Oh, there is more to the Runner’s World interview with Sarah Palin than a simple Q&A about the regrets of falling down on the jogging trail and the Secret Service keeping her vile secret. (Which, like everything uttered by Sarah Palin, is also a lie.) There’s a whole photo spread, with seven online pictures of Sarah lookin’ all perky and athletic and just cold mocking John McCain for being a crippled old man who can’t exercise at all: MORE »

The Virgin Palin, Our Lady of Eternal Anger, gave birth to the New Jesus at some point last year — or not, who knows, and now Andrew Sullivan just cares about Iran (which is a good thing!) so we’ll never find out the truth — and ever since it has been both a Cardinal/Venial Sin and Sharia Law that no mortal shall “desecrate” an image of the Sacred One … no one but Sarah Palin herself, because Allah both allows and encourages the use of the Holy Infant as a cheap political prop as long as such cruel hackery is performed by the Virgin Palin herself. MORE »

Famous bad mother Sarah Palin, hot off her successful campaign to fire David Letterman, from television, is now yelling about how some other random person hates or rapes her children. See that photoshop up there of Governor Palin with Bristol Palin’s child, Trig? We thought “Verne Troyer” too, but no, it is the head of conservative Alaskan radio host Eddie Burke, who is in love with Sarah Palin. The terrifying graphic is the work of “the liberal Alaskan blogger, Celtic Diva,” who earlier this month pushed some other story about Todd’s snowmobiling clothes. Now Palin has denounced the blogger through her evil spokesperson Meg Stapleton, who released a statement saying, “The mere idea of someone doctoring the photo of a special needs baby is appalling.” Oh.. oh MEG. MORE »

Remember Sarah Palin, the briefly famous wingnut lady who can’t speak, can’t read and can’t even remember the name of a single newspaper she pretends to read every day? Yeah, she’s getting millions of dollars from HarperCollins to write her “memoirs.” Jesus. She hired a lawyer last year (after she lost the election for McCain) to go after an $11 million advance. MORE »

Bristol Palin appeared on the TODAY show with Matt Lauer, all holding her cute sleeping baby and smiling serenely with her long shiny hair and talking about what hard work parenting is. Really? Because it looks … kind of awesome! All you have to do is fuck some sexy dunderhead once and boom, a year later you are on national teevee looking great with your adorable child and asking teenagers to “learn from your example.” Teenage pregnancy rates are going to skyrocket. [MSNBC]

Yay, it’s Sarah Palin Tuesday! Anybody who reads that sentence and thinks, “Ugh who even cares about that woman, she is as boring as Meghan McCain” is welcome to just go slobber over Foreign Affairs if they thirst so deeply for knowledge. Everyone else can stick around for exciting Sarah Palin Memorial Gun News. MORE »

Here is an official clip prepared by the office of Texas Rep. Joe Barton titled, “Where Does Oil Come From? Question leaves Energy Secretary puzzled.” This title alone should tell you enough about what really happened. MORE »

ALASKA LEGISLATURE REJECTS FAG-HATING KKK ‘LIMA BEAN’ RAPE JOKE MONSTER: We’ve lost Wayne Anthony Ross! Sarah Palin’s wingnut-to-end-all-wingnuts nominee for state Attorney General has been rejected by both houses of the Alaska legislature. Palin’s office released a snippy statement saying, “I’m surprised that legislators in this case really did not seem to represent their constituents and allowed themselves to be swayed by side issues.” Yes, side issues, like how HE LOVES RAPE. [ADN]

Promising young Alaska governor Sarah Palin has selected a nice new fellow named Wayne Anthony Ross to be the state’s Attorney General. He is perhaps the worst selection for anything in politics since that time that John McCain picked Sarah Palin to be his vice president. Just kidding, he’s a stitch! Anyone like RAPE JOKES? Wayne Anthony Ross has good ones! So good that they don’t even *sound* like rape jokes — they’re more like, “endorsements of rape.” MORE »

Sarah Palin’s in the news, everyone! For, let’s see here, lying. While most of her recent lies have been about covering up how that young man, Levi, this one is about how she told the media that she thought Sen. Mark Begich should resign so there can be a “fair” election between him and the very innocent Ted Stevens. The lie she’s telling, of course, is that she NEVER SAID THIS. MORE »

This is going to go on forever — and eventually, it will involve the female participants wrestling in a vat of Taco Bell X-treme ketchup or whatever. Hooray! Now, lest you believe this is somehow “trivial” or “exactly what happens in much of America,” we want to remind you that this woman, Sarah Palin, intends to become President, somehow, and then she will install Trig as “Prince ‘o Peace,” and he will rule the world for 666 years, and then he will nuke it. He is made of nukes, Trig is.

We’re as sick of the Palins as every other idiot on this planet but for some reason HAHAHAHAHAH; when you marry a snowmobile stoner you marry his family too! “Todd Palin’s half-sister was arrested Thursday after police say she broke into a Wasilla home for the second time this week to steal money… Diana Palin, 35, entered a home near Wasilla’s Multi-Use Sports Complex and attempted to steal cash from the owner’s bedroom, police said. She also broke into the same house on Tuesday and stole $400, they said.” ES HARD 2 GET CREDDIT NOWDAYS. [ADN]

• Take a look at NOW! That’s What I Call Michele Bachmann Vol. 1, in which our gal smugly recites lines from The Bald Soprano at confused interlocutors and looks proudly on. [TPM via Gawker]
• Hollywood Box Office is making a feature film about that Lewinsky gal, the one from the 90s! Dennis Quad will be Bill, Julianne Moore will be Hillary, and they’re not getting an actress to play Lewinsky, they’re just going to use old news footage or who knows, maybe cast Cate Blanchett, Richard Gere and an animated Heath Ledger to tag-team it. [Top of the Ticket]
• Rod Blagojevich, an actual toddler who, for a period of time, precociously involved himself in Illinois politics, says he has no regrets, in case you were thinking that he participated in some regretful activities. [CNN Political Ticker]
• Democratic People’s Republic of Alaska will be accepting most of the stiumulus funds, regardless of whatever Sarah Palin refused. [Anchorage Daily News]
• And the good news!: America is still the world’s #1 exporter of vacuous neologisms. USA #1! [Crooks and Liars]