Wonkette operative “Brian P.” emails this important dispatch from Texas: “I’m sending this to let you know the Final Solution is proceeding according to plan in Dallas, Texas. It’s all happening!” ACORN has not been vanquished by Patriots at all! It’s now the official pharmacy of Obamacare!

This will make sure wingnuts never complain about ACORN, or anything ACORN-ish, ever again! Specifically, ACORN has been more or less destroyed, and now state and local affiliates will go off ‘n’ do their own thing — get that MOJO back! — just like the Western Pioneers of lore.

Salt Lake County Republicans have cravenly thrown ACORN pimp James O’Keefe under the bus following his arrest on federal charges of hanky-panky. These folks were going to have him deliver the keynote address at their annual Lincoln Day fundraiser, but now they have let a dumb little felony accusation get in the way! Maybe their […]

Your Wonkette “made the ACORN Twitter,” hooray! We love ACORN baby! Keep fukkin that chicken! [Twitter]

“SHEP SMITH: So, they’re saying basically, they’re in there — It sounds as if what they’re saying is, they’re looking for some ACORN hanky panky and they try to tap into Mary Landrieu’s telephone to get it. “VAUGHN: That could be one way of looking at it, yes. “[ACTUAL BEAR GROWL]” IN SUM: Your honor, […]

WATERBOARD COKIE NOW!  4:34 pm January 26, 2010

by Jim Newell

A MODERATELY INTERESTING AFFIDAVIT! Boom. It’s a felony on federal grounds, this felony of the ACORN Pimp and the U.S. Attorney’s son, so hopefully they will go to jail forever. And it was in the “Hale Boggs Federal Building” — WHAT DOES COKIE ROBERTS KNOW? WHAT DOES PATTON BOGGS KNOW? HUH? HEHNGNN? WHO IS GETTING […]

FINALLY. The same pasty biotch who did Andrew Breitbart’s bidding to entrap ACORN in some minor prank that would get Congress to immediately revoke its entire funding… which was completely successful… has been arrested by the FBI for TRYING TO WIRETAP A SENATOR’S OFFICE. Cannot wait to hear the conservative spin on this one. (Perhaps […]

A NATION MOURNS  3:22 pm January 6, 2010

by Jim Newell

HOLOCAUST MUSEUM SHOOTER DEAD AS HELL: Hooray! James von Brunn, The Maryland Monster and celebrated local Nazi artist who shot and killed a security guard at the Holocaust Museum last year — only four blocks away from a Wonkette commenter! — has now himself died, in the hospital. Cause of death was MAYBE HIS 89 […]

HOORAY!  2:48 pm December 14, 2009

by Jim Newell

ACORN PAYS OFF JUDGE TO RULE IN ITS FAVOR: Oh look, a hippie Brooklyn judge has found Congress’ greatest legislative move of the year — to cut off all funding to low-income housing organization ACORN after Internet aggregator Andrew Breitbart and a couple of dipshit college Republicans made a wacky, heavily edited prank YouTube — […]

Lo, the White House’s Christmas dinner’s insidious dessert! What could this ACORN cookie signify? What COULDN’T it signify? The answers are “chocolate” and “vanilla,” respectively.  [Ben Smith]

Leftist vaginaphobia exposed at last! [Hit & Run] 52% of Republicans believe ACORN was the 19th hijacker. [The Plank] Haven’t you always wondered what Mother Earth would look like if she rocked some Saturn ring-bling? Enter the YouTubes and MS Paint: she would look fabulous. [Andrew Sullivan] The liberal media: not actually communist, or just […]

Friday’s biggest political news item… is something else besides this: snow-topped O-bot Greg Craig has stepped down as White House counsel, following in the footsteps of such previous Great Recent White House Counsels as Alberto Gonzales and Harriet Miers. There has been speculation for months that he might do this. “Everyone” blamed him for bungling […]

We all know that the ACORN organization — which has nothing better to do — is actively trying to steal the NY-23 special election from God’s candidate, Doug Hoffman, and give it to a randomly selected black aborted fetus on welfare, so it should come as no surprise that certain “local Democratic officials” (ACORN thugs) […]

There is one thing standing between NY-23 “Conservative Party candidate” Doug Hoffman and his rightful election: the ACORN. Hoffman’s supporters know that ACORN — a non-profit that focuses on such things as low-income housing — is working behind the scenes with Obama and his friends, the Africans, to procure a stolen victory for the liberal […]

Now that the New American Economy’s only path to profitability hinges on major corporations slashing as many salaries as possible, it would be nice of the government to extend unemployment benefits a little longer for starving permanently unemployed people who will probably die soon. (7,000 new ones a day!) A few Dems introduced a simple […]