Tag: abraham lincoln

Mary Todd Lincoln? Look at her! I don't think so!

In Very Own Gettysburg Address, Donald Trump Ends Groping Controversy By Promising To Sue Everybody

It would have been a better speech if if had been written on the back of an envelope.

To All You Nimrods Losing It Over Hillary Clinton’s ‘Public’ And ‘Private’ Positions …

READ HILLARY'S EVIL LEAKED EMAIL RIGHT HERE!

Black Chick Doesn’t Want To Tell Black Folks How Great GOP Is Anymore, For Some Reason

Remember how the GOP autopsied itself after 2012 down at the plantation (the actual plantation) and discovered it is a racist, sexist, everythingphobic piece of crap party, and that's why it lost the White House to the secret Kenyanesian Muslim...

GOP Candidates Pledge To Bend Over For Donald Trump’s Beautiful Penis In November

If you're like many Republicans, you know that Donald J. Trump is NOT going to Make America Great Again, is NOT as tremendous as he thinks he is, and also probably has one of those little tiny penises that looks...

No, The KKK Is Not And Has Never Been Liberal: A Historysplainer

Of course the Ku Klux Klan was never on the side of liberals and progress. This goes without saying. There can't possibly be anyone who disputes this basic notion, could there? Of course there could. Of fucking course there could....
That's his "I'm going to pull over this car!" face.

Speaker Paul Ryan Will Swat Donald Trump On His Bottom For Being Naughty Racist

If there's one thing that makes Republicans say "Oh my stars!" and "Well I never!" it is racism. STOP LAUGHING, we are not done writing this lede yet. As we all know, Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King, Jr....
He's thinking of ideas right now.

Here Are Some Awful Presidents Paul Ryan Thinks Were WAY Better Than Obama

Speaker Paul Ryan was recently asked who his least favorite president was, and you'll never guess who he said! (Yes, you will.) It couldn't be Obama, could it? (Of course it could.) Well, boy howdy! Given that Ryan thinks Obama is...
"Tough shit," sayeth the Lord.

Kim Davis Begs God To Set Her Free LOL

C'mon, gov'nah! If Kim Davis PROMISES to be as big A Idiot as she was being before, and if she PROMISES not to obey any of the court's earlier orders, and if she PROMISES to continue trying to be...
True fact: there are no women's clinics in Tiananmen Square. Do you want that for America?

Mike Huckabee Will Send Very Tiny Army Men Right Into Your Cooch

Mike Huckabee, apparently still feeling the effects of that deep hit he took from the Trump Pipe last week, is saying some more insane shit. Not only is the Iran nuclear deal the Holocaust, now he's hinting that, as...
CALL ME MAYBE

Donald Trump Scrawls Lindsey ‘Good Time’ Graham’s Cell Phone Number On Bathroom Wall

Donald Trump, Wonkette takes it all back. You are the best Republican candidate probably since Abraham Lincoln, who wouldn't have had to deal with that pesky Civil War if he had just gotten the Messicans to build a YOOOOOOGE...
Princess Sunbutt Will Rise Again!

Deleted Comments Of The Week: More Butthurt Confederates, If You Can Believe That

Hey, would you believe that we're still getting letters from angry sons, daughters, and bastard wannabe grandchildren of the Confederacy about our piece on a proposal to move Nathan Bedford Forrest's bones out of a city park and to...
Fer one thing, its eyes are just teensy li'l things, and it don't have a hat.

Deleted Comments: Democrats Did The KKK, So Wonkette’s The REAL Racist

We sure did get a Passel o' Stupid in reply to our piece suggesting that Memphis should get rid of its big Nathan Bedford Forrest statue (the public one, not the crazy-ass Nashville abomination above, which is on private...
This is not an actual Texas schoolbook. This illustration has been chosen for its humorous hyperbole. Please complain on Facebook about this illustration.

New Texas Textbooks Love The Confederacy (And Their Sisters) So Much

Hey, just in time for the post-4th-of-July reminders that school starts up again far too soon, comes this Washington Post story about the brand new history books that will be hitting Texas classrooms in the fall. As we've noted...
Let's talk about slavery, Heather.

Idiot Wingnut Chick: America’s Not Racist, Except For Obama

Here America is, all fired up for yet another solemn Conversation On Race, when we don't even need to be doing that in the first place, since racism is over. The Charleston shooting was an Isolated Incident, because while individual racists...
Still stoked that Chris Hayes used this back in February.

Republican Congress Does Not Care For All These Anchor Babies, Picks HOLY F*CK RACIST To Testify

Always searching for the next great idea to keep America the pristine for-white-Christian-straight-dudes-only nation Jesus intended, Republicans in the House and Senate are pushing for a law to tweak the 14th Amendment just a tad: Rep. Steve King is leading a...
We're sure he'll find a way to Shake This Off too.

County Wants Aaron Schock To Pay For Special Election To Put New Buttcheeks In His Old Seat

Aaron Schock, the hot male personal photographer-having FORMER congressman from Illinois, still has a war chest with $3.3 million in it, due to he was apparently very good at fundraising, and also because he apparently had some very creative...