• Democrats own black people, like slaves, did you know? Except instead of just ordinary slave owners, all black people belong to Tim Kaine’s DNC Plantation. [RedState]
• Al Gore’s poll numbers, like the glacial ice caps that so concern him, are melting away like a refused erection, stranding his career on a drifting piece of sea-ice until it dies a slow, cold death, like a baby seal or an erection. [DailyIntel, Gallup]
• Another lefty media blog is going after the Palin children. When will they stop their rampage? Your refined editors at your Wonkette would NEVER do such a thing. [Gawker]
• Breitbart introduces a new mascot and columnist, the adorable Hippo “Hippocritico” to finally tell the lamestream media what it’s doing wrong, which is not writing like Andrew Breitbart’s Twitter. [BigGovernment]
• Wait, NBC Washington actually did a video report from the Weeping Eagle Awards? [NBC Washington]

The tabloids would have you believe that Al Gore wanted some masseuse person to touch his genitals one time years ago, but a respectable magazine, People, does not believe this, as they heard from one of Tipper Gore’s friends that she doesn’t believe it happened. “And they also say Al had an affair with a Tennessee Titans cheerleader one week,” the “friend” is quoted as saying, though nobody has said that, nor would we believe that, unless this is a BIG SCOOP that will come out soon with hott deets. MORE »

Police in Portland have announced they are re-re-opening the investigation into that time Al Gore allegedly groped a masseuse at a hotel four years ago. Third time’s the charm when it comes to cock-grabbing incidents, apparently. As for Gore, did you expect him to offer No Comment on this? YOU GUESSED WRONG. Al Gore is like, “Bring it on, po-po’s!” And there is also news that he liked porn very much at a motel one time in the 1970s or maybe 1980s. MORE »

Really? Did Al Gore try to get some 54-year-old masseuse gal to massage his dingus at a Portland hotel where he was staying to give a Climate Change speech, and when the woman showed no interest did he then get angry and demand she have sex with him? Is Al Gore supposed to be the new Kobe Bryant? MAYBE NOT. This was apparently reported and then un-reported to Oregon police back in 2006, and then the woman reportedly refused to meet with the police, twice, and the lawyer canceled meetings with the cops, and then (magically) after Al and Tipper Gore announced they were separating a few weeks ago, this masseuse went back to the police and asked for a copy of her original statement to, of course, give to the National Enquirer. MORE »

Whoa, forget the oil spill, here is some tabloid sexytime gossip about Al Gore: The Star reports tonight that Gore has been having a sex affair for two years with Laurie David, the environmental activist and ex-wife of teevee grouch Larry David. Is this true? Well it was true about another southern politician who wanted to be president and some lady sort of connected peripherally to the entertainment business, as reported by a different tabloid, two years ago! MORE »

Karenna Gore, famous daughter of just-separated Al & Tipper Gore, is splitting up with her husband of 13 years. She married Andrew Schiff in 1997 and they have three little kids, whose lives will now be ruined. (Haha you know when parents split up because they’re selfish yuppies and they say, “Oh the kids are fine, fine I tell you, nothing is really changing except mommy and daddy hate each now and will live in different houses and start bringing home new weird people to screw,” well actually the kids are not fine, because their little lives have been torn apart and, at best, they’ll grow up to be just like mommy & daddy.) But who are we to judge, etc. MORE »

Did you really believe that Al and Tipper Gore were full-on IN LURVE during those 40 long years of marital blissin’ and kissin’? Well boy howdy, they sure got one over on you, says a new investigative opinion piece published by Eyewitness AOL.com. Hm, how did AOL News discover that the Gores were sham-married all this time? MORE »

Whoa we were just stopping by MSNBC for a moment to watch the Israeli Ambassador lie about killing people again, and then what’s her name, Alan Greenspan’s wife, just cold started showing pictures of Al and Tipper Gore dressed up as sex monsters for orgies. What is going on here? Oh right, it was the 1980s. Will Allah ever forgive America for the 1980s? No, no she won’t. B-) So, werewolves! We bet Al Gore boned the hell out of Tipper in this get-up! Ugh? MORE »

