Wonkette

J. Steven “Steve” Griles went from coal lobbyist to Deputy Secretary for the U.S. Department of Interior, proving that the American Dream is still a reality. MORE »

Bob Ney was the Congressman from Ohio known as “Congressman A” in Jack Abramoff’s playfully Washingtonienne-esque plea agreement. Ney took a bunch of favors from Jack in exchange for supporting Jack’s clients, a process known as “democracy.” When he was ratted on, Ney blamed the whole thing on booze. Once, when we called him out on drunkenly texting journalists, his office insisted to us that Ney had merely been angry and is a bad speller. That was a lie, he was totally wasted in the middle of the day. MORE »

We haven’t checked in with journalist/gadfly Kim Eisler in a while — not since the days of Chris Matthews’ friends laughing at him — but he’s begun posting exclusive e-mails from disgraced ultra-lobbyist Jack Abramoff (in preparation for Eisler’s January Washingtonian piece on their friendship). Here are some of the gems: MORE »

Every week, our Anonymous Lobbyist answers your questions about how laws get made and why they probably shouldn’t. If you have a question about the dirty business of doing business in Washington, ask her.

This week: playing both sides against the middle, bad class reunions, and the most ethical imaginary friend in Washington.

MORE »

The noxious J.D. Hayworth — Republican, Arizona-American, More Jewish Than Jews — has finally conceded to Harry Mitchell, who’s already in town for Orientation Week. MORE »

Convicted genius Jack Abramoff has been meeting with the feds every day, dishing dirt on other corrupt scum on the Hill — including “six to eight seriously corrupt Democratic senators.” MORE »

We were momentarily intrigued by this ridiculous scenario suggested by a Wonkette op:

If Ken Mehlman (as CNN reports) is being replaced by Mel Martinez, does that mean Charlie Crist will appoint Katherine Harris to fill his Senate seat? Too good to be true?

Tragically, it’s too good to be true. We’ve just learned that Martinez will bring the Republican Party back to the 14th Century while simultaneously serving Florida as a corrupt bat-shit-crazy senator. MORE »

Here’s your Friday News Dump: Convicted Abramoff bribe-taker, problem gambler and hopeless alcoholic Ohio Rep. Bob Ney has finally resigned from the House.

Congressional Quarterly is breaking this, right here. Our CQ spy says, “Rather hilariously, we can’t find anyone in the House Clerk’s office to confirm receipt of his resignation letter.” Ah, the endless charms of the Friday Night News Dump. Dirty details after the jump.

MORE »

Crazy Conrad is in so much trouble that the White House promised a Bush campaign trip to Montana, which wasn’t even in play until Burns was revealed to be completely owned by Jack Abramoff. MORE »

Bad news for Crazy Curt Weldon: The National Republican Congressional Committee is cutting spending on his doomed Pennsylvania race and shuffling that money to help out some other GOP guys who have a better chance. Oh well. He’s going to jail fairly soon, so losing his House seat is the least of his problems. MORE »

Halloween is the perfect day to engage in the ritual of “eating your own.” Monty Warner, a “GOP media consultant” and friend of Jack Abramoff, has written a brutal letter to a Montana newspaper all about Conrad Burns and his staff being bought and owned by the convicted lobbyist. MORE »

We can’t even remember what this particular dude did — Abramoff something, bribes, etc. — but White House budget office guy David Safavian is off to federal prison for a year and a half. MORE »

It’s time for another edition of “Stuff not quite filthy enough for a whole post, because you basically need to rape a baby live on C-SPAN to get a whole post this month.”

And we’ve got a Logo Winner, as you can see by the Logo. Thanks to Dan Milberg for the world’s angriest baby — you’d be angry if you were raped on C-SPAN, too!

Lots of congressional crime and even some hot abuse of the handicapped, after the jump.

MORE »

Because we’re all about “service journalism,” you can guess what happened after we read this e-mail:

With today’s guilty plea of Les Crawford, I have now officially lost count how many Bush administration/Congressional Republicans have been indicted/convicted/abruptly resigned “to spend more time with their families.” Any chance that you could pull together the full, exhaustive list for the rest of us? Thanks in advance.

No, Steve L., thank you. This is just the kind of numbingly banal work we were meant to do. Join us after the jump, for The List.

MORE »