Georgia State is the most fantastic university in America because it gives you several hours of academic credits for attending hands-on, how-to classes about ORAL SEX and GAYNESS, which is to say, relatively dry theoretical courses on “sexuality and society” and queer theory. (Many college students the world over have been baffled at the ability of academics to sap even the most salacious topics of even a hint of excitement; your editor recalls a lecture on Foucault turning into a massive snoozy buzzkill by the professor, a tiny and hilarious little old Mr. McGoo type, spending more time talking about the Panopticon than with what he called “SM.”) The point is, every student who goes to Georgia State immediately turns gay and gets a four-year supply of dental dams and/or condoms upon enrollment. Sign up now! [CNN]

Just the other day we were wondering, “What areas of the job market flourish in depressions?” and the answers were, “Repossessions, Netflix, economic analysis, and state unemployment offices, of course,” but it turned out that unemployment offices are all closing. Still, it seemed plausible that economists might have a pretty good lock on a job for a while, as there is no shortage of economic information these days, and who is going to mull that shit over for the masses, bloggers? But no, economists can’t get jobs any more, either, because all of the universities that hire them are going broke. [Wall Street Journal]

Barack Obama used to be the greatest enemy of America: a PROFESSOR, of Law. He is still the greatest enemy of America (he’s a Mooz), but he used to be worse. Because with an advanced, post-industrial economy where the only jobs available are for those with an education, America rightfully despises education and its self-styled provocateurs. Obama, in his 12 years as a professor of Constitutional Law — a subject held in such high disregard in this country that Obama himself ignores it — was basically awful, because he made his students take tests and write a lot of words. Let’s “examine” one of his wretched Final Examinations that the New York Times folks have unearthed, and grade it. MORE »

A secret cabal of historians has reached the same conclusion as millions of Earthlings: George W. Bush is the worst president ever, or perhaps second only to James Buchanan. In a shocking survey by George Mason University’s History News Network, 61% of bespectacled stack-dwellers acknowledged that their many years of research, reflection, and professional inquiry pointed to the terrible and incontrovertible fact of George Bush’s assiness. Stinging invective from Professional Historians who all but call him a paint-spackled trollop, after the jump. MORE »

It’s hard not to feel a little bad for Paul Krugman and Sean Wilentz, Princeton’s two Big Time academics who seem hell-bent on going down with the Good Ship Clinton when the real party’s somewhere else. Wilentz, a famous American historian, has moved on from spitting at Obama for playing the race card, but now is saying that if the Democratic party had completely different rules, and the primaries were counted one way and not another, Hillary would obviously win and therefore she should: MORE »