Some student at the Univeristy of Alaska-Fairbanks has built a Lego replica of one of the campus' buildings, and here he depicts Alaska's hot governor Sarah Palin attending the groundbreaking. She's even hotter as a freakish piece of plastic. [Ty Keltner, News-Miner]
Ding ding ding, the bun's out of the oven! "America's Hottest Governor" and the one and only GILF of Alaska, Sarah Palin, has delivered her fifth child and second son! Here is the statement from the Governor's office about their new boy, which they have awkwardly named Trig Paxson Van Palin. "Trig is beautiful and already adored by us. We knew through early testing he would face special challenges, and we feel privileged that God would entrust us with this gift and allow us unspeakable joy as he entered our lives. We have faith that every baby is created for good purpose and has potential to make this world a better place. We are truly blessed." Congrats to Sarah, her husband, and Trigger Von Bill Paxton Palin. Enjoy making No. 6, Mr. Palin! [Alaska Report]
PRESIDENT MIKE GRAVEL JOINS LIBERTARIAN PARTY: Former Alaska Sen. Mike Gravel, who we still thought was running for the Democratic nomination for president, has joined the Libertarian Party and may run for president that way, too. Gravel is famous for throwing rocks, yelling at other candidates, and this fantastic rapping video he made. Gravel's exit helps clear the way for a unified Democratic party under Barack Obama, so maybe that Hillary Clinton galoot should get her act together and do the same. [The Trail]
Beloved Alaskan Governor and hot maverick Sarah Palin is seven months pregnant with her fifth kid! She just announced the happy news, and now John McCain's latest hope for a popular female maverick Republican governor on the GOP ticket is gone forever. People will really do just about anything to avoid being John McCain's lady vice presidential candidate who will lose with him in November.
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Alaska Senator Ted Stevens is as ancient and snowy white as the craggy glaciers his people farm in the Land of the Midnight Sun. And despite the fact that he is 1,000 years old and knows nothing about the Internet and is under investigation for graft, he has boldly decided to run for re-election, again.
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Sen. Ted Stevens of Alaska is the president of cereal! This weekend, he participated in Anchorage’s “third-annual Crafters Smackdown,” where raging hobos and salmon construct beautiful “Alaska cereal boxes” as bloodsport. Given the contest’s lax ethics rules, it is no surprise that the most corrupt senator in world history won.
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One brave man had the courage to write in the New York Times this weekend about some of the darkest, most painful days of his life. Days that would make a few waterboardings or even the Full Lieberman seem like child’s play. He was literally cast out upon the waters, trapped on a vessel with only miles of icy Alaskan sea all around, with no respite from the unending torment of Ralph Nader, Richard Dreyfuss, and Katrina vanden Heuvel on what one fellow captive described as “an S.D.S. reunion on the Love Boat.”
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Way back in December 2006, we awarded Alaska’s Sarah Palin the coveted Wonkette title of “America’s Hottest Governor.” Now it’s a year later and Alaska Magazine agrees that Governor Palin is truly our nation’s hottest gubernatorial offering. If you’re in Alaska anytime soon, grab a copy and tell us what the story’s about! [Alaska Magazine]
Hottie Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin has reportedly posed for a Vogue spread for their February issue (which will be available on newsstands in late January). In completely unrelated news, CVS is stocking up for an expected run on moisturizing lotion in January. Because of the cold, dry weather. Obviously. [Anchorage Daily News]
What with the neverending tales of criminality, graft, and senility, prominent Republicans are beginning to put some distance between Ted Stevens and themselves. No, wait, just kidding! Obviously. He’s just the subject of an FBI probe and eleventy billion other investigations, it’s not like he paid some guy to blow him or anything. All of his corrupt old buddies are throwing cash at him and still letting him help run the country.
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Now that Ted Stevens’ son Ben is no longer a corrupt Alaskan state Senator, he needs to find some way to feed the kids he may or may not have. Thankfully, father Ted pulled some strings and got his wayward son a gig with the transportation company Lynden, who, coincidentally, have received $300 million in federal contracts over the last six years, thanks to Ted being a ranking member of the Senate Defense Appropriations committee. Now, how about this job? Cushy desk gig, no doubt?
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Nobody could find Ted Stevens at the Capitol today because he kept disappearing whenever they caught a glimpse of him, but CNN’s Dana Bash chased him down a stairwell or something and this is the hilarious transcript of the videotaped interview, which we’ll try to find for you later. Or just watch CNN; they’ll repeat it soon.
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As the longest-serving Republican Senator ever, Ted Stevens has obviously committed enough crime to make Dutch Schultz blush. He’s less ostentatious than your Duke Cunninghams and less perverted than all those under-70 whippersnappers who keep fucking whores and little boys, though, so we never thought we’d see him go down in our lifetime. Which means it’s a pleasant surprise to see the FBI and IRS raiding his huge ski resort home.
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Hot Bear-On-GILF Alaskan Action!
New quarter design blah blah blah Alaska blah blah blah OMG Sarah Palin continues to be the hottest governor ever.
Grizzly to represent Alaska on quarter [Anchorage Daily News]
Turns out basketball-playing beauty queen Sarah Palin is not America’s Hottest Governor, because she’s actually an ice hobbit of some kind, as proven by this Official Government Photograph.
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