Tag Archives: alan grayson

  the new york times has noticed florida man

Let’s Shoot Up A School Bus On Our Way To The Gun Show: Your Florida Roundup

Remember, kids, guns don’t kill people, people kill people (with guns)
  Is there an image that better sums up Florida? No, there is not. The story behind this is quite sad — two young girls were shot on a school bus; their injuries are thankfully not life-threatening — and not really the Times-Union’s fault, even though its editorial page is a cauldron of right-wing nonsense much of the time. Perhaps someone on the production end should have seen this and thought something amiss. But this is Florida, so that didn’t happen. Read more on Let’s Shoot Up A School Bus On Our Way To The Gun Show: Your Florida Roundup…
  florida. man.

Guns, Boob Leaks, And Wack Doogie Howser: Your Florida Roundup

God’s Waiting Room did not disappoint this week, so let’s dive right in! We’ll begin in Florida’s northeast corner, the part that would probably rather be Georgia (and not the good parts of Georgia), where the good sheriff of Duval County has put his finger on what’s really to blame for all these people shooting each other (no, it’s not the freakishly easy access to guns or the endemic poverty and deteriorating safety net, don’t be silly): Read more on Guns, Boob Leaks, And Wack Doogie Howser: Your Florida Roundup…
  A Gag Order Would Be Redundant

Alan Grayson’s Bigamist Wife Has Leaking Boob Sacs, We Are Done Here

Artist's representation
Just about everything about Florida Democrat Alan Grayson’s divorce from his wife, Lolita (yes really) has been gross and vaguely horrible, like the claim that he assaulted her (or maybe he didn’t) and his contention that their marriage was invalid from the get-go because she never properly divorced her first husband. Read more on Alan Grayson’s Bigamist Wife Has Leaking Boob Sacs, We Are Done Here…
  Many Bocans Died For These Plans

Florida GOP Vaporizes Obamacare With Fully Operational Free Market Alternative

Now, observe the power of the free market!
Florida Republicans had a great idea: Instead of expanding Medicaid under the socialist tyranny of Obamacare, they’d let the Free Market show off what it could do. So they spent $900,000 to build a website that would allow Floridians to buy private health insurance plans from participating companies. Competition would surely lead everyone to a terrific deal! And in the six months since Florida Health Choices (floridahealthchoices.net) went online, it has proven to be a huge success, signing up 30 people, which is almost as many as the 984,000 Floridians who decided to just go with the regular socialist Obamacare options instead. Expanding Medicaid, on the other hand, would have only brought health insurance to 764,000 people who make too much money for Medicaid now, but don’t qualify for subsidies under Obamacare, so Florida Republicans can be proud that they have provided a real incentive to hundreds of thousands of people to get rich so they can not die from treatable illnesses. Read more on Florida GOP Vaporizes Obamacare With Fully Operational Free Market Alternative…
  D-I-V-O-R-C-E

Alan Grayson’s Divorce Just Got Even Grosser

Time for us to check in once again on Rep. Alan Grayson (D-America’s Dingus) and his terrible divorce that we very reluctantly wrote about a few weeks back. We say “reluctantly” not because we are liberals who live up the ass of the establishment, but because we didn’t think Grayson’s “exculpatory” video was as exculpatory as the rest of you establishment-ass-living-liberals did. Then yesterday the whole thing got weird when Grayson’s lawyers filed a counter to Lolita Grayson’s divorce petition (Lolita? Seriously dude, that wasn’t a sign?). The new papers allege that despite having always maintained she had been divorced from her first husband for several years before meeting the future congressman, Lolita was in fact still married to one Robert Carson, and only secretly finalized the divorce in 1994, four years after she and Grayson married. Which makes her a bigamist. Which gives Alan Grayson legal ammunition to ask for an annulment on the grounds that his marriage was never legal in the first place. Yuck. Read more on Alan Grayson’s Divorce Just Got Even Grosser…
  you asked for it

Fine, Here Is Your Not Entirely Exculpatory Vid Of Alan Grayson’s Wife Whaling On Him With A Claw Hammer

