• What happens when a soulless pagan forest pixie asks to be removed from the RedState listserv? Well, to quote Christ… [RedState]
• Tinker Bell is a fucking whore. [Michelle Malkin]
• Dear Barack Obama: Focus! Focus on Afghanistan. Glue a map of Afghanistan to the back of your eyelids, so that you can focus on Afghanistan whilst you slumber. What are you doing right now? Eating lunch? You mean, not focusing on Afghanistan? See? Do you see the problem here? [Hot Air]
• What America needs now more than ever is some good ol’ fashioned conservative pessimism and/or some classic doomsday scenarios — both, if at all possible. Thank you. [Powerline]

So Dick Cheney told Obama to stop “dithering”! Haha, oh, right! Yes, he’ll get right on that… ceasing to dither. This is a hilarious and formidable old man insult used to express one’s displeasure with the lack of bombs and troops and guns and bombs and shit currently being sent to Afghanistan. “Having announced his Afghanistan strategy last March, President Obama now seems afraid to make a decision, and unable to provide his commander on the ground with the troops he needs to complete his mission,” said Cheney. It’s like: is Obama scared? Scared of WAR? Ha! Dick Cheney didn’t realize the President was a GIRL who needs to write in her diary 10 times a day before deploying more American soldiers to Afghanistan. [Los Angeles Times]

• After being prodded by basically everyone on Earth, soon-to-be-former President of Afghanistan Hamid Karzai is ready to admit that he did not actually win the re-election. [New York Times]
• A new poll says that most people think the public option would be a good thing, actually. [Washington Post]
• Swine flu has spread to this one actual swine in Minnesota. It’s hard to feel bad given how appropriate this seems! [WSJ]
• A US scientist was arrested for trying to sell important secrets to someone he thought was an Israeli intelligence guy, but was actually just an American intelligence guy about to arrest him. [CNN]
• Iran is two seconds away from doing something it might possibly regret to Pakistan—possibly bombing it, or possibly explicitly threatening it with bombs. [AP]
• Apple, Inc. shares are the highest they’ve ever been. There are still no available Genius Bar appointments. [Reuters]

Erm so earlier this month someone asked Gen. McChrystal to talk about some of the weird shit that people tell him to do, all the time, re: Afghanistan. He was like, “Oh get this: Chaosistan,” which basically involves letting Afghanistan just become a “Somalia-like haven of chaos that we simply manage from outside.” And everyone laughed and laughed, because how tenuous does that sound? Rather tenuous, is the answer. Oh but anyway, turns out “Chaosistan” was an actual classified CIA document. Ha ha: “Somalia-like haven of chaos”—a regular Sy Hersh this McChrystal.  [Newsweek]

By the Comics Curmudgeon
What is the most amusing part of the human anatomy? While there are a lot to choose from, I’d have to say the butt, mostly because asses and humor occupy the exact same overlap in the Venn diagram between “sexy” and “gross.” Because our dying media establishment is still clinging to antiquated concepts like “dignity” and “morals” and “for Christ’s sake people don’t want to see naked asses in the newspaper,” most political cartoons do not feature naked asses per se (though there are horrifying exceptions). Nevertheless, political cartoons cannot resist the laugh riot that even the fully clothed booty brings to the table. MORE »

• JPMorgan Chase reported $3.6 billion profits for the third quarter. This is one of those folkloric “good economic news” stories! [New York Times]
• Now that Obama (& Olympia Snowe!) have defeated Chuck Grassley, Baucus, etc., he must now combat Big Health Insurance Lobby. [Washington Post]
• There’s a second gold rush, except it’s a rare minerals rush, happening right now in California’s Mojave Desert. Go west, young man. [Los Angeles Times]
• Hillary Clinton yelled at America and Russia for running around like this is still the Cold War. It’s not, apparently, was her point. [CNN]
• Exciting job opening! Lots of potential for growth: Rep. Robert Wexler of Florida has quit and taken a job at Center for Middle East Peace and Economic Cooperation.
• McChrystal is worried that all corruption in Afghanistan might basically cancel out the work that new troops could (will) be doing over there. [AP]

• In March, Obama will be sending 13,000 more mostly non-combat troops—in addition to the original plan of 21,000 combat troops—to Afghanistan. This is the stuff of surges, people! [Washington Post]
• Big changes afoot at your local mall, as Disney will be looking to revamp its store there, I Thought That Closed. [New York Times]
• Russia admitted that while yes, diplomacy is important, not having sanctions with Iran is perhaps even more important, and therefore more diplomatic? In a way? Like dialectically maybe? [AP]
• Do not miss the crucial deadline of this Thursday if you have yet to tell the government about your illicit off-shore banking goings-on! [Los Angeles Times]
• Switzerland is rethinking its whole neutrality schtick. You see, being so relied on is so boring. [WSJ]

• WELL, WELL: Barack Obama won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize! For nuclear things! Anyway this is better than at least 3/5 of the summer Olympic events. [New York Times]
• The moon, well, most of it, managed to prolong its existence overnight despite NASA’s best efforts. [New York Times]
• 160-ish people were killed in mudslides in the Philippines. The last time things were this flood-y there was 40 years ago. [AP]
• A car bomb in Pakistan killed 42 people and injured 60 more. No one officially took credit but people are generally thinking “Taliban.” [Times Online]
• Olympia Snowe arguably still matters. This seems tenuous! Anyway, the LA Times has interviewed every known resident of Maine to prove it. [LA Times]
• Gen. McChrystal and the military people would like 40,000 troops sent to Afghanistan. [WSJ]

• This new tax credit thing for businesses that make up new jobs is not entirely despised by everyone in Congress. Even Eric Cantor is like, whatever! [New York Times]
• But speaking of “entirely despised by everyone in Congress”: Obama’s Afghanistan strategy. [Washington Post]
• NASA has discovered an enormous invisible (?) ring around Saturn that’s the size of 1 billion Earths. Next step will be for them to make the case for why we need to blow it up. [CNN]
• The Taliban in Afghanistan say they have no interest in killing Westerners. Swear to god you guys! [Reuters]
• The Supreme Court will now decide whether YouTube videos of animal cruelty count as free speech or whether they should be banned forever. [WSJ]
• And two more Americas (+ 1 Israeli) won the Nobel Prize in Chemistry, for something about ribosomes, which sounds suspiciously like that thing the Medicine people did. [LA Times]

Speaking of Nancy Pelosi and Afghanistan and sexism, here’s a completely brilliant clip of cool-as-ice Harry Reid, the “Late-Middle-Aged Arthur Fonzarelli of Reno,” executing the latest attempt in his decades-long quest to “break the touch barrier” with Nancy Pelosi, finally. (And after all these years!) MORE »

• Today Iran + the UN Security Council will LITERALLY meet in Switzerland the country in hopes of convincing Iran to agree to a weapons inspection. [New York Times]
• If Obama wants to send more troops to Afghanistan, he might have to ask the GOP for support. The GOP, of all people. [Washington Post]
• Over 500 Indonesians were killed in Wednesday’s Indonesia-based earthquake. [WSJ]
• And then a totally gratuitous second earthquake hit Samoa, which yesterday was basically razed by tsunamis. [CNN]
• Harry Reid & Friends really want the House and Senate to vote on health care during the week everyone is expected to skip out early for Columbus Day vacation. [AP]
• Hey happy 60th birthday People’s Republic of China! The traditional gift for 60 is turning the Empire State Building one’s favorite color. [AP]