Wonkette

Ha ha, here is the latest New Yorker cover, which proves Sarah Palin is an idiot. Tina Fey should get royalties. Speaking of New Yorkers, did you people know you can get your picture taken with Palin and some fake dead thing? [New Yorker]

Check out this piece from Washington Post “color” writer Dana Milbank detailing the theatrics of the Ted Stevens corruption trial. Ted Stevens’ defense lawyer’s strategy is, of course, to paint Stevens as the Common Man, who likes to go huntin’ and stuff. It’s just his dumb wife who’s actually the miserably corrupt turd Senator: “Yes, Stevens, the first sitting senator to be indicted in a generation, failed to report a home renovation and other pricey gifts from a pipeline company. But, his lawyer told the jury yesterday, it was his wife who reviewed the bills and took care of the finances.” [WP]

OK Sarah LOOK: no one has any fun mocking you anymore. Just please go back to Alaska and continue firing your ex-brother’s sister’s aunt’s abusive husband’s police dog’s baby’s commissioner again, as you were until this dumb butt, McCain, put you on his ticket. Go back to being a GILF. You were so lovely, then. [Gawker]

Well, if the National Enquirer’s latest story isn’t entirely factual we will just eat our hats. Once upon a time Sarah Palin’s husband Todd had a business partner — no, not that one — some snowmobile dealer named Brad Hanson, and Sarah Palin allegedly had an affair with this fellow. You see, Todd was always away on business, but Todd’s business partner stayed home, for the purposes of fucking Todd’s wife, apparently! So says the former brother-in-law of the brother of Hanson’s wife. MORE »

Uncle Ted Stevens, the elderly fraud who “gets hysterical when he has to spend his own money,” will soon be going to trial for various lies related to the renovation of his Alaskan Sex Cabin in the wilds of Girdwood. The good people of the Alaska Wilderness Political Fund will be liveblogging the whole agonizing ordeal, from jury selection to the part where Ted Stevens snaps on the witness stand and declares “This whole court’s out of order!” and gets wheeled off for shock treatments while his Inuit pal throws a marble wash station out the window. Catch it all here. [A Bridge to Justice]

For further proof of just how bumblefuck a state Alaska is, look no further than the ease with which a couple of lawyers for the McCain campaign have destroyed the Troopergate investigation — which was a legitimate issue in Alaska for a while! — after half-assedly skimming off a few handy topic sentences from the Alaskan law code. Todd Palin and several other witnesses were subpoenaed to testify this morning, but no one bothered to show up, and the investigators don’t give a shit. And now the Alaskan legislator in charge of the investigation has announced that the probe will end, as originally scheduled, on October 10, without these key witness reports, cuz whatcha gonna do? MORE »

WHY WAS SHE ALLOWED TO TALK IN THE FIRST PLACE: We want to start ignoring Sarah Palin FOREVER, but then this hilarious shit happens: “CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa (CNN) – Sarah Palin likes to tell voters around the country about how she ‘put the government checkbook online’ in Alaska. On Thursday, Palin suggested she would take that same proposal to Washington … There’s just one problem with proposing to put the federal checkbook online — somebody’s already done it. His name is Barack Obama.” [CNN]

PASSWORD WAS ‘LIPSTICK_PIG’: Oh hey, like every other Republican official in America, Sarah Palin tried to hide her dirty work (and stupid family pictures) by using free Yahoo email accounts. And the HAX0RZ got in there, and our friends at Gawker saved the stuff before it was deleted! (This, for example, is the only known photograph of that poor baby awake/alive.) Oh and probably Dan Rather/Karl Rove faked it all to SHAME OBAMA. [Gawker]

TPM has put together this pretty hilarious clip of highlights from Greta Van Susteren’s special interview with Todd Palin, which aired some time recently. Greta seems stoned off her ass and laughs at a number of her own jokes about the nickname “First Dude,” a term she brings up at least 700 times in her numerous bizarre mini-rants of unfiltered psychobabble. She stares at the ground a lot, and Todd Palin only knows 4-7 words in the entire English language. [TPM]

Here’s a budget commercial for a small-town plumbing and carpentry business… oh no it’s a political ad! And it’s Sarah Palin’s first political ad, in fact, from her mayoral campaign in the global city of Wasilla. The background music is some cheap ’70s parlor jazz straight out of your favorite wood-paneled cocktail lounge, and Sarah pushes her kids on the damn municipal swing set. And if you swing just high enough on that swing set, you can see Russia and its nukes. Know? [YouTube]

Wonkette fancy houses operative “Lesley” sends us this photo of an Obama-supporting meth-mouth’s lab shack, right next to the Alaska governor’s mansion: “I recently took a trip to Juneau, Alaska and was able to visit the governor’s mansion ie: Sarah Palin’s pad. It was pretty funny because all of her neighbors have Obama signs,” Lesley writes, and she has more pictures here. What shantytown of a neighborhood is this white trash palace of hell in? [Today's Special]