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Posts Tagged ‘alaska’

AND STAY OUT OF POLITICS!

Sarah Palin Should Just Make Exercise DVDs

Wednesday, July 1st, 2009

She had to run, run, run, run, run, take a drag or two ....Oh, there is more to the Runner’s World interview with Sarah Palin than a simple Q&A about the regrets of falling down on the jogging trail and the Secret Service keeping her vile secret. (Which, like everything uttered by Sarah Palin, is also a lie.) There’s a whole photo spread, with seven online pictures of Sarah lookin’ all perky and athletic and just cold mocking John McCain for being a crippled old man who can’t exercise at all: MORE »


YOU SHALL NOT MAKE FOR YOURSELF A GRAVEN IMAGE

Sarah Palin Will Soon Condemn, Bomb Entire Internet

Friday, June 26th, 2009

'Aren't you a little short for a Stormtrooper?'
The Virgin Palin, Our Lady of Eternal Anger, gave birth to the New Jesus at some point last year — or not, who knows, and now Andrew Sullivan just cares about Iran (which is a good thing!) so we’ll never find out the truth — and ever since it has been both a Cardinal/Venial Sin and Sharia Law that no mortal shall “desecrate” an image of the Sacred One … no one but Sarah Palin herself, because Allah both allows and encourages the use of the Holy Infant as a cheap political prop as long as such cruel hackery is performed by the Virgin Palin herself. MORE »


DEGENERATES

Sarah Palin Yelling At Some Blog Now, Because Of Lil’ Trigger

Thursday, June 25th, 2009

Famous bad mother Sarah Palin, hot off her successful campaign to fire David Letterman, from television, is now yelling about how some other random person hates or rapes her children. See that photoshop up there of Governor Palin with Bristol Palin’s child, Trig? We thought “Verne Troyer” too, but no, it is the head of conservative Alaskan radio host Eddie Burke, who is in love with Sarah Palin. The terrifying graphic is the work of “the liberal Alaskan blogger, Celtic Diva,” who earlier this month pushed some other story about Todd’s snowmobiling clothes. Now Palin has denounced the blogger through her evil spokesperson Meg Stapleton, who released a statement saying, “The mere idea of someone doctoring the photo of a special needs baby is appalling.” Oh.. oh MEG. MORE »


'HOW TO STEAL FANCY CLOTHES'

America’s Biggest Idiot Gets Millions For Someone To Write Her ‘Memoirs’

Tuesday, May 12th, 2009

Remember Sarah Palin, the briefly famous wingnut lady who can’t speak, can’t read and can’t even remember the name of a single newspaper she pretends to read every day? Yeah, she’s getting millions of dollars from HarperCollins to write her “memoirs.” Jesus. She hired a lawyer last year (after she lost the election for McCain) to go after an $11 million advance. MORE »


BUT BABYMAKING ALWAYS LEADS TO FAME AND FORTUNE!

Tripp’s Mom (Sarah Palin???) Campaigns Against Teen Pregnancy

Wednesday, May 6th, 2009

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Bristol Palin appeared on the TODAY show with Matt Lauer, all holding her cute sleeping baby and smiling serenely with her long shiny hair and talking about what hard work parenting is. Really? Because it looks … kind of awesome! All you have to do is fuck some sexy dunderhead once and boom, a year later you are on national teevee looking great with your adorable child and asking teenagers to “learn from your example.” Teenage pregnancy rates are going to skyrocket. [MSNBC]


WEAPONS

Sarah Palin To Shoot Mitt Romney With Fancy Engraved Alaska Gun

Tuesday, May 5th, 2009

Safety first!Yay, it’s Sarah Palin Tuesday! Anybody who reads that sentence and thinks, “Ugh who even cares about that woman, she is as boring as Meghan McCain” is welcome to just go slobber over Foreign Affairs if they thirst so deeply for knowledge. Everyone else can stick around for exciting Sarah Palin Memorial Gun News. MORE »


ISE GOT MOR SMARTS THEN U

Dumb Congressman Brags About ‘Stumping’ Nobel-Winning Energy Secretary With Stupid Question

Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009

Here is an official clip prepared by the office of Texas Rep. Joe Barton titled, “Where Does Oil Come From? Question leaves Energy Secretary puzzled.” This title alone should tell you enough about what really happened. MORE »


SO LONG

Thursday, April 16th, 2009

ALASKA LEGISLATURE REJECTS FAG-HATING KKK ‘LIMA BEAN’ RAPE JOKE MONSTER: We’ve lost Wayne Anthony Ross! Sarah Palin’s wingnut-to-end-all-wingnuts nominee for state Attorney General has been rejected by both houses of the Alaska legislature. Palin’s office released a snippy statement saying, “I’m surprised that legislators in this case really did not seem to represent their constituents and allowed themselves to be swayed by side issues.” Yes, side issues, like how HE LOVES RAPE. [ADN]


COARSE MUSTACHE RIDES

A Children’s Treasury Of Delightful Quotes From Sarah Palin’s Attorney General Nominee

Monday, April 13th, 2009

Now this is a man who loves gettin' his rape onPromising young Alaska governor Sarah Palin has selected a nice new fellow named Wayne Anthony Ross to be the state’s Attorney General. He is perhaps the worst selection for anything in politics since that time that John McCain picked Sarah Palin to be his vice president. Just kidding, he’s a stitch! Anyone like RAPE JOKES? Wayne Anthony Ross has good ones! So good that they don’t even *sound* like rape jokes — they’re more like, “endorsements of rape.” MORE »


BLAME TODD

Sarah Palin Denies Calling On Begich To Step Down, Which She Did, Earlier

Monday, April 13th, 2009

Sarah Palin’s in the news, everyone! For, let’s see here, lying. While most of her recent lies have been about covering up how that young man, Levi, this one is about how she told the media that she thought Sen. Mark Begich should resign so there can be a “fair” election between him and the very innocent Ted Stevens. The lie she’s telling, of course, is that she NEVER SAID THIS. MORE »


WASILLA FAMILY VALUES

Levi vs. Sarah, TeeVee’s Longest Running Snowbilly Reality Show

Wednesday, April 8th, 2009


This is going to go on forever — and eventually, it will involve the female participants wrestling in a vat of Taco Bell X-treme ketchup or whatever. Hooray! Now, lest you believe this is somehow “trivial” or “exactly what happens in much of America,” we want to remind you that this woman, Sarah Palin, intends to become President, somehow, and then she will install Trig as “Prince ‘o Peace,” and he will rule the world for 666 years, and then he will nuke it. He is made of nukes, Trig is.