Tag Archives: alberto gonzales

  most faculty chairs aren't electrified

Torture Memo Guy Alberto Gonzales To Waterboard Students As Law School Dean

Hey, remember that Alberto Gonzales guy? Not the baseball player, the guy who was Skippy Bush’s White House Counsel and then later the Attorney General — had kind of a habit of firing U.S. Attorneys that weren’t friendly enough to the Bush Administration, and of course he was kind of big on torture, because it would save America from terrorism? Well, he’s about to get what he deserves: not a jail term, silly, he’s been named the new Dean of the Law School at Belmont University in Nashville, Tennessee! So the guy who helped give George W. Bush a legal rationale for torturing detainees is going to be in charge of preparing America’s next generation of lawyers. Kind of makes you feel good about the future, doesn’t it? Read more on Torture Memo Guy Alberto Gonzales To Waterboard Students As Law School Dean…
  leaks and the leaking leakers who leak them

Alberto Gonzales Offers Totally Hypothetical Example Of How To Investigate, Say, A Leaked CIA Agent’s Name

Well, this is … this is … we don’t even … FUCK! So, there is a bit of kerfuffle and a hullabaloo about the Department of Justice getting a very narrow slice of two months’ worth of phone records from AP while investigating a leak. For context, Fox News has asked for Alberto Gonzales’s thoughts on the matter, as he is something of an expert, having been promoted to Attorney General after he was White House Counsel when Karl Rove’s chief of staff, Scooter Libby, leaked the name of an undercover CIA agent to Robert Novak, god rest his soul in hell. Gonzales’s thoughts on this are … FUCK! Read more on Alberto Gonzales Offers Totally Hypothetical Example Of How To Investigate, Say, A Leaked CIA Agent’s Name…
  it's morning in america

Bush Administration Never Did Anything Bad, It Turns Out

We already know that nobody who worked for George W. Bush ever committed any kind of war crimes or did anything illegal in starting the Iraq War, because surely if they had the Democrats who control the Congress and the White House would have done something about it. Now we also learn that, when all those U.S. attorneys were fired in Bush’s second term, sparking lots of whining from people who care about that sort of thing, that was perfectly legal as well. Hooray for Alberto Gonzales, who won’t go to jail but instead will remain on the outside doing, uh, whatever it is he does these days! Read more on Bush Administration Never Did Anything Bad, It Turns Out… Read more on Bush Administration Never Did Anything Bad, It Turns Out…
  heroes

‘AL’ GONZALES FIXED MOST THINGS: From one of those fancy New York Esquire interviews, where it’s all answers, no questions: “This may sound egotistical, but to me it is important that when I leave this earth, I would have made a difference — that people would know Al Gonzales lived, he touched lives, he made a difference, he left a mark.” [Esquire] Read more on …
  rumors on the internets

When Will Barack Obama Finish His Round Of Golf And Give The Order To Torpedo Vanuatu?

The “Climaquiddick Ocean?” No thanks. [RedState] It’s a shame global warming is such a disgusting hoax, because if it wasn’t, Vanuatu would surely sink into the “Climaquiddick Ocean.” And that would please the Weekly Standard very much. That would make their day sparkle. [Weekly Standard] Read more on When Will Barack Obama Finish His Round Of Golf And Give The Order To Torpedo Vanuatu?…
  the academic life

Professor Alberto Gonzales Already Terrifying Students

Former Bush White House counsel and Mexican attorney general Alberto Gonzales is balls-deep into his professorial duties for the semester at Texas Tech, where he teaches a “political science class on the Executive Branch” as an “easy A” for the football team. Here is what he is telling the students, as he puts it in an interview with the Texas Tech newspaper: “Dream big but be patient… You never know when the next George W. Bush is going to come along and give you a once in a lifetime opportunity like he gave me, but you have to be patient.” Jesus. Does Bush list him as a dependent on his tax returns or something? [Daily Toreador via Think Progress] Read more on Professor Alberto Gonzales Already Terrifying Students…
  rumors on the internets

Congressional Hearings Make For Great Baroque Madrigals

Barack Obama has everything he needs to take over the world (1,000 kilos of moutarde de Dijon, his mother-in-law’s crystal ball, and uh, Brookstone Tempur-Pedic Comfort-Step slippers). [TPM] In the words of Lenin: “A lie told often enough helps Jim Inhofe manage a chubby.” [Think Progress] Read more on Congressional Hearings Make For Great Baroque Madrigals…
  meddlers

Emails Suggest Rove Was Totally Up In This Attorney-Firing Business

The research goblins over at TPM and the New York Times are busy at work devouring thousands of pages of newly released documents regarding the US attorney firing scandal. At an undetermined point in the future, these specially evolved goblins will excrete a powdery white substance and several pages of “analysis,” or at least a few juicy quotes from Karl Rove about how he is guilty of unspeakable crimes against David Iglesias, the US attorney in New Mexico who was fired “for poor performance” (meaning, because he did not aggressively pursue Republican allegations of voter fraud). Read more on Emails Suggest Rove Was Totally Up In This Attorney-Firing Business…
  green shoots!

