Tag Archives: alaska

  Go on and spite that face

Moocher Red States Still Don’t Want Free Healthcare Money With Obama’s Name On It

Morans
While more than half of our American U.S. states are proficient enough at math to conclude that free dollars from the federal government to expand healthcare access to low-income citizens is a really good deal, some Republicans who are terrible at math and terrible at legislating and terrible in general still can’t quite add it up. Five years after passage of the Affordable Care Act, some red states are still debating, or outright refusing, free money because they just really REALLY hate President Obama: Read more on Moocher Red States Still Don’t Want Free Healthcare Money With Obama’s Name On It…
  Followed by Faghatin' Fridays and Sexist Saturdays

Army Unit Has ‘Racial Thursdays’ Tradition To Relieve Stress Of Not Being Racist The Other Days

Come to serve your country, stay for the constant racial denigration!
Who is in trouble for racism this time? Oh, hello, it is a platoon of soldiers at Fort Wainwright in Alaska who have allegedly been holding an unauthorized “Racial Thursdays” event, where everybody gets to say all the awful racist shit that they’ve been thinking the whole week, but have had to swallow, due to the pressures of being civilized human beings: Read more on Army Unit Has ‘Racial Thursdays’ Tradition To Relieve Stress Of Not Being Racist The Other Days…
  it's the ciiiiiiircle of life

Alaska’s Don Young: Let Wolves Kill All The Homeless People, Then We Can Kill All The Wolves!

You will be pleased to know that Alaska’s Republican Rep. Don Young has opened his mouth hole again. Did he say that people commit suicide because their friends and families aren’t supportive enough? Did he confess to murdering somebody for touching him on the arm? Did he wax nostalgically about his days on the farm, what with the “wetbacks” pickin’ all their tomatoes? NO, those were other times he opened the latch on his brain and let things spew forth. This time he just said that hey, you know what would fix homelessness? Wolves would fix homelessness, all y’all cities got homeless people because you ain’t got no wolves runnin’ free: Read more on Alaska’s Don Young: Let Wolves Kill All The Homeless People, Then We Can Kill All The Wolves!…
  Science Is Hard So Don't Believe It

Scientists Directly Observe Greenhouse Effect, Like That Proves Anything

Atmospheric Emitted Radiance Interferometer near Barrow, Alaska. Note that there's still snow. SO FAKE.
In some pretty cool science that won’t change the mind of a single climate denier, climate scientists have observed carbon dioxide trapping heat in the atmosphere, which you’d think would be enormously important evidence that would put an end to the “debate” over global warming. We’re going to have to call Salon’s headline about the news just a tad optimistic, though: “Scientists stick it to climate deniers: Study provides direct evidence that human activity is causing global warming.” Read more on Scientists Directly Observe Greenhouse Effect, Like That Proves Anything…
  Wild Thing

Obama To Save Lazy Polar Bears Even Though They Don’t Even Have Jobs

Look at these arctic fox babies. LOOK AT THEM
This post supported by a grant from the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair For Occasional Coverage of Not Spilling Oil All Over the Damn Planet With the Republicans’ top priority being the building of a pipeline to transport some of the dirtiest petroleum on the planet, we’re pretty chuffed to see that Barack Obama is replying by announcing Sunday that he’d very much like to designate Alaska’s Arctic National Wildlife Refuge as protected wilderness, so it won’t be drilled, baby, drilled. Wilderness designation would make the 12 million acres of the Refuge permanently off-limits to development, including oil exploration. Obama announced the plan with a pretty nifty video: Read more on Obama To Save Lazy Polar Bears Even Though They Don’t Even Have Jobs…
  a day in the life

TLC Invites You To Watch Maybe-Gay Mormons Ice Skate, Try Not To Think About Naked Guys

We’ve come to expect a certain level of quality and self-awareness from The Learning Channel, which has brought us such chronicles of the human condition as Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, 90-Day Fiancee, and Sarah Palin’s Alaska. From this august tradition comes their new one-hour special, My Husband’s Not Gay, in which Mormon guys who like other guys show us how fun it is for them to be married to women. Read more on TLC Invites You To Watch Maybe-Gay Mormons Ice Skate, Try Not To Think About Naked Guys…
  kickstarter to shut these bitches up already jesus

