Alan Keyes Convinces Some Hobo Party To Nominate Him
Wednesday, July 16th, 2008
Alan Keyes’ political career has been a constant series of embarrassing failures, so pathetic that even Keyes recently referred to himself as this: “I kind of represent, in political terms, the abortion.” In recent years, his unmitigated disasters include losing to Barry Obama in the 2004 Illinois Senate race by ~250%, sneaking into a Republican debate in Iowa late last year only to complain to the moderator for 63 seconds about not getting 60 seconds of speaking time, and losing the Constitution Party’s nomination a few months ago to some schmo named Chuck Baldwin, a known Paultard. Today, however, we received a press release telling us the glamorous news: “American Independent Party of California Nominates Alan Keyes for President.” Even though he finally won a nomination for something, this surely stands as his most spectacular failure yet. MORE »
Alan Keyes’ political career has been a constant series of embarrassing failures, so pathetic that even Keyes recently referred to himself as this: “I kind of represent, in political terms, the abortion.” In recent years, his unmitigated disasters include losing to Barry Obama in the 2004 Illinois Senate race by ~250%, sneaking into a Republican debate in Iowa late last year only to complain to the moderator for 63 seconds about not getting 60 seconds of speaking time, and losing the Constitution Party’s nomination a few months ago to some schmo named Chuck Baldwin, a known Paultard. Today, however, we received a press release telling us the glamorous news: “American Independent Party of California Nominates Alan Keyes for President.” Even though he finally won a nomination for something, this surely stands as his most spectacular failure yet. MORE »









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Alan Keyes today beat 400,000 ex-presidents, or just himself, in the Constitution Party’s nomination straw poll! What is wrong with him? He can’t save the Constitution, only Ron Paul can do that. Or is that just racism? We do not know what any of this means as far as Hillary and Barack in Amish country goes. But it absolutely means something. [
… almost 3:1 over McCain. But the real story is Alan Keyes, who earned more than twice the votes of Rudy Giuliani and Fred Thompson combined. The Keyes SURGE, it’s finally happening! [
Wonkette operative Brian Ries took this photo of secret masturbation in Bushwick, Brooklyn, NY. Since this person must be a hippie, who is he masturbating for — Alan Keyes?
Middling presidential candidate