Tag: alcohol

Rapey Brock Turner’s Lady Defender So Sad No One Wants To Listen To Her Band Now :(

Leslie Rasmussen's band 'Good English' gets kicked out of several music festivals.

Nice White Dad’s Autopsy Suggests Being Hogtied By Cops A Horrible Way To Die

Wonkette has been following the story of a 31-year-old Memphis dad named Troy Goode, who in July went to a Widespread Panic concert in Southaven, Mississippi, with his wife, Kelli, and somehow ended up dying at the hospital in...
The South Gon’ Rise Again (in a not-racist way this time, honest)

Flatworms, Flesh-Eating Bacteria And Rick Scott (But We Repeat Ourselves): Your Florida Roundup

Greeting, Wonketteers. Are you ready to take a well-deserved break from your buttsechs gay marriage orgies and sojourn with me down to Your Very Favorite Land of Snakes and Swamps, a dystopian hellscape that not even Wes Anderson could...
Oh, we get it, it's about date rape-type stuff!

People Seem To Think Bud Light Slogan Is Rapey, Just Because It’s Really Rapey

Earth's most generic light beer, Bud Light, has been doing an ad campaign that they think is oh so hip, lately, to try to get beer-pong playing, dildo-brained college kids to upgrade from Natty Light and drink THEIR piss...
We trade weed for beer! It's like Settlers of Cattan, but more fun!

Vermont Heroes Taking Your Booze Hostage For Legal Weed

Some Vermont legislators have a pretty compelling argument: If the state won't legalize marijuana, then how about we prohibit all recreational drugs? State Reps. Jean O'Sullivan, a Democrat, and Christopher Pearson, a Progressive (really!), have filed a bill to...
President Ted Cruz (R-Not Really)

Ted Cruz’s Underage Drinking Is The Only Thing We Like About Him

Yesterday, Buzzfeed reported that prominent Canadian gag gift Sen. Ted Cruz pled guilty to possession of alcohol as a minor in 1987. He was but a little Cruzlet in high school shortpants when he got pulled over (racially profiled?)...
May this face haunt Robert Benchley's dreams forever

Alabama Governor Consoles Family Of Murdered 8-Year-Old Black Girl By Suggesting Their Dysfunction Killed Her (Updated)

UPDATE: A spokeswoman for Gov. Bentley has offered an explanation; see end of post. Hiawayi Robinson, of Pritchard, Alabama, a small city on the north side of Mobile, was looking forward to turning nine years old next week. On Tuesday,...

Florida Rep. ‘Dane Eagle’ Arrested For Drunken Fratty 2 A.M. Taco Bell Run

Raise your hand if you have ever been to Taco Bell at 2 a.m., drunk. All of you, just like we thought. It’s kind of required if you read our mommy/warblog. Now raise your hand if you have ever...

Sean Hannity Warns America Of Killer Weed Threat

Purity Hero Sean Hannity took to the radio airwaves Tuesday to alert America to this profound insight: marijuana will kill you dead! As proof, Hannity offers a genuinely sad story from Colorado, about the 19-year-old who jumped off a...

Secret Service Agents Pass Out Drunk In Netherland Hotel, Think They’re Bloggers

Are you fond of traveling to exotic locations and having sexytimes with hookers? Do you drink on the job? Have you recently been to Western Europe and drunk until you passed out in a hotel? Then perhaps you should...

Scott Walker Will Not Get All Potted Up At Your Hippie Wedding, Wisconsin

Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker has a profound insight into the cultural and medical reasons that make alcohol okay, while marijuana should not be decriminalized: “If I’m at a wedding reception here and somebody has a drink or two, most people...

Barack Obama Says Accurate, Boring Things About Weed, Daily Caller Hears Call For Dictatorship

David Remnick wrote a million or so words about Barack Obama in the New Yorker this week, and several of those words were about the loco weed. And what did The POTUS say about the pot for us? “As has...

Two Nice Georgians Beat Each Other Senseless In Argument Over Biblical Interpretation

In Cartersville, Georgia, a discussion of the Ten Commandments got a little heated over the weekend, leading to a holy smackdown in a local hotel: According to police reports, Carolyn Unfricht and Daniel Camarda were inside a Cartersville hotel arguing...

This Friendly Republican Will Help Us All Get Drunk At The Democratic Convention

What is the best part of being in town at national political conventions? Seeing the speeches in person? Meeting an array of interesting activists? No, those are the worst parts -- the best part is getting wasted and flopping...

Jobs Report: Ohio Legislature Debates Opening Bar In Statehouse Basement

For as much as we sanction the idea of keeping a sturdy supply of booze on hand near the office, we're going to note that the Ohio legislature's proposal to open a bar in the Statehouse basement is probably...

Congress Rebuffs Clear Midterm Mandate To Give America More Four Loko, Not Less

The Food and Drug Administration is preparing to ban caffeinated alcohol drinks, Sen. Charles Schumer said Tuesday. In response, one leading manufacturer of these drinks announced that it will remove caffiene and other ingredients from its product. Schumer may think...