Sarah Palin’s Brother Learning The Art Of The Sweet Sweet Grift

lol
We’ve had a lot of fun over the years laughing until we puked about how former half-term governor Sarah Palin loves to fleece rubes. (You and your family should probably check Grandma’s bank statements before you send her to the home.) But did you know grifting is an art you can learn? It’s true! Just ask Palin’s brother, Chuck Heath Jr., who has a kickstarter up for the fine and noble purpose of buying Chuck Heath Jr. some new camera equipment! Let’s see what Brotherquitter has to say! Read more on Sarah Palin’s Brother Learning The Art Of The Sweet Sweet Grift…
  never forget

Oh, Yes, We Have The Palin Turkey Massacre Again, Because ‘Tradition’

Feeling a bit low this Thanksgiving? A bit like something is just…missing? Could be because you have been waiting, longing, for Wonkette’s sort-of-annual Thanksgiving tradition. As a parade is to Macy’s, Sarah Palin’s interview-cum-turkey-slaughter-horror-show is to Wonkette. And really, what news story is more Wonkette-ish than Sarah Palin yammering on obliviously as turkeys are ground to bits behind her by the most stereotypically gomer-ish guy Alaska could produce? Read more on Oh, Yes, We Have The Palin Turkey Massacre Again, Because ‘Tradition’…
  don't bogart the vote

Burning Issues: Is That Weed On Your Ballot?

Our great nation is in danger of falling under the influence of Reefer Madness this Election Day, with weed-related ballot questions in three states plus that fake state the “District of Columbia.” America, what has gotten into you? It’s almost like rational adults started interpreting statistics that say marijuana is less dangerous than alcohol to mean that they should maybe try making pot not such a huge crime. Read more on Burning Issues: Is That Weed On Your Ballot?…
  strange but true but strange

Sarah Palin Is A Communist RINO Now

Niche lifestyle brand Sarah Palin has endorsed a Democrat in Alaska’s race for governor. Really! Former Gov. Sarah Palin has endorsed gubernatorial candidate Bill Walker. […] “Last night my family, along with Byron and Toni Mallott, and our campaign staff attended a reception hosted by Todd and Sarah Palin at their lakeside property in Wasilla,” said Walker in a press release sent Wednesday. Bill Walker is not a Democrat; he’s a Palin pal who’s running as an independent. But Byron Mallott, Walker’s running mate since the two teamed up in a ballot reshuffle to screw over incumbent Republican Sean Parnell, totally nominally is a Democrat! Read more on Sarah Palin Is A Communist RINO Now…
  Only Ten Million Votes Short Of A Heartbeat Away

Let’s All Listen To Track And Bristol Palin, And Laugh And Laugh

Can't be too careful
Update: Additional fun audio at end of post. Thank god for responsive government! We’ve already seen the police reports, and now Anchorage Police have released audio from their interviews with witnesses at the scene of the Great Wasillabilly Rumble. The recordings are a veritable treasure trove of alcohol-fueled rage, privilege, and score settling. There’s the Big Drama over Track’s maybe-lost St. George necklace, a talisman through which God Almighty bestowed His protection upon the War Hero: Read more on Let’s All Listen To Track And Bristol Palin, And Laugh And Laugh…
  It Could Happen

How Every Endangered Senate Democrat Will Win In November, Because Why Not

The first time I set eyes on Nate Silver, I just got that old-fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone him.
It looks like Republicans are probably going to control the Senate next year despite how people don’t like them, according to Nate Silver’s FiveThirtyEight blog and other respected nerds. In 2012, Silver famously predicted the winner of every Senate race, which was an impressive achievement for him but so boring for us. It was like finding your Christmas/”holiday” presents early. You’ll go through the motions of unwrapping your Regrets Her Abortion Barbie and Nature Despoiled II: The Warmening For Sega SexBox, but there’s no climax. The moment is flaccid; that is to say, unsuited to penetrating intercourse, never mind entertainment. Read more on How Every Endangered Senate Democrat Will Win In November, Because Why Not…
  another one bites the dust

Alaska District Court Undermines The Sanctity Of Bristol Palin’s Marriage

Image via Celebrities in Disgrace Another state falls to the scourge of recognizing that gay Americans are just like not-gay Americans and therefore deserve all the same rights, just like regular Americans, because they are regular Americans. This time, the honor goes to up there in Alaska. Read more on Alaska District Court Undermines The Sanctity Of Bristol Palin’s Marriage…
  no touching!

