South Carolina, what a poop pile, right? It is no wonder the governor, Mark Sanford, never wants to spend any time in that goddamned place. Have you ever been down there? It is this awful fetid swamp, most of it consisting of nuclear waste dumps (in the rivers!), and one-in-five adults are jobless, forever, when things are “good.” Really, who can blame Sanford for wanting to jet all over the world all the time, banging rich latinas? He’ll even go on European Holiday with his hated wife and children, anything to get the hell out of South Carolina. MORE »

All that Mark Sanford business has gotten pretty boring, so let’s turn our attention to the other Republican extramarital romancer, John Ensign. Remember this guy, and how he made beautiful love with his friend’s wife even though the friend repeatedly implored him to quit with his beautiful love-making? Ensign’s not quite as good a writer as Sanford. Or maybe it’s fairer to say he’s sort of Hemingway to Sanford’s Faulkner. MORE »

Well, that is a very alliterative and twee headline, isn’t it? Mark Sanford probably wrote this on a Twitter to Argentina, while hiking naked on the Appalachian Trail of his Soul (Mate). But, bad news for the terrible husband and father and lousy governor who will not resign, like a man, because he’s really just some weird emo teen-ager locked in the body of a washed-up S.C. politician: The South Carolina GOP Knights of the Round Table just decided to CENSURE this sleazy character with his multiple passport stamps and many poetically erotic nights with his Argentine Firecracker. MORE »

Ever gotten one of those wacky “trivia for reading on the toilet” sorts of books for your birthday, the kind that says, “an antiquated law in Missouri dictates that anyone who puts a mule in a bathtub must be publicly flogged”? Here is another bit of trivia you might find in such a book: apparently South Carolina decreed in 1880 or so that adulterers must pay up to $500 in fines and serve a year in jail. MORE »

Republican star Mark Sanford pretty much came clean during his press conference! That is a rare thing with these people, and as a result, liberals everywhere are oohing and aahing, “Oh it’s true love he wasn’t even fucking street urchin boys as far as we know, he should just ditch his awful wife and children,” etc. MORE »

GOP “moderates” are ecstatic over the news that some nobody Republican commissioner in some no-name Michigan suburb was caught drunkenly boning some gal on a sidewalk, at 2 a.m. The dude, for some reason named “Kim Capello,” was arrested after the police got calls about some naked people fucking in public. The woman being fucked was not the dude’s wife — it appears she wasn’t arrested, so maybe she was just killed at the scene, by the cops? Probably. And now the dude, “Kim,” may go to jail for 93 days. MORE »

THIS IS A CHICAGO SUN-TIMES COLUMN TODAY: “Suppose Barack Obama had dumped a crippled wife and married a beer heiress one month after the divorce. Do you really think he wouldn’t have been tripped up by such a scandalous past? The Republicans would have had a field day mocking his character. But John McCain’s tawdry personal history is rarely mentioned.” [Mary Mitchell/Sun-Times]

MAIN STREAM MEDIAS: Here, after we’re already bored of the story, are 53 news articles about the mill worker John Edwards and his weird Beverly Hills hotel bathroom adventure and “Rielle Hunter” and Adultery and bastard children. [Google News]

Charles “Chip” Pickering is the only Mississippi Republican left in the House. He is the ultra-conservative son of famous racist/civil rights champion and retired federal judge Charles Pickering. Chip announced in August that he was quitting Congress so he could, of course, spend more time with his family, and get a lucrative lobbying job. The lobbying job will surely come, but on Friday it was announced that Chip is divorcing his wife so he can spend more time with all the various women he’s been connected with over the years. What, a Republican in Congress who commits adultery with the opposite sex? MORE »

John McCain is such a maverick that nobody believes he’s really a Republican, but in the “abandoning your ailing wife for a new young wife” department, McCain is 100% GOP. We will hear lots more about Carol McCain, the swimsuit model Walnuts married when Barack Obama was almost four years old and divorced when Barack Obama was still in high school! But will we see more of her? This is the only known picture of John and Carol.

The new guy, the blind New York governor who isn’t even the nation’s first blind governor, he has also had sex affairs with ladies who were not his wife — or at least he thinks he had such affairs. Maybe it was just his wife after all. He’s blind, remember? Moments after being sworn in after the other adulterer had to quit, latest-Governor David Paterson told the NY Daily News that he likes sleeping around, too! Oh, and it gets better, because his wife also has affairs. Shocking additional revelations will be posted in just a few minutes. [NY Daily News]