Tag Archives: AIDS

  Sue the bastard

Will Christian DJs Go To Hell For Celebrating 60-Year-Old Gay Dudes’ Birthdays?

Jesus was a party animal.
Time for a dispatch from the ever-changing, goalposts-moving definition of the phrase “religious freedom.” All these whiny bitchy wingnuts have been protesting that they DO NOT EITHER hate the gays, but it violates their Sincerely Held Religious Beliefs™ to do things like “participate in” gay weddings, by making cakes or flowers or pizzas for them. And if you make them do that, you are literally Holocausting them, and they know Jesus will send them right to hell for it, because Jesus Is Love. So here’s a story that will show y’all what a lie that is! Read more on Will Christian DJs Go To Hell For Celebrating 60-Year-Old Gay Dudes’ Birthdays?…
  He'll make them stop crying too

Nobel Laureate Resigns, Just for Saying Girl Scientists Can’t Stop Getting Lady Boners In Lab

TEMPTRESS.
Science is tough, especially for scientist dudes who are just trying to do important experiments but are always getting distracted by all the lady scientists in the lab, breaking down in tears every five seconds, when they’re not falling madly in love with that scientific man brilliance. That used to be a big problem for Nobel Laureate biochemist Tim Hunt, who resigned his position as an honorary professor at University College London for saying this, about lady scientists, at the World Conference of Science Journalists: Read more on Nobel Laureate Resigns, Just for Saying Girl Scientists Can’t Stop Getting Lady Boners In Lab…
  Enlightening the Lightheaded

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Deepak Chopra Has Derp Thoughts About Evolution

Very few of these going on in Jeb's head.
Greetings, grifters! It’s time again for the Snake Oil Bulletin, your weekly installment of the latest and greatest in quantum woo woo and pseudoscience. This week we have a return guest! Our favorite Oprah-approved king of quackery. No, not that one. The other one. No, not the guy with the muppet mustache. The OTHER other one. Yeah, Deepak Chopra! That “wholeness regulates dimensional reality” asshole. He has some thinking thoughts for all you naysayers who say he’s full of … nay, and he’s going to blast those Deep Thoughts right atcha. Let’s cascade our potentiality into this pile of conscious awareness. Read more on The Snake Oil Bulletin: Deepak Chopra Has Derp Thoughts About Evolution…
  we all did dumb shit in the 90s though

‘Pro-Life’ Mike Huckabee Sure Liked The Idea Of Killing AIDS Patients In The ’90s!

Huckabee's 1992 guitar riff on AIDS patients was sick, man. No really, it was kind of sick.
Disclaimer: We all did dumb things in the 1990s. We wore Girbaud clothing, we carried our backpacks over one shoulder even when they held 50 pounds worth of books, we got “skater cuts,” and so on. And some of us got REAL DUMB in the ’90s, like Mike Huckabee, who, during his failed 1992 Senate run, thought it would be just great if we gave the death penalty to people who gave people AIDS, and also believed that AIDS patients in general should be quarantined. According to an article from the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, Huckabee’s “crime plan” said that “the death penalty should be required for people who try to kill law enforcement officers, terrorists, major drug dealers and anyone who transmits a deadly virus, such as AIDS.” Huckabee added that “[t]he person put to death will never again take the life of an American citizen.” Read more on ‘Pro-Life’ Mike Huckabee Sure Liked The Idea Of Killing AIDS Patients In The ’90s!…
  Jump in the pool -- the santorum's fine!

Frothy Rick Santorum Thinking About Lubing Up For 2016 Republican Primaries!

Santorum now available with SPF 45 protection!
Hurray, Rick Santorum is dipping his toes into the frothy fecal waters of the 2016 Republican clown car! Rand Paul and Ted Cruz are already in there, just splash, splash, splashing around, but Rick Santorum is not 100 percent sure he’s DTF yet, so he’s created a “testing the waters” account, just to see if maybe he might want to lose another Republican primary: Read more on Frothy Rick Santorum Thinking About Lubing Up For 2016 Republican Primaries!…
  Or does he just have very poor judgment in choosing friends?

Is Indiana Gov. Mike Pence The Michael Jordan Of Hating Gays?

