Do you ever read a news headline and actually say, “Ha. Oh fuck,” aloud? WELL, “Lieberman Finally Used That Nazi/Afghanistan Analogy Everyone Could Tell Was Up His Sleeve” and its variations had that effect on your Wonkette Morning Editor! See, it makes negative zero sense to compare the situation to the Vietnam, Lieberman says, because America went into Vietnam out of its own volition. And America didn’t start the Afghanistan War—Christ no—9/11 started the Afghanistan War. In the same way that the Nazis started WWII! So, what, are we just supposed to let 9/11 and the Nazis win a world war?? MORE »

Hey did you guys know that Condi Rice is a dipshit still? It’s in the latest news information! “The last time we left Afghanistan, and we abandoned Pakistan … that territory became the very territory on which Al Qaeda trained and attacked us on September 11th. So our national security interests are very much tied up in not letting Afghanistan fail again and become a safe haven for terrorists … It’s that simple… if you want another terrorist attack in the U.S., abandon Afghanistan.” So… the Bush Administration wanted another terrorist attack in the U.S. between 2002 and 2008? This is the last time we ever trust that Karl Rove. [Crooks & Liars]

• Democrats and Republicans continue to compete over who can cater more to Big Senior re: possible Medicare cuts. [AP]
• Obama spent all day yesterday begging the U.N. to agree to a resolution that would get Iran and North Korea and others like them in such big trouble if they crossed their fingers behind their backs while signing the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty. [Wall Street Journal]
• You really have to give the Taliban credit for taking advantage of their semester abroad in Pakistan, huh! They are now heading into to Afghanistan stronger, savvier and fightier than ever. [New York Times]
• Ahmadinejad is apparently not yet bored of his old tricks, namely, calling Israel and the U.S. racist, accusing everyone he’s ever met of genocide, and throwing in some noncommittal “Iran is pretty great, actually!”s for good measure. [New York Times]
• India will be doing a bit of role-playing this week, as it does its part to pretend to care about doing something that will curb carbon emissions. Going clockwise, soo… China: you’re next. [Washington Post]
• American women, GETTING HYSTERICAL and whining about affording to feed and educate their children, might not be into having so many anymore! [Reuters]

• Matt Yglesias needs some hot German tracks that he can sing in the shower. We recommend: Kraftwerk, Sammy Deluxe, and uh, Trio. [Matt Yglesias]
• Before there was AdultFriendFinder.com, men of questionable character had to solicit sex over VHS. [The Daily Dish]
• Michele Bachmann reveals the secrets of the universe. [Think Progress]
• The 111th Congress class picture was ripe with the usual ass-grabs and suggestive hand gestures. [The Caucus]
• Who murdered the War in Afghanistan? Was it McChrystal, in the ballroom, with classified documents on a CD-RW? Or was it blabbermouth Admiral Mullen, in the harem, gossiping with a teenage hooker? Or was it a jealous White House staffer who framed McChrystal because McChrystal is so handsome and it’s just not fair? Or? [Weekly Standard]
• The Wise Latina thinks she can play baseball better than a white male. Composure, Lindsey Graham. Composure. [Swampland]

• Obama’s interference in governors’ races is upsetting to those who think that Obama’s desire to keep Democrats in power is soo partisan. [New York Times]
• Internet service providers are terribly angry with the FCC, which wants “net neutrality,” a concept of unimaginable injustice that would prohibit these Internet service companies from purposely slowing down connections and blocking access to their competitors’ content. [WSJ]
• Fewer troops in Afghanistan will be fighting in deserted actual desert areas and will concern themselves more with defending cities and humans. Except N.B. to the Taliban: this is not because America is weak! [Washington Post]
• Here are your MacArthur Genius Grant winners!  [Los Angeles Times]
• Bank of America just cold refuses to tell Congress all about its consensual hook-up with Merrill Lynch. The SEC is THISCLOSE to just subpoenaing the bank, the judicial equivalent of correctly guessing its Gmail password. [Reuters]
• Nancy Pelosi is going to send a health care bill to the floor by the end of the week. She’s like, “Fucking bet me.” [The Hill]

