Tag Archives: aclu

  OK Fine But No Irish Need Apply

Michigan School District Just Wants To Hire A Good Christian, Is That So Wrong?

You know He's humble because of the lowercase i's
Looks like the ACLU is out persecuting Christians again. When McBain Rural Agricultural Schools in Michigan advertised a job opening for superintendent, it included a simple, straightforward request for the kind of person who’d be practically perfect in every way for the job: The applicant should have such vital qualities, including at least five years’ experience as a principal or district leader, a Master’s degree, experience in collective bargaining, and, oh yes, “A strong Christian background and philosophy.” Read more on Michigan School District Just Wants To Hire A Good Christian, Is That So Wrong?…
  Better call Saul

Time To Lawyer Up, Texas Fetuses

So Not Right
Give a huge cheer for the horrifying wingnuts of Texas, where state Rep. Matt Krause (R-Obviously) is working on a new bill to give lawyers to fetuses in cases where pregnant women are declared brain-dead or permanently incapacitated. What an innovative baby shower gift, we hope Target puts it down as a registry option. Read more on Time To Lawyer Up, Texas Fetuses…
  Secrets And Lies

Grand Juror Thinks Ferguson Prosecutor Should Eat A Bag Of Dicks

We concur. Lightly salted rat dicks are called for in this case
You may find this very hard to believe, but it looks like we haven’t heard the final word on the grand jury’s decision not to indict Officer Darren Wilson in the killing of Mike Brown in Ferguson, Missouri. Even though Sean Hannity and the rest of the Fox “News” legal team told us that Darren Wilson had been proven innocent by a flawless grand jury process! Read more on Grand Juror Thinks Ferguson Prosecutor Should Eat A Bag Of Dicks…
  Fulsome Prison Blues

Charles Koch Wishes Courts Would Give All Billionaires An Even Break

Yer basic captain of industry, he is.
Squillionaire Charles Koch, having reshaped the legislative and regulatory landscape a bit more to his liking over the past few decades, is planning to do some exciting renovations to the judicial branch of government next. But don’t worry! He’s not out to get more lenient sentences for perpetrators of white-collar crime, because rich guys never go to prison anyway. No, Charles Koch and his top attorney say this new focus on judicial reform is all about making the justice system fairer for the little guy. Trust him. Read more on Charles Koch Wishes Courts Would Give All Billionaires An Even Break…
  Meanwhile in Missouri

Ferguson Grand Jury Says Darren Wilson Killed Michael Brown But It’s Cool

After dropping days of just-kidding hints and sending the media into a third-degree frenzy Monday, the grand jury mulling the fate of Ferguson, Missouri, police officer Darren Wilson finally released its decision. St. Louis County Prosecuting Attorney Robert P. McCulloch announced that Wilson will not face charges relating to the fatal shooting of 18-year-old Michael Brown on Aug. 9, as the grand jury found “no probable cause” to charge him with anything. Social media, however, is definitely guilty. Read more on Ferguson Grand Jury Says Darren Wilson Killed Michael Brown But It’s Cool…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Let’s Call Voter Restriction What It Is — Cheating (Video)

Somebody's gonna get punched
Rachel Maddow lucked into some good timing for this piece on Voter ID laws and other restrictions on voting. While her show was on the air Thursday, the Supreme Court blocked Wisconsin’s clustercoitus of an ID law, and a federal court also blocked a similar law in Texas. So at least a couple of states will be letting everyone vote, at least for now, although the Supremes also gave the OK to North Carolina’s terrible voter restrictions, probably the worst in the nation. Apparently North Carolina’s law is fine because unlike Wisconsin, they put it in place before voting actually started. Read more on Morning Maddow: Let’s Call Voter Restriction What It Is — Cheating (Video)…
  clipbait

John Oliver: Cops Legally Stealing All Your Cash And Cars Because ‘Civil Forfeiture’ (Video)

It's kind of like pennies from heaven
John Oliver takes on one of the more boring but insidious scandals in Our Republic today: the phenomenon of civil asset forfeiture. That’s when police seize cash, vehicles, or any other property they believe was used in a crime, regardless of whether the stuff’s owner is found guilty of a crime or not. Read more on John Oliver: Cops Legally Stealing All Your Cash And Cars Because ‘Civil Forfeiture’ (Video)…
  Beat the press