He had met the circled hatemongers before, you know.
Hypothesis: Mike Pence Is The Michael Jordan Of Hating Gays Indiana Gov. Mike Pence did himself a right nice presser Tuesday morning, wherein he explained that he is Not Sorry for signing the Fuck The Gays bill, which he does not understand, but that he wants to clarify that he in no way, shape, or form wants the law to be used to actually fuck the gays. And never, in his whole life, has he supported discrimination, no sir. Read more on Is Indiana Gov. Mike Pence The Michael Jordan Of Hating Gays?…
  Teach A Man To Bloviate And He'll Eat For A Lifetime

Bryan Fischer Was Not Fired From Wingnut Central For Saying Any Of The Following

How can we miss you if you won't go away?
When we heard the news last night that Bryan Fischer was fired by the American Patriarchy Association, our first thought was that it couldn’t have happened to a nicer wingnut. Our second thought was that this could be really bad for Yr. Wonkette, as a casual search through the archives shows that Mr. Fischer is a near-endless source of stupid hilarity. And our third thought had something to do with beer, as per usual. Read more on Bryan Fischer Was Not Fired From Wingnut Central For Saying Any Of The Following…
  What About A Travel Ban?

Oh Great, Now Obama Wants To Cure AIDS

As if Obummer hasn’t done enough to destroy America, now he wants to cure AIDS. Ugh, what next, cheap gas? Instead of showing true leadership by ignoring AIDS completely, like a real president would, or having his drug czar explain how marijuana leads to being gay leads to dying of AIDS, Barack Obama took almost three whole minutes out of his day, when he should be doing other things like impeaching himself and apologizing to Ferguson Police Officer Darren Wilson, to make a video recognizing that it is World AIDS Day. Gawd, what a jerk. Read more on Oh Great, Now Obama Wants To Cure AIDS…
  lectures from the schoolmarm

Peggy Noonan’s Dead Aunt Is Smarter Than You

Another drinkie-poo? Are you really asking me that?
Graciousness! A lost art in America, Peggy Noonan mused to herself as she wandered the marbled halls of her Upper East Side manse with a pitcher of gin-and-NyQuil martinis in one hand and her Aunt Mary’s framed Ellis Island health card in the other. The card had notches in it to indicate that Aunt Mary had passed the examination of a shipboard doctor every day during her passage across the ocean to America in 1909, back when the country feared the dirty plagues carried by the filthy Irish from their home counties of Cork or Dork or Fie-de-Horsecow, or wherever. In America, Aunt Mary had pinned the card to her coat and worn it everywhere to let her new countrymen know that she was not one of those Irish, but a clean and (of course) gracious woman who would not infect anyone with potato blight. Read more on Peggy Noonan’s Dead Aunt Is Smarter Than You…
  something awful

Minnesota House Candidate Definitely Does Not Know How Babby Is Formed

On the one hand, we’re dreading the next four months because we’re headed into peak silly season for state and national elections and there will be so very much dumb politicking rammed down our throats. On the other hand, we write a political humor mommyblog warblog, and ridiculous things done by ridiculous political people is sort of our bread and butter. So, we’re grateful, sort of, for Minnesota House of Representatives candidate Bob Frey, who has some very interesting, and very confused, ideas about how babies are made and also too about AIDS. SPOILER ALERT: He’s pretty sure it is all about enzymes somehow. Read more on Minnesota House Candidate Definitely Does Not Know How Babby Is Formed…
  it gets better then worse

Bible-Thumping Global Charity ‘World Vision’ Has Brief Shining Moment Of Reasonableness On Gay Marriage, Is Sorry About That

Courage of convictions. This is one of the most important courages out there, cited more often than almost any other courage. So it came as quite a pleasant surprise when World Vision, one of the largest faith-based, pro-Jesus global charities on the planet, announced that they would hire legally married gay couples. Kudos to World Vision! Proud that you are willing to stand up for what’s right, as you continue to spend about a billion dollars per year making the world a better place. Let’s get out the old checkbook and… wait, what? Say that louder, NPR: World Vision U.S. changed course on Wednesday, saying it would return to its policy of not hiring Christians in gay marriages. The Washington-state-based charity caused an uproar among its supporters when it announced on Monday that based on the changes many churches were making, it would allow the hiring of avowed Christians who had been legally married to someone of the same sex. Two days! The change lasted for an entire two days?!? To put that in perspective, it took World Vision less time to reverse its position on LGBT folks than it did for Jesus to rise from the grave. Let’s angersplore.  Read more on Bible-Thumping Global Charity ‘World Vision’ Has Brief Shining Moment Of Reasonableness On Gay Marriage, Is Sorry About That…
  as accurate today as it was then

