You know who was the very first human on the planet to use humor to serious effect? The 20th-century folk hero Saul Alinsky, inventor of community organizing and father of the Quercus genus of shade trees. Before Alinsky, no one ever thought to mock one’s political foes — and after Alinsky, no one ever did again. MORE »

Something like that at least; she may have said these things before: “If we look at American history, between 1942 and 1947, the data that was collected by the census bureau was handed over to the FBI and other organizations, at the request of President Roosevelt, and that’s how the Japanese were rounded up and put into the internment camps.” Ha. We all know that if Michele Bachmann had been in power in the 1940s, she would’ve *loved* the idea of internment camps. [YouTube, Think Progress]

Oh noes some “community organizers” from the rodent world have run off with a bunch of cheap little flags that people put in cemeteries, for Freedom, right around Memorial Day. We all knew that squirrels hated America … what we didn’t know was how much. MORE »

• After abdicating, benign boner George W. Bush spent his days quietly playing Guitar Hero and landing juice box endorsements. But Jesus had different plans for Archdick Cheney. [Off The Grid]
• Amber Alert! Thousands of peeling, morbidly obese millionaires have been abducted in Maryland. Consult with your milk carton, leave no yacht barnacle or dead hooker unturned! Oh God please return them safe and untaxed! MY BABIES! [RedState]
• As a practical joke, Daniel Ellsberg leaked Michelle Malkin 50,000 illegible emails detailing how, with a little help from ACORN, every character from Disney’s Aladdin — even Jafar — voted for Barack Obama. [Michelle Malkin]
• Senator John Cornyn (R-TX) — also known as “Big Bad John” or simply “gimp” — has once again gone off and done something really really gay! [AMERICAblog]

We saw this tuxedoed pig-man belting his terrifying song about money outside the White House without knowing, say, what the hell was wrong with him. And then other non-tuxedoed protesters started yelling in his ear and telling him to shut up, so we just assumed that it was a microcosm of the considerably important ideological war between the Insanes and the AstroTurfs. But some lady later informed us that these tuxedoed pigs were “probably” secret ACORN agents, who, if you recall, make up Obama’s personal S.S. “hit squad.” They are employing the liberal tactic of Irony to show that the Tea Parties are just a corporate scam. Whatever. But they do have the cops in their back pocket! [YouTube]

Just an unbelievable amount of fail today. Pouring rain and NO tea bags to be seen whatsoever, save for this nice lady’s hat, which — to her credit — fairly accurately depicts the sexual act of teabagging. We’ll have many, many more pictures and videos from our terrifying sojourn to Lafayette Park coming up shortly, as well as important stories about ACORNs in tuxedos and how we inadvertently insulted the shit out of Fox News’ Griff Jenkins. What you need to do RIGHT NOW though is read this Washington Post story for *crucial* background information about the Root of All Fail.

“obfuscator” sends word from the Baggers Convention in beautiful Springfield, Illinois, “on the very steps of the same capitol building which served as the the launchpad for Barry Hussein Nobama’s political career or was that William Ayers’ terrorfag breakfast nook? Lolwut. Enjoy. (There was also a guy wearing a sandwich board that simply said ‘BUY GUNS’. He was handing out dvds that ‘explain how the government is trying to kill us’. I was scared to photograph him oh well.)” Thank you obfuscator for nearly getting murdered by a gun nut!

It is only five days until the National Tax Day Tea Party, when the Teabaggers will be cold GOIN’ GALT on this country’s ass! (Although that is illegal in Oregon.) They will not pay their taxes and will go to debtors’ prison because Obama is Stalin Whoops! And according to a secret e-mail forwarded from inside the Teabagger HQ, in Texas, we learn that the ACORNs will be reporting on “dissention” — directly to President Obama. MORE »

You know what’s not funny? Political news outlets trying to be funny. Stop it. This thing, above? This stupid attempt at a Fark photoshop or whatever? No. Stop it. Mark Halperin aka The Page, of TIME Magazine? Actually the opposite of funny. You are paid, presumably, to cover the news about Washington politics — information, details, that sort of thing. What the fuck, really? Will TIME just start making up cover stories? Have fake columnists and whatever? It’s Meta! MORE »

This is an actual panel, being held today, at the annual Conservative Political Action Conference. There are no words. [CPAC 2009]

• North Korea is launching a space rocket into Earth’s orbit, which is a known US territory. It’s… not going to like what it sees. [Daily Beast]
• John McCain and Jackson Browne continue to sue each with abandon over the pressing legal issue of when it’s okay to play “Running on Empty.” (Jurisprudence spoiler alert!: never.) [The Caucus]
• HERE, the most radical Marxist subset of spatially-concerned ACORNS, is folding in on itself in an abyss of corruption, as demonstrated by its use of a gritty font in its socialist agitprop. [Ben Smith]
• Disgusting fan-fiction coming out of DC today, as Washington’s most homosexual fat cats fantasize about what they’d most like to hear Barry to scream at them during sex. [Politico]
• Ha ha someone (Jesus) forced Leon Wieseltier to sort of arguably and incidentally go back on calling Ronald Reagan a “fool”, which was a popular put down back when Wieseltier was in a position to throw insults, in the 80s. Winner, as always: The Corner. [The Corner]