Wonkette
Relive The Magic Of Florida In 2000!
It is finally here, this frigging movie about the Florida recount, airing May 25 on HBO. We will stock up on ammo so that we can shoot the television with our left-handed Mauser. [YouTube via FilmDrunk]
Posts Tagged “Al Gore”
disaster films
It is finally here, this frigging movie about the Florida recount, airing May 25 on HBO. We will stock up on ammo so that we can shoot the television with our left-handed Mauser. [YouTube via FilmDrunk]
It is finally here, this frigging movie about the Florida recount, airing May 25 on HBO. We will stock up on ammo so that we can shoot the television with our left-handed Mauser. [YouTube via FilmDrunk]
don't shoot the umpire
According to some sources, nobody would be happier to throw Hillary Clinton under the vaunted Democratic bus than Jimmy Carter and Al Gore. As historical losers themselves — a single-term President and failed Presidential aspirant — they know a thing or two about what it takes to lose an election. That's what gives them so much "street cred" with the Democratic Party, which is why Hillary Clinton will have to listen to them. But where's John Kerry? Isn't he a lovable loser, too?
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Al Gore, Jimmy Carter To Strangle Clinton Candidancy In 35-Year-Old Crib
According to some sources, nobody would be happier to throw Hillary Clinton under the vaunted Democratic bus than Jimmy Carter and Al Gore. As historical losers themselves — a single-term President and failed Presidential aspirant — they know a thing or two about what it takes to lose an election. That's what gives them so much "street cred" with the Democratic Party, which is why Hillary Clinton will have to listen to them. But where's John Kerry? Isn't he a lovable loser, too?
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straight talk surrogates
John McCain's favorite friend-with-benefits, South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham, today brought to the world's attention an interesting fact: WALNUTS! has done more for Global Warming Change than Al "Global Warming = Peace" Gore.
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Lindsey Graham Throws Al Gore Under The Bus
John McCain's favorite friend-with-benefits, South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham, today brought to the world's attention an interesting fact: WALNUTS! has done more for Global Warming Change than Al "Global Warming = Peace" Gore.
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an inconvenient cabinet position
After Al Gore lost the 2000 election because he was boring, he gained 400 pounds and grew a beard. Then America and all the world loved him! He made a movie about how the Earth is melting, and then he won a Swedish Prize, and soon a back-room deal at the Democratic National Convention will make him our president again. That is, unless President Barack Obama decides to give him some sort of shadow government post as the Climate Change Czar. Rumors are already afoot!
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Barack Obama Will Make Al Gore President Of Global Climate Change
After Al Gore lost the 2000 election because he was boring, he gained 400 pounds and grew a beard. Then America and all the world loved him! He made a movie about how the Earth is melting, and then he won a Swedish Prize, and soon a back-room deal at the Democratic National Convention will make him our president again. That is, unless President Barack Obama decides to give him some sort of shadow government post as the Climate Change Czar. Rumors are already afoot!
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white male restoration
Yes, absolutely, no doubt, because that is precisely what Time's Joe Klein says and that makes it true. You see, back in the old days, the national nominating conventions were very important. Since humans had no means of communicating long-distance until 1994 or so, each party's leaders would gather in some fancy saloon in, say, Ohio, and smash whiskey bottles over each other's heads until they decided on a good presidential nominee. And this is why Al Gore will finally win the presidency at this year's Democratic National Convention.
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Could Liberal Elitist Al Gore Win Nomination?
Yes, absolutely, no doubt, because that is precisely what Time's Joe Klein says and that makes it true. You see, back in the old days, the national nominating conventions were very important. Since humans had no means of communicating long-distance until 1994 or so, each party's leaders would gather in some fancy saloon in, say, Ohio, and smash whiskey bottles over each other's heads until they decided on a good presidential nominee. And this is why Al Gore will finally win the presidency at this year's Democratic National Convention.
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election 2000 forever
Exhausted by the Hillary-Obama race? Kind of looking forward to John McCain getting 32% of the vote in November or maybe even dropping out in summertime, giving America a welcome respite from Election 2008? Well, too bad. The Main Stream Media wants you to know that beloved Polar Bear King Albert “Al” Gore may just end up as the Democratic nominee after all, thanks to a “second ballot” at the DNC convention that could give delegates, super delegates and super villain delegates the chance to put those women and minorities back in their rightful place. [Newsweek]
Maybe Al Gore Can Still Be President!
Exhausted by the Hillary-Obama race? Kind of looking forward to John McCain getting 32% of the vote in November or maybe even dropping out in summertime, giving America a welcome respite from Election 2008? Well, too bad. The Main Stream Media wants you to know that beloved Polar Bear King Albert “Al” Gore may just end up as the Democratic nominee after all, thanks to a “second ballot” at the DNC convention that could give delegates, super delegates and super villain delegates the chance to put those women and minorities back in their rightful place. [Newsweek]
spurious predictions
There is no better way to divine the future than to see what people are betting on. This is why everybody knew well in advance that the Patriots were going to win the Super Bowl in a walk! Now the mathematics of chance turns its eagle eye to the Democratic vice presidential contest and discovers that the likeliest pick is Nobel Prize winner, 8-year Veep, and secret president Al Gore.
