Tag Archives: AIDS

  Here have some news n stuff

GOP Governor Rauner Will Let Illinois Grow Ganja, For Your Health

Illinois now, basically
Republican gazillionaire and super-expensive wine enthusiast Bruce Rauner has a long history of being a total jerk-faced jerk, even though he has only been governor of Illinois for about five and half seconds. But high five for this one, gov: Read more on GOP Governor Rauner Will Let Illinois Grow Ganja, For Your Health…
  Teach A Man To Bloviate And He'll Eat For A Lifetime

Bryan Fischer Was Not Fired From Wingnut Central For Saying Any Of The Following

How can we miss you if you won't go away?
When we heard the news last night that Bryan Fischer was fired by the American Patriarchy Association, our first thought was that it couldn’t have happened to a nicer wingnut. Our second thought was that this could be really bad for Yr. Wonkette, as a casual search through the archives shows that Mr. Fischer is a near-endless source of stupid hilarity. And our third thought had something to do with beer, as per usual. Read more on Bryan Fischer Was Not Fired From Wingnut Central For Saying Any Of The Following…
  What About A Travel Ban?

Oh Great, Now Obama Wants To Cure AIDS

As if Obummer hasn’t done enough to destroy America, now he wants to cure AIDS. Ugh, what next, cheap gas? Instead of showing true leadership by ignoring AIDS completely, like a real president would, or having his drug czar explain how marijuana leads to being gay leads to dying of AIDS, Barack Obama took almost three whole minutes out of his day, when he should be doing other things like impeaching himself and apologizing to Ferguson Police Officer Darren Wilson, to make a video recognizing that it is World AIDS Day. Gawd, what a jerk. Read more on Oh Great, Now Obama Wants To Cure AIDS…
  lectures from the schoolmarm

Peggy Noonan’s Dead Aunt Is Smarter Than You

Another drinkie-poo? Are you really asking me that?
Graciousness! A lost art in America, Peggy Noonan mused to herself as she wandered the marbled halls of her Upper East Side manse with a pitcher of gin-and-NyQuil martinis in one hand and her Aunt Mary’s framed Ellis Island health card in the other. The card had notches in it to indicate that Aunt Mary had passed the examination of a shipboard doctor every day during her passage across the ocean to America in 1909, back when the country feared the dirty plagues carried by the filthy Irish from their home counties of Cork or Dork or Fie-de-Horsecow, or wherever. In America, Aunt Mary had pinned the card to her coat and worn it everywhere to let her new countrymen know that she was not one of those Irish, but a clean and (of course) gracious woman who would not infect anyone with potato blight. Read more on Peggy Noonan’s Dead Aunt Is Smarter Than You…
  something awful

Minnesota House Candidate Definitely Does Not Know How Babby Is Formed

On the one hand, we’re dreading the next four months because we’re headed into peak silly season for state and national elections and there will be so very much dumb politicking rammed down our throats. On the other hand, we write a political humor mommyblog warblog, and ridiculous things done by ridiculous political people is sort of our bread and butter. So, we’re grateful, sort of, for Minnesota House of Representatives candidate Bob Frey, who has some very interesting, and very confused, ideas about how babies are made and also too about AIDS. SPOILER ALERT: He’s pretty sure it is all about enzymes somehow. Read more on Minnesota House Candidate Definitely Does Not Know How Babby Is Formed…
  it gets better then worse

Bible-Thumping Global Charity ‘World Vision’ Has Brief Shining Moment Of Reasonableness On Gay Marriage, Is Sorry About That

Courage of convictions. This is one of the most important courages out there, cited more often than almost any other courage. So it came as quite a pleasant surprise when World Vision, one of the largest faith-based, pro-Jesus global charities on the planet, announced that they would hire legally married gay couples. Kudos to World Vision! Proud that you are willing to stand up for what’s right, as you continue to spend about a billion dollars per year making the world a better place. Let’s get out the old checkbook and… wait, what? Say that louder, NPR: World Vision U.S. changed course on Wednesday, saying it would return to its policy of not hiring Christians in gay marriages. The Washington-state-based charity caused an uproar among its supporters when it announced on Monday that based on the changes many churches were making, it would allow the hiring of avowed Christians who had been legally married to someone of the same sex. Two days! The change lasted for an entire two days?!? To put that in perspective, it took World Vision less time to reverse its position on LGBT folks than it did for Jesus to rise from the grave. Let’s angersplore.  Read more on Bible-Thumping Global Charity ‘World Vision’ Has Brief Shining Moment Of Reasonableness On Gay Marriage, Is Sorry About That…
  as accurate today as it was then

