Tag Archives: affordable care act

  Oh look more good news

BREAKING: Obamacare Good For You, Whether You Like It Or Not

Yes, you do, whether you realize it or not Well, shoe horns and suck a penis, what have we here? Why, it’s another study about how terrific Obamacare is. But haven’t we already reported ALL the studies at you, a thousand frickin’ times, about how Obamacare is giving more Americans greater access to better and cheaper healthcare and saving everyone — the government, hospitals, your grandma — lots of money? Yes, we have, but it is A Day, so here, have some more: Read more on BREAKING: Obamacare Good For You, Whether You Like It Or Not…
  He's A Pretty Smart Guy

Donald Trump Will Repeal Obamacare, Replace It With Terrific Fence

Why don't you pass the time in the ER with a game of solitaire?
Donald Trump has the YOOGEST, CLASSIEST plan ever to replace Obamacare, and it’s going to be so incredible, it will probably blow his already-perfect plans for defeating ISIS out of the water, that’s how good it is. On CNN this week, Trump outlined his detailed plans for getting rid of Obamacare: “It’s gotta go … Repeal and replace with something terrific.” But lest you think that’s a bit short on detail, he also explained that TrumpCare would rely on the free market, and would allow people to buy insurance in any state they want. But for people who can’t afford private insurance, he’s no monster; he’d take decisive action: Read more on Donald Trump Will Repeal Obamacare, Replace It With Terrific Fence…
  2060 Protest Sign: Keep Government Out Of My Obamacare!

Medicare Turns 50, F*ck You Zombie Reagan

Today’s a special birthday! Fifty years ago today, Medicare and Medicaid were signed into law by that notorious communist, Lyndon Johnson. As a special treat, here’s Ronald Reagan telling us in 1961 that Medicare would inevitably lead to a socialist takeover of America, and by golly, he was right! Here we are, 50 years later, living under the thumb of a communist dictatorship, as oppressed Americans demand the government keep its filthy hands off their Medicare. Have any of you Olds taken the time to tell your children about how nice America was in 1965, when men were still free? Read more on Medicare Turns 50, F*ck You Zombie Reagan…
  who?

Let’s Learn About That Jerk From Ohio Who’s Not Going To Be President, Then Promptly Forget

How many votes you getting, buddy?
You know how Republican primary voters are looking for a serious candidate? One with a record of governance, popularity within his own state (sorry, Carly, but these are not vag voters, they want a his), and even a moderate position or two, like on expanding Medicaid through Obamacare? No, of course not, because Republicans love Donald Trump the most right now. True story. Read more on Let’s Learn About That Jerk From Ohio Who’s Not Going To Be President, Then Promptly Forget…
  Quit yer bitching

Federal Court Tells Nuns To Shove Paperwork Right Up Their Jesus Holes

Just sign it and shut up, sister
There is this group of nuns in Colorado, and they are a bunch of dicks. No, seriously, They. Are. DICKS. The Little Sisters of the Poor Home for the Aged is ostensibly dedicated to doing good Jesus-y things, for old poors, but the sisters have been too busy suing the Obama administration over the contraception mandate because they think — wrongly; they are VERY BAD at science — birth control is the exact same thing as murdering babies. And they cannot possibly do any good Jesus-y things for old poors if Obama is going to force them to spend all their time murdering babies. Read more on Federal Court Tells Nuns To Shove Paperwork Right Up Their Jesus Holes…
  Probably because everybody's been death paneled already

Tyrant Obamacare Insuring More Americans Than Ever, Thanks Obama!

This is what Obamacare insurance cards look like, right?
Looking at this new chart from the Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index, America is starting to resemble a developed nation! In 2013, just before the forcible throat-cramming of quality, affordable healthcare began, 18% of Americans were uninsured. And now that number is down to … this can’t be right. This poll must have a liberal bias. They must have only asked Americans who don’t love America, because it says that the uninsured rate has precipitously dropped in the intervening time, down to 11.4%. Read it and weep, fuckers: Read more on Tyrant Obamacare Insuring More Americans Than Ever, Thanks Obama!…
  Everyone is happy now

BREAKING: Majority Of Americans Like Taking Gay Obamacare Up The Butt

This is America now basically
In case you missed it because you were trapped under something heavy, the Supreme Court crammed healthcare AND marriage equality up and down all of our orifices last week. While you might be 69 kinds of butthurt about the uber-liberal judicial tyranny of some dumb lawyers in robes, your friends and neighbors and your mom and her friends and neighbors and their moms are quite thrilled: Read more on BREAKING: Majority Of Americans Like Taking Gay Obamacare Up The Butt…
  never give up never surrender

GOP Rep. To Supreme Court: If You Like Obamacare So Much, Why Don’t You Gay Marry It?

