Tag: acorn

Public Policy Polling Can’t Stop LOLing At Dumbass Trump Supporters (And Also Dumbass Jill Stein!)

A fake PPP poll shows Trump beating Hillary in Florida by a margin of 74-9. Obviously the first REAL UNSKEWED POLL of the election!

Donald Trump’s New Daddy Turned Dead Breitbart Into Most Delightful, Bigoted Sh*thole On Internet

A deep, wonky dive into how hard Breitbart and Stephen Bannon suck.
Texas: Not Spongeworthy

LOL Hillary Clinton Might Win Texas, Probably Not But Still LOL

A new poll shows Hillary trailing Trump by only SIX POINTS in Texas. SIX POINTS!
We thought we were the honorable ones

Shocked By Sudden Lack Of Ethics At Breitbart, Gal Reporter And Boy Idiot Resign

In surprising news Sunday night, Breitbart "News" (that still cracks us up) reporter Michelle Fields and sphincter-at-large Ben Shapiro said they are leaving the august bastion of rightwing journalism. Following the alleged assault of Fields by Donald Trump's campaign...
I am the worst.

Well-Known A**holes Judith Miller And James O’Keefe Discuss Why They Are The Worst

Judith Miller is a failed reporter who wrote fake stories about fake WMDs in Iraq that helped get the nation boned up and ready for WAR WAR WAR! James O'Keefe is a prissy little piece of garbage who lures CNN...
Behind that mask is a very sad face.

Mean Federal Judge Won’t Let James O’Keefe Sue For Libel Just Because He Wasn’t Libeled, Unfair!

Rightwing dildo-lube-boat-enthusiast James O'Keefe is being oppressed again by activist judges and the mean liberal media. An obviously terrible judge has struck down his libel case arising from his infamous (failed) attempt to pretend to be a phone company...
Be afraid! No, *more* afraid!

Oh No, Zombie ACORN Coming For America, Again (No It Isn’t)

Now that Republicans control Congress, they're ready to roll up their sleeves and get to work and try to make up a scandal about the Obama administration trying to give bejillions of dollars to undeserving minorities. We're not sure...

Five Other Already-Illegal Things Congress Should Vote to Make Illegal

The United States House of Representatives, man, what a place. When they’re not quoting the Bible to piss on climate change or trying to gut Social Security or voting for the 407th time to REPEAL OBAMACARE or fellating their...
Someday the Killing of ACORN will become an actual religious ritual

ACORN Still Dead, Republicans Still Trying To Kill It Some More In New Budget Bill

So we have a Keep-the-Government-Running agreement on the way, hooray, and among all the fun stuff like keeping the lights on, paying to fight Ebola, and cutting the IRS budget just for the sheer dickishness of it, there's...

Special Prosecutors Dismiss Case Against Liberal Group, Explain James O’Keefe Is A Liar

There’s rarely a chance for us to say this, so please savor the moment: We have good news out of Texas, where prosecutors dismissed a stupid case against Battleground Texas, a liberal group trying to persuade Texans to stop...

Bill De Blasio Sworn In As New York City Mayor, Promises A Banker’s Head In Every Pot

Many of you were probably too hung over on Wednesday to remember that it was the day Bill de Blasio was inaugurated as mayor of New York City. It was a wonderful and festive day, though perhaps tinged with...

Totally Not Lying Men’s Rights Activist Is Your Newest James O’Keefe!

This bloke, Reno, he is quite a bloke! As a men's rights activist, he totally GOTCHAED all those harpies who only pretend to care about domestic violence, when they really just want to falsely accuse these gallant knights of...

James O’Keefe: ‘History Will Absolve Me! Also Send Cash!’

Yesterday, as first reported by your Wonkette (<--COPY LINK HERE, LA TIMES), the world rejoiced upon news that the insufferable date-rapey Dennis the Menace clone known as James O'Keefe III had settled his lawsuit with a former ACORN employee to...

Wonket Sexclusive: Totally Blameless Crime-Stopper James O’Keefe To Pay $100,000 To ACORN Criminal

James O’Keefe—the blonde bombshell who set the conservative world of hidden-camera YouTube movies ablaze—has just agreed to a $100,000 settlement to calm down the unjustly fired (and weirdly litigious about it) ACORN employee Juan Carlos Vera. According to a...

Heroic Republicans Will Murder Zombie ACORN Again And Again For Freedumb

Remember back in 2009 when selectively edited pimp videos became all the rage? No of course you do not because 2009 was like one million years ago in internet time. Take a trip back to the Mesozoic Era with...