Tag: africa

Obama Secretly Taking Leaks Everywhere! Wonkagenda For Tues., Feb. 28, 2017

Paul Manafort stepped in something in Ukraine, Obama's pulling ALL the strings, and Tom Perez and Keith Ellison are best buds. Your morning news brief!

Trump To Africa: Give Us Your Blood Diamonds!

How are we screwing African children today?

Democracy Experts: Sorry, North Carolina, You’re Now A Third-World Failed State

If North Carolina were a nation, we'd be sending in UN observers for its elections.

Story Of Mob-Run Fake ‘U.S. Embassy’ In Ghana Would Make A Pretty Good Movie, We Bet

A fake U.S. Embassy operating for ten years? What's not to like about this as a movie premise?

Donald Trump Believes In Integrity Of American Elections Won By Donald Trump

Donald Trump will be happy to accept the outcome of the election, if he wins!
It's not the Bilberberger that'll get you. It's the secret sauce. Which is made of PEOPLE!

Alex Jones Rants About She-Devil Globalist Witch Angelina Jolie, In Better Times

Brangelina is no more. Try some Alexina Jonelie instead.

Hillary Clinton Needs To Muzzle Her Husband

Bill Clinton has been yelling at black people again. Specifically, he's been yelling at protesters from Black Lives Matter, calling them dishonest liars who stick up for murderers and crack dealers. (The bad kind of crack dealer, who makes...

George W. Bush Is Great Tipper, Terrible President, Did Not Actually Do 9/11

When a famous person comes into your restaurant and turns out to be a great customer, there are many things you should do as a server. Treat them like you would anyone else, give them good service, don't bring...
can you hear no evil now?

Corporate Overlords Want To Replace You With Robots, Still Good With Child Labor

Who's working hard so that they have plenty of free $peech for election season? Our gorgeous corporate persons, that's who. (Eating fondue in Switzerland counts as work. Won't someone think of the jet lagged???) Davos folks pretty jacked up about...

We Must Join With Ben Shapiro To Stop The Gays From Killing Again!

Wednesday's news was awful. Alison Parker and Adam Ward, a reporter and a cameraman with WDBJ-TV in Roanoke, Virginia, were murdered in cold blood, on television, for reasons we don't fully know yet. The shooter, Vester Lee Flanagan, is...
Dr. Nugent Fills his Pants for the First Time, 1860

Ted Nugent: What About Lion-On-Lion Crime?

Oh, thank goodness, Ted Nugent has finally seen fit to weigh in on that dentist who killed that lion. We'd been hoping the great white skidmarked hunter would have some insights on the matter, and he came through in...
I laugh at you idiots! So much!

Sass-Mouth Barack Obama Sasses The Republicans, Sassily. Your Weekly Top Ten.

Hey Wonkers! It is Sunday, and whew, what a week we had! Your Wonkette got lost (broken because bad server was bad), but then was found (fixed with a shiny new server!), was blind but now it sees! And...
They're only being mean because they're jealous.

Dear White People: You’re Going To LOVE Disney’s New White ‘African’ Princess

MOVE OVER, Elsa The Frozen Bitch Princess From Hell, there's a new Disney lady princess in town, and she seems great. She's based on the true story of Jeremiah Heaton, a Virginia father whose daughter Emily just wanted to...
By now, we can't imagine anyone would make a big deal about it.

Obama Trolling Donald Trump Again, Will Visit Kenya, Or Home Sweet Home

In a move that shouldn't provoke any hysteria at all on the internet, the White House announced that President Obama will travel to Kenya in July for the "2015 Global Entrepreneurship Summit (GES)," which is a "global platform connecting...
The politically correct war on dorks continues

Derp Roundup: Science Man Wears Tacky Sexist Shirt, Twitter Has Thoughts

Welcome to Derp Update, your occasional feature where we purge our browsers of stories that didn't quite merit a whole post, but were too remarkably stupid to ignore altogether. Fear that your brain cells may be harmed by exposure...
Would you believe it's a towel ad from 1944?

Louie Gohmert: Why Is Obama Forcing Troops To Gay Massage Each Other?

Texas congressmollusk Louie Gohmert, that irrepressible imp, has been giving a lot of thought to Our Troops and how Barack Obama is trying to kill them all by making them fight the Ebolese Liberation Army. On some strange Christian radio...