Who Won Battleground Ferguson: Po-Po Or Journos? The Answer Will Amaze You!

gassy
  Still Life With Al Jazeera and Teargas. Image from video by KSDK As the teargas wafts away from the streets of Ferguson, Missouri, and the some of the members of the media covering the Mike Brown protests start to drift away to cover more pressing stories like the VMAs, let’s take a look back to see who came out ahead in the Battle to Cover Ferguson: the po-po or the journos. Read more on Who Won Battleground Ferguson: Po-Po Or Journos? The Answer Will Amaze You!…
  the violence inherent in the system

Anonymous Very Definitely Identifies Police Officer In Michael Brown Shooting, Or Maybe Not. Who Can Say?

This is probably shopped. You can tell from the pixels
The hacktivist group Anonymous claimed this morning that it had identified the Ferguson, Missouri, police officer who shot Michael Brown to death on Saturday, but the St Louis County Police Department stated that Anonymous had the wrong name; as of right now, the Twitter account that released the information has been suspended. So here’s how it shook out: Read more on Anonymous Very Definitely Identifies Police Officer In Michael Brown Shooting, Or Maybe Not. Who Can Say?…
  unclear on the concept

Mayor Pretty Sure Atheists Are Just Like Nazis Or The KKK, Take Your Pick

Perhaps if you are a small-town mayor, you crave recognition. You just want someone to know you’re there, that you’re master of your tiny-ish domain. And any publicity is good publicity, right? So why not engage in a really cartoonish level of textbook bad behavior about religion and free speech, making it a foregone conclusion that the ACLU will sue your pants off? That’s really the only explanation we can think of to account for Jim Fouts, mayor of Warren, Michigan, who decided that he should compare atheists to Nazis and KKK members after they had the goddamn gall to ask to set up a little atheist chat-type thing next to the town’s Jesus station that lives in City Hall. Read more on Mayor Pretty Sure Atheists Are Just Like Nazis Or The KKK, Take Your Pick…
  soaring rhetoric

Fabulous Oregon Christian Students Show Their Disdain For Homosexuals Through Medium Of Fashion

Another day, another Whiny Christian Kids Wear Anti-Gay Shirts To School story. Seriously, we’re going to come up with a way to just insert the name of the school and the date so we can automate this stuff. This week, it’s Oregon City High School, where some big baby just couldn’t stand the fact that there was a day — A WHOLE DAY, PEOPLE — about the gays, so he had to make some crappy t-shirts about it. “I just made it say ‘Gay Day is not OK,’ because I don’t believe that it’s OK,” Oregon City High School student Alex Borho told KPTV. Borho and some of his friends wore the shirts to school during the National Day of Silence on April 11. The event is intended to bring attention to bullying and harassment targeting gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people. Man, with rhetorical skills like that, this kid is going to make a great third-rate evangelical preacher one day. Read more on Fabulous Oregon Christian Students Show Their Disdain For Homosexuals Through Medium Of Fashion…
  nice time!

Hero Judge Tells Bigoted Louisiana Teacher To STFU And GTFO

Remember that mean teacher in Louisiana who told one of her kids he was “stupid” for being a Buddhist? And remember how his parents sued and the ACLU was all, “Hey, mean lady, you can’t go around saying stuff like that in the public schools,” and her parish school superintendent was all, “Yeah, huh, she can, because Bible Belt”? Well, prepare to be super happy for Happy Hour today, because a federal judge has come back with a SUPER burn decision that reads, and we quote, “Nuh uh, you CAN’T, and furthermore Neener, neener and neener.” Read more on Hero Judge Tells Bigoted Louisiana Teacher To STFU And GTFO…
  what could possibly go wrong?