Wyoming State Rep. Troy Mader Learned All He Needs To Know About AIDS In 1984

Wyoming state Rep. Troy Mader is just your average rancher and country/gospel recording artist, not a medical expert by any means. But he stands by pretty much everything that he wrote in a 1984 self-published book, The Death Sentence of AIDS: Vital Information For You and Your Family’s Health and Safety, which argued that gay men and their allies will be the death of America, because promiscuity and AIDS. Funny how the classics remain so timely. Mader was appointed in February to fill the seat of Rep. Sue Wallis, who died January 28, and his previous achievements as an author only came to light after his appointment. The book is mostly a compilation of quotes from sources ranging from Newsweek to scholarly publications like “What Homosexuals Do (It’s More than Disgusting),” by Paul Cameron, who is still very actively doing what one real epidemiologist calls a “tragic parody of science” about the deadliness of gaysexing. The book concludes that America is doomed: “At one time, this nation was moral and great,” he wrote. “Now it is immoral and sick. We have reaped what we have sown, and we are dying!” It is apparently a slow death, but now we have gays wanting wedding cakes, so who knows, maybe we’re almost there? Read more on Wyoming State Rep. Troy Mader Learned All He Needs To Know About AIDS In 1984…
  not a ally

Bush White House Legal Genius Sought To Exile All Gays To Detroit, Because Ewww, Anuses

Hey, remember back in the day when hipster icon George W. Bush wanted to have a Constitutional Amendment prohibiting gay marriage? Apparently, ‘trickle-down bigotry’ works way better than ‘trickle-down economics,’ because White House lawyer Scott Bloch wanted to be like the Pied Piper, except rather than ridding the city of rats, he wanted to rid it of teh ghey, via Business Insider: A federal investigation has revealed that a lawyer who headed the Office of Special Counsel (OSP) in the George W. Bush administration allegedly disliked gay workers so much that he tried to “ship” them to a new office in Detroit. Lawyering is a tough business, and you never know when you’ll be nekkid and slip and fall butt-first on a gay penis and then become gay, so Scott was just being overly cautious. Read more on Bush White House Legal Genius Sought To Exile All Gays To Detroit, Because Ewww, Anuses…
  everyone has aids aids aids

How Did You Celebrate World AIDS Day? (Buttsechs)

Happy World AIDS Day (a day late, because drunk)!! Have you celebrated? How, exactly, does one celebrate the 25th annual World AIDS Day? We bought our Editrix a 10-pack of female condoms, because safe sexytimes are good sexytimes. The United States, on the other hand, celebrates by spending billions each year around the globe fighting AIDS. Hooray us, because fighting AIDS is a good thing. The fight against global AIDS started in earnest with President GWB, with a generous assist from President Carter, when he set up the President’s Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief, or PEPFAR. Back in 2003, Congress was willing to fund the hell out of it because that was when the GOP was spending money like a drunken sailor Rick Santorum in a whorehouse petting zoo, because Republican President. Now that the GOP is all focused on debt & deficit (i.e., Dem Prezzy), monies are tight for foreign aid. What’s a President to do? Let’s safe-sexplore.  Read more on How Did You Celebrate World AIDS Day? (Buttsechs)…
  keeping up with our globe-trotting 39th president

South African President’s Failures On AIDS Nearly Drove Jimmy Carter To Manly Dudgeon, Fisticuffs

Hey, what’s up with former President Jimmy Carter today? Pretty much the usual — talking about punching out foreign leaders and crediting Harry S Truman for curing him of racism. On the foreign-leader-smackdown front, Carter told the Johnannesburg Sunday Times that he was so angry with former South African president Thabo Mbeki’s denial of the link between HIV and AIDS that Read more on South African President’s Failures On AIDS Nearly Drove Jimmy Carter To Manly Dudgeon, Fisticuffs…
  one ring to rule them all

Pat Robertson Educates About Murderous Intent Of Gays Like Shepard Smith

Oh, Pat Robertson. After giving us a confusing nice time about sex change operations, you had to go out and open your foul, putrid assface talkhole. We’re thankful to the folks at RightWingWatch for enlightening us about the wise words of St. Robertson of Dumbfuckville: Pat Robertson told co-host Terry Meeuwsen that gay men in cities like San Francisco attempt to spread HIV/AIDS to others by cutting them with a special ring when shaking hands. Apparently, Pat learned this while cruising for le buttsechs down in the Castro district after blowing fourteen camels and pedophiling some boy scouts, because gays only think about bestiality, pedophilia, buttsechs, and how to spread the Hivy, right?   Read more on Pat Robertson Educates About Murderous Intent Of Gays Like Shepard Smith…
  nice time!

