Tag Archives: addiction

  Another Casualty Of Causality

New Hampshire Rep. Just Asking: Does Medicaid Expansion Make You Shoot Heroin?

Does a large legislature bring more idiots into government?
Here’s some unconventional thinking from New Hampshire state Rep. Dan McGuire: maybe the reason that New Hampshire has so much heroin addiction is that Medicaid has been expanded in the state, and hence more people have access to addiction treatment. So maybe more people are getting hooked on heroin, knowing they can get treatment from Mama Welfare State. It’s nice to see that our state legislators are thinking about the unintended consequences of well-intentioned actions, isn’t it? Read more on New Hampshire Rep. Just Asking: Does Medicaid Expansion Make You Shoot Heroin?…
  Kortney loves her vegetables

Pat Robertson: You Know What’s Not Godly? Vegetables.

Can't. Even.
Televangelist conman-for-Jesus crazy mofo Pat Robertson has scammed a lot of money over the years by offering “the Lord’s” pro-tips on his teevee show, the 700 Club. We could devote 29 hours a day to watching him and trying to make jokes for you about what a crazy mofo that crazy mofo really is. However, we don’t have that kind of time, nor have we enough spoons with which to stab ourselves in the ear, so we limit ourselves (and you, dear readers, YOU’RE WELCOME) to the best of his worst. Like how yoga will turn you into a Hindu-speaking devil worshipper. Or how Jesus wants you to get rich quick by investing in oil, NOT abortion pills. Or why you should not touch that dirty orphan because you don’t know where it’s been. Read more on Pat Robertson: You Know What’s Not Godly? Vegetables….
  Pregnant Is The New Black

Texas Wants In On This Pregnancy Crimes Game, Too

Invasion of the babby-snatchers
Looks like we have a trend story here! A few days ago we brought you the story of Alabama Supreme Court Judge Tom Parker, who’s working to end ‘bortion forever by building a whole bunch of cases that treat fetuses as persons — often in criminal prosecutions of pregnant women who are caught using drugs, even though laws they’re prosecuted under don’t specify that they apply to zygotes. Read more on Texas Wants In On This Pregnancy Crimes Game, Too…
  a site can dream can't it?

LifeNews Fap Fantasy Time: Let’s Just Say Robin Williams Killed Himself Over Abortion

Did you get your fill of people being terrible (hi, Rush Limbaugh!) and using Robin Williams’s death for their own means (lookin’ at you, douche-y Minnesota GOP guy!) yesterday? Haha too bad because we are going to cram even more terrible down your throat, because that is how we do. We’re like the opposite of a public service, basically, so let’s check in on the horrible people who think that maybe Robin Williams killed himself because of abortion. Yep, abortion. Read more on LifeNews Fap Fantasy Time: Let’s Just Say Robin Williams Killed Himself Over Abortion…
  it's a nice day for a weed wedding

Scott Walker Will Not Get All Potted Up At Your Hippie Wedding, Wisconsin

Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker has a profound insight into the cultural and medical reasons that make alcohol okay, while marijuana should not be decriminalized: “If I’m at a wedding reception here and somebody has a drink or two, most people wouldn’t say they’re wasted,” he said. “Most folks with marijuana wouldn’t be sitting around a wedding reception smoking marijuana.” “Now there are people who abuse (alcohol), no doubt about it, but I think it’s a big jump between someone having a beer and smoking marijuana,” he added. We’re not sure what’s more wonderful about that statement: the image of a bunch of damn hippies getting potted up on weed at a wedding, or the equally Wisconsinish image of a reception hall decked out with white paper bells and streamers and tables covered with empty Schlitz cans. Read more on Scott Walker Will Not Get All Potted Up At Your Hippie Wedding, Wisconsin…
  always kick a man when he's dead

Let Ben Shapiro Explain To You How Liberalism Killed Phillip Seymour Hoffman

Ladies and gentlemen, Conservative Thought Leader Ben Shapiro has some Thoughts on the death of Philip Seymour Hoffman. See, we thought we were rather uncharitable yesterday when we were feeling angry and resentful toward Hoffman for being an addict and throwing his life away, but now, along comes Ben Shapiro to give us a better focus for our anger — in Ben Shapiro’s strange moral universe, it is not heroin or addiction or even Philip Seymour Hoffman who’s responsible for Hoffman’s death: But his self-inflicted death is yet another hallmark of the broken leftist culture that dominates Hollywood, enabling rather than preventing the loss of some of its greatest talents. Hoffman was a liberal. He died of a drug overdose. Liberalism causes drug abuse, QED. Read more on Let Ben Shapiro Explain To You How Liberalism Killed Phillip Seymour Hoffman…
  poor people love drugs am i right

Orrin Hatch To Test Welfare Recipients For Drugs

Famed Utah hazzan Senator Orrin Hatch proposed an amendment to the $140 billion jobs benefits extension bill today that would make people seeking welfare benefits first pass a drug test. Welfare will now be a level playing field, as poor people will not be able to get away with taking steroids to make themselves super-poor. And also poor drug addicts will maybe starve and thus no longer be a problem, so that’s good. [Salt Lake Tribune] Read more on Orrin Hatch To Test Welfare Recipients For Drugs…
  it's true!

