WASHINGTON, DC, 10:51 AM, TUE OCTOBER 7 | Advertise on Wonkette | tips@wonkette.com | SUBMIT A TIP | RSS

Posts Tagged ‘affairs’

Sorry Dudes No Hot Sarah Palin Affairs On Record

Monday, September 8th, 2008

This little polar bear is tired of your rumormongering.Oh goodness everybody’s panties were in a lather on Friday when it was revealed that some former business pal of Todd Palin had asked to have his divorce records sealed — presumably because they contained page after blistering page of descriptions of hot sexing with Todd Palin’s wife, a pretty lady who is running for vice president. After all, the National Equirer said she’d had an affair with a business associate of her husband, and how many business associates can a guy have? MORE »


WONKETTE EXCLUSIVE: TODD PALIN MAY BE LOVER OF MANY LADIES

Friday, August 29th, 2008

Here’s one line of an e-mail from Wonkette tipster “Little R. Hen,” so secretive: “the first dude has a john edwards problem times ten zillion.” You heard it here first: Todd Plain gets four-thousand-zillion dollar haircuts. THERE ISN’T EVEN THAT MUCH MONEY ON EARTH, and yet.


Jenna Bush’s Wedding Pastor Hates John McCain Very, Very Much

Friday, August 15th, 2008

Ahh, so that's whyThe pastor who presided over the Texas-trash nuptials between Jenna Bush and her husband Mister Butthole is a long-time friend of George W. Bush, but man oh man, he hates the crap out of John McCain. This pastor — a Reverend Kirbyjon(!) Caldwell — supports Barack Obama, weird, and told a bunch of reporters yesterday that John McCain is the worst person in the world — mostly because of that time he suggested his wife join the Miss Bison Shit contest before a crowd of gangbanging bikers, as well as all the crippled wives he’s cheated on in his life. MORE »


Magnificently Awkward Living Arrangements Took Key Role In Edwards Sex Cover-Up

Friday, August 15th, 2008

PolygamistsOne of the weirder angles on the John Edwards Sex Scandal is the part where the guy who says he’s Rielle Hunter’s baby daddy, Andrew Young, has to live in the same weird compound (OK FINE A “GATED COMMUNITY”) in North Carolina as Rielle Hunter, and then they all have to move to California, together, with their families, including Mrs. Young and their three children, because they are all in a terrible sex-induced Witness Protection Program. MORE »


Mention Of McCain’s Affairs Causes Nuclear Explosion On Fox News

Thursday, August 14th, 2008

This is so great. It’s from Hannity & Colmes, probably last night but definitely sometime recently, and the panel of guests is saying how John Edwards “getting away” with his affair (really?) reveals a double standard — because when Republicans get caught fucking something that isn’t a wife, it taints the whole party, but with Democrats, it just ruins the individual. In other words, we should not trust liberals because John Edwards banged his fake videographer. Anyway, around 2:50, Alan Colmes for the first time in his life starts crushing everyone. MORE »


Discussing John Edwards’ Admission That He Is Sleazy & Gross

Friday, August 8th, 2008

So John Edwards has admitted to banging that broad, Rielle. Here is a nice long story about what he will tell one of the Woodruffs on teevee tonight. Since it is Friday, none of your editors wanted to write a real, thorough post about this. So we have held a chat session to discuss John Edwards’ bastard child. It isn’t very readable, but it is long, so you really have no excuse. MORE »


John Edwards Denies Having Sex Or Whatever

Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008

We’re having trouble getting into this latest iteration of the John Edwards/Rielle Hunter/Love Child story, probably because, um, who gives a shit about this loser or his bastard? For what it’s worth, however, he offered a curt denial today in Houston, where he was talking to a low-income housing aid organization: “That’s tabloid trash… They’re full of lies. I’m here to talk about helping people.” Oh ho ho, so now Mr. Altruism over here thinks that helping poor people is more important than his ubiquitous boner, hmm? [Houston Press]


Lara Logan, Best War Reporter Ever

Thursday, June 26th, 2008

Give this woman a prize.In an age when most reporters for the American media are timid, pasty, milquetoast mumblers, Lara Logan stands head and balls above the rest. Sure, we’ve seen some stories about her romantical adventures in Iraq’s Green Zone and an exciting brawl in a safe house between two rival suitors — and our only question is, Just two? MORE »


Gennifer Flowers And Paula Jones Create Glorious Sex Website

Wednesday, June 11th, 2008

Here’s the new Gennifer Flowers and Paula Jones website, “Two Chicks Chatting,” where they’re selling videos of their conversations for $1.99 apiece. They accept credit card and PayPal. Among the videos available for purchase: “Paula and the President’s Penis,” “Gennifer’s Story and the Presidential Penis,” and, simply, “Paula and Gennifer Chatting.” Oh boy — and look at those outfits! Latest intelligence still suggests that this is not a hoax. [Two Chicks Chatting]


Sunday, June 8th, 2008

SUNDAY AFTERNOON SABBATH READING: Here is today’s selection for Wonkette’s Sunday Afternoon Sabbath Reading, for you to enjoy after church and before your pot roast supper. It’s the tale of how John McCain married a swimsuit model in 1965, adopted her two children, had another child with her, and grew so bored with domestic life that he asked to fight in Vietnam. While in captivity, his wife became mildly crippled in a car accident, leading John McCain to cheat on her repeatedly when he returned, until finally he abandoned her — in a “mid-life crisis” that he had, yes, 28 years ago — for a young, gorgeous beer heiress whose father could make him a Congressman. Pissed about Hillary? Vote McCain! [Daily Mail]


Marc Dann Rolls Up His Sleeves… For Boning

Monday, May 5th, 2008

Here is — no joke — the official portrait of Marc “Hawaiian Pizza” Dann, the Ohio attorney general who likes to stick it to his staffers and will soon be impeached. This picture literally hangs outside his office. Why anyone ever had sex with this creature, we will never know.


Old Barbara Walters Had Sex Affair With Old Black Republican Senator, In The 1970s

Thursday, May 1st, 2008

And everybody got a free teevee and a tossed salad, the end.
Forty years ago, twice-divorced teevee gal Barbara Walters was happily getting it on with a Republican senator from Massachusetts. Not only was Edward Brooke the first straight Republican politician, but he was also the first black man elected to the U.S. Senate. You know, that is racial transcendence.

“Baba Wawa” reveals all the horny ’70s details on Oprah Winfrey’s show next week, and we’ll all be watching. But because we won’t, here’s what supposedly happened. MORE »


Beloved Sexy Texter Forced To Quit Finnish Foreign Ministry

Wednesday, April 2nd, 2008

That would be in the butt, Jim.Ilkka Kanerva, the 60-year-old Finnish politician who won Wonkette’s heart with his erotic telephone love-notes to a orange-fleshed troll, has been forced to resign his post. The resignation comes after a gossip magazine, Hymy, published two dozen of the messages this weekend, including one that read: “Do you want to do it in some exciting place?” MORE »