Wonkette

The saddest part about Tim Russert’s death last Friday was not that he was young. It’s that he never got to stick it to those damn liberal tree-fuckers who don’t want to drill America’s coasts for sweet, sweet Texas Tea! Such was the extrapolation of Rep. Darrell Issa (R-CA) yesterday on the House floor. Do those elite big city fairies think that “Lil’ Russ” liked paying $5 a gallon for gas? He definitely did not! And while we’re at it, how can those Democrats go around killing babies when Tim Russert is also dead? [Think Progress, YouTube]

Our favorite abortion of a politician (and ex-2008 presidential candidate), Alan Keyes, held an interview recently where he confirmed that he is, in fact, an abortion of a politician. Nay — he is the official Dead Fetus of Politics. In his words: “Suddenly last night the Lord shared with me that, Alan, the child that you are defending in the womb…in the act of procreation, people are joyfully, ecstatically, with great pleasure in every fiber of their being, saying “yes” to the coming of that new life. They invite the child in. And then in abortion, they kill it. I kind of represent, in political terms, the abortion. You’re invited in, but they kill you. You’re invited in, but they kill you.” So if Alan Keyes supports himself, then he supports killin’ babies? What a comical genius. Video after the jump. MORE »

June 7 marks the 43rd anniversary of the best Supreme Court decision ever — even better than the “abortions for all!” one — of Griswold v. Connecticut, which ensured people could have sex all the time and not have to worry about babies. Now the American Life League is launching this hilarious campaign to protest the decision, claiming that The Pill causes you to lose all your babies. That’s the best part though! After the jump, a stupid video they made that is supposed to appeal to the Young Folks. MORE »

Remember that time former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum said John McCain was “very rough in the sandbox“? Remember that time he told Hugh Hewitt “there was a reason John McCain collapsed last year, and it’s because he was the frontrunner, and everybody in the Republican Party got a chance to look at him”? Well, you’ll never guess who Rick Santorum thinks the next President should be! In an editorial in the Philadelphia Inquirer, he lists all the reasons that John McCain will make a wonderful President by keeping man-on-dog sex out of the White House. MORE »

Some kooky Yale gal made an art project where she got knocked up and then made herself miscarry a million times, and then she smeared her gross abortion blood together with Vaseline and put it on a large suspended cube and now everybody hates her. She wants to “inspire some sort of discourse” and “provoke inquiry,” which is liberal Ivy League elitist code for “make everybody want to barf.” Why won’t pro-choice Senators Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton apologize for not aborting this Yale student years ago? [Yale Daily News]

The Idaho strawberry farmer who legally changed his name to Pro-Life and planned to appear as such on the U.S. Senate ballot this fall is being thwarted by corrupt local politicians. The Idaho Senate has passed some emergency legislation that “would require candidates who change their name to their stance on the issues instead of a traditional name have a note added to the ballot noting their former name.” Quick quick, someone send any dumb liberal watchdog group over there — they are saying he doesn’t have a “traditional name” & that’s racist!! MORE »

Oh look, here’s another nutty preacher with crazy fantasies about the government plot to exterminate the Negro Race (well duh!). But this time, it is white Jesus nut Rod Parsley, who is the beloved conservative Republican spiritual adviser to John “Mulatto Baby” McCain. Everybody is a crazy racist, the end. [Huffington Post]

Jesus criminy, this news makes us forget entirely about the 5-year-old Iraq War thing this morning! Because like you, we have been fearing the next Congress and its unfortunate lack of gay Idaho Senator Larry Craig. (That is, unless he changes his mind and runs for reelection, which is likely). But can Craig’s seat be usurped by an equally comical legislator-monkey? No, but one candidate in the open-seat Idaho senate race shows great potential. Meet independent candidate Marvin Richardson, who has legally changed his name to “Pro-Life.” Wonkette hereby endorses him for any office he ever wants. MORE »