Tag Archives: al gore

  No Extra Credit For Acknowledging Reality

Lindsey Graham Isn’t A Scientist, But He Thinks Scientists Know Stuff. He’s Doomed.

Yes it's a pony. But it could have been a pic of Lindsey Graham. Count your blessings.
Loath though we are to ever say anything especially nice about Lindsey Graham, given his penchant for wanting to send Americans to bomb as many distant lands as possible, we have to give him an “attaboy” on his remarkably sane remarks about climate change on that Seth Meyers TV show t’other night. Read more on Lindsey Graham Isn’t A Scientist, But He Thinks Scientists Know Stuff. He’s Doomed….
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: The Holocaust Was A Hoax, Martial Law In Texas Is Real

Does it violate Godwin's Law when you're talking about neo-Nazis?
Lots of lovely deleted comments for you this week, many of them in reply to our piece about David Cole, the Holocaust denier who’s found an exciting new career denying climate change (he thinks climate scientists need to be tried for treason or something). Some of the comments were about what you’d expect, like this succinct dismissal of the entire topic, from one “boris_batonov,” who simply wrote: “so you retards believe in the holohoax” — and while we’re offended by his historical illiteracy and terrible punctuation, what really chafes is a username that insults a great cartoon character. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: The Holocaust Was A Hoax, Martial Law In Texas Is Real…
  fiddling while miami drowns

Florida Sees, Hears, And Speaks No Climate Change. Also: Sinks Into The Sea

Oh HAI impending doom.
Perhaps you’ve heard that, thanks to [redacted] and its associated rising sea levels, Miami is very soon likely going to underwater. Tampa, too. And you would think that, were you the governor of the state that includes those two rather large cities, you might want to do something about it, or at least have your scientists talk about doing something about it. Read more on Florida Sees, Hears, And Speaks No Climate Change. Also: Sinks Into The Sea…
  Barack Who?

Bill Maher Right About A Thing

Sure he's a jerk. And he's dead on this time.
Bill Maher can really be a self-important, sanctimonious asshole at times. Thankfully, this is not one of them. On Real Time this week, Maher laid into all the Democrats who have been running as if Barack Obama were the ineffectual dictator Republicans have said he is. Read more on Bill Maher Right About A Thing…
  Dude Where's My Czar?

Obama To Fix All The Ebola Now

Rasputin auditions to be held next week
Take a deep breath through your respirator and relax, America! Barack Obama is going to appoint an Ebola Czar to coordinate the government’s response to the not-really-an-outbreak of Ebola in the USA. Read more on Obama To Fix All The Ebola Now…
  birth of a catchphrase

CNN Anchor Guy Insults Climate Deniers; Willfully Ignorant F**ksticks Outraged

You know, besides pointing and laughing
A special bouquet of greenhouse flowers goes to CNN anchor Bill Weir for the perfect reply to climate change deniers, please. You see, Weir was not terribly impressed with this Fox Nation story (aggregated from the Washington Times) that mocked Al Gore for attending a climate change meeting in Denver on a chilly, rainy day, because if it’s rainy and cold during the summer, then climate change is a myth, right? Read more on CNN Anchor Guy Insults Climate Deniers; Willfully Ignorant F**ksticks Outraged…
  Omission Accomplished

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Kept Us Safe From Terrorism

He Kept Us Mostly Safe Kind Of
Well, fans of Christianist textbooks, just like in 1989, we’re just about at the end of history once again, or at least the end of our two rightwing Christian textbooks, almost. Last week, our 11/12th-grade textbook, United States History for Christian Schools (Bob Jones University Press, 2002), closed out* with a discussion of the 2000 election, so this week, we’ll rely solely on the the most fanciful textbook we’ve ever seen, A Beka’s 8th-grade America: Land I Love (2006), which advised us that George W. Bush’s “most important” qualification was that he “unashamedly identified himself as a born-again Christian” who “took a bold stand against moral evils such as abortion and gay rights.” And his presidency was almost as wonderful as Reagan’s, we learn, largely because Dubya rescued us from the horrors of the Clinton years. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Kept Us Safe From Terrorism…
  electile dysfunction

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Books With The Accuracy Of A Florida Election

Hey, folks, are you ready to relive the 2000 election? As if some of us didn’t spend most of 2000 through 2008 doing that already? Go dimple your chads, because it’s time for some butterfly ballots, Christian-textbook style! Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Books With The Accuracy Of A Florida Election…
  fuck the troops

Sarah Palin Brings Her Patented Wit To Bear On Refudiating Strawman Bergdahl Story

Sarah Palin posted an example of rightwing comedy on her Faceplace thing Tuesday with some hilarious riffs on the absurd notion that Bowe Bergdahl has “forgotten how to speak English” — which isn’t something that anyone in Bergdahl’s family has really claimed, of course; we’ll get to that after the jump. But first, let’s enjoy Sarah’s super funny mockery of a U.S. soldier, because mocking The Troops is what all the cool kids are doing these days. Read more on Sarah Palin Brings Her Patented Wit To Bear On Refudiating Strawman Bergdahl Story…
  the internet was nice while it lasted