Wyoming State Rep. Troy Mader Learned All He Needs To Know About AIDS In 1984

Wyoming state Rep. Troy Mader is just your average rancher and country/gospel recording artist, not a medical expert by any means. But he stands by pretty much everything that he wrote in a 1984 self-published book, The Death Sentence of AIDS: Vital Information For You and Your Family’s Health and Safety, which argued that gay men and their allies will be the death of America, because promiscuity and AIDS. Funny how the classics remain so timely. Mader was appointed in February to fill the seat of Rep. Sue Wallis, who died January 28, and his previous achievements as an author only came to light after his appointment. The book is mostly a compilation of quotes from sources ranging from Newsweek to scholarly publications like “What Homosexuals Do (It’s More than Disgusting),” by Paul Cameron, who is still very actively doing what one real epidemiologist calls a “tragic parody of science” about the deadliness of gaysexing. The book concludes that America is doomed: “At one time, this nation was moral and great,” he wrote. “Now it is immoral and sick. We have reaped what we have sown, and we are dying!” It is apparently a slow death, but now we have gays wanting wedding cakes, so who knows, maybe we’re almost there? Read more on Wyoming State Rep. Troy Mader Learned All He Needs To Know About AIDS In 1984…
  not a ally

Bush White House Legal Genius Sought To Exile All Gays To Detroit, Because Ewww, Anuses

Hey, remember back in the day when hipster icon George W. Bush wanted to have a Constitutional Amendment prohibiting gay marriage? Apparently, ‘trickle-down bigotry’ works way better than ‘trickle-down economics,’ because White House lawyer Scott Bloch wanted to be like the Pied Piper, except rather than ridding the city of rats, he wanted to rid it of teh ghey, via Business Insider: A federal investigation has revealed that a lawyer who headed the Office of Special Counsel (OSP) in the George W. Bush administration allegedly disliked gay workers so much that he tried to “ship” them to a new office in Detroit. Lawyering is a tough business, and you never know when you’ll be nekkid and slip and fall butt-first on a gay penis and then become gay, so Scott was just being overly cautious. Read more on Bush White House Legal Genius Sought To Exile All Gays To Detroit, Because Ewww, Anuses…
  everyone has aids aids aids

How Did You Celebrate World AIDS Day? (Buttsechs)

Happy World AIDS Day (a day late, because drunk)!! Have you celebrated? How, exactly, does one celebrate the 25th annual World AIDS Day? We bought our Editrix a 10-pack of female condoms, because safe sexytimes are good sexytimes. The United States, on the other hand, celebrates by spending billions each year around the globe fighting AIDS. Hooray us, because fighting AIDS is a good thing. The fight against global AIDS started in earnest with President GWB, with a generous assist from President Carter, when he set up the President’s Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief, or PEPFAR. Back in 2003, Congress was willing to fund the hell out of it because that was when the GOP was spending money like a drunken sailor Rick Santorum in a whorehouse petting zoo, because Republican President. Now that the GOP is all focused on debt & deficit (i.e., Dem Prezzy), monies are tight for foreign aid. What’s a President to do? Let’s safe-sexplore.  Read more on How Did You Celebrate World AIDS Day? (Buttsechs)…
  keeping up with our globe-trotting 39th president

South African President’s Failures On AIDS Nearly Drove Jimmy Carter To Manly Dudgeon, Fisticuffs

Hey, what’s up with former President Jimmy Carter today? Pretty much the usual — talking about punching out foreign leaders and crediting Harry S Truman for curing him of racism. On the foreign-leader-smackdown front, Carter told the Johnannesburg Sunday Times that he was so angry with former South African president Thabo Mbeki’s denial of the link between HIV and AIDS that Read more on South African President’s Failures On AIDS Nearly Drove Jimmy Carter To Manly Dudgeon, Fisticuffs…