Look, we are also VERY SAD when a prominent Dem does — or is accused of doing — something wrong, but we have to write about it, you know, we really do. And damn, we would really love it if the domestic violence accusation against Alan Grayson turned out to be nothing but overheated vapor in an ugly divorce. Lord knows there’s never a shortage of false or exaggerated claims in custody disputes — then again, there’s never a shortage of actual abuse, either. So very many of you tipped and emailed and tweetered us this new development: a cell phone video of part of Saturday’s confrontation between Alan Grayson and his wife Lolita, taken by Grayson aide Juan Lopez, who Grayson says came along in case there was trouble. Alan Grayson’s lawyer Mark NeJame says the video shows Lolita Grayson delivering a “right uppercut” to the congressman’s head; we’d call it a slap or maybe a push, but OK. After the jump, we shall look more closely at the video and get all Kevin-Costner Zapruder Film-y on it. Note how Mr. Grayson steps back, and to the…um, to the right. Read more on Fine, Here Is Your Not Entirely Exculpatory Vid Of Alan Grayson’s Wife Whaling On Him With A Claw Hammer…
  jerks

Florida Democrat Alan Grayson’s Mouth No Longer Most Dangerous Thing About Him, Allegedly

So here is one of those stories that you really hope turns out not to be true, but it doesn’t look good: Florida Democrat Alan Grayson has been accused by his wife of having a “history of physical violence,” and a judge has issued a temporary protective injunction against him following an incident Saturday in which she says he shoved her against a door. Yes, yes, innocent until proven, and they’re getting divorced so tempers run high, and Grayson’s office issued a statement saying that Lolita Grayson’s claims are “absolutely false, completely unfounded, and clearly designed to vilify and harm Congressman Grayson” and also claims that she attacked him. But she’s the one whose filing for a protective order included photos of “large bruises to her left leg and left shoulder.” And we know that judges tend not to just issue protective orders based on a whim; the Orange County Sheriff’s Office is also conducting a domestic violence investigation. So, much though we like Alan Grayson as a politician, it’s looking like this mommyblog may have to shake its head and wonder how somebody we liked so much could turn out to be such a violent asshole, allegedly. Read more on Florida Democrat Alan Grayson’s Mouth No Longer Most Dangerous Thing About Him, Allegedly…
  reducing the surplus population

Charlie Crist Wants To Know Why Rick Scott Is Sucking The Blood From All Those Poors

Former Florida Governor Charlie Crist would like to get that job back, please, and now that he is no longer a RINO and has gone Full Democrat, he is serious about sounding like it. Which is why he is accusing current Gov. Rick Voldemort of putting the Dark Mark on Florida’s Poors, by not expanding Medicaid under the Affordable Care Act. In an interview on MSNBC Friday, Crist told Chuck Todd, “About a million of my fellow Floridians are not getting health care today, and I am told by friends SEIU [sic], that means six people in Florida die every day as a result of that. Every day.” We are going to assume that the [sic] there indicates he meant to say “my friends at SEIU,” though it would maybe be cool if the Quakers were unionizing. Yr Wonkette wouldn’t usually stand up for the likes of Rick Scott, but we just want to point out that he actually does have a healthcare initiative for poor people — he gives them drug tests. Read more on Charlie Crist Wants To Know Why Rick Scott Is Sucking The Blood From All Those Poors…
  why won't the witness stop hitting himself?

Darrell Issa Takes Fake Obamacare Hearings On The Road, The Better To Exclude People Who Love Their New Insurance

We bet this will come as a huge surprise: In his traveling road show of “hearings” on the ACA rollout, Darrell Issa has hand-picked the people testifying, and has excluded people who want to speak in favor of the Affordable Care Act. In Gaston County, North Carolina, two women who requested to speak at the hearings told a local TV station that that they had written to Issa, saying they wanted to testify, but neither received a reply from his office. One of them, Dana Wilson of Charlotte, has Multiple Sclerosis and until the ACA had been unable to get any insurance at all. And while we can only tolerate Ed Schultz in very small doses, we really have to agree with him on this: “I’d like to see Issa tell this lady right here with MS that she is going to be denied coverage because of a pre-existing condition,” Schultz said, pointing at a shot of Wilson. “That’s what he wants. He’s protecting the corporations. Darrell Issa should be ashamed of himself for his one-sided political pandering.” Hahaha, Darrell Issa does not talk to people like her. Why would he? Read more on Darrell Issa Takes Fake Obamacare Hearings On The Road, The Better To Exclude People Who Love Their New Insurance…
  welcome to post-racial america

Reince Priebus Celebrates Opposite Day By Blaming Obama For ‘Culture Of Hatred’