Kansas Will Make Sure Teachers Can Be Arrested If They Talk About Sex Or Art Or Anything Really

Dear Kansas: just last week your Supreme Court did a good thing and told your terrible legislature that they needed to actually spend some coin on poor schoolchildren because of how it was unconstitutional not to, but your legislators responded by explaining that they probably weren’t going to do that, because freedom. Your legislators are also the sadistic weirdos who want to make it super way easy for a teacher to spank a student. Now it appears that you STILL can’t control your legislators in regards to schools, because they’ve come up with a dumb idea to prosecute teachers for handing out materials parents don’t like. The Kansas Senate may consider a bill that would make it easier to prosecute teachers, librarians or school principals for exposing students to offensive materials. Senate Bill 401, approved by the Senate Judiciary Committee this week, was drafted in response to a January incident at a Shawnee Mission middle school in which a poster used in sex education classes was put on a classroom door. Supporters of the legislation say a clause in the current law protects materials that are part of “an approved course or program of instruction.” They say that lets schools ignore community standards for what might be considered “harmful to minors.” Read more on Kansas Will Make Sure Teachers Can Be Arrested If They Talk About Sex Or Art Or Anything Really…
  is our children praying?

In Procedural Miracle, Alabama House Committee Passes School Prayer Bill Without Majority

Forget loaves and fishes — the House Education Committee in Alabama’s state legislature pushed through a school prayer bill last week on a voice vote, even though more committee members voted against it than for it. The bill would require teachers to spend up to 15 minutes during the first class of each school day reading prayers said before the U.S. Senate or House of Representatives — so you see, it wouldn’t actually be an unconstitutional government-sponsored prayer, it’s civics. We totally believe that! Where is your ACLU now, atheists? Read more on In Procedural Miracle, Alabama House Committee Passes School Prayer Bill Without Majority…
  free to be a jerk

ACLU Explains To Rhode Island A.G. That Free Speech Even Covers Mean Dumb Pictures On Facebook

Hello there, Rhode Island General Assembly! Do you have any stories of Great Butthurt to share with us? Oh, you do! Here is a story of hurt feelings and “cyber harassment” that isn’t really much in the way of harassment, and of the American Civil Liberties Union explaining to the Rhode Island Attorney General’s Office that posting mean things about a political opponent can be rude, douchey, and a violation of Facebook’s Terms of Service without it also being a crime. Let’s see what this tempest in a lobster pot is all about. Read more on ACLU Explains To Rhode Island A.G. That Free Speech Even Covers Mean Dumb Pictures On Facebook…
  christian charity

Helpful Louisiana Teacher Shares Good News Of Lord By Telling Buddhist Child He Is Stupid

Thinking you were going to round out the rest of your Friday without something too terrible and and stupid coming your way? Silly, silly people. Of course there was going to be some last gasp of awful just like this horrorshow out of Louisiana where it is apparently totes cool to teach about Our Lord And Savior Jesus Christ and shut the fuck up you little heathen in public schools. Yay! What is it like to take tests in the classroom of one Ms. Rita Roark in Sabine Parish Louisiana? It does not sound like a class we would like to attend. Sixth-grade teacher Rita Roark has told her students that the universe was created by God about 6,000 years ago, and taught that both the Big Bang theory and evolution are false, according to the lawsuit. She told her students that “if evolution was real, it would still be happening: Apes would be turning into humans today.” One test she gave to students asked: “ISN’T IT AMAZING WHAT THE _____________ HAS MADE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Read more on Helpful Louisiana Teacher Shares Good News Of Lord By Telling Buddhist Child He Is Stupid…
  gangs how do they work?

The Juggalos Are Sticky, Dumb, and Grease-Painted, But Not A Gang

We are all aware that the Juggalos, the paint-smeared fans of terrible rappers Insane Clown Posse, count among their ranks some criminally stupid individuals. This is not news, particularly when the leaders of your pack are people who do not understand how magnets work. Read more on The Juggalos Are Sticky, Dumb, and Grease-Painted, But Not A Gang…
  could it be?

