alberto gonzales

Hey, remember that Alberto Gonzales guy? Not the baseball player, the guy who was Skippy Bush’s White House Counsel and then later the Attorney General — had kind of a habit of firing U.S. Attorneys that weren’t friendly enough to the Bush Administration, and of course he was kind of big on torture, because it […]

Well, this is … this is … we don’t even … FUCK! So, there is a bit of kerfuffle and a hullabaloo about the Department of Justice getting a very narrow slice of two months’ worth of phone records from AP while investigating a leak. For context, Fox News has asked for Alberto Gonzales’s thoughts […]

We already know that nobody who worked for George W. Bush ever committed any kind of war crimes or did anything illegal in starting the Iraq War, because surely if they had the Democrats who control the Congress and the White House would have done something about it. Now we also learn that, when all […]

HEROES  1:57 pm December 9, 2009

by Jim Newell

‘AL’ GONZALES FIXED MOST THINGS: From one of those fancy New York Esquire interviews, where it’s all answers, no questions: “This may sound egotistical, but to me it is important that when I leave this earth, I would have made a difference — that people would know Al Gonzales lived, he touched lives, he made […]

The “Climaquiddick Ocean?” No thanks. [RedState] It’s a shame global warming is such a disgusting hoax, because if it wasn’t, Vanuatu would surely sink into the “Climaquiddick Ocean.” And that would please the Weekly Standard very much. That would make their day sparkle. [Weekly Standard] Freshman Rep. Jason Chaffetz, a Republican from Utah for heaven […]

Former Bush White House counsel and Mexican attorney general Alberto Gonzales is balls-deep into his professorial duties for the semester at Texas Tech, where he teaches a “political science class on the Executive Branch” as an “easy A” for the football team. Here is what he is telling the students, as he puts it in […]

Barack Obama has everything he needs to take over the world (1,000 kilos of moutarde de Dijon, his mother-in-law’s crystal ball, and uh, Brookstone Tempur-Pedic Comfort-Step slippers). [TPM] In the words of Lenin: “A lie told often enough helps Jim Inhofe manage a chubby.” [Think Progress] L’Alberto, a new opera by the great Monteverdi, retells […]

The research goblins over at TPM and the New York Times are busy at work devouring thousands of pages of newly released documents regarding the US attorney firing scandal. At an undetermined point in the future, these specially evolved goblins will excrete a powdery white substance and several pages of “analysis,” or at least a […]

Former Bush White House counsel and Attorney General Alberto Gonzales — whose great political achievements include conspiring with John Yoo to destroy the U.S. Constitution with MEMOS, chasing down then-AG John Ashcroft in the hospital to get him to authorize illegal domestic warrantless wiretapping programs while he was hopped up on anesthetics, and firing tons […]

Do not despair, jobless people! You’re not alone. Several members of Congress who lost their positions in the 2008 elections have yet to find gainful employment, and perennial loser Alberto Gonzales also remains at loose ends because George Bush was the only person left in America who would hire him.

Mexican urban legend Alberto Gonzales is unable to find a job and is comically blaming the recession for this. After Barack Obama redistributes the world’s wealth to atheist hobos, a dog is expected to have eaten Gonzales’ new job. [TPMMuckraker] Howard Dean is doing that thing again, on the Internet, in which he gets all […]

During his tenure in office, George Bush created more than a housing bubble: he also fostered an “employment bubble” for high-functioning idiots, who were awarded fancy jobs in his administration and have since departed in shame and ignominy. Exhibit A: the hapless cretin, unemployed loser, and only Bush administration toady not to get a zillion […]

Well, it would be nice if these guys ever went to jail for anything, but it seems unlikely that they will go to jail for this. A grand jury in South Texas handed down indictments against various current and former public officials connected with wrongdoing in private prisons — including, most notably, Dick Cheney and […]

DEATH PENALTY  5:19 pm July 28, 2008

by Ken Layne

YOU DON’T SAY: “The inspector general’s investigation found that Ms. Goodling and a handful of other senior aides to Mr. Gonzales developed a system of using in-person interviews and Internet searches to screen out candidates who might be too liberal and to identify candidates seen as pro-Republican and supportive of President Bush.” [New York Times]