When we woke up this morning, we felt a disturbing vibe that left us with a dread akin to the thought of motorboating Chris Christie’s moobs. We soon realized that this was not the fault of the sweet, god-fearing, kindhearted and ultra-loving GOP, but rather because we were drowning in a sea of hatred, spawned by our Dark Overlord of Anti-Hope. At least, that’s what the Leader of Enlightment Itself, RNC head Reince Priebus, had to say, per Politico: Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus ripped President Barack Obama for creating a “culture of hatred” in which Democrats are likening the GOP to the Ku Klux Klan. “It’s the culture that the president’s cultivated here. A culture of dishonesty, a culture of hatred,” Priebus said Monday on Fox News’s “Hannity.” Clearly the man with the unpronounceable name is correct, and Democrats are spreading a culture of hatred around the country and ginning up race-related fears with KKK references. Let’s sexplore this phenomenon.  Read more on Reince Priebus Celebrates Opposite Day By Blaming Obama For ‘Culture Of Hatred’…
  hyperbole and a halfwit

Allen West Wishes Barack Obama Would Try Being More Black For A Change

Professional conservative victim Allen West took to Fox News yesterday to condemn the incredible insensitivity and unspeakable atrocity of a “despicable, demeaning, and disgusting” email by Florida congressman Alan Grayson that compared the Tea Party to the KKK. West, whose job is to condemn all liberals for mentioning racism until it’s time for him to proclaim himself the victim of a racist attack, recalled how terrified he was as a young black man growing up in the South, and wondered why civil rights leaders hadn’t condemned Grayson for his dumb hyperbole, because an exaggerated comparison of the Tea Party to the KKK is apparently exactly the same as the actual KKK burning a cross or bombing a church. Read more on Allen West Wishes Barack Obama Would Try Being More Black For A Change…
  obese symbolism

Florida Congressional Candidate Likens Obama’s Term to Slave Ship

Mark Oxner, a Republican running for Congress in Florida’s brand new 27th district, which will include parts of Orlando, just released this ad, which he promises to be the first of many. It depicts President Obama as a pirate who enslaves children to row his ship to its demise over a waterfall. Former Florida Representative and generally not-to-be-out-sassed Democrat Alan Grayson, who’s running again this year after losing his seat in 2010, plays the role of Obama’s parrot. “I just love this ship,” says some delusional Obama supporter as the boat makes its way to the edge of life and Oxner’s brilliant videographer Vernon Furniss fades out the sinister circus music and fades in some hotel lounge piano jazz, just because. THERE IS EVEN A WE-SLEEP-IN-SEPARATE-BATHTUBS CIALIS AD REFERENCE. Read more on Florida Congressional Candidate Likens Obama’s Term to Slave Ship…
  the high ground

Ad Proves DEMOCRATS Can Accuse REPUBLICANS of Being Terrorists

Alan Grayson really wants to keep his House seat in Florida, which means he has a new ad out saying his opponent is a member of the Taliban. That’s fun! That is a fun way to disagree with your opponent on the issues! The Islamicists are coming to central Florida, and they are going to impose their Sharia on the Mickey Mouse and the Orlando Magic. But they are going to do it by pretending to be fundamentalist Christian white guys who are running for Congress and are named after famous American statesmen. (Democrats are not that good at this whole “My opponent is a wily Muslim” thing, but they will hopefully get there with time.) Read more on Ad Proves DEMOCRATS Can Accuse REPUBLICANS of Being Terrorists…
  rumors on the internets

Mike Huckabee Doesn’t Care About All Of The Gross Stuff Gay People Do To Their Dogs

Angelina Jolie recolonized The Congo so that Brangelina could adopt as many precious diamonds and African orphans as humanly possible. [The Daily Dish] On a similar note: Mike Huckabee just wants you to know that babies do not = puppies, these are two different things, and yeah the gays can sodomize as many adopted puppies as they see fit but babies? Gay people shouldn’t be allowed to own those things. [Daily Intel] Read more on Mike Huckabee Doesn’t Care About All Of The Gross Stuff Gay People Do To Their Dogs…
  alan grayson sure is nutty!

BLACKWATER SAVES ALAN GRAYSON FROM EVIL LAND: Last week, beloved rich smartass liberal Rep. Alan Grayson was chillin’ in Niger when, oh shit, a military coup went down and he almost got shot and killed. Thankfully a Blackwater or “Xe” subsidiary’s jet was there to fly him to safety. Can you spin this one yourself? Probably, but anyway: Shouldn’t liberal Alan Grayson reconsider his criticism of military contractors’ central role in American wars, now that a plane has saved him from another country? Ugh! [Mother Jones] Read more on …
  lorne michaels are you paying attention?

In Which Steve LaTourette (R-OH) Competes With Alan Grayson For A Regular Gig At Second City

Watch Republican Congressman Steve LaTourette toss off sassy bon mots interspersed with his A-game impressions of Fran Drescher as an infant. Congress has a two-drink minimum for a reason, people. [via The Awl] Read more on In Which Steve LaTourette (R-OH) Competes With Alan Grayson For A Regular Gig At Second City…