alaska
Have you ever wished that Texas Rep. Louie Gohmert would stop and take some time to explain what makes caribou want to hump? Sure you have. Here you go: “So when they want to go on a date, they invite each other to head over to the [oil] pipeline,” he says, and you can imagine [...]
Uh-oh, guys, no one wants to pay money to yapping imbecile Sarah Palin for her job of “doing nothing” anymore! RLY SAD BUT TRUE: her insipid, publicly-funded reality teevee show about naked grizzly bear hunting in Alaska or whatever was not renewed for a second season, so she is apparently trying to shop around a [...]
Woaaaah, hey there! Here is a chilling video of Rep. Don Young (R-Alaska) giving himself an actual lobotomy in front of a C-SPAN camera, or maybe just suffering from severe constipation, or having an aneurysm, but in any case something pretty awful is going on with him because his eyes are so bulged out of [...]
Sarah Palin’s brainless gaggle of relatives, offspring and offspring baby daddies do not have the entire monopoly on foolish drunken mayhem in Wasilla, but if you extend that network to cover Sarah Palin’s former employees, yeah, that’s still pretty much it. Ex-Sarah Palin administrative assistant and current Wasilla City Council member Steve Menard got drunk [...]
What are the bitter, unemployed naked young people in Wasilla doing these days between meth come downs? Still aborting America’s collective remaining brain cells one by one with the gale-force toxic winds of their regularly scheduled rants rehashing the gross details of Bristol Palin’s achievements in unprotected sex? Yes, is your answer. Secondary Palin family [...]
Apparently there is a marginally employed woman on Facebook who lives in Alaska and grows children and has opinions about things, lots of them, about political things. Oh look, she found something about politics in her “Saved Documents” folder from last year, she’ll throw that up on the Internet, some sort of rant about the [...]
Are we still talking about the sex lives of former teenagers in Alaska during the Sexy Summer of ’08? Well then, Levi Johnston’s sister, Mercede Johnston, has a hot new blog review of Bristol’s teen vampire fiction, Not Afraid of Publicity. According to Levi’s sister, who knows all about what Bristol did that summer because [...]
Sarah Palin’s incomprehensible hillbilly stardom to the rescue: quit-monster loser Palin will not have to find a way to also “randomly decide to abandon” her jury duty service halfway through just to keep her perfect quit record after recently leaving behind her One Nation bus tour and her trip to Sudan, because the mere fact of [...]
Unlike everyone else furiously competing to uncover new humiliating details within Sarah Palin’s thousands of newly released emails like greedy children searching for a Wonka golden ticket, Fox News reporter Greta Van Susteren will just conduct this slanted, simplistic poll about whether the media is being annoying. The answer is still yes! Congratulations, Lame Stream [...]
Bland suburban daily the Washington Post is asking for one hundred volunteers who want to stab forks into their eyes for a few days and help scour 24,000 Sarah Palin emails to prevent Chris Cilizza from developing a brain tumor reading them on his own. The complete set of official emails from Palin’s tenure as [...]
Beloved welfare farmer and shaving opponent Joe Miller (R-Loser) finally has a political job! Don’t worry, Ivy League Joe still didn’t get elected to anything. Miller is just the chairman of some new Teabagger group dedicated to defeating the evil Mormon liberal elitist French-speaking Obamacare advocate from Taxachusetts, Mitt Romney. “In a matchup against Obama, [...]
In Alaska, tragedy has struck: Sarah Palin’s son Track (who is a person, not a Hot Wheels play set), married a young woman, officially making her a Palin and a part of the Arctic’s largest grifting operation. Around the world, people now grieve for her, as this is pretty much the worst thing that can [...]
Squirmish-y grifter Sarah Palin isn’t getting noticed enough by the media she pretends to hate! This is why the multi-millionaire human fraud and political quitter is begging the Huffington Post to please, please, please keep her in the blog-news cycle. It’s one thing to be a gleefully ignorant demagogue to a bunch of unemployed housebound [...]
Once upon a time, Sarah Palin actually had a job. She was elected governor of Alaska! And, for a few months at least, she often went to work and even made a brief effort to “help Alaskans” who weren’t named Palin. The primary legacy of Sarah Palin’s only actual full-time job was the increased taxes [...]
Sarah Palin’s “Alaska” is already gearing up to dismantle all the unions, forever. But what could make this embarrassing ice colony even more American? Probably a law that would prevent Muslims from honor-killing all the delicate white women, legally, in Alaska court! And hooray, this is exactly what some wingnut state representative wants, and he’s [...]