Alaska Congressman Don Young Confesses Murder

Don Young, he’s this guy. Congressman from Alaska. Calls people wetbacks. Did whatever this was. Reacts pretty bizarrely when anyone touches his arm. You know: totally normal behavior. So who accidentally touched Don Young’s arm this week? And will that person get murdered? Yes. Read more on Alaska Congressman Don Young Confesses Murder…
  Wasilla Poll Dancers

Alaska Pretty Sure Sarah Palin Clan Is Hilarious Fighty Garbage

It's the Wasillabilly Bayeux Tapestry
One reason to love Public Policy Polling (PPP): They often throw in an extra question near the end of the poll, about something goofy, simply because they can. Like asking Ohio voters who was responsible for killing Osama bin Laden: Barack Obama or Mitt Romney? (Weep for America: 15 percent said Romney, 47 percent said “unsure.”) Or asking Republicans who think Benghazi is the worst political scandal in history if they know where Benghazi is. In their new poll of Alaska voters, PPP added one extra question about the Great Wasillabilly Bumfight of 2014: Read more on Alaska Pretty Sure Sarah Palin Clan Is Hilarious Fighty Garbage…
  Saturday Night's All Right For Fighting

Palin Rumble Update: Palins Didn’t Start The Fight, They Just Finished It

Details still trickling in
More details continue to emerge regarding the Great Big Palin Brawl of ’14. We aren’t going to go into all the various he-said/she-said/she-screeched-like-a-demented-hellbeast scenarios, but the basics are that a whole bunch of Palins got into a punching match with a number of lesser mortals at a Sept. 6 birthday party in Anchorage, apparently because Track Palin took exception to the presence of a former boyfriend of young Arbor Day Palin. Read more on Palin Rumble Update: Palins Didn’t Start The Fight, They Just Finished It…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Two Jews Walk Into Wasilla

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented by Fartknocker
“So Todd just comes beepin’ up — be-boppin’ on up stairs, right? Um…interrupted me a little bit…and he says, ‘Hey, Sarah, there’s these two really nice guys from New Jersey, they’re in the dri–.’ C’mere, Todd!” Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Two Jews Walk Into Wasilla…
  fa-fa-fa-fa-fashion

What To Wear To Your Late Summer Brawl: The Palin Family’s Fashion Do’s!

Late summer. The perfect time to crash a birthday party, punch the host in the face multiple times, and shriek obscenities at all and sundry. But WHAT TO WEAR? If you are Sarah Palin, the answer is “platform shoes with American flags on them.” You guys, I think I just got hard. Let’s glean more fashion tips from the Palin clan, along with the latest from witnesses on how the fight started, who punched whom and who choked someone out (Todd. Todd choked someone out), and the level of shirtlessness on certain Palin family eldest sons. It’s not the first time the Palins have graced our fashion pages, but it might just be the best. Read more on What To Wear To Your Late Summer Brawl: The Palin Family’s Fashion Do’s!…
  Juneau about this fight? No but Alaska!

Palins Scalp Witness To Their Epic Snowbilly Battle As First Sort Of Reported By Your Wonkette

Klassy as fuck
Important updates are flying in left and right regarding the big Anchorage birthday party dust-up involving America’s favorite hillbilly family that doesn’t count a child named Honey Boo Boo among its ranks. (Which, when we think about it, is kind of surprising.) We are speaking, of course, of grifter queen Sarah Palin, husband Todd, and their brood of geographically named children. Let’s brawlsplore! Read more on Palins Scalp Witness To Their Epic Snowbilly Battle As First Sort Of Reported By Your Wonkette…