Limbaugh: I Was An Addict, And Democrats Are Like The Hobbits In That Movie

The Rush Limbaugh program is a very entertaining program, it’s true. This segment with a caller is funny enough when he’s explaining to her what an addiction is like, and how the liberals are all “addicted to power,” whereas he was merely addicted to a tasty opiate. But then, after an awkward few seconds of silence around the 4:00 mark, he asks, “Did you see the Lord of the Rings movies?” Amazing. “I don’t remember the name, the character we never saw, desperate to get his rings back? Zoron-Zoron, whatever his name was? He had an army, HE HAD AN ARMY… the guy was miserable, couldn’t get the rings back.” [Media Matters] Read more on Limbaugh: I Was An Addict, And Democrats Are Like The Hobbits In That Movie…
  from beirut to bad metaphors

Have A Toke On Thomas Friedman’s Oil Pipe

“One more hit, baby. Just one more toke on the ole oil pipe. … Give me one more pop from that drill, please, baby. Just one more transfusion of that sweet offshore crude.” PUT THAT AWAY. [New York Times] Read more on Have A Toke On Thomas Friedman’s Oil Pipe…
 

Diarrhea Made JFK Bungle Bay Of Pigs Invasion

Remember the last young handsome half-Kenyan President we had before Barack Obama? Yes, Jack Kennedy! You’ll recall he assembled a band of Cuban nationals to re-invade Guam, and then he tore Nikita Khrushchev a new one while having sex with Marilyn Monroe and Angie Dickinson simultaneously. None of it would have been possible without drugs, and the excuse for the drugs was diarrhea. Read more on Diarrhea Made JFK Bungle Bay Of Pigs Invasion…
 

Happy Birthday, Betty Ford!

Betty Ford celebrates her 90th birthday today, and Wonkette offers up a hearty, nonalcoholic toast in her honor. For the 896 wonderful days of Gerald Ford’s presidency, this sassy dancing divorcee brought outspoken feminism and frank talk to the White House. And the pills, dear God, the pills and booze! Read more on Happy Birthday, Betty Ford!…
 

Did You Guys Know That Bush Used To Drink Alcohols?

newVideoPlayer("Whiskey_Drinkin_Snapper.flv", 475, 376);Aww, George W. Bush is being a… wuzzitcalled… compassionate conservative? Was that the term that he once used to describe himself, before like the wars and the lying and stuff? ABC News’ Martha Raddatz spent a whole day with the president yesterday, and she got him to be all honest-like about that old alcohol addiction of his — another relic of makefunnery circa 1999-2000. Again, before all the wars and the lying and stuff. [ABC News] Read more on Did You Guys Know That Bush Used To Drink Alcohols?…
 

BlackBerrys Tearing Apart Our Most Attractive Families

From yet another piece on CrackBerry addiction (new angle: it makes you a bad parent!) comes this bit of famous family fun: Christina Huffington, 17 years old and the older daughter of the Huffington Post co-founder Arianna Huffington, introduced the topic of her mom’s constant emailing during a session with the family therapist. Her mother carries two BlackBerrys with her at all times. She looks at them while shopping and doing the downward-dog pose in yoga practice. “I had the feeling that my mom never listened to me,” Christina says. The therapist advised that the family dinner table be an email-free zone. Still, Christina has her own BlackBerry — a gift from her mother — and she often uses it to communicate with her mom. Read more on BlackBerrys Tearing Apart Our Most Attractive Families…
 

It’s Patrick Kennedy!

We just wanted to call a little more attention to this brief portion of today’s “Heard on the Hill:” One source tells HOH that by order of the District of Columbia Superior Court, where Kennedy was sentenced last month, a probation officer accompanied by a D.C. police officer pays random visits to Kennedy’s Capitol Hill apartment on as little as 10-minutes notice. Read more on It’s Patrick Kennedy!…
 

Gossip Roundup: Gay For Pay

Heard on the Hill: Patrick Kennedy’s court-ordered treatment includes mandatory weekly urine tests and AA meetings. He’s also considering writing a book about addiction with his sponsor, Representative Jim Ramstad. [Roll Call] Read more on Gossip Roundup: Gay For Pay…
 

It’s Not the Side Effects…

President George W. Bush, April 5, 2006: Mr. Mayor, thank you for joining us. So Laura comes back and says, I met the mayor of Bridgeport, he’s a good guy. I say, well, that’s great. I don’t know what you did, Mayor, but you at least convinced the First Lady you’re a good guy. (Laughter.) Read more on It’s Not the Side Effects……
 

The Kennedy Police Report: A Headline That Never Goes Out of Style

Dead horse, we know, but even after a couple weeks, this is still hysterical. “Headed to the capitol to make a vote.” Still in the top-ten excuses list, easy. Patrick Kennedy, recovering drug addict and binge drinking congressman, we salute you. Read more on The Kennedy Police Report: A Headline That Never Goes Out of Style…
 

Washington’s Traffic Barriers Have Never Been in Greater Danger

Patrick Kennedy spoke yesterday before a group of mental health specialists at Brown University (and the assembled press). Now he’s heading back to Congress, where he’ll join the rest of the burnouts to bicker about homos and wetbacks. We’re not sure why people keep saying he’s unfit to be a Congressman, he’s like the platonic ideal of a member of the House. Dumb as a brick, a few too many generations removed from greatness, able to skirt any kind of serious trouble with connections and occasional mea cuplas, and locked into his seat for life. Read more on Washington’s Traffic Barriers Have Never Been in Greater Danger…
 

BREAKINGEST FRIDAY AFTERNOON EVER: WE DROVE PATRICK KENNEDY INTO REHAB

So, uh, now we feel a little bit bad. ‘Cause, we were just having a bit of fun, you know, and considering that the two options available for Patrick Kennedy’s weird behavior were either a) plain ol’ Kennedy-approved alcohol and b) hilarious drug mix-up, we thought, well, no harm. Read more on BREAKINGEST FRIDAY AFTERNOON EVER: WE DROVE PATRICK KENNEDY INTO REHAB…