Satanic Temple Unveils Beautiful Artist’s Rendering Of Its Sweet Dark Lord For Oklahoma Capitol

The Satanic Temple has unveiled its artist’s rendering of their proposed monument to the one true God, Lucifer, to be installed in Oklahoma’s Capitol. As you can see, the goat-headed demon smiles and suffers the little multicultural children to come unto Him. You can even sit in his lap, like White Santa! Read more on Satanic Temple Unveils Beautiful Artist’s Rendering Of Its Sweet Dark Lord For Oklahoma Capitol…
  no father-land for you

Nazi Dad Just Wants His Parental Reichs

Heath Campbell, the neo-Nazi asshat who made headlines a few years back when a supermarket refused to inscribe the name of his then-3-year-old son, “Adolf Hitler Campbell,” on a birthday cake, is back in business being a free speech martyr, contending that his brand-new baby daughter, Eva Braun Campbell, was taken by New Jersey child protection workers immediately after birth because of his political beliefs. Campbell, who has nine children by five different women — and has custody of none of them — told the New York Daily News of his constant victimization: “I’m not allowed to have children because I’m a Nazi … That’s what they’re saying. Well, I’ll stop making them when they stop taking them.” In reality, despite his insistence that the state took custody of his other children — Adolf Hitler, JoyceLynn Aryan Nation, Honzlynn Jeannie, and Heinrich Hons — solely because of his political beliefs, state officials have denied that Campbell’s politics are an issue in his custody case; while privacy laws prevent release of family court details, a 2010 appeal of one case indicated that the children were placed in state care because of alleged domestic violence. But with the state unable to say anything about why the children haven’t been returned, Campbell is free to say whatever he wants about his unjust persecution while he dresses up in his pretend Nazi uniform. Read more on Nazi Dad Just Wants His Parental Reichs…
  thanks obama!

Top Secret FBI Interrogation Manual Somehow Ended Up In Library Of Congress — And It’s A Cookbook!

Our oopsie of the day comes to us courtesy of Nick Baumann at Mother Jones, who brings us this story of an FBI agent who thought it would be a good idea to submit a copy of a secret interrogation manual to the U.S. Copyright Office — which means it ended up in the Library of Congress, unredacted and available to anyone who wants to see it. And that’s just the biggest of the craptacular snafus in the way the document was handled. These stories of multiple bureaucratic screw-ups gladden our hearts and make us unaccountably happy — it’s somehow reassuringly humanizing to know that the top spies lock their keys in the car now and then, too. Just as long as nobody does that while handling nerve gas, at least. Read more on Top Secret FBI Interrogation Manual Somehow Ended Up In Library Of Congress — And It’s A Cookbook!…
  the forever war

Tennessee State Sen. Stacey Campfield Saves Christmas From Nonexistent Threats

Tennessee State Senator and inaugural nominee for Wonkette’s coveted Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year Award Stacey Campfield must have been worried that we’d forgotten all about him, so he’s introduced legislation that protects the sacred right of teachers and students to say “Merry Christmas” in public schools. “This stops all these silly lawsuits that say you can’t say ‘merry Christmas’ or ‘happy Hanukkah’ or have a Christmas tree,” said Campfield, R-Knoxville, who has pre-filed SB1425 for consideration by the General Assembly in 2014. Campfield was unable to actually identify a single case of a lawsuit being filed over what the bill calls “traditional greetings” during “winter celebrations,” but says that he knows people who are “afraid of lawsuits,’ possibly because they, like Campfield, are idiots who have convinced themselves that Christians in Tennessee are a persecuted minority. Read more on Tennessee State Sen. Stacey Campfield Saves Christmas From Nonexistent Threats…
  name him 'constitution u.s.a. number one' and be done with it

Tennessee Judge Rejects Messiah And Isn’t Even Jewish Probably

A Tennessee judge has ordered that a baby’s name be changed from “Messiah” to “Martin,” explaining that There Can Be Only One: “The word Messiah is a title and it’s a title that has only been earned by one person and that one person is Jesus Christ,” Judge [Lu Ann] Ballew said. The parents had gone to court in a child support case, and could not agree on what the 7-month-old’s last name would be. They had not asked for any  help with his first name, which they agreed on. Judge Ballew ruled that the child’s name will combine both parents’ names, and will be “Martin DeShawn McCullough.” The baby’s mother intends to appeal, and we support her right to give her child a perfectly awful name, because Freedom. Maybe she should name the kid Freedom? Read more on Tennessee Judge Rejects Messiah And Isn’t Even Jewish Probably…