Wonkette

We’re having trouble getting into this latest iteration of the John Edwards/Rielle Hunter/Love Child story, probably because, um, who gives a shit about this loser or his bastard? For what it’s worth, however, he offered a curt denial today in Houston, where he was talking to a low-income housing aid organization: “That’s tabloid trash… They’re full of lies. I’m here to talk about helping people.” Oh ho ho, so now Mr. Altruism over here thinks that helping poor people is more important than his ubiquitous boner, hmm? [Houston Press]

In an age when most reporters for the American media are timid, pasty, milquetoast mumblers, Lara Logan stands head and balls above the rest. Sure, we’ve seen some stories about her romantical adventures in Iraq’s Green Zone and an exciting brawl in a safe house between two rival suitors — and our only question is, Just two? MORE »

Here’s the new Gennifer Flowers and Paula Jones website, “Two Chicks Chatting,” where they’re selling videos of their conversations for $1.99 apiece. They accept credit card and PayPal. Among the videos available for purchase: “Paula and the President’s Penis,” “Gennifer’s Story and the Presidential Penis,” and, simply, “Paula and Gennifer Chatting.” Oh boy — and look at those outfits! Latest intelligence still suggests that this is not a hoax. [Two Chicks Chatting]

SUNDAY AFTERNOON SABBATH READING: Here is today’s selection for Wonkette’s Sunday Afternoon Sabbath Reading, for you to enjoy after church and before your pot roast supper. It’s the tale of how John McCain married a swimsuit model in 1965, adopted her two children, had another child with her, and grew so bored with domestic life that he asked to fight in Vietnam. While in captivity, his wife became mildly crippled in a car accident, leading John McCain to cheat on her repeatedly when he returned, until finally he abandoned her — in a “mid-life crisis” that he had, yes, 28 years ago — for a young, gorgeous beer heiress whose father could make him a Congressman. Pissed about Hillary? Vote McCain! [Daily Mail]

Here is — no joke — the official portrait of Marc “Hawaiian Pizza” Dann, the Ohio attorney general who likes to stick it to his staffers and will soon be impeached. This picture literally hangs outside his office. Why anyone ever had sex with this creature, we will never know.

Forty years ago, twice-divorced teevee gal Barbara Walters was happily getting it on with a Republican senator from Massachusetts. Not only was Edward Brooke the first straight Republican politician, but he was also the first black man elected to the U.S. Senate. You know, that is racial transcendence.

“Baba Wawa” reveals all the horny ’70s details on Oprah Winfrey’s show next week, and we’ll all be watching. But because we won’t, here’s what supposedly happened. MORE »

Ilkka Kanerva, the 60-year-old Finnish politician who won Wonkette’s heart with his erotic telephone love-notes to a orange-fleshed troll, has been forced to resign his post. The resignation comes after a gossip magazine, Hymy, published two dozen of the messages this weekend, including one that read: “Do you want to do it in some exciting place?” MORE »

Besides the wives and children, who are the true victims of high-placed leaders’ tawdry sex affairs? Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, of course! Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer and indicted Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick are (or were) both Democratic superdelegates. Spitzer was in the tank for Clinton, while Kilpatrick reportedly favors Obama, even though the Obama campaign halfheartedly denies it. So what happens when reckless oversexed Democrats let their personal addictions interfere with their public lives? They make the increasingly weird superdelegate count even less predictable. Of course, none of this matters if Clinton and Obama superdelegates keep cancelling each other out by getting caught in embarrassing situations in equal numbers. [Political Punch, NPR]

John Edwards was stupid enough to deny reports from the National Enquirer that he had an affair with that nutty hippie. Reporters asked him about it yesterday and he said it was “completely untrue” and “ridiculous.” So we’re done with the part where “real” reporters refuse to mention the story at all until its sorta “reported” in a “disreputable” tabloid (or website!) and we can move on to the nonstop meta-media “what have we become” handwringing part where we all keep hearing about this “ridiculous” story over and over again until they give John Edwards his own Nobel prize! MORE »

Oh, that John Edwards sex scandal thing? It might have been planted and tended with care by the Huffington Post, sort of. Someone gave Sam Stein (former Newsweek intern-turned-HuffPo Political Journalist extraordinaire!) the story of some TOTALLY MYSTERIOUS VIDEOS that disappeared from John Edwards’ website. First it was a mere mysterious mystery — why would the Edwards’ campaign scrub all traces of these harmless, complimentary “meet the candidate” videos? Then it was a totally mysterious mystery involving a nutty, directionless hippie chick whom Edwards met in a bar.

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