alabama

Alabama, you have given this nation so much: George Wallace, Bull Connor, Roy Moore, insanely restrictive abortion laws, Richard Shelby AND Jeff Sessions in the same Congress, crappy Neil Young songs, and even crappier Lynrd Skynrd responses. Your generosity in contributing to this nation’s civic and cultural life is so vast, we can never repay […]

Big news, everyone! No, not this stupid WND story about an attempt to appeal a birther lawsuit to the Alabama Supreme Court — that’s not especially surprising, and as always, birthers can go drink a dick. The really big news is that birthers have finally Frank Luntzed their branding: apparently the preferred nomenclature is now […]

There’s been a lot of talk about the Constitution lately — we must all defend it, you know, even the kids. We have a constitutional right to guns, for example, so anyone suggesting laws against rocket launchers is a tool of the devil, or at least of the Kenyan in the White House. However, when […]

Let’s have a round of applause for Alabama state Rep. Patricia Todd, the state’s only openly gay legislator, who is trying yet again to delete a particularly idiotic provision of Alabama’s sex education law. Currently, state law requires sex ed classes to teach, inaccurately, that gay sexytime is a “criminal offense.” While it’s true that […]

The Daily Caller has an uncharacteristically non-shitty (we mean, it’s not totally non-shitty, but it definitely downplays the shittiness) story about the number of children who are getting government food assistance. That number is more than one in four, which is a lot of families who otherwise might not have food on them! Reporter Caroline […]

Well, darn those radical feminists at the ACLU, they are interfering with what appears to be the educational fad du jour, sex-segregated classes. While we remember some of the “Oh Noes, Feminism is a War Against Boys” nonsense from a decade ago, and there’s no end of whining about the alleged excesses of feminism, we […]

Lots of red-blooded US Merkins love America so much they want to LEAVE IT (because Kenyan Mooslim Sharia Oppression and such). But one such patriot is a little more interesting! Sup, guy who started Alabama’s secession petition Derrick Belcher, 45, of “Chuncula”? “Blah blah libertarianism, RON PAUL!!!1!, freedom, not-racist, hard-working, etc.” Oh yes, here it […]

Hey Winfield, Alabama, why you so mad at this pastor, Rev. William Collier, who just wants to hold whites-only conference for whites-only pastors, because of religious liberty, and because he doesn’t have the “facilities” to accomodate other races? (Quick: what “facilities” might he need? Slave quarters? A jail cell? A chicken deep-fryer? A kosher kitchen? […]

What is REAL AMERICA up to these days, hm? How are REAL AMERICAN HEROES, like police officers, for example, weathering the economic chaos of the past half decade or so? Turns out they are weathering it with lots of fun toys like tanks and machine guns, thanks to a “program” that allows them to acquire […]

The board that oversees Alabama’s Public TV network has fired two top managers who, for some crazy reason, didn’t want to go along with board members’ innovative programming idea to air a 10-part revisionist history of the US produced by renowned fake historian David Barton. After news of the June 12 firings broke, four members […]

Mississippi Rep. Lester “Bubba” Carpenter is so happy with the “progress” that ensued when Governor Phil Bryant passed a law to ensure that Mississippi abortion providing doctors have admitting privileges at hospitals (shortly after signing the bill into law, Bryant announced that the Democrats’ “one mission in life is to abort children”). To Bubba, this […]

Sad Bill Johnson, Alabama’s former head of economic and community affairs and failed attempted governor of the state, has apparently left his wife and absconded to New Zealand, where he has set off on a task of inserting his johnson into any woman who will have him because he has decided that sanctified life, as […]

Hi. Tonight we are reminded that this country has 50 states and even some territories, and each must have her chance to say, “Ahem” regarding positions of power. It’s time for us to tune in to Mississippi and Alabama (and later, after this Wonkette has gone to bed at 8PM PST or so, Hawaii) and […]

“Evolution is hogwash” will be the winner of Tuesday’s Mississippi Republican primary, followed by “Barack Obama is so a secret Muslim” according to this exciting new PPP survey. Newt Gingrich, Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum will all run a pathetic third through fifth place with only around 30% of the voters’ nods each. But try […]

Why aren’t teachers allowed to earn more money according to Alabama state Senator/ evil leprechaun “Shadrack McGill?” Uh, because it is against the Bible to trick people who are not supposed to be teachers according to God’s will into wanting to be teachers just for the sweet, sweet salary. “It’s a Biblical principle. If you […]