been when they crashed their [...]
Happy Hours: Not Just For Booze?
Don’t worry, we’re not asking anyone to reevaluate the presence of alcohol in their life, nor are we insinuating that there are better means to post-work happiness than drinking. Happy hours are essential to the DC way of life and we would never pass judgment on such a meaningful occasion. You have our word. Some [...]
Send Us Your Inaugural Ball Photos!
OMG we just had so much fun, right, at Wonkette’s Inaugural Ball last night. Just soooooooooo much fun. Packed, it was! Now, between (a) your associate editor’s lack of a camera and (b) your associate editor’s hour-long absence from the party after the kegs ran out at midnight, when he and Liz drove to HYATTSVILLE, [...]
St. Paul, The Night Before The Jackass Convention
Last night, your Wonkette editors visited the city of St. Paul, in Minnesota. What a glorious City Of Lights! Ha ha, not really, it was empty except for cops and military people protecting John McCain Arena. We thought this was offensive — why are the cops and military people still here when there’s a hurricane [...]
Awesome Pirate Alcohol Party In Media Pavilion #2
While Ken and Sara have taken the “good passes” to the Pepsi Center, your humble associate editor has a mere “perimeter pass,” which gives access to the parking lot. But look what we’ve found in one of the plastic “media pavilions”: the Captain Morgan’s “Captain For President” lounge, with comfy black chairs and free Tanqueray. [...]
Have A Hot Meal With Whatsername… Clinton, Hillary!
Old Hillary Clinton has sent out another weird e-mail begging for money to cover her campaign debt. She will take you and a guest out to dinner! Hillary writes, “Summer is a time for simple pleasures: family vacations, baseball games, and dinner out under the stars. At least it is if you aren’t running for [...]
Is Hillary Clinton Too Drunk To Be President?
Why is Hillary Clinton embarrassing herself so much with this disenfranchisement bullshit, or the other bullshit with which she’s embarrassing herself? It’s because she is drunk, very drunk, all the time, forever, so drunk that she cannot DO ANYTHING — LOOK AT HER. Obama would be drunk too, all the time, but he wants to [...]
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