By the Comics Curmudgeon
The September 11 attacks were terrible for any number of reasons, with the exploding and the wars and the death, and so it’s obviously petty to bitch about the many terrible cartoons they spawned, with the Statue of Liberty, crying, but when it’s your JOB to think about cartoons, as it has, somewhat improbably, become mine, then this is the sort of thing you think about, sometimes, when you think about 9/11. And there were no 9/11 weeping Statue of Liberty cartoons this year, so, VICTORY, in that extremely limited sense! But there was still a bunch of other crap. MORE »

• The pundits are now referring to Afghanistan’s deformed democracy as America’s “awkward third nipple.” [Matt Yglesias]
• Hundreds of sexy wingnut biddies have propositioned Screamin’ Joe Wilson with shots of tequila and lap dances. [Think Progress]
• Speaking of Ol’ Screamy, when was the last time you won a douchey tee shirt? [True/Slant: Michael Roston]

• “Did Obama Encourage Iran’s Brutal Crackdown?” That, and so much more! [Weekly Standard]
• Matt Taibbi, guest editor of AMERICAblog. [AMERICAblog]

As Afghanistan’s war-loving General McChrystal prepares to ask for more troops at the end of the month, will he get them, or will Obama be a massive vagina and say no fuck you? Bill Kristol, for one, thinks there ought be more troops! The Foreign Policy Initiative, Kristol’s new iteration of the famous Project for the New American Century, has gone back to its 90s-style out-of-power activist method of advocating for more newer wars: writing letters to the president about bombing people, and having lots of signatures. Just read the list of co-signatories on this thing: Max Boot, John Podhoretz, a million Kagans, Randy Scheunemann, and finally, the fire of Randy Scheunemann’s loins: Sarah Palin. We’ve never felt better about the “Afghanistan War,” have you? [FPI]

• A special “Welcome Back” to America’s congress, Congress, who have just returned from the least fun recess ever. They will now be expected to figure out a health care plan for a citizenry who insist that eating each other’s limbs is an effective means by which to debate health care plans. [Washington Post]
• People who know about such things disagree over whether sending more ground forces to Afghanistan will prevent future terrorist attacks or whether the key is doing a grassroots thing, whereby the Afghans learn to hate terrorism on their own. [New York Times]
• Oh good: jobless Americans have taken to forming quasi ad-hoc local militia supplements to our country’s police forces. [Wall Street Journal]
• Macaroni virtuosos Kraft Foods will purchase Cadbury, they of the Eggs, whether Cadbury likes it or not. [Reuters]
• Joe Kennedy II will not be running for Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat, making the race a novel Kennedy-less one so far. [Los Angeles Times]
• Three British men were convicted on charges of unsuccessful terrorism for their botched plan to blow up seven North America-bound planes. [AP]

George Will is such a hot potato right now! BUT A SPINELESS POTATO? He received so much publicity for his other column a few days ago — when he “stunned” Washington by “going Galt” and calling for an end to the millenia-old Afghanistan war, making him the first very serious important pundit to do so, ever — that now he’s like, “Iraq is also no good.” Hmm where’d he get that idea? Probably the Huffington Post or Al Gore one of the other Internet places. MORE »

The Blackwater news was, what, two years ago now, and we’re still inexplicably allowing these creepy private security companies to not only take the helm “guarding” major war zones, but to do so without *any* military supervision or need to adhere to basic laws or standards of conduct? Well THANK GOD this is the case, because the private sector works better, always, everywhere, and creates incentives for profit-minded companies to compete in the booming “who can act most retardedly and embarrassingly and illegally in a war zone” market. At the end of the day, it’s savings for the American consumer! No — scratch that: At the end of the day, it’s naked, fat contractor slobs, supposedly protecting the U.S. Embassy in Kabul, but really just drinking poop-filtered cheap vodka and chips with dip, the dip being poop, from each other’s unwiped assholes. MORE »