How much will we miss “America’s President,” the sore-loserman Al Gore and his wife Tipper Gore, who are becoming separated today due to the lack of love in their lives? Let’s all gather around the laptop and remember the years of joy and kissing and complaining about Prince records and “lockbox” and whatever else they did as Al & Tipper, the First Family of Climate Change. MORE »

WHAAAAA? “Al and Tipper Gore, whose playful romance enlivened Washington and the campaign trail for a quarter century, have decided to separate after 40 years of marriage, the couple told friends Tuesday. In an ‘Email from Al and Tipper Gore,’ the couple said: ‘We are announcing today that after a great deal of thought and discussion, we have decided to separate.’” Is that nice igloo that Jim Inhofe’s grandkids built for Al Gore still available? [POLITICO SCOOP FACTORY]

Do you live on Earth? Then you may soon be the Victim of an Earthquake! Experts say they have never seen so many goddamned earthquakes in what, three months? Does the world hate us? Just for killing all the creatures and building strip malls everywhere and digging up all the mountains to make the components for iPads? MORE »

Oil company employee Sen. Jim Inhofe will go further than most to mock Al Gore, whether it’s by flying to Copenhagen to yell “suck it Gore” or forcing his enslaved grandchildren to build Gore an igloo, out of SNOW — HEY-O! — for his lonely death. Now Inhofe is showing some gay Bill Kristol fever dream of Al Gore’s cock on the Senate floor. Suck it Gore! [Huffington Post]

By the Comics Curmudgeon
OH GOD YOU GUYS HAVE YOU LOOKED OUTSIDE LATELY! There is, like, so much snow! Frozen water! Falling out of the sky! And accumulating, on the ground! YOU GUYS! And yet there’s supposed to be this whole “global warming” thing, which was going to turn the entire planet into a palm-tree-lousy paradise? People are angry! They’re feeling betrayed! Especially the ones who never believed in global warming in the first place! Why does Al Gore hate America, so very much? MORE »

Here’s is a letter that was stuck to the side of the mailbag yesterday and has remained tragically unread, until now. It is signed “A Concerned Citizen” and its seriousness literally cannot be overstated.

from: [redacted]@verizon.net
to: tips@wonkette.com
date: Wed, Feb 10, 2010 at 6:08 PM
subject: Re: Gore’s Igloo…

MORE »

As we briefly noted yesterday, insane Sen. Jim Inhofe made a Facebook album of four (4) photos showing his grandchildren building a beautiful, palatial igloo for discredited science queer Al Gore to live and die in, until he’s dead, forever. “The Inhofe family had a little fun at the expense of Al Gore and global warming,” the Facebook tells us. Is this an acknowledgment that global warming exists, since fun can be had at its expense? No. Just… just shut up. Stop taking things so seriously. MORE »

• Aww, Jim Inhofe’s grandchildren built Al Gore a spacious snow cavern to live in! How did they know Al’s fursona was a “homeless but sensitive polar bear?” [Think Progress]
• Looks like it’s going to be another lonely, miserable Valentine’s Day, huh? Hey, why not fingerbang a heavily-discounted Newt Gingrich paperback from the NRO bookstore instead? Ships with a bottle of Newt’s famous pheromone cologne so you can set the mood! [The Corner]
• “How many Americans will die because of Barack Obama’s handling of national security?” Hopefully enough in time for the 2012 elections! [RedState]
• Obama’s “the only good terrorist is a dead terrorist” policy is in direct conflict with Rumsfeld’s way better “keep that terrorist alive so we can tickle him with a power drill” doctrine. [Matt Yglesias]
• Bad news for feral Hill interns who snack on cigarette butts and other special treasures they find on the Mall: You are exposing yourself to third-hand smoke. [Gateway Pundit]