Wonkette

Man sneaks tiny monkey through security at Florida airport; al Qaeda begins diabolical plans to recruit thousands of tiny monkeys, outfit them with adorable itty-bitty dynamite vests. [WTOP]

• Congressional hearings on terror detainees resemble a “partisan media event” as both parties use last week of session to look smart, busy. [NYT, WP]

• Warrantless spying bill clears one hurdle, others remain. [WP, LAT]
• Liquids and gels can go back on the planes, provided they’re in tiny bottles and scanned separately. [NYT, WP, USAT, W$J]
• British soldiers kill high-ranking Al-Qaeda member in Iraq, who had previously escaped from an American prison in Afghanistan. [NYT]
• Marlboro Lights ain’t no Diet Coke, Judge rules. [NYT]
• Home prices decline for first time in a decade, effect on overall economy unknown. [LAT]
• The big newspapers pick up story of George Allen and the n-bombs. [NYT, WP]

• The Osama and Kola story comes to the big screen - think “Pretty Woman meets Midnight Express.” [TPMmuckraker]

• Limbaugh guest host believes racial slurs good enough for Stanley Kubrick are good enough for him. [Media Matters]
• They get moral points for trying, but now Time Inc. is giving up and going back to the grey haired fans that adore them. [Romenesko]
• Tom Cruise knows the Germans are suckers for some totalitarianism and he wants in. [The Swamp]
• You thought S.R. Sidarth uses his free time to help orphans and shut-ins? Nope, he spends “at least a few hours a week jacking off to Internet porn,” just like you . [Riehl World View]
• If New York Democratic gubernatorial candidate Tom Suozzi had any chance of winning, he wouldn’t be wasting time with any of our punch-drunk family members. [Gawker]
• New “Google Soapbox” debuts, has conservative slant. [MoJo]
• Federal Air Marshal Service drops dress code, fearing it endangered marshals cover — it’s not the clothes guys, it’s the mustaches. [Captain's Quarters]

• British Deputy PM calls Bush administration, “crap.” Dick Cheney’s heart warmed by the innocence. [The Independent]

• Sneaky Canadians confuse American governors with their sneaky Canadian jokes. [Boing Boing]
• Willie Nelson makes a non-smokable donation to Cindy Sheehan’s “ranch.” [KCEN-TV]
• Orrin Hatch admits Democrats will take control of Congress, just like their terrorist masters want. [The Carpetbagger Report]
• TSA now targeting people who “looked pissed off,” everyone in the security line at Dulles to be arrested. [NYT]

Photo Credit: Washington Post MORE »

Around here, we rely on John Bolton, not newspapers, for our news, but maybe you have lower standards. If you do, then take a look at this: some Swedish newspaper says that “a watchlist of possible terror suspects distributed by the US government to airlines for pre-flight checks is now 80,000 names long