Obama Will Murder All Your Porn And Cat Videos, Too Bad, Suck It

OMG! Did you guys hear that the Internet is being given away? Quick! Download all the dirtiest porn you can, because THE INTERNET IS ABOUT TO GO AWAY FOREVER! YES, GODDAMIT, THIS DOES TOO DESERVE ALL CAPS BECAUSE THE INTERNET WORLD IS COMING TO AN END. At least, that’s what we are hearing. Are you freaking out yet? FREAK OUT, DAMMIT. Wait, we are hearing that there is a small chance of an over-reaction by everyone. Perhaps you should rein it in, Dear Reader, and calm the fuck down. No need to freak out all the time just because some crazy website told you to. Here’s the deal, straight from the Commerce Department, via Media Matters: To support and enhance the multistakeholder model of Internet policymaking and governance, the U.S. Commerce Department’s National Telecommunications and Information Administration (NTIA) today announces its intent to transition key Internet domain name functions to the global multistakeholder community. In non-government speak, the Washington Post helpfully explains, “U.S. officials announced plans Friday to relinquish federal government control over the administration of the Internet.” Apparently, in a transition that has been in the works since 1998, there will soon be a global governing body to help keep the Internet running smoothly and full of all the Interracial Siberian Threesomes your eyeballs can handle. Let’s wonksplore.  Read more on Obama Will Murder All Your Porn And Cat Videos, Too Bad, Suck It…
  blast from the past

Mitt Romney Still Griping About Candy Crowley’s Debate Moderation Because Jesus Please Shut Up

Oh Mittens. Why couldn’t you just get fat and sassy and grow a beard like other presidential losers, huh? Oh that’s right – because staying out of the public eye and not griping about being a sore loserman takes class, and perhaps that program hasn’t been uploaded yet. Instead, you are still rehashing things that happened like a million years ago, because we guess you still like seeing your name in print, and not for your funny dancing. Willard is all wah-wah-wah over that time Candy Crowley called him a lying liar during the presidential debate when he lied about BENGHAZI. You remember that, right? Well, Mitt certainly still remembers it, because he was yammering on and on about it on the Hugh Hewitt radio show the other day, per Mediaite: Read more on Mitt Romney Still Griping About Candy Crowley’s Debate Moderation Because Jesus Please Shut Up…
  global warming all over your face

Al Gore Forgot To Add ‘To Seven’ About A Thing So Climate Change A Hoax Haw Haw

One day in the future, we will all sit around and tell our grandchildren where we were on December 13, 2013, the day that some wingnut bloggers realized was the anniversary of Al Gore’s 2008 prediction that the North Pole ice cap would be gone in five years. (Gore has consistently said the ice cap would be gone in “five to seven years,” and “in as little as seven years.” They did find one video where he said “in five years,” and forgot to add “to seven” in the middle, so obviously Al Gore is a pathological liar.) But there is still ice at the North Pole so INPEACH!!!! and so forth. (Presumably we’ll be telling our grandchildren this story while huddled around a sun lamp deep within the abandoned salt mine we retreated to when global climate change made the planet’s surface an inhospitable hellscape with an atmosphere made up mostly of carbon dioxide and solar radiation.) Okay, the computer models Al Gore was referencing were off (or not!), and since this story was brought to us by the Stupidest Man on the Internet (who we really hope will #payup before humanity retreats underground to be enslaved by the Mole People) we would have just ignored it. Then we opened our Internet browser and read this piece about the challenges rising sea levels attributed in part to melting polar ice caps pose to our semi-beloved hometown of Norfolk, Virginia. And we remembered that oh yeah, the Stupidest Man on the Internet is a wingnut grifter making his living selling derp and derp-related accessories to morons. Meanwhile… Read more on Al Gore Forgot To Add ‘To Seven’ About A Thing So Climate Change A Hoax Haw Haw…
  President Nader Begs To Differ

Old Handsome Joe Biden Controversially Casts Doubt On True Outcome Of 2000 Election

That wacky Joe Biden has said another crazy thing! At a Washington DC fundraiser for Massachusetts Senate candidate Ed Markey on Wednesday, Vice President Joe Biden acknowledged former Veep Al Gore, also among the speakers, saying, according to a pool report, “This man was elected president of the United States of America…No, no, no. He was elected president of the United States of America. But for the good of the nation, when the bad decision, in my view, was made, he did the right thing for the nation.” But this cannot be! shouted a number of wingnut bloggers, because everyone knows that all questions about the 2000 election are completely settled, and could we please get back to debating something that’s actually in dispute, like how big a fraud global warming is? Read more on Old Handsome Joe Biden Controversially Casts Doubt On True Outcome Of 2000 Election…
  miz jackson if you're nasty

Here Is Victoria Jackson Not Being Totally Mentally Ill About Als Gore And Jazeera

Our old pal Victoria Jackson has been kind of mentally ill on her Facebook page lately, so we did not make fun of her for it because SAD FACE. (We try not to make fun of the actually mentally ill, though we fucked up on that P-E-N-I-S lady, and we’re pretty torn about yesterdays gaysatanbuttbabies.) But Ms. Jackson’s latest tour de force about Al Gore, Cyndi Lauper and Al Jazeera is not insane (beyond her usual shriekings bout SHARIA) so much as it is stupid and maybe drunk and also it makes no sense. Let us have a close read, together, of whatever the fuck she is rambling on about, in her feverdreams! Read more on Here Is Victoria Jackson Not Being Totally Mentally Ill About Als Gore And Jazeera…
  my sharia

Why Wouldn’t Al Gore Sell His Teevee Channel To Awesome Fair Journalists At Glenn Beck’s ‘The Blaze’?

Hey there, self-hating Americans. Are you interested in accessing quality programming like This Decadent, Doomed American Life? Or how about All Things Categorically Denied and Seemingly Random Executions Considered? Well, get pumped, because Al Gore is selling Current TV to sexy Arab news giant Al Jazeera, and he doesn’t care how many of Glenn Beck’s “George Washington kisses me tenderly on the frozen banks of the Potomac and finally tells me he loves me” dreams are crushed in the process. But why wouldn’t he sell his teevee channel to Glenn Beck? Is it because Al Gore is totally the same as Osama Bin Laden? Yes. Read more on Why Wouldn’t Al Gore Sell His Teevee Channel To Awesome Fair Journalists At Glenn Beck’s ‘The Blaze’?…