al qaeda
Louie Gohmert Ponders: Can Anyone Tell These Arabs And Messicans Apart?
Actual Sekrit Chatcave Dialogue: Dok Z: Has Louie Gohmert actually not yet said anything stupid about Boston yet? Rebecca S: According to twitter he has said something about something, but I do not know what. Tapatio? Dok Z (after quick Google search): Oh, there we go! See, I thought I was joking. But he came [...]
Today’s Gun News Takes Delightfully Refreshing Turn For The Surreal
For those of you following our never-ending soap opera regarding our nation’s love affair with chrome-plated dildos of death, this week has been horribly depressing and not at all full of news that’s appropriate for your preferred source for pictures of silver bears in lingerie. Between the incredibly cheery multiple “toddler shoots ___” stories to [...]
Heroic Truth-Teller Mark Steyn: Big Bird Killed Our Ambassador In Libya
Here, let the National Review’s Mark Steyn tell you what’s wrong with Sesame Street. Basically: everything. It is why we are falling apart as a country. Babying children with images of friendly monsters leads to the widespread perception that the world outside your own home isn’t scary, and before you know it, it gets harder [...]
Journalism Job! Have You Applied Yet At Al-Qaeda’s Mag?
We all have our favorite news and information sources, so why should we be surprised when followers of al-Qaeda have one too? Meet Inspire, the slick, glossy mag created by American citizen (and former cheerleader) Samir Khan and featured columnist and American citizen, Anwar al-Awlaki. Since 2010, Inspire has been thick with, well, inspiring articles such [...]
Apparently You Can Get In Trouble For Helping CIA Run Torture Gulags Now
Father to Morning Joe cohost Mika Zbrezinzszkzy and Poland’s former intelligence chief Zbigniew Siemiatkowski has been charged with violating international law and “unlawfully depriving prisoners of their liberty” by helping the CIA to set up a “black site” Qaeda (and, of course, “Qaeda-accused” and “Qaeda-adjacent”) prison in Poland. This is excellent news for Dick Cheney!
Two’s a Trend: Second Airline Employee Goes Cuckoo in Mid-Air
Dear pilots and flight attendants, is there something you’re not telling us? First, just a couple of weeks ago, a flight attendant went stark, raving mad, screaming over the intercom that the plane was going to crash. Now comes breaking news about a pilot on a JetBlue flight who had to be locked out of [...]
Running Low On New Wars, Senate Declares U.S. Soil Latest ‘Battlefield’
Good news, everyone! Ever since launching major foreign invasions got a little too expensive and pointless (mostly expensive) even for Congress, and Times Are Tough, our nations’ lawmakers have decided to start “focusing on the domestic issues” like everyone keeps asking them to do, ad nauseum. But since it is impossible for Congress to agree [...]
Random Muslim Becomes Millionth ‘Al Qaeda No. 2′ After Robot Kills Him
Anything besides hurricane news today? Yes! The Pentagon or the CIA or whatever corporation runs the robot death drone planes that constantly rain bombs on brown people throughout the world just announced that about a week ago, one of those robot death drone planes dropped a couple of million-dollar bombs somewhere and one of those [...]
New Mike Huckabee Cartoon Reveals True Story of Bush And 9/11 Terrorism
Excess skin collection bucket Mike Huckabee has been having a ball ever since he discovered how devastatingly cheaply Taiwanese animators are able to computer visualize his conservative evangelical sex fantasies. His library of cartoon videos is so far is mostly fantasia flavors of “Reagan + Jesus kill black muggers and Nazis,” which are all pretty [...]
Osama Bin Laden Directive: Don’t Bother Killing Joe Biden
“He talks about targeting priorities,” the counterterror official said. “He says the president is of course the top target if you could get a shot at him. Also the military chiefs like the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, the defense secretary, top military people. There is a note indicating that the vice president [...]
If Osama Were Alive, He’d Be Watching Himself On TV Watch Himself On TV
This weekend, the U.S. released parts of videos found on the number of hard drives that were not used by Osama bin Laden for illegally downloaded Wes Anderson movies. The videos, such as the one above of the famewhore murderer watching himself on teevee and switching the channel when his friend Barry Hussein comes on [...]
Al Qaeda Confirms Bin Laden Death, Promises To Rob Trains Or Whatever
Hey look, it’s those socially awkward cavemen who have BIG PLANS to push a train onto its side or whatever. WATCH OUT FOR THESE BANDITS, YE OLDE ROBBER BARONS. THEY HAVE AN IDEOLOGY! Al-Qaeda has confirmed the death of its leader, Osama Bin Laden, according to a statement attributed to the group and posted on [...]
Iran: U.S. Was Working With Bin Laden To Do Terrorism
From Iran’s semi-state-run news agency: The US has killed the Al-Qaeda leader, Osama Bin Laden, in a bid to prevent any possible leakage of intelligence and information about the US-Al-Qaeda joint terrorist operations, a senior Iranian legislator underscored on Monday. He just wanted to underscore that, in case everyone forgot about that widely accepted fact. [...]
How the U.S. ‘Won’: Torture, Secret Prisons
In the midst of all the celebrations that good finally defeated evil yesterday, there is this fact: the U.S. got the leads that allowed it to find and kill Osama bin Laden from two men: Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and Al Qaeda “operations chief” Abu Faraj al-Libi. These men have been kept in secret CIA prisons [...]
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