Mayor Fenty takes a break tonight from arming DC in exchange for some lousy “vote” and personally unemploying city workers to perform the most sacred duty of public office: bestowing arts honors upon the citizenry. His lost time is our gain, because tonight’s 24th Annual Mayor’s Arts Awards has entertainment, feel-good philanthropy, and no cover! MORE »

Here’s some cheery news while the nation collapses: Gossip website Jossip has crowned our very own Mayor Adrian Fenty as America’s Least Loathsome Politician! MORE »

Hey look our Liz Glover is all growed up! Now that she works for the Moonie Times her interviews have to be “serious,” so whereas before she might have asked the mayor some obnoxious question like, “Do you like balls?” she instead asked him how much money Washington DC made off the inauguration. Journalism! [TheNewsRoom]

Everyone knows DC Mayor Adrian Fenty is a big Obama supporter. During Wonkette’s trip to New Hampshire, we even saw him at Obama’s loser rally. (“Polaroid Liz” Glover got a shot, but the Polaroid came out blank. Sad!) But he may have been “electioneering” a little too much today — as in, electioneering outside a polling location where no electioneering is allowed. MORE »

Despite having elected the hottest mayor this side of Gavin Newsom, D.C. is poised to fuck something else up. Their brief to the Supreme Court advocating to keep their handgun ban is due on Friday, but the Acting D.C. Attorney General, Peter Nickles, just fired the guy who basically wrote it. Alan Morrison wrote the 15,000 word brief that delves into what the founding fathers really meant by that whole “right to bear arms” thingie in the Bill of Rights, but won’t be arguing it before the Supreme Court in a couple of months because his last day is Friday. Nickles, by the way, is a good buddy of Fenty’s parents and ousted his predecessor in the AG’s chair inside of a couple of months after spending time as Fenty’s general counsel. He’ll be arguing the case himself, now, naturally, despite his horror of publicity and television cameras and interviews. Oh, Adrian. Sometimes just because an old lawyer really wants to do something doesn’t mean he ought to get to, every cute paralegal and young female lawyer in this city knows that. [Washington Post]

Following a weekend of harsh global condemnation — or, actually, a single Wonkette post on Friday night — DC Mayor Adrian Fenty has returned the sack of iPhones his operatives collected from the AT&T store at 17th and Pennsylvania. MORE »

The geek world was outraged Friday when Philadelphia Mayor John Street was caught lining up for an iPhone like a common American. Everybody knows politicians don’t roll that way!

Wonkette Operative “JAC” went down to the AT&T store at 17th and Pennsylvania to get an iPhone. Not a huge line, but a line nonetheless. And then some shady characters in an unmarked sedan bummed out everybody … and by “everybody,” we mean “everybody but DC Mayor Adrian Fenty.”

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Donald Rumsfeld has some bathroom issues that Robert Novak can smell clear across town, Ed Harris and John Voight kick themselves for taking advice from frat boys, and Chris Matthews makes sure his tips are properly frosted. All this, plus Ted Koppel without the helmet and why you should begin fearing Michelle Malkin’s kids now.

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* Heard on the Hill: Sam Farr’s offices mascot needs a name. It’s a platypus… Bush is giving the commencement address at a school in Murtha’s district. They will fight… House Taco Salad Wednesday controversy continues. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Adrian Fenty can’t stop running marathons. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Mike Love wants James Inhofe to be nicer to Al Gore, stop writing such pretentious songs… People are sarcastically vandalizing Louie Gohmert’s wikipedia page! … Bill Frist, douche, went into Cosi, grabbed free bread, left. [Examiner]
* Shenanigans: Look at a list of the ten “sexiest bachelors in Washington” and get depressed… Look at some new MySpace thing for political people and get depressed… Yvette D. Clarke hates Bob Hope. [Politico]
* The Sleuth: John Kerry obsessively checking his Amazon rank… People keep trying to make us care about Fred Thompson. [WP]

We hear (but can’t confirm) that DC Mayor Adrian Fenty has finally settled on an appointment to head the Office of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Affairs (the District’s “gay liaison”). There was some controversy (old black lesbian vs. white careerist city employee), but if this checks out, we think Fenty made the right choice: Beloved trailer drag queen Cookie Buffet, pictured at right with the Mayor. MORE »

* Heard on the Hill: Congress took yesterday off to watch football. At the insistence, btw, of John Boehner… Crazy coot Thaddeus McCotter has begun sending out his insane “Thinking Points” memos. First one features Spinal Tap lyrics… Yes, Rep. G.K. Butterfield is black… Joe Biden is running for something! [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Fenty inaugural ball featured 1,500 chairs for 15,000 attendees… The Bush Twins partied old-school last weekend at Smith Point, of all places, and Town Hall. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Members of Congress already submitting insane, doomed bills. Mike Huckabee suggests watching more shitty ’80s sitcoms is secret to happiness, success. [Examiner]
* Under the Dome: Dennis Kucinich introduced Keith Ellison and Virgil Goode. Some claim he did this to foster peace and harmony, but we know it’s just ’cause he likes to start shit… The Capitol Police didn’t recognize Keith Ellison until he produced his official Congressional BlackBerry, which he didn’t strike anyone with… Rep. Kevin Brady (R-Texas) declares intention to file FOIA request for every meeting of House Rules Committee. FOIA, of course, doesn’t apply to records of Congress. [The Hill]
* Rush & Molloy: Some guy wants George Clooney to star in a movie as Bill O’Reilly. [NYDN]