Wonkette

Well, hell. This Sebelius gal won’t be Obama’s veep because she has a long face; Chuck Hagel won’t work because he’s a Republican; and Joe Biden won’t because … oh no wait maybe Joe Biden would work! Yeah, he’s got an okay face for it, and hair plugs, and “foreign” experience. But you know who would RULE? The fat one who made the slide show about climate change. MORE »

MOST ELITIST PHOTO OF ALL TIME: The Detroit Free Press is so in-the-tank for Barack Obama that they used some terribly expensive camera to cover his rally with Al Gore in Michigan yesterday. It’s a 360-degree shot of a packed Joe Louis Arena, and you can swivel it, zoom in, zoom out, marvel at the diverse crowd of hard-working white Americans and black children, or whatever it is that gets you off about these big Hopey cult rituals. [Detroit Free Press]

When Bill Richardson, John Edwards, Bob Casey, Sam Nunn, and all those other nuts gave their various flavors of “endorsement” to Barack Obama, the chatter immediately switched to why each of them was the only possible choice to be Barack Obama’s black vice president. And then Hillary Clinton said something phunny, and people forgot about the endorsements entirely. This will somehow happen again. For now, let’s explore why Al Gore must be Obama’s black vice president if he wants any shot at this thing, and why it would be a great achievement for humble ol’ Albert Gore Jr. MORE »

This afternoon Al Gore took a break from eating Cheetos and worrying about the climate in order to bravely post a blog entry encouraging his fellow Democrats to vote for the guy who all the Democrats will be voting for anyway. One thing is clear: You can take anybody and stick them in front of that Obama background and they will look 10 percent leaner, more youthful, and Hopier. [Al's Journal]

For those of you who are rich and elitist and can afford HBO, you may have seen the much-hyped film Recount over Memorial Day weekend, which chronicled Al Gore’s efforts to hijack the country during the 2000 election in disenfranchised Florida. The movie was terrible and hilarious, although Laura Dern’s portrayal of then-Florida Secretary of State Katherine “Kitty” Harris deserves at least 19 Oscars and maybe even a Golden Globe. Anyway, Kitty went on Fox News last night to complain about the writers of the film “making up dialogue,” a serious cinematic violation of ethics. Kitty’s attorney appeared by her side on the show to make sure she didn’t screw up, such is her wont. [YouTube, St. Petersburg Times]

It appears that Bill Clinton’s latest run for president will be his last, despite rumors that he may run again in 2012. “I want to say also, that this may be the last day I’m ever involved in a campaign of this kind,” he said at a rally in South Dakota today. “I thought I was out of politics, ’til Hillary decided to run,” he continued, “But it has been, one of the greatest honors of my life to go around and campaign for her for president.” Indeed, now that his wife will likely leave the race, President Clinton — the leader of the Democratic Party for 16 years — can no longer be involved in politics, much like he wasn’t when he didn’t campaign for John Kerry or Al Gore. [First Read]

MORE »

According to some sources, nobody would be happier to throw Hillary Clinton under the vaunted Democratic bus than Jimmy Carter and Al Gore. As historical losers themselves — a single-term President and failed Presidential aspirant — they know a thing or two about what it takes to lose an election. That’s what gives them so much “street cred” with the Democratic Party, which is why Hillary Clinton will have to listen to them. But where’s John Kerry? Isn’t he a lovable loser, too? MORE »

John McCain’s favorite friend-with-benefits, South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham, today brought to the world’s attention an interesting fact: WALNUTS! has done more for Global Warming Change than Al “Global Warming = Peace” Gore. MORE »

After Al Gore lost the 2000 election because he was boring, he gained 400 pounds and grew a beard. Then America and all the world loved him! He made a movie about how the Earth is melting, and then he won a Swedish Prize, and soon a back-room deal at the Democratic National Convention will make him our president again. That is, unless President Barack Obama decides to give him some sort of shadow government post as the Climate Change Czar. Rumors are already afoot! MORE »