Wonkette

Good sweet Jesus God: “Al Franken draws a perfect map of the United States from memory while taking questions at a fundraiser.” Kos is more right than he thinks when he calls it “perfect,” in fact. Kentucky looks like a turd and liberal New England looks like it’s trying to escape from the rest of the country and sail back to Europe. [Daily Kos]

Jesse Ventura, the former governor of Minnesota, has given the collective electorate blue balls for a whole week. We’ve been anxiously awaiting his declaration of candidacy for Senate against incumbent Republican Norm “Boxcar Willie” Coleman and Democrat Al Franken, who used to be a comedian once. But then Jesse Ventura went on the Larry King last night and said he wouldn’t be running after all, boo. MORE »

We love the advertisements in this Minnesota Senate race, whether it’s hobo Sen. Norm Coleman editing his Hollywood wife into his kitchen or, well, Norm Coleman editing Al Franken into Minnesota entirely. Here’s a new, campaign-unaffiliated ad in support of Norm Coleman that tackles some issue about private ballots. Some guy in a business suit looks at a cardboard cutout of Norm Coleman and says, “that’s a hero.” Then — NEEDLE SCRATCH — “I hate heroes.” CUE THE BURGLAR MUSIC. Things should get even better when Jesse Ventura steals the show. [YouTube]

Now that he has finally defeated Flash Gordon, the former despised governor of Minnesota looks like he’ll try to be that great state’s next senator. His opponents: Hobo King Norm Coleman, and Michael Kinsley’s boyfriend Al Franken. His chances of winning: pretty much zero. MORE »

Last week, there was a big controversy in the Minnesota Senate race between Norm Coleman and Al Franken in which some Liberal Bloggers thought that Coleman’s wife, Laurie, was edited into an ad for her husband. Laughable!, responded the Coleman campaign, which has gone so far as to produce a response ad of Al Franken “green-screened” into Minnesota. It is STAGGERING. Your Wonkette has not laughed this hard since the start of the Iraq War. [YouTube]

Here’s a new ad for Minnesota Sen. Norm Coleman, who by all accounts should be losing his re-election bid this year but will win because the Democrats have nominated an unfunny hack comedian, Al Franken, to challenge him. None of this changes the fact that this ad is grating on all the usual levels, but there’s a special terrible twist in addition! MORE »

Once upon a time there was a man named Jessie “The Body” Ventura. He made money wrestling, and then he shaved his head and ran for governor of Minnesota. And he actually won! Then he made some crazy remarks about hunting and other stuff, and eventually he left office, and now he divides his time between “just chillin’” in Minnesota and surfing in Latin American war zones. And now he thinks he might enter Minnesota’s upcoming Senate race, because if Al Franken can do it, anybody can. MORE »

This week, Al Franken, Mike Shields, and Larry Craig were all spotted being various degrees of “Famous for DC” at various places by our spies and operatives. It is not the Biggest Ever Wonk’d, but you really only get something like that once in a lifetime. Plus, gay Larry Craig! MORE »

So Intern Greg Wasserstrom, the longest tenured member of Team Wonkette, finally managed to whisk away posting rights from the New York Overlords and is now contributing a few times a day. All this while I’m still waiting on my fucking coffee. But for serious! We love Intern Greg’s acerbic wit and Nordic heritage. So here’s his first contribution, rife with many hilarious jokes.

Hey, remember that hee-larious Al Franken crack he made about… wait, no, we don’t remember it either. That might be because the Franken camp is finding that being too funny will lead to losing an election, according to this epic Post story. We wonder how much effort that’s really taking. MORE »

The new Wikipedia scanner thing has revealed what we pretty much always suspected: The world’s political, religious and media leaders are about seven years old, on average. By matching anonymous edits to Wikipedia entries back to the office computers where they originated, the scanner is able to match up particular changes to particular organizations. For example: MORE »