affairs
Lady Who Sexed Herman Cain For 13 Years Types About That
Back in two thousand diggity ‘leven, there was this fella Herman Cain who nearly got himself a presidential nomination. He didn’t care for that! All he wanted was a radio show, a teevee show, some more book deals — the whole package. Thankfully a bunch of gals came forward and gave him an out by [...]
Newt Gingrich Was Aspiring Polygamist in Nineties, Ex-Wife Says
The density of swollen piglet Newt Gingrich’s sleaziness is apparently such that there are still, ten years later, more awful details of his second divorce that America had not yet learned: ex-wife Marianne Gingrich told ABC News that before Newt left her, he asked her to just be cool about the whole affair thing and [...]
Newt Gingrich Promises To Stop Cheating On His Wives & Stop Getting Divorces All the Time
Serial-divorcing creep Newt Gingrich just can’t stop taking advantage of the women who work for him — it’s the only way a toad like Newt can get any tail! — but this is apparently a problem with the conservative Family Values crowd. What to do? Well, this time, during his third marriage and after two [...]
Herman Cain Hilariously Spending $$$ Trying To Distract Twitter Users
Hilarious has-been dumblebore Herman Cain will have to drop out of the “anybody but Romney” GOP primary because he has a very busy penis. But in the meantime, what better way to piss away all of his campaign donations than by purchasing a “promoted Tweet” that will sit proudly atop 10,000 Herman Cain sexytime jokes? [...]
Herman Cain About To Quit Because of Practicing His Love Too Much
Briefly popular ignoramus Herman Cain was already sinking in the GOP primary polls like every other random dingbat the party has puked up for consideration during this long, long 2012 campaign season. But the latest scandal, that he carried on a 13-year-long affair with a lady who was not his wife, seems to be enough [...]
Lady Claims Whirlwind 13-Year Romance Affair With Herman Cain
A pretty lady claims she had a 13-year-long sexytime affair with Herman Cain, the chain restaurant executive who is apparently still running for president. Coincidentally, the lady claims Herman quit wanting to get sexytime with her just eight months ago, just before he launched his presidential campaign in May. Cain denies the sexytime, but says [...]
Bribery at Tiffany’s: Newt’s Latest Wife Did Tiffany’s Bidding
We thought Giant Whining Baby/Serial Divorcer Newt Gingrich had his half-million-dollar Tiffany’s credit line just because he always needs new engagement rings when he divorces his old, cancer-ridden wives for new, younger ladies he’s been schtupping for several years. But no, it’s actually sleazier than all that, because this is Newt Gingrich we’re talking about. [...]
John Ensign Proposed To His Mistress At the National Prayer Breakfast
Does anybody care about this John Ensign affair/bribe thing anymore? Probably nobody cares about this John Ensign affair/bribe thing anymore, but the details of this thing are just ridiculous. Here’s a thing John Ensign did: He took his mistress, the wife of his friend and mother of his children’s friends, to the National Prayer Breakfast [...]
Todd Palin ‘Love Child’ Rumor Completes Todd Palin Affair Scorecard
To go along with the rumors that Todd Palin has had affairs and sexed prostitutes, the National Enquirer is now reporting that Todd Palin has one of those “love children” with a woman who is not Sarah Palin. This is said to “RUIN HER CHANCE FOR WHITE HOUSE,” which would be the most shocking revelation [...]
Newt Gingrich: My Affair Clarified Why I Needed To Impeach Clinton
When Newt Gingrich was getting non-wife blowjobs during Bill Clinton’s blowjob hearings, he did so because his lust for the United States of America needed an outlet. But America should really have been thanking Newt Gingrich for having that affair. All the court proceedings he’s had to go to for his divorces over the years [...]
Newt Gingrich Committed Adultery Because America Made Him Horny
Presidential candidate/kitsch 1990s artifact Newt Gingrich knows he’s going to have to explain why he had so many affairs when he was trying to remove President Clinton from office for getting a blowjob, and here’s how he explained it to CBN in what appears to be some kind of tractor shed for storing murder victims: [...]
Oh, Chris Lee Was Also Messing Around In the Craigslist Transsexual Section
When Republican Congressman Chris Lee resigned a few weeks ago mere hours after Gawker published what appeared to be e-mails and a photo he sent to a lady on Craigslist about wanting to have an affair, it surprised people. People such as us. If a married diaperman such as David Vitter can survive and even [...]
John Boehner Really Tried To Get Chris Lee and Others Not To Have Affairs
Wow, that Chris Lee sure resigned fast, eh? For perspective, Larry Craig was arrested for trying to have sex with a man in a public bathroom and finished out his term. Which was months, not hours. The thing is, Republicans just will not stand for their members of Congress having affairs that aren’t illegal in [...]
NATIONAL ENQUIRER SHOCKER: Enquirer Thinks Boehner Is ‘Handsome’
Someone is still trying to create a John Boehner affair rumor. This began in September, you will remember, when the New York Post cited some DailyKos person saying such a rumor existed as evidence that such a rumor existed. The Post said the Times was working on an “expose” of this affair, and was “looking [...]
Tiny African Kingdom Has More Interesting Sex Scandals Than We Do
Nobody is having a decent sex scandal in America this week, which has really put a crimp in your editors’ style, man. But it’s nice to see that our helpful friends in the nation of Swaziland are helping out! Swaziland is a wee little country mostly surrounded by South Africa, and it has a plump, [...]
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