So let’s say you are super against abortion, so you decide to light a whole bunch of women’s clinics on fire, to save the babbies. But, after your prison bit for that (a cool dozen years in the federal pen) you roll out and you put your life together because you saw the error of […]

So the last time we heard about wingnuts boycotting Girl Scouts and their delicious Thin Mint Abortion Cookies, it was just crazy Colorado radio preacher man Kevin Swanson who wanted to boycott the lesbian abortion terrorists of the GSA. Or at least buy the cookies but cover the Girl Scouts logo with magic marker, because […]

By all reasonable measures, Utah Sen. Mike Lee’s response to the State of the Union address was a huge success: He knew where the camera was, he didn’t go lunging off to the side to grab a water bottle, and he boldly articulated the innovative idea that government is the source of all our problems. […]

In case you missed it because you were sleeping off your Saturday hangover, or had something better to do like watching paint dry, Sen. Rand “Aqua Buddha” Paul mansplained, as only a Republican can, how there isn’t really a war on women, except there is, but Democrats started it. (Also, he’s rubber, you’re glue, and […]

Sarah Silverman sure makes funny videos. There was that time she was fucking Matt Damon (MATT DAMON). And that time she hung out with all the Jewish nana’s to make sure they went and voted for that menschy college professor (such a person!) even though he is a schwartze. But who is even better than […]

Forty-one years ago today, the Supreme Court made the bold declaration that what a woman does with her uterus is her own fucking business (before a fetus is viable, and then it gets kind of murky). And we Vagina-Americans have been fighting to remind the country that no, seriously, this is our legal right for […]

Since you can’t wrap up ‘arrogant self-righteousness’ in a box, what do you get your pro-life friend for Christmas? Fast Company has found self-righteousness’s runner-up: A 3D fetus “figurine”! Holy drunken goatfucker, that is creepy. But wait! Like those infomercials you watch while high at 3 am, THERE’S MORE. READ MORE

Hey, kids, it’s January (really, we checked the Google), so you know what that means, right? Time for Republicans to make their annual attempt to pass a “No Taxpayer Funding For Abortion” bill. But wait, you are saying to yourself, isn’t taxpayer funding for abortion already prohibited? Yes, you are correct, and it has been […]

And now we have arrived at the Awards Show portion of your New Year’s Eve, O my Wonkers. First big award, for outstanding achievement in the field of Awesomeness in a state legislature, goes to the awesomely awesome Wendy Davis, because you know exactly why. In addition to pulling off a brilliant stand-up act in […]

The end of another year is upon us, worthly Wonkette scum. Another year in the books of us reading terrible things about terrible people and then writing about them in joke form for your entertainment, if one can call misanthropic snark about utter morons entertaining. You are all masochists, obviously, and leading you through the […]

New Hampshire state Rep. David Campbell (D) hit and killed several ducks in the driveway of a hotel in Nashua last Monday; he has apologized for the incident but is unlikely to get a reality show out of it. The New Hampshire Union Leader Reported yesterday that Campbell was going about 15 miles per hour […]

BLAM. You hear that? That’s both the sound of a liebrul activist judge dropping a big old gay gavel and the sound of one million wingnut heads asplodin’. Yes, a federal district court judge in Utah — WE SAID UTAH, PEOPLE — has struck down that state’s same-sex marriage ban, even though it was well-loved […]

How is Sen. John McCain still being bitter about that time President Obama kicked his pasty white endangering-the-future-of-America-by-choosing-to-have-Sarah-Palin-be-one-old-as-fuck-cancerous-heartbeat-away-from-the-White-House ass today? No, it is not threatening to impeach the president right in the face; that was back in September, when McCain was all grrrrrrrrrrr at Obama for thinking about maybe giving him that war on Syria […]

Hey, remember that fat white guy who lost weight and now wants to put the ‘white’ back in White House? No, not the one what closes bridges because of petty political bickering — the other GOP white guy, the one who rocks out on gee-tar. Yeah, Mike Huckabee. He is back in the news because […]

So you know how when nuns take they’re vows, they’re married to Jebus? Ann Coulter has figured out that it’s pretty much the same thing when single women want insurance to cover their Whore Pills, except they’re marrying the federal government. On a special Fox & Friends tribute to the Mad Hatter’s tea party Sunday, […]