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Al Gore Will Be Our Next Vice President, Again
There is no better way to divine the future than to see what people are betting on. This is why everybody knew well in advance that the Patriots were going to win the Super Bowl in a walk! Now the mathematics of chance turns its eagle eye to the Democratic vice presidential contest and discovers that the likeliest pick is Nobel Prize winner, 8-year Veep, and secret president Al Gore.
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everybody knows what al gore thinks
Al Gore has said he won’t endorse a primary candidate. Before that, he said he wouldn’t be coaxed into running for president. He has said each of these 600 million times, and still, some people still think he might jump into the presidential race if they kiss his Global feet a few more times. But internet petitioners aside, let’s look at internet writers: They assume that Al Gore wants to endorse Obama, but he’s just too scared or respectful or something.
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A Variety of Fabricated Reasons That Al Gore Wants To Endorse Obama
Al Gore has said he won’t endorse a primary candidate. Before that, he said he wouldn’t be coaxed into running for president. He has said each of these 600 million times, and still, some people still think he might jump into the presidential race if they kiss his Global feet a few more times. But internet petitioners aside, let’s look at internet writers: They assume that Al Gore wants to endorse Obama, but he’s just too scared or respectful or something.
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reasons to save the environment
Which do you care about more: football, or global warming? Since both of these are liberal conspiracies, the common answer is usually “freedom.” Nevertheless, the Environment America organization issued a press release today trying to relate to the “average American,” who cannot understand the concept of “the temperatures are always going up and we will soon melt” and need to be patronized with football references. We’ve scanned this fucker up-and-down for red flags, but now we have stopped and assume it’s real. It is called: “Could Global Warming Threaten the Patriots’ and Giants’ Edge?: Rising Temperatures Could Lessen Home Field Advantage Over Warm Weather Rivals.”
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Global Warming Fairies Assess Toll On Football Scores
Which do you care about more: football, or global warming? Since both of these are liberal conspiracies, the common answer is usually “freedom.” Nevertheless, the Environment America organization issued a press release today trying to relate to the “average American,” who cannot understand the concept of “the temperatures are always going up and we will soon melt” and need to be patronized with football references. We’ve scanned this fucker up-and-down for red flags, but now we have stopped and assume it’s real. It is called: “Could Global Warming Threaten the Patriots’ and Giants’ Edge?: Rising Temperatures Could Lessen Home Field Advantage Over Warm Weather Rivals.”
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non-existent major endorsements
Al Gore is the only big establishment Democrat of any import to withhold his endorsement at this point. That’s because he’s not a big establishment Democrat, actually — he is a veritable Jesus, and he’s above this “Politics.” How many Nobels has “Politics” won? Exactly. Some thought the Kennedys’ adoption of Barry Obama would give Gore what he needed to endorse him as well, but his advisers say he genuinely does not care about endorsing anyone. Oh, Al, what do you have to lose? That early endorsement of Howard Dean in 2004 wasn’t embarrassing at all. [Marc Ambinder]
Leave Al Gore Alone, He's Busy Making Temperatures Go Down
Al Gore is the only big establishment Democrat of any import to withhold his endorsement at this point. That’s because he’s not a big establishment Democrat, actually — he is a veritable Jesus, and he’s above this “Politics.” How many Nobels has “Politics” won? Exactly. Some thought the Kennedys’ adoption of Barry Obama would give Gore what he needed to endorse him as well, but his advisers say he genuinely does not care about endorsing anyone. Oh, Al, what do you have to lose? That early endorsement of Howard Dean in 2004 wasn’t embarrassing at all. [Marc Ambinder]
major endorsements
Kinda sucks to be Hillary Clinton right now. Ted Kennedy — one of the last two major Democratic endorsers along with Al Gore, who seems to be keeping silent — has endorsed Barry Obama, last night’s big winner. The old fatso’s endorsement has been in the works for a few days, it turns out, so it’s not like he’s ‘tarding out just because of that delightful speech last night. Instead, insiders suggest that it was Kennedy’s history of killing young white bitches in his car that made him feel closer to “the black candidate.” [New York Times]
'The Kennedy Who Survived' To Endorse Barry
Kinda sucks to be Hillary Clinton right now. Ted Kennedy — one of the last two major Democratic endorsers along with Al Gore, who seems to be keeping silent — has endorsed Barry Obama, last night’s big winner. The old fatso’s endorsement has been in the works for a few days, it turns out, so it’s not like he’s ‘tarding out just because of that delightful speech last night. Instead, insiders suggest that it was Kennedy’s history of killing young white bitches in his car that made him feel closer to “the black candidate.” [New York Times]
gossip roundup
Bono, Hugo & Al
- Reliable Source: U.S. Trade Representative Susan Schwab is bringing back Flat Stanley. [WP]
- Shenanigans: The thin line between honorable and presidential. [Politico]
- The Sleuth: The Leahy-Ledger connection… Rep. James Clyburn just wants everyone to “chill a little.” [WP]
- Page Six: Huge Chavez enjoys his coca in the morning. [NYP]
- Rush & Molloy: Al Gore makes Bono feels guilty. [NYDN]
policy endorsements
… but not to a candidate. Gotcha! Instead he endorsed gay marriage, or announced he supports it, or however you say it. All of a sudden those jokes about Gore being a big gay man from like, what, 1999, are coming back. So here’s a perfunctory “Hey, look how gay Al Gore is” line. Anyway, when are we getting that hyped candidate endorsement, big guy? [Politico]
AL GORE FINALLY GIVES ENDORSEMENT...