Doctors Prove George W. Bush Has A Heart; Repair It For Him

We like snark, and sometimes we pick on people because they do really dumb things that make this country worser and worserer. However, even if we dislike people’s policies, actions, accents, and pinky fingers, we respect everyone as a HUMAN BEAN. With that preamble out of the way, we are happy that George W. Bush is recovering from successful heart surgery, per ABC News: Former President George W. Bush has successfully undergone a heart procedure after doctors discovered a blockage in an artery. The doctor said that the blockage was opened with no complications, and the 43rd President should be able to return home on Wednesday.  Read more on Doctors Prove George W. Bush Has A Heart; Repair It For Him…
  less aid more aids

Ambitious GOP Tires Of Screwing Domestic Poors, Broadens Sights To Poors Of Whole Wide World

It’s another day on Capitol Hill, so you know what that means: time for the GOP to find new ways to dick over the poor. Apparently growing bored trying to deny health care to poor Americans, the GOP is setting its greedy black-hearted sights on a larger market: the global poors. According to The Hill: House Republicans on Thursday unveiled a 2014 spending bill with a 26 percent cut to foreign aid. It seems that Republicans will do everything in their power to ensure that the words of Jesus remain true: The poor will always be with you. We’re not theology majors in the Seekrit Wonket Chatcave, but we are pretty sure this ain’t what JC had in mind. Let’s wonksplore how the GOP is making sure that people are born, live and die in poverty, thanks be to god.  Read more on Ambitious GOP Tires Of Screwing Domestic Poors, Broadens Sights To Poors Of Whole Wide World…
  global nice time

Barack Obama Arrives Home In Africa, Cures AIDS And Stuff

With so much Nice TimeTM happening in the U.S. recently (Texas badass womyns & mandatory gay marriages) we thought this would be a good time to talk about some Global Nice Time. As President Obama travels to Africa to retrieve his actual birth certificate, there is good news coming from several African countries: Seven countries in sub-Saharan Africa, the world’s worst-hit region in the global AIDS epidemic, have cut the number of new HIV infections in children by 50 percent since 2009, the United Nations AIDS programme said on Tuesday. The dramatic reductions – in Botswana, Ethiopia, Ghana, Malawi, Namibia, South Africa and Zambia – mean tens of thousands more babies are now being born free of HIV, UNAIDS said in a report on its Global Plan to tackle the disease in around 20 of the worst affected countries. Holy shit – 50% reductions in 4 years is REALLY good, people. As the Our Glorious Leader and North Star of Socialism begins his trip through Senegal, Tanzania and South Africa, let’s learn more about how he is personally curing AIDS, making blind men see, and walking across rivers all over that continent! Read more on Barack Obama Arrives Home In Africa, Cures AIDS And Stuff…
  This sounds right

‘Concerned Minnesotan’ Explains How Mixing Sperm, Butt Enzymes Causes AIDS

New American hero Mike Frey isn’t just an ordinary “concerned Minnesotan.” He is also a husband and father, so you can understand why he is so concerned about this gay marriage thing. He’s agin it and he wants to make sure Minnesota lawmakers are also agin this “gay marriage.” See, married people have sex. Like all the time. It’s crazy how much married people like to smoosh their privates together with each other. If the gays get married, then they’ll start having sex too. Like all the time. If the gays start having sex — they’re mostly celibate now — like those bunny-humping marrieds, it’ll be “sodomy.” That will spread AIDS. Because AIDS is caused, Mike Frey explains, by sperm getting into the colon and mixing with the enzymes. This is bad because AIDS can lead to “colds.” (Note: This man does not seem to be suffering from schizophrenia, so feel free to point and laugh liberal-guilt-free.) Read more on ‘Concerned Minnesotan’ Explains How Mixing Sperm, Butt Enzymes Causes AIDS…
  Science is not a dirty word

Public Health Hero C. Everett Koop Once Again Puts Biology Above Politics, Dies

C. Everett Koop, the Surgeon General whose anti-abortion stance appeared to be a feather in the Religious Right’s cap when Ronald Reagan appointed him in 1981, but whose subsequent career as a crusader for science-based policy turned out to be a big black eye for the tobacco industry and gay-haters, died yesterday at the age of 96. Let’s take a few minutes to remember a man whose insistence on putting science ahead of ideology surprised the liberals who initially opposed him and flummoxed the Culture Warriors who eventually came to consider him a traitor. Read more on Public Health Hero C. Everett Koop Once Again Puts Biology Above Politics, Dies…
  boehner killer

