Jack Goldsmith is some guy who used to work at the DOJ, and so, natch, he’s got a book coming out. It’s called something like “Why I’m a Good Conservative and Not an Evil One” or something like that. The New York Times published an excerpt today, and OMG, is it boring? This is supposed to be the juiciest stuff from the forthcoming remainder-bin mold-gatherer, and all we get is this: MORE »

Could it be — did Alberto Gonzales… lie? America’s Beloved Attorney General… a perjurer? The Justice Department’s Inspector General is investigating, and as part of that investigation they’ve sent out a handy “are you a political hack” questionnaire to hundreds of Justice employees. The Post has the .pfd — and you can fill it out at home! MORE »

“Justice Dept. Probes Whether Gonzales Lied.” [Washington Post]

Radar reports that “In a final act of lawlessness” outgoing asshole general Alberto Gonzales apparently pushed back everyone’s tee times at the Chevy Chase club so that he and his non-member guest Condi could get the best time last Saturday. AND THE CLUB FORBIDS NON-MEMBERS FROM GOLFING ON WEEKENDS. As if that wasn’t enough proof that the guy has not an ounce of concern for anyone but himself (and his boss, obviously), a reader sent in this shocking accusation from some lady’s LiveJournal: MORE »

We should give Alberto Gonzales credit where credit is due: Nobody else could’ve made America look back at John Ashcroft’s tenure and say, “Well, he wasn’t so bad after all.” Anyway, now Gonzo is gone (or will be, next month, unless he lied about that, too) and the 3% of Americans who even knew who he was and can gather around the virtual fireside chat or whatever and make incoherent, inane comments on CNN’s political blog The state of our union is strong! MORE »

A widely hated cretin is the White House’s top choice for attorney general, experts said today. Michael Chertoff is known for his bizarre threats against America and his tenure at the biggest fucking joke agency in American history, the “department of homeland security.” Despised by Republicans, Democrats and actual humans, Chertoff is just the kind of loathsome creep the Bush Administration is likely to choose to be AG for a few weeks until the whole gang is rounded up and sent to Gitmo. MORE »

Some lunatic broke into Senator Chris Dodd’s office in Connecticut on Saturday night and ran off with “undisclosed items.” Who did it? The police report leaves little doubt:

Police spokeswoman Nancy Mulroy says the suspect is a Hispanic male between 35 and 40 years old, 5 feet 9 inches tall with short dark hair. He was last seen wearing no shirt, white low-top sneakers and black cargo-style pants.

The suspect broke into Dodd’s office late Saturday, taking undisclosed items and leaving evidence at the scene.

Gonzales, who quit today in anticipation of the burglary charges, is actually in his early 50s. But a steady diet of human blood from executed Texans has kept him looking youthful.

Democrat Dodd’s Office Burglarized [AP]

“I think he was probably just worn down by the criticism. This sort of thing has a Chinese water torture effect of drip drip drip drip.” [Raw Story]

Well that was a short “press conference.” MORE »

In one final display of hilarious ineptitude, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales resigned on a Friday afternoon, the traditional home of the unwelcome newsdump, and then waited until a Monday morning to announce it. Way to go, Fredo — you will be missed! MORE »

Hey, remember when Alberto Gonzales was going to be forced to resign in disgrace or something? Ha, good times. Anyway, Wan J. Kim, the head of the Civil Rights Division, is resigning. His predecessor resigned just last week! Now who will protect the civil rights of Republican-voting church-goers against those terrible ACLU liberals? [WP]