accidents
Charlie Crist Will Win the Old Fashioned Way: By Rescuing All Florida Voters From Car Crashes
Why is Charlie Crist no longer welcome in the Republican Party? Because, when confronted by a common Waffle House employee pinned in a car crash, Crist failed to laugh at the man’s predicament or throw a dollar bill at him, “for health care.” Instead, Crist comforted the man and offered him water. Why doesn’t Charlie [...]
TUCKER CARLSON MINION MAULED BY OBAMA: It only took new-to-Washington Daily Caller blogger Jim Treacher a few weeks to get run over by a black(!) government SUV and break his knee while trying to cross the street. Well, he deserves it for leaving his parents’ basement, a clear violation of Blogger Union code. (You know [...]
Congresslady Jean Schmidt Secretly Agrees With The Birthers, Except This One Time By Mistake She *Publicly* Agreed With The Birthers
Everyone very warmly congratulate Jean Schmidt (R-OH), who has bravely and accidentally come out as a Birther. Lo! Observe as Jean Schmidt is accosted by a rabid blond female Birther wearing some kind of decorative traditional headdress of war. “Blah blah NOT dog whistle MY muslin president Hussein sdodfgifjsd states’ rights fake something Gerald Ford [...]
Montana Congressman & Bros Crash Boat Into Massive Rocks (‘The Shore’)
There were injuries in this accident so we should not make jokes, but meh, they’re in stable condition now: Rep. Denny Rehberg of Montana and his fun-lovin’ buddies were cruisin’ on their 22-foot motorboat last night and either crashed or intentionally parked said boat on this sack o’boulders. Alcohol? Drugs? We’ll see. In any event: [...]
Orrin Hatch Keeps Running Over Pedestrians
United States senators have all sorts of fun pastimes. Some of them enjoy innocent diaper-play with prostitutes, while others hold drunken poolside orgies that feature potato-less potato salad. Senator Orrin Hatch, Republican of Utah and known vehicular menace, prefers a more sedate form of diversion: gently running over pedestrians, in the rain.
Falling TVs Are This Week’s Swine Flu
OK so President Obama may have weathered his first hundred days, a pirate attack, the pig AIDS, and the collapse of our financial and automotive sectors, but can he stand up to the nation’s latest Great Menace? We refer, of course, to an epidemic of falling televisions.
Straight Talk Express On Houston Rampage
The reign of terror continues! Not content to just mow down elderly black Floridian motorists and spread propaganda for John McCain’s arch enemy, the Haunted Devil-Bus has now buried Houston in a blizzard of “campaign supplies.” [KHOU]
Ted Kennedy’s Bizarre 1964 Plane Crash Still Haunts Him
Parking Garage Tragedy Claims the Lives of Four Cars
CIRCULAMITY IN G’TOWN
Traffic, War on Terror Impeded by Moderate Senator
Two Drunks Find Sanctimony, Manly Love
Wonkette Exclusive: More Details on the Crazy Guy Who Drove Into the Capitol Earlier Today
Capitol Crash: An Hour of Terror, An Hour Ago
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