Alberto Gonzales Finally Cons University Into Hiring Him

Former Bush White House counsel and Attorney General Alberto Gonzales — whose great political achievements include conspiring with John Yoo to destroy the U.S. Constitution with MEMOS, chasing down then-AG John Ashcroft in the hospital to get him to authorize illegal domestic warrantless wiretapping programs while he was hopped up on anesthetics, and firing tons of U.S. Attorneys for not prosecuting enough Democrats during election years — has been hired to teach college students about government. This is definitely not what Thomas Jefferson & Ben Franklin had in mind when they founded Texas Tech University. [Austin American-Statesman] Read more on Alberto Gonzales Finally Cons University Into Hiring Him…
  our national unemployment shame

Former Lawmakers Can’t Get A Job Either

Do not despair, jobless people! You’re not alone. Several members of Congress who lost their positions in the 2008 elections have yet to find gainful employment, and perennial loser Alberto Gonzales also remains at loose ends because George Bush was the only person left in America who would hire him. Read more on Former Lawmakers Can’t Get A Job Either…
  rumors on the internets

Joe The Plumber Liked Journalist Camp In Gaza, Except For What He’s Pretty Sure Was Color War

Mexican urban legend Alberto Gonzales is unable to find a job and is comically blaming the recession for this. After Barack Obama redistributes the world’s wealth to atheist hobos, a dog is expected to have eaten Gonzales’ new job. [TPMMuckraker] Read more on Joe The Plumber Liked Journalist Camp In Gaza, Except For What He’s Pretty Sure Was Color War…
  casualties of war

Alberto Gonzales, War On Terror’s Latest Victim

During his tenure in office, George Bush created more than a housing bubble: he also fostered an “employment bubble” for high-functioning idiots, who were awarded fancy jobs in his administration and have since departed in shame and ignominy. Exhibit A: the hapless cretin, unemployed loser, and only Bush administration toady not to get a zillion dollars for his tell-all autobiography, Alberto Gonzales. Read more on Alberto Gonzales, War On Terror’s Latest Victim…
  criminals

Dick Cheney And Alberto Gonzales Indicted For ‘Prison Profiteering’

Well, it would be nice if these guys ever went to jail for anything, but it seems unlikely that they will go to jail for this. A grand jury in South Texas handed down indictments against various current and former public officials connected with wrongdoing in private prisons — including, most notably, Dick Cheney and Alberto Gonzales. The prison company, The GEO Group, was charged with three counts of murder and manslaughter. This is an ugly, complicated story, so let’s cut to the chase: how many South Texas prisoners has Dick Cheney had shipped up to his basement dungeon in the Naval Observatory for experiments? Read more on Dick Cheney And Alberto Gonzales Indicted For ‘Prison Profiteering’…
  death penalty

YOU DON’T SAY: “The inspector general’s investigation found that Ms. Goodling and a handful of other senior aides to Mr. Gonzales developed a system of using in-person interviews and Internet searches to screen out candidates who might be too liberal and to identify candidates seen as pro-Republican and supportive of President Bush.” [New York Times] Read more on …
 

America’s Best Attorney General Can’t Find Job!

Alberto Gonzales is such a pathetic hobo these days that it’s newsworthy. Do you think his family even loves him? Doesn’t he have some wife and little kids? Chances are they also will not add his last name to their first names, too. [Drudge Report] Read more on America’s Best Attorney General Can’t Find Job!…
 

Did Monica Goodling Fire Some Lesbian?

Everyone’s favorite ex-Justice Department lady exterminator, Monica Goodling, may have fired some gal in 2006 for being a thoroughgoing LESBIAN. The DoJ’s inspector general is investigating this allegation, among others, in the never-ending U.S. Attorneys Firing Scandal investigation. As you may have heard, Monica Goodling recently got engaged to some guy from RedState, our frienemy in the War on Paultards. But does he know that before getting engaged, this very same Goodling was going around firing LESBIANS everywhere? Read more on Did Monica Goodling Fire Some Lesbian?…