Tag: alaska

Wonkagenda: September 16, 2016

You get in here and read your news brief, RIGHT NOW!
This child can't stand Maureen Dowd either

Wonkagenda: Wednesday, September 7, 2016

You get in here and read your news brief, RIGHT NOW!
Clean coal

Republicans’ Awesome Plan For The Economy Basically ‘Hillary Emails’ And Coal

Hey, unemployed takers, were you encouraged by the Make America Work Again plan revealed at the Republican National Convention last night? Turns out that all we really need is a pick, shovel and some gumption, and we'll all be...
Didn't we settle this already? Silly us -- we thought that was the case with the Civil War, too!

GOP Platform Includes Big Wet Kiss To Bundy Terrorist Crowd, Big F-You To Parks And Hippies

The Republican Platform Committee has adopted a position on eliminating federal ownership of public lands that could have been written by deadbeat rancher Cliven Bundy. Who knows, maybe it was!
We'd probably watch this 'Northern Exposure' spinoff.

Nobody Needs To Spell Lisa Murkowski’s Weirdass Name Right This Time: Your Senate Sunday

There are strange things done in the midnight sun, like this year's race for the U.S. Senate. No, we're not going to do a full 'Cremation of Sam McGee' parody, sorry.

Looks Like God Made An Honest Woman Out Of Bristol Palin LOL

Is she pregnant? We are just assuming yes.

Wonkette Nominates Sarah Palin To Be Donald Trump’s Drunk-Ass Speechwriter

Breaking news, and by "breaking" we mean our hearts are BROKEN, because Donald Trump has announced that he's going to try campaigning like a grown-up, instead of like a genocidal megalomaniacal narcissist who's worried his dinky-winky penis stump doesn't...
Portrait of the idiot in her natural surroundings.

Brawlin’ Bristol Palin Wishes ‘Battered’ Breitbart Chick Would Grow Some Stones

Bristol Palin rolled out of bed around 2 in the afternoon, noticed a lump under the covers and wondered if the angel Gabriel had drunk-sexted another gift from God up into her Alaskan Shame Cavern. "Eh, pretty much like...

Little Marco Rubio Drunk-Texts GOP, Begs For One More Hot Night With His Delegates

"WHAT?!" That is what you are saying right now, because you are confused as to why we are talking about "Marco Rubio" and his "delegates" since he unceremoniously dropped out of the 2016 race, after failing so hard he...
Obama's magazine cover JUST KIDDING LOL

In Honor Of Saturday’s Democratic Caucuses, Here Are Some Nakey Pics Of Obama

MADE YOU LOOK. Barack Obama still hasn't accepted our prayer request to do a nakey-time sexy shoot, preferably alongside his new pal Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. But we'll try to give you some O goodness in this post, right...
No sir, she doesn't like it!

Sarah Palin Will Be Half-Term TV Judge Of Whether He Wrong For That Or You Just Hatin’

Sarah Palin is a planner. Do you know how you're going to be grifting off your mouthbreathing fans in the fall of 2017? Sarah Palin does, dontcha know, because she's got #billz to pay. And Sarah knows, from all her...

Sarah Palin Nurses Husband Back To Health By Drunk-Stumping For Trump In Florida

Todd Palin, née Half-Term First Dude née Mr. Mrs. Sarah Palin, had a accident on his snow machine, and it sounded real bad. So bad, in fact, that we interrupted our regular programming, of snorting and snickering at the...

Sarah Palin Quits Thing For Good Reason, For Once

When we first learned, from the internet, that Sarah Palin had up and quit an appearance at a rally for Donald Trump, we made the typical Occam's razor assumptions: Sarah Palin, Patron-Type Lady Saint Person Queen o' Quittin' Stuff, was sleeping...
Turn that poo-face upside down, Sarah.

Half-Term Governor Says Half-Term Senator Too Inexperienced To Be Half-Term President

Shut the front door right now, Sarah Palin, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? Oh, we see, your moose chili bubbleth over with rage over that inexperienced "half-term" Canadian-Cuban Senator Ted Cruz, because he was mean to stupid Trump supporters...

White House: Sarah Palin Might Be A Idiot, But Domestic Violence Is Serious Business

Wednesday afternoon, Sarah Palin explained that her son Track beated up his girlfriend because Barack Obama gave him PTSD. At the time, we said, "OMG WTF ARE YOU GODDAMNED KIDDING US, SARAH?" (Or something like that, with a lot...