Just hours ago, we brought you the charming story of Mitt, Rudy, Walnuts and Fred saying “no thanks, black people” to the Tavis Smiley debate at the “historically black college in Baltimore.” Well guess who else gets no love from the Republican Frontrunners? Poor white people who believe in Jesus! MORE »

Supporters of Alan Keyes plan on attending the Iowa Straw Poll to float their guy as a potential presidential candidate, because only he possesses the kryptonite ring that can stop Barry Hussein. [AlanKeyes.com via Political Wire]

Now that people have actually looked at Fred Thompson and realized he’s not Sam Watterson but is actually a lazy mumbler who marries strippers, the search is on for a candidate who is actually a reincarnated Reagan. And as last night’s atrocious debate proved, none of those geeks will ever be president of anything. MORE »

* Heard on the Hill: Rep. Jesse Jackson, Jr. makes every member of his staff turn in their resignation, then wait to be rehired… Rep. Mike Pence wore a flashy new suit! He’s running for Minority Leader, so a second suit can’t hurt… Isaac Hayes was on The Hill lobbying for the recording industry. Also, he’s a Scientologist. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Redskins owner/obvious bastard Dan Snyder will be attending Tom Cruise’s cult wedding… More Shelley Sekula-Gibbs, still no details on just how “mean.” [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: As a publicist has already made sure to alert us, Eva Longoria was in town. She told a few jokes at a luncheon or something… Jim McGreevey might be on Joan Rivers’ new show, the Gay View… Freshmen Senators are stuck in the basements of Dirksen and Hart, Bob Corker and Sherrod Brown forced to share copier. [Examiner]
* Under the Dome: George Allen’s sister Jennifer wrote stories even dirtier than Jim Webb’s… Alan Keyes, Rep. Chip Pickering (R-Miss.) and former Rep. Bob Barr (R-Ga.). are all in Borat… Senators-elect Sherrod Brown and Amy Klobuchar are former students of Joe Lieberman at Yale… Rep. Allyson Schwartz (D-Pa.) reports: Congress is like High School! [The Hill]

The Washington Times reports that the brave patriots voluntarily patrolling the southern border armed only with folding chairs and the equivalent of gaydar for finding Mexicans aren’t so good at watching their own money, which has vanished like so many wetbacks in the desert night. MORE »