alaska
Sarah Palin Leads ‘Not Sure’ By 8 Points For 2014 Alaska Senate Race
So what if she’s not actually running (yet), and maybe she spends most of her time in Arizona these days, but if she wants the job, a new poll shows bitter quitter Sarah Palin leading the contenders for the 2014 GOP Senate nomination in Alaska. The poll, sponsored by some Tea Party fan fiction club [...]
Alaska Teabaggers Find Exciting Fresh New Face For U.S. Senate (It Is Sarah Palin)
The Tea Party Leadership Fund — wait, what? teabaggers are still a thing? apparently, yes, all both of ‘em — has an AWESOME new plan to save ‘Merica from Harry Reid and the Dumbocrats, and it’s so simple, it can’t fail. It goes like this: 1) Make a website. 2) Use it to encourage other [...]
Alaska Rep. Don Young Sorry He Called All You Spics ‘Wetbacks’
Alaska Congressman Don Young IS SORRY, OKAY? He is sorry he said, “My father had a ranch; we used to have 50-60 wetbacks to pick tomatoes. It takes two people to pick the same tomatoes now. It’s all done by machine.” When he was a young man, that was just how they did. (Note: we [...]
Another Carl Hiaasen Character Escapes Into Reality, Guns Blazing, In Foiled Walmart Scooter Getaway
We’ll admit it’s no “Two Alligators, A Pole Dancer And Pot At Shooting Scene,” but it’s a close second: In Anchorage, Alaska, a double amputee named Daniel Pirtle got into a dispute with Walmart assistant manager Jason Mahi over whether Pirtle could bring his unleashed dog (named “Wookie,” because why not?) into the store. Manager [...]
Watch the Palin Turkey Massacre Again, Because ‘Tradition’
Feeling a bit low this Thanksgiving? A bit like something is just…missing? Likely this is because Wonkette has neglected our sort-of-annual Thanksgiving tradition. As a parade is to Macy’s, Sarah Palin’s interview-cum-turkey-slaughter-horror-show is to Wonkette. And really, what news story is more Wonkette-ish than Sarah Palin yammering on obliviously as turkeys are ground to bits [...]
Wasilla Gentleman Almost Definitely Wouldn’t Lock Disabled Children In The Attic
Wasilla, Alaska, city councilman and state House candidate Mark Ewing is sorry, but if nobody else is going to make the tough choices, he will be the one to stand up and say it: Stop wasting tax money sending disabled kids to school! “We are spending millions and millions of dollars educating children that have [...]
Politicians From America’s Weirdo Unattached States Form Unholy Alliance
There has often emerged from the American electorate a sort of vague, inchoate idea that more “bipartisanship” is needed in our politics. Elitists who are heavily connected to the financial services industry but are cool with abortion and gay people think, completely incorrectly, that this indicates that there’s room for some sort of middle ground [...]
Half-Term First Dude Todd Palin Will Be America’s Newest Reality Star Now, Because
So! Got any exciting TV-watching plans now that “Mad Men” is back on its usual two-year hiatus? Oh, you are going to watch “Stars Earn Stripes,” because that is a thing, and it is going to be hosted by terrifying unblinking robot General Wesley Clark along with “‘Entertainment Tonight’ and ‘Dancing with the Stars’ alum [...]
Shell Celebrates New Arctic Drilling With Malfunctioning Oil Rig-Themed Party (UPDATE: SUPER FAKE)
If you got together a big private party full of Shell Oil Company VIPs in a posh location like the Seattle Space Needle to celebrate the impending start to their new Arctic drilling project off the coast of Alaska, and they decided to mark the occasion by building a scale replica of the real life [...]
Why Is The Jack-Booted Government Arresting All These Nice White Supremacists?
Hello, it is called “freedom to assemble” and “freedom of association” and “freedom of speech” and “freedom to try to manufacture ricin” and it is IN THE CONSTITUTION, SHEEPLE. Why is the government illegally arresting all these various white supremacists just because they are trying to start a race war? Because Barack Obama wants your [...]
Wasilla Idiot Holding Up ‘Year Of The Girl’ Proclamation: Girl Scouts Equal Abortion
Let this delightful tale to see you through your cold and lonely Passover. In Alaska, some senator (not Murkowski) wanted a proclamation from the state of a ‘year of the girl,’ that would also honor the 100th anniversary of the Girl Scouts. The senator asked her student intern to present the measure. Then came Rep. [...]
Alaska GOP Sen. Lisa Murkowski Keeps Not Getting Memo On War On War On Women
GOP Senator Lisa Murkowski, why do you insist on undermining the War on the War on Women? RNC Chair Reince Priebus has said it’s fictional. Kathryn-Jean Lopez twits 17 times a day with links to her one or two columns saying the same thing. Even Ol’ Whatserface, Drinky Nooner — who you know has seen [...]
Poor Old Lisa Murkowski Instantly Regrets Her Blunt Amendment Vote
Independent Republican write-in Sen. Lisa Murkowski spent all weekend getting hollered at by ladies in Alaska over her “yes” vote on last week’s failed Blunt amendment, which would’ve let any employer exclude contraception from its health plan offerings if scary vagina pills offended their pwecious moral or religious fee-fees. Wasn’t Lisa Murkowski supposed to be [...]
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