Future Republican Member of Congress
After the Supreme Court saved Obamacare, AGAIN, most Republicans were more or less content to stomp their feet, shake their tiny fists of fury, repeat their five-year-old warnings that expanded healthcare access will destroy America (any day now, you’ll see!), and have themselves a good cry. And we drank of their tears, and enjoyed them ever so. Read more on GOP Rep. To Supreme Court: If You Like Obamacare So Much, Why Don’t You Gay Marry It?…
  the apocalypse starts right here right now

Flatworms, Flesh-Eating Bacteria And Rick Scott (But We Repeat Ourselves): Your Florida Roundup

The South Gon’ Rise Again (in a not-racist way this time, honest)
Greeting, Wonketteers. Are you ready to take a well-deserved break from your buttsechs gay marriage orgies and sojourn with me down to Your Very Favorite Land of Snakes and Swamps, a dystopian hellscape that not even Wes Anderson could make adorable? Sure you are! Let’s get to it. Read more on Flatworms, Flesh-Eating Bacteria And Rick Scott (But We Repeat Ourselves): Your Florida Roundup…
  Give them another five years

Every Single GOP Candidate Has A Cunning Plan To Murder Obamacare On Day One

It's like health care only different
The highest court of unelected activist judges in the whole Us of America declared, for the second time, that Obamacare haters need to hush now and take a nap because that shit is kosher, yo. Which does not mean the Republican Party or any of its “presidential” “candidates” are going to do that. The Affordable Care Act may be the super-duper twice-certified constitutional law of the land, but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be repealed and replaced with something even MORE better, dunno what yet, that’s not what matters right now! Read more on Every Single GOP Candidate Has A Cunning Plan To Murder Obamacare On Day One…
  Victory lap!

President Obama: I Will Never Stop Cramming Obamacare Down America’s Throat

Sexy stoic president will give you tender-loving Obamacare.
Thursday, the Supreme Court ruled, YET AGAIN, that Obamacare is just fine and dandy and great, even if Congress did a really bad job of making all their subjects and verbs agree when they wrote the damn thing. So can we please stop talking about this now? One person who does not want to stop talking about it is President Obama, who decided to ride around the White House lawn on his victory steed, alternately shouting things like “Suck it so hard, haters!” and “I am the best at Presidenting!” and “Look, Michelle, no hands!” Read more on President Obama: I Will Never Stop Cramming Obamacare Down America’s Throat…
  Curse that hindsight

Obamacare Great For Poors And Minorities, No Wonder GOP Hates It

Definitely thought this through
By now, we can all recite at least eleventeen reasons why the Affordable Care Act is great for America. Better coverage, lower prices, savings all around. And while we still remain the laughingstock of the civilized world because we don’t have universal healthcare like all the other cool countries do, Obamacare is our first significant step in the right direction toward the day when we don’t just let people die because they can’t afford medical care, so shrug, oh well, FREEDOM. Read more on Obamacare Great For Poors And Minorities, No Wonder GOP Hates It…
  At least until he's "elected president" LOL

Rick Perry Wants To Free Americans From Tyranny Of Obamacare By Letting Them Keep Obamacare

Spit it out to make room for your foot, Rick Perry, or a dildo, whatever.
Former Texas governor and current “presidential candidate” Rick Perry is talking out of both sides of his butthole (each side featuring perfectly coiffed hair) when it comes to Obamacare. He’s agin’ it, of course, and it needs to be repealed. But he also doesn’t want people to lose their health insurance, if the Supreme Court rules, in King v. Burwell, that because of six little words and a technicality, the subsidies provided by the Affordable Care Act, which provide millions with health insurance, are unconstitutional. Wonder why he doesn’t want folks to lose their insurance, HUH. Maybe because if millions of people suddenly lose their coverage, they’ll blame it on Republicans, and people like Perry will REALLY never be president. Read more on Rick Perry Wants To Free Americans From Tyranny Of Obamacare By Letting Them Keep Obamacare…
  the world's greatest deliberative body

Republicans Have Secret Plan If SCOTUS Kills Obamacare. No, You Can’t See It.

Oh, yeah, good old-fashioned Nightmare Fuel
Rest easy, America: If the Supreme Court murders Obamacare over what amounts to a proofreading error later this month, Republicans are ready with a replacement plan, according to Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. No, you can’t see it. It’s a surprise. Stop trying to peek. Stop it! There is too something in the box, just don’t shake it or you’ll ruin it! Read more on Republicans Have Secret Plan If SCOTUS Kills Obamacare. No, You Can’t See It….