Courageous Nakeds Swarm Boehner

You know, there’s really nothing better than getting naked with your friends, amirite? Hanging out, feeling free, lighting some candles, putting on some Sarah McLachlan, applying body paint and glitter to each other, heading over to John Boehner’s place…OK. Maybe not that last part. Nobody wants that last part. Not even Mrs. Boehner. Is there a Mrs. Boehner? Yr Wonkette is far too lazy to check. Some folks from several HIV/AIDS organizations brought their extremely naked selves to Speaker John Boehner’s office to protest proposed HIV/AIDS funding cuts that get triggered when we all go a-plunging over the fiscal cliff: Seven naked protesters swarmed the office of Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) on Tuesday for some 20 minutes of loud chanting against cuts to AIDS funding… After police showed up and repeatedly threatened to arrest the protesters for indecent exposure, they eventually put on their clothes and walked out of the Speaker’s office. The three female protesters stuck around in the hallway to speak to reporters and were arrested anyway; the four male protesters appeared to get away, the organizers said. Here at Wonkette, we are mostly concerned with whether these naked men were of a Daniel Craig or Richard Cohen level of hottness. If the former, please to inform yr Wonkette where these nekkid men might reside. We are also either chagrined or impressed – haven’t decided for sure which – that the nekkids were able to be in the Speaker’s office for 20 MINUTES before they got dressed and/or arrested. NSFW pix (mercifully, not of John Boehner OR Richard Cohen, but sadly not of Daniel Craig either) after the jump. Read more on Courageous Nakeds Swarm Boehner…
  heroes of the food service industry

‘Don’t Say Gay’ Turd Stacey Campfield Thrown Out of TN Restaurant

Stacey Campfield, rose-loving, gay-hating hate-mongering State Senator from Tennessee, who taught us everything (lie) we can’t un-know about AIDS, was, on Sunday, hurtled from a Knoxville restaurant. Apparently the old eye-for-an-eye philosophy was imparted therein, which in this case is PERFECTLY FINE: Martha Boggs, a hostess at a restaurant called the Bistro at the Bijou, greeted Campfield in derogatory yet perfect terms, and asked him to leave the restaurant before he’d been served. Campfield went without incident, and Boggs later wrote on the restaurant’s Facebook page: “I hope that Stacey Campfield now knows what if feels like to be unfairly discrimanted [sic] against.” We love you, lady of the Bistro at the Bijou, spelling errors and all. Read more on ‘Don’t Say Gay’ Turd Stacey Campfield Thrown Out of TN Restaurant…
  fyi

Tennessee Bigot: AIDS Caused By One Monkey-Loving Airline Pilot

Arguably the worst person permitted to make laws on behalf of America, Tennessee State Senator Stacey Campfield, author of the “Don’t Say Gay” bill, recently took part in an interview on Sirius in which he not only defended his already nightmarish views on homosexuality and AIDS, but pushed his insane agenda even farther, twisting the knife all the way through the chest of America and then pulling it out the other side. And then pushing it back through to create a nice big hole, putting his arm through, waving, making an obscene gesture, etc. Campfield, who evidently grows wild carnivorous rose bushes in his office and has blocked access to every site on the Internet that is not (gay) porn, first of all reminds Sirius OutQ’s “The Gist” show host Michelangelo Signorile that AIDS is all the fault of one monkey-loving airline pilot. It gets wooo-orse. Read more on Tennessee Bigot: AIDS Caused By One Monkey-Loving Airline Pilot…
  don't let those stem cells shower with our soldiers

Evil Stem Cells Further Gay Agenda By Curing Guy With HIV

Doctors in Germany believe they have cured a 42-year-old man of HIV after giving him a stem cell transplant three years ago, apparent Halloween-novelty medical journal Blood reports. Well isn’t this just great news for the Gay Agenda. Germany, as we all know, is where the Nazis came from, so it should come as no surprise that they have teamed up with something so librul as stem cells to figure out something so evil as curing a disease that has killed so many people gay people. If the Gay Agenda has found a cure for HIV/AIDS, the American Family Association and Bryan Fischer are simply going to melt, because it will mean there is no longer a “justification” for making gay sex illegal. Read more on Evil Stem Cells Further Gay Agenda By Curing Guy With HIV…
  people your hmo will send you to

Rand Paul Doctor Club: Obama Elected By Literally Hypnotizing Voters

Rand Paul does not believe in joining legitimate medical organizations that are the industry standard, so instead of joining the American Medical Association, he joined the Association of American Physicians and Surgeons, of which his father is also a member. Rand Paul likes to talk about this organization and how its literature informs the crap he says about medicine. But, interestingly, the AAPS publishes some weird literature! Like in 2007, when they said AIDS isn’t linked to HIV. And in 2008, they said Barack Obama was using hypnotism techniques to trick the American public into electing him. Read more on Rand Paul Doctor Club: Obama Elected By Literally Hypnotizing Voters…
  people are so mean

Why Not Just Put Idi Amin Back In Charge, While They’re At It?

Your Wonkette’s total hatred for all forms of cable news has been well established by this point, but that Rachel Maddow, goodness, she is one hot potato sometimes! This Ugandan Anti-Homosexuality bill and its estuaries of sadness should be a MASSIVE story on the front page of every real news thing out there! (Below Tiger Woods though, duh.) Read more on Why Not Just Put Idi Amin Back In Charge, While They’re At It?…