… but not to a candidate. Gotcha! Instead he endorsed gay marriage, or announced he supports it, or however you say it. All of a sudden those jokes about Gore being a big gay man from like, what, 1999, are coming back. So here’s a perfunctory “Hey, look how gay Al Gore is” line. Anyway, when are we getting that hyped candidate endorsement, big guy? [Politico]
things not to do right before the iowa democratic caucuses
Obama’s trying to close the deal on Hillary in Iowa by… being like Hillary (conservative!) and/or an idiot. He went on Iowa’s newfangled technological communication device, the “radio,” and argued that Hillary Clinton’s plan for requiring health care mandates is just some libbral scheme to take your money. Hey now, that’s not the cute Obama boy from Kenya we all know! And he also committed the ultimate Demrat sin: criticized Al Gore, the current president of earth, for being too divisive when he ran in 2000. He said the same thing about John Kerry, too, which might not be the most accurate criticism of the man, but it’s a criticism, so we’ll just agree. Anyway, here are some links to the usual silly weird blogs that like to flip a manic shit over stuff like this. [Crooks & Liars, Kos, TalkLeft]
WTF? Obama Attacking Gore, Kerry, Concepts of Liberalism
Obama’s trying to close the deal on Hillary in Iowa by… being like Hillary (conservative!) and/or an idiot. He went on Iowa’s newfangled technological communication device, the “radio,” and argued that Hillary Clinton’s plan for requiring health care mandates is just some libbral scheme to take your money. Hey now, that’s not the cute Obama boy from Kenya we all know! And he also committed the ultimate Demrat sin: criticized Al Gore, the current president of earth, for being too divisive when he ran in 2000. He said the same thing about John Kerry, too, which might not be the most accurate criticism of the man, but it’s a criticism, so we’ll just agree. Anyway, here are some links to the usual silly weird blogs that like to flip a manic shit over stuff like this. [Crooks & Liars, Kos, TalkLeft]
person of the year
On the esteemed television program Today tomorrow (hehe, “today tomorrow”… get it?), esteemed kingmaker Meredith Vieira will announce the winner of Time’s “Person of the Year,” which the American public for some reason gives a huge shit about.
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Who Will Be Time's Person of the Year? Why Are We Asking?
On the esteemed television program Today tomorrow (hehe, “today tomorrow”… get it?), esteemed kingmaker Meredith Vieira will announce the winner of Time’s “Person of the Year,” which the American public for some reason gives a huge shit about.
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danger
The National Weather Service is reporting that a dense smug cloud has settled over Bell Meade, Tennessee this afternoon. Following reports of Gore’s own massive carbon footprint last winter, the Gores announced the completion of very expensive renovations to their multi-million dollar mansion to earn the house a gold status from the Green’ Building Council’s certification system. It’s the only house in Tennessee to have one and Gore told reporters “The only way to solve this crisis is for individuals to make changes in their own lives.” There whereabouts of George Clooney and his smug cloud are currently unknown, but scientists don’t expect any catastrophic formations at this time. [6ABC.com, Yahoo News]
Weather Alert!
The National Weather Service is reporting that a dense smug cloud has settled over Bell Meade, Tennessee this afternoon. Following reports of Gore’s own massive carbon footprint last winter, the Gores announced the completion of very expensive renovations to their multi-million dollar mansion to earn the house a gold status from the Green’ Building Council’s certification system. It’s the only house in Tennessee to have one and Gore told reporters “The only way to solve this crisis is for individuals to make changes in their own lives.” There whereabouts of George Clooney and his smug cloud are currently unknown, but scientists don’t expect any catastrophic formations at this time. [6ABC.com, Yahoo News]
global warming
Pope Benedict XVI has decided to stick his little Nazi head directly up Al Gore’s peaceful ass by calling global warming fears nothing but “scare-mongering.” He will make these completely unnecessary and regressive remarks, coincidentally, for World Peace Day on Jan. 1. That’s the same day when we’ll be wishing the Pope a jolly fuck-you. Actually, we have that day off, so whatevs. LOLpope. [Daily Mail]
The Pope Sucks
Pope Benedict XVI has decided to stick his little Nazi head directly up Al Gore’s peaceful ass by calling global warming fears nothing but “scare-mongering.” He will make these completely unnecessary and regressive remarks, coincidentally, for World Peace Day on Jan. 1. That’s the same day when we’ll be wishing the Pope a jolly fuck-you. Actually, we have that day off, so whatevs. LOLpope. [Daily Mail]